Demon's Den

New home for the book demon from Verdant Vulpus' "The Trouble With Being A Demon" Will probably jazz this up a bit when the angel isn't close enough to see wot I'm doing.

[bookcrowley]

The real trouble with being a demon (with an adorable 2nd animal form)

[bookcrowley]

When you know a demon who can turn into a weasel as well as a snake...

[bookcrowley]

Crowley saunters downstairs to pester his husband. Zira is in the sunroom, reading. (Shock! Amaze!)

Crowley lovingly combs his long fingers through his angel's hair, earning a contented sigh, but not his attention... yet.

"Heyyy angelll... Did you know that your Grace is... bulllllshiiiiiit?"

There's a pregnant pause as Crowley smirks, refusing to elaborate. Then Zira sighs again (not at all content) and closes his book, setting it neatly on his lap. Crowley bites his lip to keep from snickering.

"My dearest, I do believe it would be in both our interest for you to explain your comment tout suite."

Crowley quickly schools his expression into a look of mild disgruntlement before coming around Zira's wingback to face the angel with a pout.

"Lookit this miserable excuse of a bite," he sneers, pulling the collar of his shirt to reveal the faded scar on his shoulder from when Zira last marked him. They hadn't spoken about it much since then, although Crowley hadn't hidden the pride he took in the mark, or how he thrilled whenever Zira unconsciously traced the pale crescent with his thumb.

Zira had warned him that the mark would inevitably fade as Crowley's infernal essence absorbed the divinity. Crowley knew this. He also knew the mark had lasted longer than Zira's estimate.

"Shiiiiiiiity graaaace," he whispered playfully, giving up all pretense at the stormy look in his angel's eyes.

"Do you suppose you'll be able to escape through the kitchen door before I knock you senseless with my so-called 'shitty grace'?"

"Front door's closer."

"Best get to it then, I think."

[bookcrowley]

Hello Anthony! Long time follower on the X bird app, occasional commenter on your adventures...

I'm really happy that you found a new platform you like and can cause chaos on

How has your "ferret training" been going? Have Zira or Raph ever joined you in your hairy explorations?

Nnnghhh... I've been neglecting it a bit, tbh. The novelty wore off after Zira took all the running tubes outta the cottage. Plus I stole my own keys at one point, hid 'em under the dishwasher*, then immediately forgot about it. Took me over a week to find em, Benelope wos NOT amused. *It wos part of a forgotten stash including three (3) of Zira's combs, an avocado pit, an umbrella (slightly chewed), and half--I repeat: HALF-- of an oven mitt! I've no clue wot I did with the other half and I'm more than a little afraid I ate it.

[1hat3u]

hopeless romantic with trust issues and a sex drive out the roof

[starting-to-feel-just-right]

I’ve never seen anything so accurate though

[soleilpirate]

You just described Captain Jack Sparrow though.

[soleilpirate]

Just realized this probably applies to Crowley as well

[bookcrowley]

It might...

[yr-tiktok-mom]

Women are out here social engineering for the giggles

[bookcrowley]

This right here is quality Demon (Crowley) work. A++ job, Zoe.

Note for others wanting to follow suit, you can get into just about anywhere with a hi vis jacket.

Or a ladder.

I imagine if you have a hi vis jacket AND a ladder then the opportunities would be endless!

You probably wanna use some discretion and avoid committing actual crimes (unless they're particularly hilarious or morally correct) but yeah, have at it, humans!

[verdantvulpus]

I'm back in Ontario after a visiting family away but I'm in no way "recovered." The My cold turned into a full fledged ear infection over the weekend and while I'm doing better now that I'm getting antibiotics in my system, I'm insanely dizzy. My inner ear is BORKED, friends, and I feel like I'm on a boat all the time.

So I'm going to take the rest of the week to rest up as much as I'll let myself and hopefully the walls stop switching places with the ceiling and floor soon!

I'll have a ton of Halloween smut to roll out then. Thank you, and * I'll see you on the other side... *falls over*

[bookcrowley]

GET BACK TO WORK YOU MOLDY SHAG RUG

[bookcrowley]

Hello Crowley! I want you to know how much I ADORE you! *stares with bit cheesy grin and heart eyes*

Um...um...how 'bout some gardening advice?

Gardening advice...

Right, well. First off, NEVER talk to your plants the way you just addressed me. Individuals with overly soft hearts will baby plants and actually love them to death! *Mutters* No angels mentioned.

Best advice is to learn wot yer plants need and do yer best to provide the BARE MINIMUM care required to keep them alive. If they make it through the fallow season in yer area then you can give 'em a little treat of some plant food, (I give mine a sprinkle of epsom salts).

Put cactuses and succulents in terra cotta plants. Don't put ferns in terra cotta pots. Learn your companion plants and let them keep themselves company so you don't have to. Then let them sort it out!

I repeat! DO. NOT. BABY. PLANTS! If you're all *clearly mocking Zira's accent* Oooh Look at you, you absolute darling clamatis! You've done a beautiful job climbing this fense. Your blooms are simply stunning..." *returns to his own voice! Yeerch. Look, you're praisin' it for NOTHING! That's a plant's whole deal is to grow. That's like, the very basic thing a plant's gonna do. How'd you feel if some sappy wanker came over and started saying "Ohh Wonderful job processing oxygen into carbon dioxide, Soliel. You should be very proud of yourself. You're breathing so well!"

You'd think that twit wos completely bent and you'd be right to think so. Best case scenario would be you only lose yer plants' respect. Worst case scenario you convince them they're not expected to grow and flower or wotnot. They'll think it's a special thing they can withhold from you. Plants aren't smart. They'll wither up and die for lack of clear direction.

Sometimes they just do that anyway, so prepare yourself for inevitable plant loss. Conditions change from place to place and sometimes it's hard to know exactly wot their bloody problem is before it's too late. Some places just CAN'T accommodate certain plants because they don't get enough of the right kind of light, or the soil is just wrong, or the temperature isn't consistent enough.

If you get a plant from a place you don't fully trust (such as literally ANY supermarket) then isolate that little bastard from the other plants or they'll spread horrible pestilence to your crop. New plants are--ugh-- sEnSiTiVe so don't yell at them too hard for at least a week. After that, let'em know the score.

Anyway,

Good question, and best of luck in your future plant terrorism.

AC

[soleilpirate]

Mhm, mhm, oh good point. *writes industriously in a little notepad* I do pretty well with my house plants, except when I get depressed and stop watering them. *she frowns slightly*

I heard Zira is busy lately. Let me know if you ever want company raising havoc around the village! I enjoy chaos at times.

[bookcrowley]

Zira winces and closes Crowley's laptop. He knew he wasn't supposed to be snooping on his husband's new account, but he'd always been helpless against his curiosity. Now, however, he felt caught out between his desire to help a friend in need, and his desire to avoid Crowley's smug smirk . The blasted demon always knew when he'd been doing something... less than angelic.

"I was wondering, darling," he mused, feigning nonchalance. "What sort of houseplant might you recommend for someone with occasional executive disfunction due to depression?"

"Quit readin' my tumblr," Crowley replied immediately. He looked up slowly from his mobile, that awful knowing smirk spreading across his face. Zira sighed. His cheeks burned with embarrassment. .

"Fine. You found me out," Zira sniffed, then-- because he could not let his husband think he'd won-- he quickly matched the demon's smarmy expression and added, "I'll endeavor to be more careful with my future snooping."

Crowley's smirk melted into a pleased grin and Zira inwardly preened at having pleased him with his response. "Now if you'd be so kind as to give your opinion?"

"I dunno if Soliel needs advice on this," Crowley drawled pointedly, one dark eyebrow arched in a reminder that the OP hadn't explicitly asked. Indeed, they might know quite a bit on the subject, Zira realised with another round of blushing. Fortunately Crowley took pity on him and saved him from his stewing. "For anyone else in that situation I'd recommend any kind of Pothos. You can get some really interesting looking ones, and they're flexible on how much light they'll tolerate. They can grow in the back of caves or in bright sunlight. They can handle being overwatered--Some grow up waterfalls-- but they're also pretty drought resistant. They will survive because it's their destiny. Plus you can grow more from cuttings so one plant will give you millions of others if you want them. Start a whole pothos jungle if you're into that sort of thing. "

"Thank you darling," Zira smiled.

"Shaddup," Crowley replied with a perfunctory snort. "Oh, and one more thing, not plant related... Anyone suffering from executive disfunction, regardless of the cause, might find this site helpful. It's easy to use-- Just a little clicky game-- but it might help someone get through their day."

[bookcrowley]

Hello Crowley! I want you to know how much I ADORE you! *stares with bit cheesy grin and heart eyes*

Um...um...how 'bout some gardening advice?

Gardening advice...

Right, well. First off, NEVER talk to your plants the way you just addressed me. Individuals with overly soft hearts will baby plants and actually love them to death! *Mutters* No angels mentioned.

Best advice is to learn wot yer plants need and do yer best to provide the BARE MINIMUM care required to keep them alive. If they make it through the fallow season in yer area then you can give 'em a little treat of some plant food, (I give mine a sprinkle of epsom salts).

Put cactuses and succulents in terra cotta plants. Don't put ferns in terra cotta pots. Learn your companion plants and let them keep themselves company so you don't have to. Then let them sort it out!

I repeat! DO. NOT. BABY. PLANTS! If you're all *clearly mocking Zira's accent* Oooh Look at you, you absolute darling clamatis! You've done a beautiful job climbing this fense. Your blooms are simply stunning..." *returns to his own voice! Yeerch. Look, you're praisin' it for NOTHING! That's a plant's whole deal is to grow. That's like, the very basic thing a plant's gonna do. How'd you feel if some sappy wanker came over and started saying "Ohh Wonderful job processing oxygen into carbon dioxide, Soliel. You should be very proud of yourself. You're breathing so well!"

You'd think that twit wos completely bent and you'd be right to think so. Best case scenario would be you only lose yer plants' respect. Worst case scenario you convince them they're not expected to grow and flower or wotnot. They'll think it's a special thing they can withhold from you. Plants aren't smart. They'll wither up and die for lack of clear direction.

Sometimes they just do that anyway, so prepare yourself for inevitable plant loss. Conditions change from place to place and sometimes it's hard to know exactly wot their bloody problem is before it's too late. Some places just CAN'T accommodate certain plants because they don't get enough of the right kind of light, or the soil is just wrong, or the temperature isn't consistent enough.

If you get a plant from a place you don't fully trust (such as literally ANY supermarket) then isolate that little bastard from the other plants or they'll spread horrible pestilence to your crop. New plants are--ugh-- sEnSiTiVe so don't yell at them too hard for at least a week. After that, let'em know the score.

Anyway,

Good question, and best of luck in your future plant terrorism.

AC

[bookcrowley]

Whoop. I've broken confinement.

*wreaks havoc*