Why can't apologizing ever be done in a comedic light way?

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Why can't apologizing ever be done in a comedic light way?
I'm BAAACK!
Miss me?
I sincerely apologize. My temporary hiatus stretched way beyond my original intentions. I've rewritten this notice of sorts, many times, and the more I go through the reasons of why I haven't been posting, the more I realize that it doesn't matter. Excuses are more worthless than this really bad attempt at a metaphor.
All I really have to say is:
Next week-- a Book Review! (Probably Revolution by Jennifer Donnelly)