#it's heavy

[pocketsizedpanther]

[unluckieststar]

"What did you want to be when you were small?"

Jovanni was sitting on stump as she asked the question. He went quiet. The silence over taking them both. The answer to that question was simple: "I just wanna survive. I am hungry." Those words were his life from age 8 to 15 leaving as homeless child on the streets of Naples.

[inhisqalb]

I cannot make you understand.

I cannot make anyone understand

What is happening inside me.

I cannot even explain it to myself..

-Franz Kafka, The Metamorphosis

[the-heavenly-option]

sudden urge to chop all my hair off

[brokenangel78]

Put it down for a while and rest.

[christinafurby]

I haven’t posted since Christmas. I’ve had to rely on a cognitive prosthetic 🩼 (AI) 🧠 just to be able to hear what I’m thinking clearly and structure my thoughts. It’s a bridge for the gaps my neurological issues are causing. I wish I could 'be well,' but this New Year's marked 20 years of the chronic illness that led me here.

I just recently found out that for the 4 years I've been going to UCSF, they never once used contrast for my brain scans. They’ve only looked for old scars, ignoring potential active inflammation. Essentially, I could have MS and they’ve never actually tested for it—they just put the FND label on me. Because of that, and the 2-hour interrogation I went through on the 21st, I no longer have trust in the medical world.

It’s okay, though. I don’t really feel real anymore anyway. Everything and everyone else feels real, but I feel like I'm just here to be used—logged on to and then forgotten when done. A giving tree in a world of takers and game players. I’m just really tired.

Losing a decade of history in a single moment recently was a shock I'm still processing. I'm so tired all the time, but I've been trying to keep on trying..

I miss and love you guys. I hope you're all happy. I'll try to be on more when I can ❤️‍🩹

[papistrouble]

I can't today