Jun 5, 2023
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⛸️ here...should I google? Is it traumatizing? Please I hate fomo
🪮
I’m sharing this because I’m proud of myself
inkplots replied to your post: Honestly so glad to be reconnecting with all you...
you’re doing great!
Thanks! I am terribly nervous about it because of intense social anxiety but the encouragement and positive reception helps!
If you're the kind that can just vibe this is a good song
To all of you that have a loving, caring mom, be grateful. To all of you that have a loving dad, make sure he knows you appreciate him. To all of you that have family and friends that care about your existence and emotions, don’t take them for granted. Not everyone has that. Sometimes wonderful things in life are cut short due to bad decisions. And for some reason, I have been on that path way too often over the past year. My heart has been crushed too many times by the people I loved. My mom, my aunt, my uncle, my grandma, my best friend. They have all done things to me that I will never be able to forgive. Never. Cruel, disgusting things that make my stomach churn. And the worst part is, they don’t know what they’ve done wrong. They don’t know how much they’ve hurt me, my dad, and my sisters. The worst culprit is my mom. I haven’t really told anybody about this, but I need to get it out there; off my chest. If you don’t feel comfortable reading about the adventures of my horrible mother, don’t read on. If you want to know what not do to as a parent, or just as a person, I advise you read this through.
My mom was someone to look up to. Everyone admired her kindness, her loving nature. Every mother in the community wanted to be like her. In the 7th grade, I wrote an essay about my mom. It was about how I wanted to be exactly like her when I grew up. Well, I’m grown up now, and I want nothing to do with her. I’m ashamed that I even look like her. Her hair, her eyes. I can’t look in the mirror without thinking about her, and, well, that usually ends up with me bawling my eyes out. I am a complete wreck.
Last February, my mom traveled out to Oregon to take care of her dad who was just diagnosed with cancer. While out there, she met a guy who was friends with her best friend. His name was Joe. They talked and became facebook friends so they could keep in touch after she returned home. This was something she never told us about. We never knew about him until later in June.
Months go by. Its May. Again, my mom takes off to Oregon. She wanted to be there for her dad’s next round of chemotherapy. This time she takes her car and drives cross country by herself. From Michigan to Oregon, through the plains and the mountains by herself. Along the way, she sends home postcards. Ones from Yellowstone, Glacier, Mt. Rushmore, places like that. I was thrilled to see she was having fun. Until I found out the truth.
Now its June. My mom, who is still in Oregon, bought plane tickets for me and my three sisters to come out and meet her at our grandparents house. We were all excited to go. My dad, who had to stay home by himself and run his business, was very hesitant to let us go. He hugged us at the airport for minutes; I didn’t want to let go.
So we get to Oregon. Yay, we’re all excited. I see my mom at the airport and she is a complete mess. She seriously looked like she lost 50 pounds. Her cheeks were sunken in, her hair was all tangled and frizzy, and she smelled bad. Something was wrong with her. The month she spent here before us changed her. She takes us to her sisters house. I had so much fun hanging out with my aunt and her children. They are just such nice people. But while we were there, my mom’s phone was always ringing with notifications. Occasionally, I would pick up the phone to see who it was. Joseph. He called her like 8 times a day. I asked her why she never answered it. “Just because.” That’s all she said. So I ask my older sister. She knew about him too, but it was more than I knew. She wouldn’t tell me anything though. She kept everything she knew about him bottled up inside.
So, a few days go by at my aunt’s house. We are all having a good time. Having bonfires, going to the ocean, fishing, stuff like that. One day my cousin and I are playing Black Flag in his room. My mom comes in and kicks my cousin out. She needed to talk with me. Okay.
“Your dad and I are getting a divorce.” I was shocked at the moment, but utterly not surprised. For years I knew that someday they would get a divorce, I just didn’t know when. Then she told me everything. Well, at least I thought it was everything. I’m just going to lay it all out.
She met Joe at her friends house in February. Since then, they’ve had sort of an “online relationship” through facebook. They sent little love notes back and forth to each other, right under our noses. She was cheating on my dad for 5 months now. The first day we arrived to my aunt’s house, my older sister was on facebook and started digging through my mom’s profile to see her pictures from her trip out there. What she found was disgusting. She found a gigantic paragraph from a man named Joe. In the paragraph, he said how much he loved my mom and her family. First of all, he’s never met us before, and secondly, he’s known her for 3, 4 months? He also said that he loved how her body looked and how he could kiss up and down her entire body all day. He called her a queen. He called her “my one true love”, “my soulmate.” THIS WAS ON FACEBOOK FOR THE WORLD TO SEE. THIS MAN JUST SCREAMED TO THE WORLD THAT HE WANTED TO SCREW MY MOM, WHO HAS A LOVING HUSBAND AND FOUR DAUGHTERS. My older sister read this and ran to the bathroom and puked. I watched her do this, but I had no idea why. She wouldn’t tell me what was wrong, either. She also found pictures of her and Joe in the mountains naked. She found pictures of the two of them smoking weed together. There was a picture of them standing on top of a tree stump naked, and holding pistols in the air. WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THEM!?!?! ANYONE CAN SEE THAT CRAP! HER MOM CAN SEE IT! HER SISTER CAN SEE IT! HER DAUGHTERS CAN SEE IT! It was the next day, my mom told me what was up.
Turns out, she didn’t drive out to Oregon by herself. Joe flew to Marquette, Michigan (on the western end of the UP) to meet up with her and drive back to Oregon with her. She wasn’t alone on that trip. Those postcards she sent us were a huge lie. Instead of, “I hiked up some cliffs in the Badlands”, now it was “Me and this scumbag guy who I’m screwing around with are hiking up these cliffs only to get naked and mess around while on top of them.”
Come to find out, the whole month of May my mom was out in Oregon before we came out, she didn’t go to see her dad once. She was with Joe the ENTIRE TIME! SHE TOOK 12 WEEKS OFF OF WORK FOR MEDICAL LEAVE! TO HELP HER DYING DAD GET BETTER! SHE USED HIM AS AN EXCUSE TO GO SCREW AROUND WITH A DRUG ADDICT FOR AN ENTIRE MONTH! Just so everyone is clear, that is illegal. Your employer is required to give you medical leave to tend to your family. If you lie and use the time off for other reasons, you can get fired and even put in jail. But my mom was never caught. You know why? Because she is a compulsive liar. She believes her own lies! And to top it off, she never came back.
So its July and we are still out in Oregon, living in absolute HELL. I couldn’t look at my mom knowing what she has done to us, to my dad. And she was okay with it! She thought it was all fine and dandy! By now we are at my grandparents house. My mom is pressuring them to allow Joe to come and visit for a few days. Meet the parents and children type of thing. Of course, they flew off their rockers and disagreed. They told her that what she was doing was wrong on so many levels. My mom doesn’t understand why they didn’t like the idea. She specifically told my grandma “He is apart of my life now and will probably be my future husband. Your going to have to meet him.” They were so disgusted with her. Couldn’t believe their own child was doing such foolish, inhumane things.
The same day my mom organized a little day trip to her friends house. Not Joe’s, but the friends place where she met him. Of course I agreed to go! I loved hanging out with that family! But I was cautious. I pulled her aside and I looked her in the eye, the first time in weeks. I asked if Joe was going to be there. She hesitated. I yelled this time. She said yes. I wasn’t going anymore, not with his scummy ass being there. Heck, I didn’t even want to go if my mom was going; she was just as bad. My two younger sisters, who still had no idea about the divorce, about Joe, were listening. Now my mom had to go tell them everything, because they were questioning us about this Joe guy. So, she told them.
I don’t know what she told them, how much she cut out, how much she lied, because they agreed to go meet this guy. I tried to tell them not to go, but each of them said that they couldn’t let the other sister go alone. So off they went! I guess they were going to go on a big hike up a volcano and swim in the hot springs. Fun. I would do anything to do that...
While they were off on their road trip, I decided to go to the church with my grandma and volunteer. I vacuumed the entire church, cleaned the windows, and just talked with my grandma. While there, I called my dad. I told him everything. I told him I couldn’t take her anymore, that I was worried about my sisters. He told me to hang in there and I did.
My sisters and mom came back late that night. My younger sister told me about her day. Said it was fun, awkward, but okay. She told me something Joe did to her. He pulled her aside at the friends house and got really close to her and said something. He said “I’m only doing all of this because I love your mom.” Well you know what I hear, buddy? I hear, “I’m only hurting you, ruining your lives, and corrupting your mother because I want her.” While at the friends house, my mom and Joe were cuddling on the couch watching a movie. She kept yelling at my sisters, who were outside playing with the dogs, to come in and hang out with them. They said no, thank goodness. She took them hostage. As soon as she told them she was screwing another guy, she takes her own kids on a play date with the dude. Rejected their feelings and well being. She see’s nothing wrong with that scenario. SHE TOOK HER KIDS HOSTAGE!
Two weeks later, we are getting ready to go home. We are going to take the car and drive all the way across the country. But my mom had other plans. She wanted to trade in her vehicle for a big SUV. One that would fit another person besides ourselves. She was going to shove us in a car with her and her fuck buddy and spend a week or two driving and hiking across the country. NO THANK YOU! As soon as I figured that little tid bit out, I called my dad, told him what was up. I told him I wanted to be with him and hug him. That was all he needed to hear. He was coming to get us.
The next morning he called me back crying. He had a layover in Detroit and would be on his way to Portland soon. My family had no money (this was also due to my mom), so I was wondering how he managed to pay for his and our tickets out of pocket. Turns out one of his friends got word of the hell we were going through out west and wanted to help out. He gave my dad his credit card. He said that whatever he needs to do to get us home, he had his permission to use as much as he needed. I started bawling my eyes out. People back home are so nice. If you needed help, well, everyone was willing to pitch in to make things better. I’ve never seen that kind of care anywhere else in this country. That made me want to go home even more.
We were at my aunts house packing and what not. My mom left unnoticed, without saying goodbye, I love you, or anything like that. She left because she couldn’t bare to see her own husband after all she’s done to us. My dad showed up a few hours later. My uncle picked him up from the airport. I had never been so happy in my life to see someone before. I jumped into his arms and cried and cried. My sisters got their turn to say hello, too. It was very emotional. We were going home the next morning..
We got home and talked, and talked and talked. About everything. My dad owns his own machine shop. Since he has to idea how to keep track of bills and invoices, he left my mom to the job. Over the years, she has gradually scammed thousands of dollars from her own family in hopes that she could run away and live her fantasy life. Well, she’s doing it right now as I type this. In order for the divorce to be “final” my dad has to give her his life savings. $40,000. Without that money, we are literally left with mere dollars to get by on.
A few weeks later, my mom arrives back in my home town with Joe. They rented a house in town and bought a new car. She came over to our house a few times to gather some of her things. One of those visits, we had a big talk with her. It was her birthday that day. I decided to give her a little gift. I bundled up all the postcards she sent us from each different state and I gave them back to her. Why would we want to remember her trip out there with Joe? Those are her memories and I wanted nothing more to do with him or her. She stayed a few days longer and called us. She said she bought a single plane ticket and said she was sending Joe back out to Oregon. We were shocked. Could things return back to normal? Over the course of a few months, though. She told us she would come over the next day to talk things through. We waited, and waited and waited. She never showed up. She was gone.
Her and Joe rented a u-haul and drove back across the country, this time to Montana, where they currently reside. No goodbyes, no I love you, no I’m sorry. She never apologized.
I haven’t seen or talked to her in about 6 months now. She doesn’t call. She doesn’t send letters. And the divorce still isn’t complete. My dad physically cannot give her the rest of our money. I don’t blame him. She’s taken enough of it already. She has no responsibilities out there. No kids to take care of. Who the hell has the right to say that she needs the rest out our money? That is my dad’s hard earned cash. His blood, sweat, and tears went in to the making of those savings. She takes that, and she is by no means my mom. I will have nothing to do with her. Also, me and my older sister are in college. She hasn’t checked up on us once.
Joe has no drivers license, he has lived with his parents up until this point, has been to jail multiple times, smokes all sorts of dope, and has his own children who he doesn’t take care of. 3 of them. All girls, all under the age of 15. Well, I guess my mom is made for this ass wipe.
2015 was the worst year of my life. 2016 has promise, but its started off pretty crappy. Why do some people have to be so disgusting?
I bet most of you didn’t get this far. Scrolled past. I don’t blame you. Just kind of needed to get all of that out there. Sorry. Sometimes family can turn on you. But others will always be there, like my dad. There is one person on this earth that I consider worthless, and that person is my mom and I am not ashamed to say it.
Shitty News.
Anyways, this isn't a post to rant about how much I hate him- because I don't. I may have said I do, but I don't need to waste my time hating him or thinking about him, or lurking his blogs or trying to constantly update myself on who he is as a person and what he does with his time-- I have no need to because I don't CARE what he does. I just seriously hope he gets some help, and realizes the world isn't against him, and that it's not EVERYBODY ELSE who has problems and issues, and that sometimes you need to take a look at yourself and try to fix your own shit before being so quick to judge everybody else's. Anyways, I'm sure he'll just find this blog post, read it, freak out, have some weird conversation with my dad or his 'friend' about how 'psychotic' I am, and probably point out all of my grammar errors to make himself feel a little bit better about himself. Maybe instead of taking so much time and effort to snoop into your families lives, (Yes, he does it to more than just me, believe it or not) and maybe you should focus on moving out, getting a place of your own, getting some form of social life outside of your brothers life, and doing something productive and beneficial to SOMEBODY. and I hope the current you doesn't make an impression on our 12 year old brother. You're not yourself anymore, and if you could see what you do and who you've become, you wouldn't want to influence him either. Sorry for ranting and being stupid about this, I just don't ever want to talk to him while he's like this, and after finding out how much he invades my privacy, I thought maybe he might see this and realize how pitiful he comes across. If you want to keep following eachother, send me an ask and I'll make sure to save your url. I'm going to be making a whole new blog where it actually stays private. Cheers.