Hello Crowley! I want you to know how much I ADORE you! *stares with bit cheesy grin and heart eyes*
Um...um...how 'bout some gardening advice?
Gardening advice...
Right, well. First off, NEVER talk to your plants the way you just addressed me. Individuals with overly soft hearts will baby plants and actually love them to death! *Mutters* No angels mentioned.
Best advice is to learn wot yer plants need and do yer best to provide the BARE MINIMUM care required to keep them alive. If they make it through the fallow season in yer area then you can give 'em a little treat of some plant food, (I give mine a sprinkle of epsom salts).
Put cactuses and succulents in terra cotta plants. Don't put ferns in terra cotta pots. Learn your companion plants and let them keep themselves company so you don't have to. Then let them sort it out!
I repeat! DO. NOT. BABY. PLANTS! If you're all *clearly mocking Zira's accent* Oooh Look at you, you absolute darling clamatis! You've done a beautiful job climbing this fense. Your blooms are simply stunning..." *returns to his own voice! Yeerch. Look, you're praisin' it for NOTHING! That's a plant's whole deal is to grow. That's like, the very basic thing a plant's gonna do. How'd you feel if some sappy wanker came over and started saying "Ohh Wonderful job processing oxygen into carbon dioxide, Soliel. You should be very proud of yourself. You're breathing so well!"
You'd think that twit wos completely bent and you'd be right to think so. Best case scenario would be you only lose yer plants' respect. Worst case scenario you convince them they're not expected to grow and flower or wotnot. They'll think it's a special thing they can withhold from you. Plants aren't smart. They'll wither up and die for lack of clear direction.
Sometimes they just do that anyway, so prepare yourself for inevitable plant loss. Conditions change from place to place and sometimes it's hard to know exactly wot their bloody problem is before it's too late. Some places just CAN'T accommodate certain plants because they don't get enough of the right kind of light, or the soil is just wrong, or the temperature isn't consistent enough.
If you get a plant from a place you don't fully trust (such as literally ANY supermarket) then isolate that little bastard from the other plants or they'll spread horrible pestilence to your crop. New plants are--ugh-- sEnSiTiVe so don't yell at them too hard for at least a week. After that, let'em know the score.
Anyway,
Good question, and best of luck in your future plant terrorism.
AC
