#it helps to write

[biscuitfortune]

this year's kona color of the year is "wander," a grassy, leafy medium green

the company that makes the fabric (robert kaufman) did not have their shit together and were unable to ship it to stores until just a few weeks ago, despite announcing it in january or so. just after the pantone coty was announced. lol. some degree of that is probably not their fault bc of manufacturing, shipping, and tariff issues. but they have done some other things in the last couple years that suck, too, so whatever

my quilt guild is running our annual kona coty challenge: make a mini quilt using the coty fabric as a focus. it's always been open-ended, but this year we're adding a "consider what 'wander' means to you" layer to the prompt.

i've written a bit, looking for a way in. it's likely everybody's pulling "not all those who wander are lost," and most of them have no idea it's from lord of the rings, bc it has been printed on too many souvenir tshirts and bumper stickers.

what i've been working with:

list of songs i know mentioning wander, roam, travel, wayfaring, navigation, road trips, idk

jazz (i was listening to the radio playing sonny rollins)

jazz -> parkour?? (seems unpredictable and loose, but there are limitations; collaboration; the participants are purposeful)

wander wender(s, wim) winder wonder wunder(kammerer) (wunder is a cognate it shouldn't count)

possibly unstructured, an opportunity to experience something new or pay closer attention to something in particular (eg when you're in the woods listening for birds or looking for mushrooms)

directed movement vs aimless

daydreaming, free association

wander is green maybe because hiking is green. science goes in the green folder. these are all green concepts i don't make the rules

green green green it's all green to me ("winder" is also a hum song i am very high on hum) - actually a lot of inlet is very isolated woods walking music, it's all in there

green (and brown) glass used to stop natural light for damaging whatever liquid inside

how quickly the forest takes its paths back when we stop using them

how things become lost to us

desire paths (little drawing of desire path)

meander: it's the shape of a river and the shape of a particular method of free motion quilting. it's become a synonym for wander, a twisting path (little doodle of a meander)

[silentleviathan]

I had a bad day today.

I don’t really know why. But I did, and it sucked. I sat in my lecture not really listening or thinking. My mind just raced so fast that no single thought could stick. It was exhausting. I left the lecture for the library. I had an essay to write. 

I couldn’t write it. The words didn’t come. The articles and books I’d read for it were just a pile of paper. So I left. 

I left the library and went to the one place that always inspired me: the museum. I looked at all the artefacts. Every piece a story, a life and waited for the rush of inspiration to hit me. It didn’t instead, I spiralled. Where these objects would normally inspire me they made me anxious. They made me feel worthless and unimportant, so I left. 

And I walked. Fueled by the anxious energy, the nerves, the anger. I walked. So I went home and I cried and my mind screamed. I screamed until I couldn’t anymore. Then I opened my laptop and started writing. I have a deadline after all.

[neverwannahearyousay]

even when i’m the one that’s mad, i’m still the one calling you, texting you..and you reply late to all my texts, you don’t fight me when i say i don’t wanna talk to you anymore..you just let me go and you don’t care. like..i’m the one whose fucking mad..and i’m trying?????? i can’t even help being stupid and crying over it but you’re not even going to try.....i really just want it to be over.

[hottermelon]

had an anxiety - almost panic - attack for 30 minutes. still feeling it in waves. i was doing so good honestly fuck this