#ive wonoung

[dotoliwrites]

Either Way: An IVE mini-series - Gaeul

~23.7k words | <<Previous chapter | Next chapter >>

====ENTRY #1565242161517109518=====

She was weightless. She was immensely delicate and light.

Gaeul was falling. Although, it didn’t feel entirely like falling—not quite.

Opening her eyes, shielding herself from the initial blast of light that beamed right into her face, she was surprised to find that there was nothing but darkness—nothing but the void. Taking a deep breath to try and steady herself, she glanced around her.

There was nothing.

Raising a brow, Gaeul lifted up a hand towards her face. She could still touch it. She could still feel the rather cold texture of her cheek against the underside of her thin fingers. But as she waved it up in front of her eyes, she gasped and widened her eyes at the sight of it.

There was nothing there. There was nothing in front of her.

Staring down at her entire body now, she was frightened to death to find the exact same situation: nothing. She had no torso, no limbs, no digits, no neck, no chest. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

And just as she was about to scream for her life, quickly learning that she had lost her voice too, a rope of light laced itself around where her waist should have been and pulled her in.

This invisible lasso reeled her in rapidly and continuously.

The last thing she remembered amidst all of this confusion was being yanked through what seemed to be a roughly cut hole through the darkness. The last thing Gaeul could remember was being blinded by the light once more before being tugged into what seemed like an iridescent ocean of colors.

Shimmering. Blinding. Bright.

=====

Is she even the eldest of the group? She’s too childish and immature for her age.

“Don’t look back, Kim Gaeul.”

Gaeul sat up in a cold sweat, wiping her eyes as if trying to scrub out the last bits of light that clung to her irises. She didn’t remember what she was dreaming about. Was it the rent due this week? Was it the months-overdue project she had yet to submit for general sciences? Or was it … that again? Whatever it was, she didn’t want to think about it. She had other things to worry about—her empty stomach and the ringing in her head. There was no time to ponder on that feeling of dread.

She’d make sure there was no time for it at all.

Scanning the entire width of her pitifully small single-room apartment, she groaned at the sight of the entire mess that stared back at her. Her clothes were still in a pile to one side, swallowing her hamper whole with dirty laundry. Her cupboards were creaking as one of the doors swung open out of nowhere—rats again? She could even still hear the dripping of the leaky shower through the open door in the bathroom from all the way across the bed.

Shrugging, she stretched her arms up in the air, lifting her sports bra up along with it before slamming back down on the bed without a care in the world.

“It’s the weekend anyway, so might as well sleep in~.” Unfortunately for her, her alarm began blaring once more. Little did she know that this was not a weekend. In fact, this was the sixth time she had slept through her alarm for the day, making her miss not just one but three consecutive classes on a rather busy Wednesday morning.

This was the average life for the Kim Gaeul—non-major at Seoul National University.

Blowing a bubble, Gaeul watched as it grew to the size of an orange before popping, staining her lips and chin a bright pink before she sucked it all in her mouth again, continuing her chewing. She paid her classmates no mind as she ruffled her hair, which was barely held up in a messy bun atop her head, passing them by and accidentally grazing some of their elbows and forearms with her bare legs, not stopping to apologize for any of it.

Her friends all chuckled at her in the back row as they pointed in her direction. Rolling her eyes, she skipped a little faster towards them and leapt into the empty seat, making a large crashing sound, which merited the attention of their professor. “Miss Kim, late again are we, and already making quite the ruckus?” he indicated, pushing his glasses up his nose. “That’s the ninth time this month. One more, and I’ll have a word with you in my office.”

Swatting a hand at him shamelessly, she crossed her legs and leaned against her desk. “I bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you professor?”

That earned her a few sneers and chuckles from the class, forcing the professor to quiet them down once more, ignoring the snide remark.

Sohee tapped her arm furiously and raised up her phone. Gaeul instinctively held out two peace signs and blew a small bubble—just in time to pose well for the Instagram reel. “Ya, that’s a good one~! Hey hey, what happened to you? You missed more than just the first period. That’s rare of you. Busy night?”

“What could she be busy with, girl? She doesn’t do anything in that miserable room of hers,” Eunji interjected without looking away from her phone. “Oh, he’s kinda cute—anyway, have you cleaned your room out yet? I don’t want to go there tonight if it still smells like ass. I told you you should have applied for the school dorms with us, bitch. Make your, like, family pay for it or sum’in.” Gaeul gritted her teeth and just chuckled. “Right … I-I’ll look into it next sem~. Maybe there’ll be an opening by then.”

To her left, Sohee leaned closer and snatched Eunji’s phone from across Gaeul’s lap. “Hey! I was texting him! Ya, you better not mistype, Hwang Sohee!”

“Relax, girl~! You don’t need him. Know why?” she raised, glancing around her to see if anyone was eavesdropping on them. In a hushed tone, she smirked at her other two friends and giggled. “Because I got the three of us spots on the Kappa Mu thing happening soon~.”

Gaeul gasped and gripped both of Sohee’s hands tightly in hers. “Really? Shut the fuck up, are you for real!”

“Miss Kim,” their professor warned, clearing his throat as he pointed a blunt chalk at her. “Silence, or feel free to leave.”

Rolling her eyes at him, Gaeul ducked behind the seats in front of them and resumed their discussion there. “Are you kidding me—because you better not be. Kappa Mu? This late into the sem? Shut up!”

But Sohee nodded with an air of confidence in her. “My roommate Yeorum has a cousin who’s dating the brother of a Kappa Mu sister. I asked her to pull a few strings for me, and as it turns out, they could handle three more joining in last-minute. Perfect timing, don’t you think~?”

Even the more apathetic Eunji was impressed. “No. Fucking. Way. Bitch, I’m in. I’m so in—super duper in. Because if we make it past their hazing or whateva’, we get in, right? We’ll be part of the soro’.”

“Part of the sorority …”

As Gaeul repeated Eunji’s words under her breath, she couldn’t help but feel a fluttering in her chest. She was nervous. She didn’t expect something like this would be happening to her. But as she clenched her fist atop her ripped denim shorts, she took a deep breath and nodded.

This was exactly the thing she was looking for: a change. Something different. Some growth.

Anything away from there.

Holding her hand out in front of her, she nodded at Sohee. “I’m in. If we get into Kappa Mu, then we have—.”

“Free rides. Free admission to Kappa Mu parties. Occasional tickets to KPOP concerts. And most importantly?” Her two friends placed their hands on top of Gaeul’s and clutched each other’s digits before squealing, “Monthly mixers with the frats! AHHHH~!”

The sound of an eraser slamming against the floor was enough to snap them out of their discussion and sit upright. However, their professor was not having it. “You three. Out. Now. Now!”

Without feeling a hint of guilt, Gaeul stuck her tongue at him and spat her gum out, pressing it against the back of someone else’s chair. Returning to her friends, she nodded excitedly. “Kappa Mu?”

And like the insensitive chatterboxes that they were, they all screamed in unison in the middle of their classroom. “Kappa Mu!”

Shatter.

“Don’t look back, Kim Gaeul. You—.”

Swaying from side to side, barely even able to stand up straight and dance, Gaeul slumped herself onto the countertop and raised a wobbling finger sleazily in the air. “One … urk … one more martini please. For … for me—HRKK!” Just before she could throw up, she took a deep breath and pinched her nose. Smiling, she shot back up into a straight and stiff stand, locking eyes with the older bartender across her who was hesitating to give the drunken girl another drink. Gaeul chuckled childishly as she pointed at him. “Whaaaaaat? I’m old enough to drin—HIC—drink~. So just shut up, take my money, and slip another drink into my empty hand will you?”

“The money, ma’am. Pay first, drink later,” the man said promptly, already very concerned over Gaeul’s behavior. Gaeul fished through the contents of her purse, scattering some of her makeup products and nicknacks onto the floor. Sighing, she kicked them aside and slammed her wallet on the counter. “Ma’am you … you’re out of money.”

“Oh yeah?” she challenged, wobbling forward once again as she stepped over her lipstick. Grunting, she smirked at the man and grabbed the bottom of her cropped top to yank it up. “How about this for paym—?” Within seconds, Gaeul threw up all over the bar and her wallet, staining it in a foul mix of alcohol and cheap packed nuts. Shatter.

Bang bang bang. Three hard knocks emerged from the other side of the door. Groaning, Gaeul groggily pushed herself off of the bed and glanced around her. Scratching her eyes, the banging sound grew louder and louder as she heard the voice of a grumbling woman call out to her.

“Gaeul? Gaeul! Where’s my money? You said you’d pay me the three months you owe me today! Where the hell is it?” Gaeul kept quiet and snuck back underneath her heavily wrinkled sheets. However, she nearly screamed when she felt an arm suddenly wrap around her and pull her to the other side of her mattress. “Rough morning?” the stranger in her bed said as he pressed his nose up against hers, smiling at her invitingly. “Seems like a bad time to do the walk of shame. Landlady?” Blushing, Gaeul crinkled her nose and nodded, wrapping an arm around him too. “Yeah, rent’s due today. Sorry about all this, but could you stay here a while longer? Until she leaves?” “I’ll do you one better,” he replied in a low sultry tone. Before Gaeul could figure out what he had meant, he disappeared further within the sheets, and within seconds, Gaeul let out a few moans as she tugged against his hair to guide him. Meanwhile, her landlady kicked her door in frustration and growled at the lack of a response. “Ya—Ya, you think I can’t hear you? The audacity of kids these days! Not in my complex, you hear me? Go get it on somewhere else—Jesus Christ!”

But Gaeul was too busy with some ‘oral worship’ of her own to even care.

Shatter.

Ba-ping.

Gaeul didn’t pay it any mind. She lit her cigarette and inhaled deeply, sighing just as profoundly as she watched the smoke waft away from her mouth. The evenings were getting chillier with each passing week. She didn’t need a weather report to know that autumn was about to end, ushering in the arrival of a new winter. She’d need to save up for more cigarettes for nights like these if she’ll want to stay warm. But that assumes she even had money left to save after getting fired from her last part-time job. 

Ba-ping. Ba-ping.

Shoving her phone off the ledge behind her, Gaeul took another huff at her cigarette. In fact. she took several quick huffs as she felt herself getting more tense and fidgety. It’s been a while since she last had a smoke, but just like every other time before when she promised to quit it, she grew overwhelmed by the life she was living and found herself back to her old habits.

Sighing, she breathed in the smoky air.

Gaeul wished that life wasn’t like this. 

She yearned for something else entirely. A life where things were always the same. Never growing. Never eroding. Never changing. Just perpetually constant. What she saw was what she’d get. No need to plan. No need to think. No need to worry.

If she had it her way, she’d cut and edit the rest of her entire life with a singular moment like this. Filled with nights where all she had to do was exist. Maybe filed with more pleasant moments. More easygoing moments. More innocent proclivity-filled moments. If she was the ultimate director of her own life, she would have gone for a more silent film—not one with all this noise around her and inside her.

Maybe then, she’d learn to enjoy her life properly.

Maybe then, she’d learn to silence those voices.

Ba-ping. Ba-ping. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ping, ba-ping.

But perhaps, she thought, she needed to learn how to silence her phone first.

Bending over backwards to scoop it up, she lurched to the side and unlocked her phone. All those notifications were mainly from academic apps that she stupidly downloaded because they were ‘required’ to by their professors. 

Deadlines. Progress posts. New material. Check-ins. Reflections.

Gaeul tilted her head from side to side as she mouthed out the words ‘blah blah blah’.

Bullshit. All of it was bullshit. 

Who was she kidding? None of the classes were interesting. While being a non-major gave her more freedom, it brought more uncertainties as well. She had no direction in college. The professors were all boomers. Everyone’s too uptight worrying about internships and networking, but what was she worrying about? Every day just felt like the same old routine—over and over and over again.

Maybe college wasn’t for her. But, then again, Gaeul knew why she was here. Gaeul knew why she had to be here.

Otherwise, she’d be …

Ba-pi—.

Before the notification could fully ring, she threw her phone behind her and sighed. Glancing down at the space between her swinging legs, at the ground floor of this twelve-story building that she was on, she couldn’t help but wonder.

If this was all that her life would amount to, what would happen if she … edited this little movie of hers and … cut it short.

What if she just … skipped to the ending?

Surely, no one would mind, right? It was her film anyway—this mess. Surely, no one would bother if she made a few … creative decisions.

Right?

As she flirted with several dangerous thoughts, she lifted her cigarette up to her face, took another huff, letting the smoke draw away from her lips and ascend to the starless sky above her, dissipating without a trace. Beneath her, she spotted an awkward couple struggling to hold hands in the dark alley below, muttering a few things to each other through the darkness, giggling and flirting.

Rubbing her nape with one hand, she shook her head. “Not today. Not … not today.”

Sighing, she crushed the cigarette against the railing and threw it off the edge, watching as it turned into a spec of dust before her naked eyes, disappearing into the sea of people below.

“Not like this … not until … not until …”

Shatter.

“Shit … it happened again …” Groaning, pressing a hand against the side of her face to try and stop the ringing in her head, Gaeul struggled to stand up as she tried peeling herself away from the sheets. As she did, she wobbled dangerously, but managed to lean against a wall right before she could collapse.

Taking a deep breath, the hungover girl pinched the bridge of her nose firmly and tried to concentrate. The notifications blowing up her phone weren’t helping at all. Snatching it out of the pocket of her own ripped denim shorts, she squinted as she scrolled through the messages. They were from her friends. They were asking her where she was, what she was doing, and why was she late. “Right. Tonight was the—hrk!” she paused, stopping herself for a moment. “Tonight was that thing … that thing with the sorority …”

Are you even going to show up? one text read.

This is the only thing you have right now, Kim Gaeul. 

Are you going to run away from this too?

“I get it. I get it. It’s my fault again,” she muttered to herself. “My fault for pre-gaming … my fault for being irresponsible … my fault … my fault for even existing … Fuck you.”

Having enough of her friends’ incessant pestering, she tossed her phone nonchalantly on the mattress. She would have given in and thrown herself into the comfort of her bed as well if it weren’t for the boiling and bubbling sensation in her stomach. 

Tying up her shoulder-length hair into a messy bun immediately, Gaeul searched around her room. Her usual bucket wasn’t there—she must have left it in the bathroom when she was rinsing it. Gritting her teeth, feeling the acids in her stomach rising up, she stormed out of her room and into the dormitory corridor outside, trying to dart as fast as she could to the lavatories. But Gaeul knew all too well—with her spinning surroundings and the pounding in her head, she wouldn’t even make it halfway there.

That was, until she felt something underneath her left armpit.

She glanced to the side, spotting a sleeved hand pushing up against her bare pit. When she turned to her right, however, she was met with an unexpected view.

“You … you’re lighter than you look.”

Gaeul couldn’t help but blush. How could she not? Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was the sudden act of generosity from this stranger. But before she could even piece together what was going on, she found her body being lifted up and shifted forward as this kind soul helped her walk down the hall.

She couldn’t see too much through the dimness of the corridor, but Gaeul was close enough to make out some of the stranger’s features. She had shorter hair that curled towards the edge of her defined chin. She had a cute nose that twitched as she used her own strength to shoulder Gaeul’s weight. Her eyes were trained ahead of them, so focused and determined. Her touch was stable and firm yet gentle and caring as well. When she briefly glanced at Gaeul, who was still staring absentmindedly at her, she glanced away almost instantly and looked a little conscious and embarrassed.

Stifling a chuckle, Gaeul shook her head and did her best to walk properly alongside her. “Cute …”

When they made it to the women’s comfort room, Gaeul rubbed the small of the stranger’s back and bowed politely. “Thank you. I won’t bother you anymore. I think I’ll be fine on the way back.”

But the girl stood by the frame of the door with her hands in her pockets, silently waiting for Gaeul to go about her business.

Sighing, Gaeul rolled her eyes. “At least look away. It’s rude to watch while someone … ‘cleanses’ themselves, you know?”

As if on command, the other girl nodded and stiffly turned in place, slumping to one side of the frame as she turned around to allow Gaeul to go about her business. “Don’t worry. I … I’m not from around here … was just visiting my friends. I’ll be gone as soon as I know you’re ok.”

Biting her lip, Gaeul chuckled softly before getting overwhelmed at last by her nausea. Thankfully, she rushed over to the sink in time and began vomiting her guts out.

Shatter.

Over the next few days, Gaeul tried to find the kind stranger around campus, but had little to no luck doing so. She realized a little too late that she didn’t get a name after she helped her back to her room. For some reason, Gaeul was foolishly hoping that she’d show up again the next morning to check in on her. She was a little disappointed to find out she simply vanished from thin air.

“Such a waste, girl. You really should have came,” Eunji noted for the millionth time, seemingly unable to shut up about the sorority event since they got back from it. “The alcohol was better than the cheap booze we tried to shoplift from the convenience store by Gate Three. Trust me—you would have been hammered so fast.”

“Yeah,” Gaeul muttered, faking a smile. As they passed through the cafeteria on their way to their next class, she took a quick scan of the busy lunch rush to see if she’d recognize anyone.

“Oh! Don’t forget about the dares!” Sohee added, equally as exhilarated by the experience as Eunji was. “Some of the other girls left because they thought it was too ‘unethical’ or whatever—bunch of chickens. Eunji had to skinny dip in the school pool while I …”

“She had to egg a professor right in the face three times in a row,” Sohee interrupted.

Gaeul crossed her arms over her stomach and held her own waist tightly as she dodged out of the way when Eunji leapt towards Sohee to fake strangle her. She walked a few paces ahead of her noisy friends as she took a left into the courtyard.

“Gaeul? Ya, Gaeul, you ok?”

She kept walking across the grass, heading to the center of the open area. There, she planted herself firmly and glanced all around her, searching through the crowd, scanning the faces of each and every passing person, yearning for a fateful encounter—hoping she’d be lucky this time around.

But there was nothing. There was no her.

Gasping as she felt a hand on her shoulder, Gaeul turned around abruptly. Unfortunately, her brief moment of excitement was quelled by Eunji’s confused look. “Girl, what’s up with you? First, you don’t respond to any of our messages, then you took a pass on the event, and now—ugh. Girl, get a grip! What’s going on with you—?”

There.

Gaeul shoved Eunji off of her and darted across the courtyard. ignoring the beckons of both of her friends. She swore she saw it—she swore she saw her exit one of the lecture halls on the second floor. She had a duffel bag slung on one shoulder. She was wearing a loose windbreaker that didn’t do much to cover her bare navel. She was in some sort of sports attire—with a tacky choice of colors at that. 

It’s been a week now, but Gaeul swore she saw her. That was her. It had to be.

Running up the stairs and taking a hard right into the hallway, Gaeul gasped as she bumped headfirst into another figure.

Feeling an arm clutch around her frail body, holding her upright, she looked right into the stranger’s eyes and immediately recognized the hazel heaven that stared back at her.

“You …”

Crinkling her nose as she tried to fix her hair, Gaeul smiled back at her and raised a brow. “What about me? Never thought I’d bump into you again. Just finished class for the day?”

The people accompanying the other girl all began murmuring and chuckling in the background. One of them elbowed her playfully and winked, “Seems like Yujin’s got unfinished business. We’ll see you at training tonight. Don’t be late now!”

As her entourage left her, Yujin raised a hand towards them. “Wait! I-I …” She let go of Gaeul and rubbed her nape awkwardly. “And they’re gone … Great …”

“Yujin, was it?” Gaeul repeated, extending a hand towards her. “Gaeul. Kim Gaeul. Remember me?”

“Vomit girl,” Yujin uttered as she shook her hand. As soon as the words escaped her mouth, however, her eyes widened in fright. “I-I mean … the girl I helped … yeah, yeah … Sorry about that. I-I-I just … I’m not really used to being approached like this out of the blue.”

“I’m not used to approaching random people either, but here I am,” Gaeul teased, shaking her hand. “So, varsity?”

“Sports science. Not really the same thing, but almost … similar. We have a lot of physical education units, and they um … they try to expose us to a lot of sports so,” Yujin replied, gesturing meekly towards her attire. “What about you?”

“That … that’s not important,” Gaeul muttered, inching her way towards Yujin’s free side. She slipped her hand onto her forearm and leaned against her. “Sounds like you’re a busy girl. Think you have some time to spare for little ol’ me? How about a meal at the cafeteria—my treat.”

Clicking her teeth, Yujin furrowed her brows hesitantly. Gaeul could tell she wasn’t opposed to it—she just seemed to be more of the shy type. “I-I … I don’t know. I should probably be—.”

Gaeul tiptoed to meet her lips and pressed a finger gently on it. “Shh. Just let it be.”

And before Yujin knew it, Gaeul had already clasped her hand tightly around hers and dragged her across the school halls.

Shatter.

“Gaeul … are you sure this is safe? Who … is this yours?”

Sticking the key into the slot and turning the engine on in a single motion, Gaeul slammed her door shut just as Yujin buckled up securely in the passenger’s seat. “Yeah, yeah, it’s all good! This is Sohee’s. We’re just borrowing it.”

“B-Borrow? But you said … wait, do you even have a license or …?”

Gaeul shook her head with a wide grin on her. Releasing the handbrake and shifting gears, she slammed her foot on the gas pedal and lurched the entire vehicle forward a few meters to get out of the parking slot. “Relax~! We’re just going on a quick trip to the grocery. You said you could use a ride to bring back all the stuff you need, right? So loosen up!”

As Yujin grasped her necklace and began muttering inaudibly into it, Gaeul lowered both of their windows and backed up onto the main road, nearly slamming into one of the walls behind them. “Oops.”

“Oh god, oh no … Gaeul? Gaeul, I think I’ll just walk. Gaeul? Ga—!”

With the flick of her wrist, Gaeul turned the radio up to max and sped off into the sunset, easily going a hundred as both girls screamed into the mid-afternoon sky.

Shatter.

“Are you kidding me? All of this is just for one exam?”

Yujin nodded, placing her final reference book on top of the large pile. Patting the hardbound cover, she glanced at Gaeul and shoved it in her direction. “These are yours by the way. I already have the PDF versions of mine.

Astounded by the volume of reading she had to do and by the amount of effort Yujin really put in to help her pass her classes, she stared blankly at Yujin, who was already opening several notebooks and preparing her study music. Leaning forwards towards her, she reached a hand out and gently held one of Yujin’s hands. “Haha … um … maybe we can … negotiate, Yujin. Maybe just stick to … like … one class for now?”

But Yujin shook her head. Placing her other hand on top of Gaeul’s, she patted it gently and returned her hand to her. “You promised me—no clubbing until you pass your exams. You said I could get as firm and violent as I need to. This is it. If I were you, I’d get started on anything math-related. Those take the most time.”

Groaning, Gaeul slumped in her seat and pouted, meriting her a few hushes from the other students in the library. Rolling her eyes, she crossed her arms and refused to even touch her books.

But as she watched Yujin slip her earphones in and cracked her knuckles, swiping through the anatomy and physiology book she had on her tablet, Gaeul couldn’t help but smile at how diligently she was taking her studies.

Sighing, she quietly inched her chair closer to the table and laid the first book from the pile onto the space before her. “Well, she can’t be the only one trying her best now, can she?”

Shatter.

“So you mean to tell me you’ve always had the chance to, but you never took the opportunity to have an entire pool to yourself?”

As Gaeul swung the metal chain around in a figure-eight form over the handles of the door, she crouched down to pick up the lock and sealed the entrance to the pools shut. Behind her, Yujin placed down both of their bags on one side of the pool. “You’re such a good girl, Yujin, it hurts to see you like this sometimes.”

The other girl shrugged and stretched her arms up, revealing a bit of her stomach, which she immediately grew conscious of, resulting in her yanking down her rash guard. “I never thought of it, alright … Besides, is swimming at night really that fun?”

Gaeul shut her up with a peck to her cheek, enjoying how she froze up whenever she did that. Skipping towards the pool, she dipped her toes into the cool water and glanced up at the glass ceiling, gazing up at the starry night sky above them.

“Trust me, will you? You deserve a break after finals—god knows I do too. So just relax!”

“And if someone comes?” Yujin raised. Gaeul simply pointed to the chains by the door. “Way ahead of you.”

“That’s right—I brought an extra pair of swimwear if you need it. I noticed you didn’t have any packed before we got here,” Yujin offered, kneeling down to unzip her duffel bag. But as she glanced at Gaeul, who was smirking teasingly at her, she watched as the carefree girl stripped down to just her bare skin and winked at her before jumping backwards into the pool.

Blushing, Yujin shook her head and glanced down at her bag. “I-I’ll get them for you. Just … just try not to get too cold in there—.”

“Why don’t you come warm me up then?” 

Covering her chest with one arm, Gaeul bounced on her toes to keep her head out of the water as she invited Yujin with but a glance. Yujin swapped hesitantly between Gaeul’s nude form and the swimwear in her hands before deciding to ditch the latter to instead dive gracefully into the pool towards where Gaeul was.

Shatter.

Yujin burst into a cluster of coughs and wheezes as she threw the cigarette away from herself. “That … that’s nasty … how do you even …?”

Gaeul took a hit and sighed, exhaling the smoke. “You get used to it. You enjoy the … feeling it gives you.”

“There’s no way that can ever be good for you,” Yujin groaned as she dried her eyes with the back of her hands. “Never again.”

“And yet you tried it for me,” Gaeul muttered, leaning against Yujin. “I only tried it because of you,” Yujin whispered back as she rested her head on Gaeul’s.

Shatter.

“Did you get it? How did you do? Did you do well? Please tell me you did well …”

Yujin seemed frightened as Gaeul silently walked out of her last class holding a bundle of papers. Her usual chipper self was nowhere to be found as she clutched the sheets tightly against her chest.

Sighing, Yujin nodded. “That’s ok … that’s … fine … At least you passed your other classes, right? It’s fine if you didn’t get a—.”

“Full clear~!” Gaeul exclaimed as she turned her exam papers around to reveal her score. And without even thinking twice, Yujin scooped her up and lifted her in the air in pure glee.

Shatter.

“Kim Gaeul, where the fuck are you going this time? Where the fuck have you been all this time?”

As her friends stood by the doorway of her now organized apartment, all they could do was watch as Gaeul began packing all of her belongings into several new suitcases that she had just bought. Stuffing all her clothes into one of them, she groaned as she tried to force it shut. “I’m moving out … moving into a new place. It’s nearer to our classes too, and it’s a bit bigger than this one. I’ll be sharing with someone as well.”

“Is it her?”

Gaeul paused as soon as she zipped up the last case, rising up to a stand. Eunji was the tense one who prodded in a rather accusatory tone while Sohee just stood behind her silently. “Is it with her? God, Gaeul, when are you going to do things for yourself? Why do you always have to use someone else as an excuse to do anything? You know she’s probably just going along with you because she likes your crazy for now, but what happens when your crazy stops being fun, huh? What happens when she realizes you’re actually just crazy crazy? What then?”

“She’s different.”

Slinging one of the duffel bags Yujin lent her across one shoulder, Gaeul huffed as she lifted a suitcase in each hand and stood up, wobbling a little bit. She locked eyes with both Eunji and Sohee before darting apathetically through them.

“She’s different. She’s nothing like you two.”

Gaeul left them alone in the emptiness of her place as she walked out on them hurriedly.

Shatter.

As the two girls sat on the hood of the rental car they parked at the very edge of the cliff, they each opened up another can of beer and raised it up into the cool evening sky.

“To us,” Yujin toasted, to which Gaeul replied, “To us. Cheers~!”

The former took smaller sips of her drink while the latter downed it one go, crushed it against her thigh, and tossed it to the side, where no less than ten other cans laid.

Sighing in bliss, Gaeul stretched her arms up as far as she could before sliding over to Yujin and resting her head on her shoulder. Yujin didn’t even need prompting this time. She understood. Sliding a hand onto Gaeul’s thigh, she offered it up, and within moments, Gaeul tightly wrapped her smaller fingers around Yujin’s larger and warmer digits.

“Well, now that the semester’s done and the new year’s come around, I think we deserve this. Who would have thought so much could happen in those few months?” Yujin pondered, swinging her legs back and forth. “We made it, Gaeul. You made it too.”

“Did I really?” she raised, crinkling her nose up at the other girl. “I wouldn’t have if it weren’t for you, An Yujin. Thank you … thank you so much … I-I … I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

“Don’t thank me just yet,” Yujin teased, squeezing their connected hands. “That’s just the first semester of our second year. We still have next semester. And then junior year. And then senior year. Maybe a few internships for both of us. Then come graduation, we’ll need to start looking for jobs too. There’s still a long way to go.”

Gaeul feigned a yawn. “Boring~. But … I think it would be a little bit more bearable with you.”

A chilly breeze wafted through the brief silence they shared together, causing both girls to bundle up a bit closer to one another.

“Likewise. You always had it in you though,” Yujin noted, glancing down at Gaeul. “I was just … I was just here to point you in the right direction I guess, but you always had it in you to make it, Gaeul. You just needed someone to call you out once in a while.”

As Yujin pointed at the pile of crushed beer cans on Gaeul’s side, Gaeul just chuckled and shook her head. “I didn’t become much of a drinker until … until senior year of high school.”

Yujin perked up and parted a bit from Gaeul, interested in what she had to say. Gaeul herself sat upright, but still held Yujin’s hand in hers as she sighed. “I wasn’t … I wasn’t always like this, you know? I used to be more … responsible. More … in tune with myself. More … ambitious, I guess …”

Blinking rapidly to dry her eyes, Gaeul sniffled and covered her mouth with one hand. “Yujin, I … I’ve never told this to anyone before, but I trust you to keep a secret. Can you … promise me you won’t tell anyone else about … about this?”

Yujin wasted no time nodding and glanced sincerely into her eyes. “I promise.”

Pulling away from Yujin’s touch, Gaeul hopped off the side of the hood and crushed the cans underneath her feet. Pacing in a lopsided circle next to the car, when she was finally ready, she took a deep breath and leaned forward onto her palms.

“I … I was a straight A’s kind of girl. Uptight. Sheltered. Spoiled rotten by my parents because I was the daughter they always wanted to have. That was … that was until … that thing with my brother …”

“You have a brother?” Yujin asked cautiously. “Older or younger? I’ve heard you … share about your family before, but … this is a first for me.”

Gaeul nodded. “Older. O-Older brother. He and I … we were as close as we could be. He’s just two years older than me, so we got along really well. He would always l-look out for me, get super protective of me, a-a-and you know … typical brother stuff.

Her knees buckled, body trembling as she closed her eyes. Just the brief memory of him was enough for Gaeul to hear his haunted laughter in her head again.

“Are you … ok—?”

Gaeul raised a hand to indicate silence, pausing for a moment before she glanced up again. “One day, I … I told him I wanted to … w-wanted to sneak away after entrance exams … My brother must have seen me … seen me so stressed out a-and probably just wanted to help … It was reckless … spur of the m-moment … in the early morning … he drove us …”

Don’t look back, Kim Gaeul.

“Gaeul, you don’t look—.”

“No! N-No I … I-I … I just remembered him again … He looked so stupid a-and so happy … and so … free … But he never told me he didn’t get his … l-license yet … and when we drove up to the mountains … one wrong turn and … a-a-and …”

Gaeul snapped.

She kicked the tire and reached for the handle of the door in a frenzied daze. Yanking it open, she searched through the seats. “Where is it … Where is it, Yujin? Yujin! Where did you put it—where did you put my fucking cigarettes!”

“Gaeul, calm down, it’s alright. I-I … I didn’t pack them in like you asked me to. You said you might react like this since you’ve been going cold turkey for a while now. Just … just take a deep breath, and—.”

Don’t look back, Kim Gaeul. You are—.

Gaeul squatted down and shook her head, covering her ears and closing her eyes shut. “N-No no no … no no no not again … Not again! Wh-where’s the booze? Yujin, where’s the fucking booze! Give me another can—now!”

Yujin rushed up to the cooler like she had just seen a ghost, doing her best to be at Gaeul’s beck and call as she was going through her meltdown. Unfortunately, she shrugged and revealed the ice-filled cooler. “You drank the last one … there’s nothing left—.”

Sprouting back up, Gaeul glanced around her, the alcohol finally getting to her head. 

She was seeing him again. 

She was seeing how his limp body thrashed about helplessly inside the car as it careened off to his demise, smashing down into a small explosion several meters off that gorge.

She remembered it just like it was yesterday—the chills down her spine, the crushing sensation in her chest, the blood. Oh, god, all the blood—all over the ground beneath her, and all over her raking fingers. 

Gaeul could still remember the words her family uttered to her that night.

“Don’t look back, Kim Gaeul.”

“You are no longer our daughter after what you did.”

“Don’t ever come back here!”

Run.

“Gaeul, what are you doing—GAEUL!”

But Yujin was too late. As she slammed her fist against the rolled up window, tugging relentlessly at the handle to the passenger’s seat, she begged furiously from outside, tearing up as she watched Gaeul lock everything and turn the engine on.

Taking one last look at the distraught girl, Gaeul bit her lip and reached out to her gently from the driver’s seat. “I’m so sorry … I’m so … so … sorry, Yujin … for wasting your time on someone like me …”

“Be happy … please …”

As if she could read her lips, Yujin widened her eyes and screamed as she thrashed against the door and window. But by then, Gaeul had already made up her mind. In a swift motion, she shifted gears to reverse and backed up a little before turning onto the main road and driving as fast as she could down the mountain-side path.

Closing her eyes, letting the moment fill her, allowing all of her negative thoughts and emotions to swallow her whole, Gaeul opened her eyes soon after and glanced beside her.

There, she could see the smiling face of her brother, raising a brow suggestively as he gestured to the radio. “Finally learned how to drive? At least put some good music on, will you?”

Gaeul smiled and nodded, turning the radio on. “Would you look at that—your favorite song … How fitting …”

And as Gaeul glanced back in front of her, she was surprised yet relieved to see that there was no road left in front of her, that there was nowhere else to run, that she had finally, finally, reached the end of the line—that there was nothing but the infinite expanse of the sky stretching out before her.

Taking a deep breath, she reached out beside her and held her brother’s hand. “I’m home, oppa … I’m sorry, I’m h—.”

CRASH.

=====

She says she handles the ‘sexiness’ of IVE—what a joke!

Gaeul couldn’t understand what he was saying. It had all happened too fast.

Her boyfriend—well, her now ex-boyfriend, supposedly—rubbed his nape and tried to explain it to her once more. “Look, I said it already, but I’ll say it again. I know this came out of the blue, but I really feel like … I need some space. To be alone. To be me, you know? Don’t you ever feel that? Like, you need the freedom to just be you without needing to worry about anyone else?”

“Right …”

“Yeah? I just … Look,” he paused, stepping forward to clutch Gaeul’s hands in his, maintaining eye contact with her. But Gaeul’s eyes were blank, staring right through him. “I love you. You know I do, Kim Gaeul, but … I just need this time for me. We’re still young. There’s so much I want to do—don’t you have more that you want to do for yourself? Right, right? And … and I think our relationship kind of gets in the way of that. O-of trying to reach our potential.”

“I … I see …”

Nodding eagerly, her now ex-boyfriend shook both of her hands before dropping them abruptly to give her a soft embrace. “See, you get it. I’m glad … I’m really glad. Hey, we can still be friends though—if you want. I’ll still see you around school and stuff, so don’t be a stranger, ok? Who knows, maybe we can be each other’s date to the dance next year, yeah? Saves us the trouble of finding someone else too.”

She could tell he was trying to lighten the mood, but try as he may, it did little to help Gaeul. In fact, little could really help her at this point. She thought they had a good thing going. She thought he was just as excited as she was to celebrate their first anniversary together. She thought this would last forever.

“There’s just something lacking, you know? Between us. And … I want to find it. I want to find what was missing. By myself.”

“Why can’t we make it work?”

“What …?” he nervously asked, taking a step back. Stumped by Gaeul’s sudden question, her ex-boyfriend bit his lip and darted his gaze around her. “Well … you see … it’s complicated. It’s not something you can easily fix … or fix at all, really … I’m sorry.”

Gaeul said nothing more, nodding, accepting the outcome of her situation.

Because apparently, all it took was a teenage identity crisis to shatter his resolve.

On top of that, the school slut’s bare chest was all it took to make him forget about her.

And that explains why poor Kim Gaeul was weeping her eyes out in the middle of an empty cafe at eleven in the morning. The ajumma who ran the place took several concerned glances at her from the counter, but Gaeul paid it no mind. No amount of embarrassment or humiliation could ever replace the harrowing sense of despair that filled her mind as she wept into her arms on the coffee table.

As she closed her eyes, she could still see her ex-boyfriend shamelessly feeling Jaehwa up behind the school’s main building. She could still vividly picture how ravenous he was with indulging in her, how sultry her reactions were, and how desirable they each seemed to be towards one other.

He had never been that way with her at all when they were dating. In fact, this wasn’t the first time she was dumped for someone else or cheated on behind her back. 

This wasn’t the first time she’s ever doubted her desirability as a person.

As a woman.

Sniffling, Gaeul patted her face down gently with her usual handkerchief. She hated it. She hated how she was still bothered to be this conscious about taking care of her skin despite all that’s happened to her. She might as well be apathetic to her appearance since it didn’t seem to be enough for anyone, right? If others couldn’t be bothered to appreciate her, commit to her, or even just genuinely care about her, then why should she do so for herself?

“Self-care my ass. That’s just for pretty people …” she muttered, staring down at her crumpled uniform. She sighed at the absence of a swelling by her chest. She tried to push her arms against either side, trying to bring a part of her womanhood closer together, but even then, there left much to be admired.

Shaking her head, she let out a deflated chuckle and resigned to sipping at the cold latte she had left on the table, wistfully letting time pass by on this difficult school day.

“Well, if it isn’t a head-turner if I hadn’t seen one.”

Gaeul’s somber ruminations were put to an abrupt halt with a brief flash of light, making her flinch and raise up an arm instinctively. “What—?”

As she blinked rapidly to get her eyes to adjust once more, she groaned and glanced up to see an unkempt blonde man with a five o’clock shadow smirking down at her with his camera. Pulling the device to the side, he grinned more devilishly at Gaeul as he rubbed his browning undershirt beneath his unbuttoned Hawaiian polo. “Hey you.”

He suddenly jerked backwards, leaving Gaeul confused, but within seconds, she understood why as a saucer came hurtling past him, nearly grazing his arm as it smashed onto the ground. The ajumma by the counter growled and beckoned to Gaeul. “Ya, don’t mind Beomseok! He’s always like this. He comes by everyday doing his ‘scouting’ gimmick around this time.”

“And it seems like toady’s scouting paid off, old woman~,” the man teasingly announced, extending a hand to Gaeul. He was about to invite her to a handshake when his palm lurched to the side, swatting yet another saucer that was tossed his way, smacking it off and shattering it against the wall beside Gaeul. “Sorry about that, and sorry about her. Another drink on me, what do you say? That gives us some time to have a nice little chitchat about some business prospects I have for you.”

“Business prospects …?” Gaeul asked meekly, unsure of where to focus on—the shattered wares, the angry woman, or the ragged man. “I-I’m sorry … I’ll be leaving now. I don’t want any part of this.”

“That’s right, sweetheart, just don’t mind him,” the old lady said as she shuffled into the dining area with a broom and dustpan in hand. “You’re always welcome to return. Your next three drinks are on me instead. I’m sorry about this sleazy bum. I’ll make sure he never bothers you again.”

As the ajumma threatened the man with a raised broom, Gaeul took this chance to finish the rest of her drink and swipe her stuff off the table, making a run for it outside the shop. Unfortunately, the man managed to dodge each strike of the lady’s makeshift weapons before pushing past her and chasing after Gaeul. “Hey, are you going to leave me hanging after a rare invitation like that? You know, these things are quite hard to come by, young lady~!”

Gripping the strap of her bag, Gaeul kept pushing forwards up the hill, paying him no mind.

Scoffing, the man quickened his pace. Gaeul could tell from the way his footsteps now sounded faster, so she did the same. “Ya! Ya, slow down, will you! I just want to talk! No harm, no foul, right?”

Grunting, Gaeul turned a hard left into a busier road, hoping she could shake him off with the crowd. But the man was persistent, apologizing as he bumped into a group of friends as he made his way towards her once more. “Look, I’m sorry if we got off on the wrong foot back there—damn that hag—but hey, hey! Listen, listen! I think you have what it takes, missy!”

“I think you have what it takes to be a model!”

Gaeul stopped.

As she turned around to make sure what she heard was correct, she was startled by the panting figure of the man, who paused abruptly right in front of her.

Leaning forward on one knee, he took a deep breath and waved a hand in the air. “Finally! Ha … here,” he offered, raising up a half-crumpled calling card that read ‘RBS Modeling Agency’. “That’s my … that’s my agency. I own it. Been … ha … been looking for new recruits—well … new models—to fill some empty slots. I think you’ll fit in well.”

Pursing her lips, Gaeul barely gave it an afterthought but was rather curious about all this. “Why me? I … I can think of at least five other prettier girls from my school. If you want, I can hand this off to them instead …”

The man ran his fingers through his messy blonde hair and chuckled out loud, clearly unaware of the crowd shifting around them. He fanned the openings of his polo and shook his head. “No. I want you. Just you.”

Gaeul’s heart fluttered.

She knew there was no romantic intention behind it, and she sure as hell knew she wasn’t attracted to this mess of a person at all. But for some reason, hearing those words alone was enough to shot-circuit her troubled mind and make her feel a little more appreciated.

A little more loved.

Rolling her eyes, she glanced at the card again before pocketing it. “Isn’t that what they all say? To get the girls to sign up for their agencies?”

“So you’ve been scouted before?” the man asked, biting his lip and clapping his hands together. “I knew it. I knew it! Always had an eye for talent~.”

Chuckling softly, Gaeul denied it. “You’re funny—I’ll give you that.”

“Think it through. Think it through well,” the man said in an uncharacteristically sincere manner. He winked at Gaeul before fixing the ruffles of his polo and adding, “There will always be a space for you at the agency. Just mull it over and ask yourself—have you wanted more out of life? Have you ever wanted to see yourself finally shine?”

“Do you want to be more than this?”

Without another word, the man excused himself with a salute, fleeing from the scene rather quickly as he spotted a concerned businesswoman calling over a police officer, gesturing towards their direction as she did. And as Beomseok vanished into the growing crowd, all Gaeul could do was press a hand against her pocket, feeling the outline of the calling card against her fingers.

Freedom … Potential … Young …

Don’t you have more that you want to do for yourself?

Shatter.

Gaeul couldn’t believe she was really considering it.

Setting down her phone next to her on the bed, she let out a deep sigh as she stared up at the ceiling of her room. Although the make up didn’t really weigh much, she could still feel it on her face. The foreign feeling was a little weird at first, but she thought she could get used to it.

Glancing gently to the side, avoiding staining her sheets with her sloppy foundation and blush, she swiped through the pictures she just took of herself.

Before she could decide on a response to Beomseok’s invitation, Gaeul wanted to try things out a bit first. She wanted to invest a bit of effort into it all—matching outfits, applying make-up, posing—before considering if it was something she had wanted to do. The thought of a glamorous life as a model enamored her, but when it came down to it, she wasn’t sure if she was ready for such a responsibility, such a lifestyle—such a change.

She wasn’t even sure if she was really fit for it.

Reeling in disgust and embarrassment, Gaeul began swiping faster past each photo. She tried taking selfies, but they just looked too forced. She tried taking half-body and full-body shots, but she could never quite got the lighting right—besides that her poses looked so unnatural. She tried applying make up to one side of her face first before doing it for the other as well, but as it turned out from the most recent pictures, all it did was make her look like a clown.

Sighing, Gaeul closed her eyes and set her phone upside-down on the bed, taking a deep breath. “As I thought … not the best pictures … but is it really the camera’s fault or is it the subject’s … ?”

Gaeul had no doubt that if someone like Jaehwa tried to be a model, she’d experience little to no difficulty at all getting scouted by an agency. Maybe she’d receive multiple offers. Maybe she’d be able to negotiate for a higher pay too. Maybe she’d even make it on the cover of something like Vogue or appear on commercials of reputable brands. 

Gaeul had no doubt that Jaehwa would look infinitely better than herself if she were to pose in even the plainest clothes. The audience wouldn’t be drawn in by her outfit—they’d be attracted to her poise, her figure, he alluring face.

Maybe that’s why it was Jaehwa who was running her hands all over her ex’s body and not Gaeul herself.

Let’s face it, she might be a snake and a slut, but she was sexy. Gaeul, unfortunately, was not.

Cursing under her breath, Gaeul blinked rapidly so as to avoid any tears from staining her already messy face. Opening her phone once again, she clicked on her messaging app and checked if anyone had messaged her. 

Alas, the only messages she had were ones her ex sent her a few days ago asking if she was ok after their breakup conversation.

“He must have forgotten about me already … He must be happy with Jaehwa,” she muttered, struggling to stop herself from opening the message and replying to him. “Why wouldn’t he be …? She’s … she’s …”

No. I want you. Just you.

Just you.

Gaeul shook her head. She shook her head so vigorously that while she couldn’t have shaken the make-up off her face, it was strong enough to shake those nasty thoughts out of her mind. Once she regained some sense of determination, she sat up and chose a few photos that she thought were really good—both with make-up and without it—and before she got the chance to back out, she emailed them to Beomseok along with her application.

Crashing back down on her head, she could feel her heart racing, but there was an evident smile on her face too. She enjoyed the rush. She enjoyed the thrill of it. And although the anxiety was creeping in, the questioning and doubt shoving themselves into her mind, she clenched her fists firmly.

This was something bold. This was something new. This was the start of something greater.

And at this point, anything was better than getting hung up on her ex.

Just as she got out of the shower and began drying off her face, she received a notification from her phone. Gaeul wasn’t sure who she was expecting, but as soon as she leapt on her bed to open it, her jaw dropped onto her mattress.

The angles are funny. The makeup’s cute. Thankfully we have pros to do that for you.

See you next Friday after your classes. 6PM. Don’t be late.

Gaeul squealed like a little girl as she kicked her feet up in the air.

This is it … this is my chance …

This is for me.

Shatter.

“Heeyoung will handle your makeup, Sunjung’s for your hair, Chaemin for outfits, and Daejung will be your assistant. Well, Daejung’s my boy, but I’m lending him to you for stuff like this. Alright?”

As Beomseok led Gaeul through the line of people crowding the entrance to her personal dressing room, all she could do was nod and smile, waving at them briefly before entering along with Beomseok. There, she was gently pushed into a seat before Beomseok spun her around and turned on the lights surrounding the mirror.

He framed Gaeul’s face between his thumbs and pointers, biting his lip as he tried to get the best angle within his mental camera. “There we go. She’s a star-in-the-making, this one. So! Make her my star. Make her fabulous~! Got it?”

The staff at his beck and call flocked into the room with their equipment and nodded eagerly.

“Not that you aren’t already, sweetheart,” Beomseok whispered to Gaeul, patting her head patronizingly. “Chop chop! Shoot’s in fifteen, so make sure she’s ready by then.”

“W-Wait! What am I supposed to do after—?”

Alas, in a flurry, Gaeul got too bombarded to finish her question as her face got powdered, her hair got straightened, and her clothes undone all at once.

Shatter.

“I’m not looking, I’m not looking! Can I take a peak now? Can I, can I~?”

Once Daejung gave him the signal, Beomseok turned around and nearly dropped his jaw. 

“She … looks more or less the same?” he uttered disappointedly. Scrunching his forehead, he fanned the edges of his opened polo and leaned closer to examine Gaeul better. “Ya, I know I said she already looked gorgeous, but isn’t this a bit too … simple?”

Heeyoung snaked her arm from behind Gaeul and lifted her chin up gently towards Beomseok. Gaeul didn’t dare resist as she glanced awkwardly up at the blonde man against her will. “Beomseok dearie, she already is gorgeous. All we had to do was make her natural features pop out more so she can shine more authentically. It’s rare working with a pretty face like this that requires little to no touch up. I don’t want to stress her skin out with too much products either if she doesn’t need it—would ruin her beauty.”

Gaeul blushed as she bit her lip. “Th-thank you, Heeyoung-ssi.”

Rolling his eyes, Beomseok swatted Heeyoung away and placed both of his heavy hands on Gaeul’s shoulders, shaking her gently. “If so, then is so. Ready, girl? Because it begins now!”

Panning one hand in the air, Beomseok traced an arc above them both until his palm landed against the first set behind them. “Picture that—Kim Gaeul, model of the year. Before reaching that though, you have shoots like these.”

“Promotional modeling?”

He gave her a thumbs up. Without further ado, Beomseok psyched her up one last time, and without warning, pushed her into the literal spotlight.

Shatter.

Lights blinding, rustling and hustling deafening, the spot so pressuring, Gaeul clenched her gut to avoid vomiting as she was thrown right into the center of the storm.

“Look here, over here!”

“Wh-what—?”

Snap!

“I said look here! Don’t waste time, ya! Smile, strike a pose! Do something with the drink, goddammit!”

Snapping out of place, Gaeul stumbled forward and nearly tripped on one of the cords on the set, staggering a bit as she nearly crushed the hollow can with her uncalculated grip. She didn’t think it would be empty and weightless. As she held it up to her chest, she glanced around the area of the set, looking for a familiar face such as Beomseok to guide her on what to do next.

“Ya, are you deaf, lady? Look at the fucking camera!”

Feeling the heat rush to her cheeks, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

She darkened the lights. She tuned out the noise. She steadied her breathing. And as she opened her eyes once more, all that existed was the camera and herself.

Nothing more. Nothing else.

In the blink of an eye, her lost-puppy demeanor suddenly turned into a calmer one. She lifted the glass to her lips and stared right into the lens, tilting the can as if she were drinking it.

Snap!

“Finally! There we go, keep it up!”

She placed a hand on her hip and lifted the can in the air, forming an excited expression. She then held it from opposite ends and playfully stretched her arms forwards as if presenting it. Finally, she playfully smiled and stuck her tongue out, winking at the camera as she pressed the can to her cheek.

“Wonderful, wonderful! God, she turned out to be a natural!”

Out of the corner of her eye, she finally spotted Beomseok fanning himself once again, wiping the sweat from his forehead. When they locked eyes through his shades, he nodded in approval as Gaeul struck a few more poses.

Gaeul smiled at him before returning to smile for the camera.

Shatter.

“When were you going to tell us that you became a model?”

Startled by the sound of newspaper slapping against her desk, Gaeul glanced up at the two girls from her homeroom who she had never spoken to before. She didn’t know what to say to them. All they did was point to the printed beverage advertisement Gaeul had shot two months ago as if they were demanding for some answers or explanations. “Did you think you could hide this from us?”

“I-I … I mean, I don’t … I don’t even know—.”

The tenseness of the conversation evaporated as the two girls giggled and drummed their fingers on her desk. “You did great! You look amazing in all of these! We didn’t even know you had other ones outside of this drink one until we saw that huge billboard near the mall the other day.”

“Billboard …?”

“Ya, billboard? The one with Gaeul on it?” an arrogant sounding boy from across the room beckoned, spinning his basketball with ease on one finger. “I took a picture of that one I think. Here, take a look.”

He tossed his phone towards the girls so they could scroll through his gallery, chuckling as they passed by the billboard picture and focused instead on him posing with Gaeul’s standee outside a makeup store.

Gaeul’s face flushed with embarrassment, not really used to receiving this much attention to her gigs. She didn’t think anyone would really see them out and about, and even if they did, Gaeul wasn’t expecting them to approach her about it—especially people she wasn’t really close to. She didn’t have much friends to talk about this with, which is why she received mixed feelings about this sudden burst of recognition.

As a small crowd began to form by her desk, Gaeul shrank smaller and smaller into the cup of her seat. She was so amazed to finally see the faces of most of her classmates. It was especially endearing to hear them praise her and to feel how excited they were over her new endeavor.

It was like she was becoming a whole new person.

When her phone buzzed mid-conversation, she excused herself to answer the call before classes began. On the way out of the room, she passed by her ex’s desk on the front row, spotting him staring at her with unusual and awkward interest.

Gaeul’s chest tightened as she quickened her pace.

“H-Hello?” she spoke quietly into the call. “Ya~ Gaeul, sweetheart. Seems like the past months of efforts have been paying off, yeah? My company’s finally broken even thanks to you!”

“That’s good to hear, Beomseok-ssi. I … I’m glad I could help you out,” she replied.

“Now, now, Gaeul, you make it sound like you’re just a cash cow to me—please, don’t say that! You’re much more than that,” he addressed, clicking his teeth. “You’re an investment. You’re a prodigy! Hell, you could be the next superstar in the modeling industry—trust me!”

Gaeul rolled her eyes, pressing her phone between her shoulder and cheek to fix her uniform. “Did you need something from me?”

“Ya, here we go again with the business talk~! Props to you for being eager though,” he noted, chuckling on the other end of the line. “Listen, your trimester’s about to end, right? So you’ll be in summer for a few months? How about we ramp up your gigs and put you through the ringer faster? What do you say?”

Gaeul paused, glancing down the corridor to see if anyone was eavesdropping. “I … what do you mean by that?”

“What do I mean? Well, you can’t stay a promotional brand model forever, right? Especially not just small brands or companies—no, no, darling~! Think bigger! Fashion, commercials, glamour—you name it! And I’ll do my best to get you the gigs, yeah?”

“What do you say? Ready for that leap? Or are you comfortable staying where you are now? I won’t blame you if you choose to stay—I mean, it’s already good money as it is too, yeah? And less fame means less paparazzi, am I right?”

As Beomseok rambled on to Gaeul about the merits of either choice, it took Gaeul one peak into her classroom—one innocent glance at her ex-boyfriend, who was far from the gathered crowd of fans Gaeul formed, flirting physically with his new girl—to come to a resolute decision.

“Yes … yes, um, could you explain to me what … what other modeling jobs I can take?”

“Can you show me the other opportunities for modeling out there?”

Shatter.

“Ta-da~! Perks of knowing people. Well, perks of knowing people and pulling some strings.”

As Beomseok revealed rows upon rows of wheeled clothing racks that held the most diverse and colorful set of clothes that Gaeul has ever seen, she gasped and squealed out loud as she took a few steps forwards towards them.

“You’re joking.”

Beomseok placed a hand on her back and shook his head. “Not at all, sweetheart. Go on, why don’t you try some. The shoot director said he trusted our judgment with the outfits. All of these are a part of their brand, so feel free to pick and choose what you want to show off for their catalogue.

Gaeul wasted no time throwing outfits together to show them off

A cropped rib-knit black sweater coupled with high-waisted denim jeans. “Eh? Seems plain, but looks good on you. Fitted clothing seem very much like your style.”

Baggy beige cargo pants and a loose white t-shirt with a definitive print. “Hm, you know what, that makes good street wear. You could wear that to the mall and stuff, yeah?’

Slippers along with a puff sleeve lapel neck shirt tucked into a long flowing midi skirt. “Oh? That makes you look more mature. I never considered styling you like that.”

“Hold on,” Beomseok interjected, bringing out another rack of clothes for Gaeul before she could change out of her last outfit. “How about some of these?”

A skimpy plain white crop top covered by a green plaid polo matched with light grey shorts. “Um … it shows a bit too much of my navel, don’t you think?”

Cream mini-skirt matched with a baby blue tie top and light gray tube top. “This … this is a bit chilly even if there’s … not a lot of air …”

Well-fitted spaghetti strap coupled with jet black trousers that come with faux straps along the bottom torso region. “What are … these straps for? They look a bit like … a thong …?”

Glancing at the tall mirror placed to one side of the room, Gaeul covered her bare shoulders with her hands as she grew painstakingly conscious of her body and figure. “Ya … after all, I don’t think—.”

Beomseok wrapped an arm around her frail and lithe frame, pressing her close to his side and pointing at her reflection. “Don’t doubt yourself. You look beautiful no matter what you wear. In fact~.”

He keyed something onto his phone while still attached to Gaeul. She waited patiently, and soon enough, he waved his phone at her. “You can keep them. The outfits we’ve decided on. A gift from the company.”

Gaeul’s eyes widened as she embraced Beomseok tightly from the side.

“Anything for my beautiful model.”

Shatter.

“We’re going to be a bit more mature with these shots, darling, so do you think you can keep up?”

Walking onto the emptied playground, Gaeul took off her external cover and nodded, rubbing her elbows nervously. She bowed politely at her co-star for the shoot, who was adjusting his blazer. Gaeul couldn’t help at stare at his toned abs, surprised that they were exposed.

“Eyes on the camera, Gaeul, you naughty girl,” the director beckoned, causing Gaeul to blush in shame. But her co-star was kind enough to laugh it off and swat a hand in her direction. “No worries, no worries. First time?”

Gaeul nodded sheepishly. The man chuckled softly and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Just follow the beats and act natural. I’m sure you’ll do just fine.”

His gentle tone was enough to reassure the frazzled girl, and so when the shoot officially began, she was able to muster more confidence than she had thought.

“Yes, yes, good poses! Change it up a little. Gaeul, I need you to be more daring—more bold.”

Gaeul nodded and bit the tip of her pointer as she jutted her hip to one side, resting her other hand there. But the director didn’t seem too pleased. “More. More! I said change it up, change it up, folks.”

Unable to really think of what to do next, she tried to pose with her hands against her nape, lifting her elbows up high and maintaining a serious expression on her. “Mmm, that could work, that could work. Help her out, will you?”

The man nodded and turned to face her. Within moments, he had placed both of her hands on his bare chest, covered barely by his blazer, as he pressed up into her. He looked into her eyes before gesturing to the side, where Gaeul struggled to immediately glance at the camera.

“Good, good! Keep this up—I like it!”

Biting her lip, Gaeul hesitantly wrapped her arms around his neck and clung to him on her tiptoes. She tried taking the initiative, turning her back to him and lifting one foot up against his shin, sliding against his frame from behind. She ended the series of poses by lowering his head to her stomach area, pressing his cheek into her skin as she smirked teasingly at the camera.

Beomseok threw his glasses off his face as his jaw dropped. “Now that … that is something new.”

Gaeul smirked at him before patting the man’s head, enjoying the newfound attention she was receiving.

Shatter.

“Gaeul, sweetheart? You’re on—.”

There wasn’t a moment spared. As soon as she was called onto the spotlight, she shoved her door open, nearly hitting a staff member in the face, strutting forward confidently in inches-high heels. Her latex outfit glistened underneath all the lights, and as she turned around to face the director and the photographers, she raised a brow.

“You wanted me? You got me. Let’s begin, shall we?” she demanded, cracking her prop whip against the ground.

“Gaeul, this … this isn’t really supposed to be that kind off—.”

Beomseok shut the director up and pushed him aside. He clapped his hands slowly, nodding in approval in Gaeul’s direction. “Your talent has disappeared into the role—let her be! She’s going to nail it more like this, aren’t you, babe?”

Gaeul bit her lip and snickered, nodding in delight. “Of course. Like I always do~.”

The photographers took their aim and all fired in rapid succession.

Her solo shots were marvelous. She posed with poise, elegance, confidence, and an air of maturity to her. She played with her props every now and then, showing mastery of improvisation. She ended the solo set with the handle of the whip between her teeth as she bared her fangs for the camera seductively.

“Magnificent! This … this will do really well on the magazine!” the flamboyant director exclaimed with glee. “Bring them in—bring them all in! Let her interact with them!”

Although she wasn’t expecting company, Gaeul enjoyed the challenge. As the group of muscular men began warming up their bare limbs and torsos, Gaeul licked her darkly matted lips with delight and cracked her whip.

“Come here, boys~.”

Caressing their chests, sinking her fingers into their defined curves and muscles, stepping on backs and knees, being elevated on a makeshift throne with their bodies—Gaeul was lost in a euphoric haze for the photoshoot. She hadn’t just sunken into her prescribed role. She hadn’t just gotten swept up in the rush of power and adrenaline.

Gaeul felt as though she had more than that. She was more than just that.

And as she chuckled out loud amidst the sea of men, she knew she was loving it.

Shatter.

“Gaeul, Gaeul please sign my magazine! I just bought it this morning—still freshly wrapped!”

“Gaeul-sunbae, Gaeul-sunbae! Are you heading off to your next gig? Can we come along, pretty please?”

“Ya, Kim Gaeul! Just one chance—please! I’ll treat you right!”

Smirking smugly as she strutted through the crowd, assisted by her two bodyguards, she made it to the black van assigned to her. Just as she was about to board, she turned around and waved at the crowd, posing a bit here and there to give them some pictures for their fansites and whatnot.

Off to the side, from the other end of the street, Gaeul spotted him.

Her ex.

She thought he was running towards her direction to try and catch up to her and the swarming mob around her. But when she found out that she was dashing forward to meet his girlfriend—a different girl at that—all Gaeul could feel was a sinking sensation in her chest as she witnessed how affectionately he was embracing her.

“Ms. Kim, everything alright?” one of the guards asked.

She took one last glance at the two before ducking into the van and slamming it shut.

As the vehicle started moving, Beomseok placed a hand on Gaeul’s bare thigh and patted it gently. “Bad mood, babe?” he asked with barely any hint of actual concern. “We don’t have anything scheduled for today, so I asked the driver to bring us to my place. Thought we could pop open some champagne to celebrate your ranking. Fifty three? Not bad, yeah?”

Gaeul couldn’t care any less. She stared out the tinted window apathetically and kept to herself for the entire ride.

Once they got to Beomseok’s new penthouse suite, which he had acquired just last month, Gaeul dropped her fur coat by the side of the couch and sank into the cushions, propping her feet up on the glass coffee table.

“Hey, hey, that’s expensive!” Beomseok warned as he loosened up a few buttons of his custom-made bespoke Hawaiian-designed suit. Sighing, he crashed right next to her, but not before settling two glasses of the promised drink down on the table.

“You wouldn’t even have this if it weren’t for me,” Gaeul gloated with a smirk, picking up one of the glasses. She and Beomseok toasted briefly before she took a sip, forcing herself to swallow. She still wasn’t used to alcohol, but she figured she’d grow into it over time.

“If we’re being honest here, you and I both wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for me scouting you two years ago,” Beomseok corrected, swishing the contents of his glass about, eyeing Gaeul’s form. He leaned closer to her and propped an arm up behind her. “But no need to get concerned over that. I accept gratitude in many different forms—including larger cuts from gigs.”

All Gaeul could afford was a faint chuckle.

After a heavy sigh, Beomseok downed the rest of his drink and fully turned to face her. “You’re no fun today, are you? Did that boy really mean that much to you?”

“What—?”

Beomseok chuckled and winked at her, shaking his head playfully. “You forget I’m the observant type. It’s how I managed to pick you up, after all~. But babe, really—him? Why so invested? You could clearly bag better men than him in an instant. Why bother with an ex when you have an entire ocean of studs waiting for you?”

Gaeul shrugged, taking another sip. “I think it’s just the feeling … the feeling …”

“The feeling of what exactly?”

Getting a little frustrated over the conversation, Gaeul downed the rest of her drink as well and placed the glass back down. “I don’t know. Why are you so pesky today?”

Just as Gaeul settled back down on the couch, she was immediately taken aback by the determined look in Beomseok’s eyes as he reached for her hand and planted a kiss on the back of it.

“You know, you deserve to be seen, Gaeul. You deserve to be appreciated for what you are, for what you’ve become, don’t you think so?” he asked, inviting Gaeul to ponder on the thought as he continued pecking each of her knuckles. 

“Beomseok-ssi …” Gaeul muttered, feeling an odd swelling heat that began in her chest and started to spread throughout her body. “What are you doing …?”

“It’s been a while since you called me that. Beomseok alone will do,” he replied, tracing kisses up towards her forearm now. “I’m just showing you what you deserve. Some appreciation. Lots of it. All of it. Do you want me to stop?”

Gaeul held her breath and didn’t say a word.

“I thought so.”

He continued further up her arm, pecking past her elbow, and now planting sloppy yet gentle kisses onto her bare shoulder and collarbone. Gaeul had frozen up at first, but was now responding in kind by caressing the back of his head. Was she trying to grip his hair to yank him away or was she clinging tighter to him—Gaeul wasn’t sure.

By the time Beomseok had reached her chin, he planted a long kiss just under her lower lip before pulling away slightly to ask her, “Haven’t you had enough of that, Gaeul? Aren’t you tired of trying to get someone to chase after you? Aren’t you ready for something more? For something real?”

“Isn’t it time you had someone genuinely desire you?”

Gaeul should be afraid. She should be grossed out by all this. But whether it was because of the alcohol burning in her stomach or because of the frustration that’s been kept pent up inside of her these past few years, something inside her just snapped.

She was tired.

“That’s it, mmh … fuck, Gaeul, you’re so needy aren’t you?”

She was annoyed.

“Ahh … yes, just like that. Take it all off for me. All of it~.”

But above all else, what she didn’t want to admit to herself, was how she truly felt.

As she turned around, completely stripped off of the elegance of her clothes, left only with the poise and entrancing factor of her own bare expressions—of her own bare body—she glanced down at the half-naked Beomseok who had his phone out, pointing it in Gaeul’s direction.

She was sad.

And as Gaeul was made to turn around slowly, revealing the parts of herself that she hadn’t done so to anyone other than herself, allowing the man who had made her career—and everything she was now—to take pictures of her nude self, tears streamed down her face.

But she was not weeping out of mourning.

As she felt his hands press up against her sides, sliding upwards delicately as they locked eyes with one another, Gaeul could have sworn that she saw her ex’s lustful expression on his face instead of Beomseok’s.

And for a split-second, she managed a weak smile.

“Is this sexy enough for you now?”

This … what was I doing it all for again …? She asked herself as Beomseok locked lips with her, preparing himself to take more than just photos from her. What was I supposed to do with this again …? What was I supposed to be …?

Right … I wanted to be seen … I wanted to be sought after … to be noticed …

I wanted to be yearned for …

As she tied up her hair and kept her hands behind her nape, arching her form forwards for him, tears continued to stream down her face. But now, Gaeul teared up with a confident smile.

If this is what it means to be sexy … to be desired … to be successful …

To be happy …

Taking a deep breath, Gaeul closed her eyes and allowed herself to be pushed roughly onto the comforting folds of Beomseok’s bed.

If this is what it means to be loved …

Then so be it. Give it all to me. All of it.

I’ll take what’s meant to be mine.

=====

Why is she a ‘sunbae’? She’s hardly even masculine or reliable enough! She just doesn’t have that vibe.

“Hey, who’s that person? The one over there.”

“That?” his friend paused, chuckling in disbelief at his naïveté. “That’s the king of Seoul High. The one and only sunbae in senior year.”

“Kim Gaeul.”

As Gaeul strutted through the corridor with her earphones on, she kept her head down and clutched her backpack tightly. Although she was trying to get to her classroom discretely, her presence was enough to stir up some murmurs.

“Oh gosh, oh gosh, I can’t believe I’m seeing her before class! She looks so … mature!” one girl squealed, grabbing onto her friend’s arm. “She looks like such a prince—ugh! Just one chance, please! I’d kill to be dating someone like her.”

Walking past the fawning girls, Gaeul glanced up briefly to smile at them. While she couldn’t hear how loud they screamed and how firmly they pressed up against the lockers, she just pressed on and climbed the nearest stairs.

At the landing, she bumped into a group of boys carrying duffel bags and basketballs. Without needing prompting, she popped one earphone off and fistbumped each of them casually.

“Yo yo, good morning to you, Kim God-eul, haha!” the captain of the team greeted, pulling Gaeul in for a brief chest bump. “Are we seeing you after class again? Could use some warming up before the game this weekend.”

“Bet,” she uttered definitively, smiling faintly as she untangled herself from him. “See you. Make sure to put up more of a fight this time.”

The whole team hollered rather childishly at the subtle burn, but the captain didn’t take it much to heart. “Geez, alright alright! Square up later first, then we’ll see who really needs to put up more of a fight. Shame the school doesn’t let girls play—you would have killed it in the league.”

Shrugging, Gaeul saluted them briefly before skipping off hurriedly, wanting to beat the first bell.

When she made it to homeroom, one of her classmates opened the door for her. She nodded in thanks and promptly headed to the back row. A few heads turned her way as they muttered a few things about her uniform—she was expecting that much. It always seemed to happen around the beginning of the school year.

Dumping her bag onto the seat she preferred, she cracked her knuckles and groaned, stretching her arms backwards. Fixing the creases of her long pants and newly bought blazer, she adjusted the length of her necktie and glanced about the room.

Everyone was staring in awe of her.

Smirking, she shook her head and nonchalantly left for a quick stop at the water fountain. As soon as she left, the room roared with murmurs and gossips—presumably all about her. But Gaeul couldn’t care any less.

“Wait, did you just call her the ‘king’ of the school? Where did she get that nickname?”

“She rules this whole school, dude. Others might think it’s the cheer team, or the jocks, or the bullies even—but me? I think it’s her. She’s just … everywhere man. Everyone seems to love her too—one way or another.”

“She’s a girl though—.”

“So? I mean, just look at her! How can you not think otherwise—oof.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Gaeul spotted a surly batchmate of hers pushing past two hoobaes in the middle of the corridor. The others in front of them fled off of his path in an instant and stayed out of his way as he trudged towards something away from her view.

Tucking her chin-length hair away from her face as she rose up from the water fountain, she glanced behind her and saw him lean against the lockers, covering what looked like a meek and slender girl, who was several inches taller than him.

“I see you’re new around here, sweetcheeks. Need someone to show you around?” he pestered, slipping one hand into the pocket of his school jacket. “First year? You look a bit older than that. Transferee? What school did you use to go to?”

The poor girl didn’t respond. She hid her face in her locker, pretending to not have heard. The crowd seemed to have returned to minding their own businesses when they noticed they weren’t going to be picked on this time around. When the boy realized she wasn’t giving him the time of day, he grunted and placed a hand on her back—just above her butt. “Playing hard to get, are we? I like that. Makes it way more fun compared to the other sl—.”

Crack.

“OUCH OUCH OUCH—WHAT THE …?”

As he winced in pain from the contorting of his muscles and bones, he fell to his knees, one wrist being held up high by Gaeul, who glared down at him. She kicked him in the chest and sent him flying onto the ground, earning her a few gasps from the crowd.

Gaeul turned around, not bothering with the guy at this point. She dusted the new girl’s outfit off and asked quietly, “Are you ok? He didn’t hurt you, did he? I’m sorry this happened to you on your first day.”

Turning to the side slowly as she came out of her locker, the girl glanced at Gaeul with a sheepish smile. “Thanks. I’m fine. I … I’m used to it.”

Gaeul scoffed, shaking her head as she took a step back to give her some space. She swatted her hand at the crowd to shoo them off as well. “That’s not something you should get used to. You need to stick up for yourself a bit more. Every one needs to be treated with respect—especially us girls.”

The girl nodded quickly and bit her lip. Gaeul noticed how full they were. They looked soft and rather delicate just like the rest of her physique. Pushing up her round-framed glasses, the other girl bowed politely. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m from America, so my Korean might be a bit bad … apologies in advance.”

“No, no, you’re good. You’re understandable,” Gaeul assured her, stretching out a hand. “Gaeul. And you?”

The girl smiled, and when her lithe digits received Gaeul’s more worn out hand, they both felt the warmth of each other’s touch with just a brief handshake. “Wonyoung. Jang … Jang Wonyoung.”

“That’s a lovely name,” was the only thing Gaeul got out after firmly shaking her hand as the first bell rang loudly throughout the halls. Excusing herself, Gaeul fixed Wonyoung’s tie before bidding her goodbye. “You take care now. School here can be a bit rough, but don’t let any of it get to you too much and you’ll be fine.”

“Yes sunbae …” Wonyoung muttered, clutching the books she was holding tightly to her chest. Once the ringing stopped, she was left alone in the corridor, scrambling to fix her belongings as she realized a little too late that she had been standing there frozen in awe for a few moments now.

“Now you see why she’s the king?” the confident friend raised, elbowing his seatmate before he sat down himself. “There’s no doubt about it.”

“She rules this school.”

Shatter.

One more year. Just one more year. I just want it to go by smoothly without troubles, please.

And then, I can leave.

“Here, I got this for you.”

As the hoobae Gaeul never even met personally before raised up an elegantly wrapped box with both of her hands, she returned the out-of-the-blue gesture with a muted grin. Shaking the gift gently as she received it, she listened to the girl explain. “I know your birthday isn’t until next week, but … I wanted to be the first to give you something. I know we aren’t close, but … I hope you like it!”

“We told her to wait to give it to you at least the day before your birthday, sunbae, but she wouldn’t listen,” one of her male friends added teasingly. “She placed a lot of effort into this too. You wouldn’t believe how many hours she spent at her part-time job just to get you this.”

“This must be expensive then. Thanks,” Gaeul replied, mustering a more enthusiastic tone. But as she was about to lug it with her to her next class, she heard the sound of squeaking from behind her down the corridor.

It was that new girl, Jang Wonyoung, except she looked like a huge frantic mess. The scurrying girl was covering her body for some reason, squatting every now and then to avoid glances from passing students as she seemed to be scrambling for her life to get to her locker.

It then clicked in Gaeul’s head: she was just in her underwear.

Gritting her teeth, she shoved the present back to the girl and apologized. “I’ll be back, sorry.”

Without another word, she dispersed the crowd and covered the cameras of any phones that were whipped out and recording the unfolding scene. As Wonyoung moved to one corner of the hallway, Gaeul yanked her own blazer off of her and draped it around Wonyoung’s front, squatting by her side to block her from the others’ point of view.

“What happened to you?” Gaeul muttered, wiping the wetness from Wonyoung’s face. She was drenched not just from tears but also from sweat. She smelled a little, but Gaeul didn’t mind. “Did you come from the gym?”

“P.E. …” she whispered, covering the lower half of her face as she sniffled, trying to fit her entire body within the confines of Gaeul’s blazer. “I-I-I’m fine, I’m fine. Just go …”

Gaeul stayed put. She waited for her to calm down a little before helping her up and ushering her protectively, glaring menacingly at anyone who tried to get closer to her.

“Who did this to you?” she demanded, as she lead Wonyoung to the nurse’s office to borrow some spare clothes. “Tell me.”

“No …”

“Who did this to you?” she repeated, not taking her refusal for an answer.

Pausing just in front of the door, Wonyoung sighed and rubbed her eyes. “Y-Yoona and her friends … the cheerleaders in my grade—.”

“Those bitches,” Gaeul interjected, pushing the door open and urging her to go inside. The nurse was still attending to someone, so she led her to one of the beds and closed the curtains around them. “Did they take anything from you? What did they say? How long have they been mistreating you?”

The barely clothed girl had enough. She simply turned around on her side and slid under the sheets.

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Gaeul nodded and sat next to her with her back turned. “Sorry if I overwhelmed you. I’ll give you some space. Once the nurse comes here, just tell her you need some extra clothes because you forgot to bring some spares, ok? I’ll talk to Yoona—.”

Wonyoung clutched her hand, turning to face her. “Please don’t … I don’t want any trouble with them, and … I don’t want you to go out of your way just for me. Not again. Just … just let it go, please, sunbae …”

Gaeul shook her head, resting her other hand on Wonyoung’s, patting it calmly. “I won’t do anything reckless. I just want to hear her side of the story. You’ll be fine.”

“She … she probably just thought it was funny, you know … hiding my clothes? It was just a prank—.”

Gaeul returned her hand and placed it softly on her chest, caressing the top of her head. “Get some rest. I’ll handle this.”

Wonyoung tensed up, still worried that Gaeul would do something over the top, but she took a few deep breaths and calmed herself down, believing in her sunbae’s kind words to her.

Later that day, it was rumored that Yoona and her goons were seen streaking down the parking lot in front of the school while chasing after a speeding car.

Shatter.

“EW!”

As Wonyoung felt the slimy sensation engulf her, she froze in place. Meanwhile, the rest of the students at the cafeteria all burst in laughter and began taking pictures of her as she stood there covered in hot soup, tteokbokki, kimchi, and curly noodles.

Taking her glasses off, she slowed her breaths, not wanting to hyperventilate from the anxiety. She did her best to wipe her lenses clean before putting them back on. Dusting off the bits and chunks of food that clung to her face, hair, and body, Wonyoung stooped back down to pick up her overturned tray.

Sliding over to an empty table at the center of it all, she rummaged through her pockets and her bag. Unfortunately, while she was covered from head to toe in school lunch, she didn’t have enough money for another more edible meal set.

Sighing, she kept her head down and stared blankly at the screen of her phone.

“Didn’t your parents teach you it’s not nice to play around with your food?”

Glancing up, Wonyoung spotted Gaeul sliding into the seat across from her. Swiping away some of the gruel that dripped onto the surface, she snickered and slid her a tray filled with fresh food. “Here. I ate a heavy breakfast already, so you can have my portions. Still warm.”

Wonyoung didn’t say a word. She bowed politely in gratitude, took the metal chopsticks, and began picking slowly at the meal provided to her.

After a while, the younger girl glanced curiously at her sunbae. “Are … are you not busy, sunbae? It’s ok if you want to leave. I-I’ll be fine—.”

“Shooing me off already after I gave you my lunch? That’s cruel,” Gaeul teased, plucking up a piece of tteokbokki off Wonyoung’s back. “Do you really want to get away from me that badly?”

“N-Not like that, I-I-I meant—!”

Gaeul hushed her with a finger and gestured to the food. “Just eat up. You have biology next, right? You’ll need to eat well to ace your exam. Get relaxed and all that. Hope you studied well enough last night.”

Wonyoung hid her blushing behind a sip of soup. “Sunbae remembered.”

Gaeul just smiled back. “It’s nothing. After this, go change out of your clothes quickly at the nurse’s office like always and place your dirty clothes in this plastic bag. I’ll get them washed and dried before dismissal.”

“Does sunbae not have any classes? You seem to have so much free time.”

Rolling her eyes, Gaeul slid the bag to Wonyoung and muttered, “I just know how to make time for important things, I guess. Now, hurry. Don’t mind them. They won’t bother you while I’m here.”

Nodding shyly, Wonyoung quickened her pace, sharing some light small talk with her sunbae as they conversed over their little lunch together.

Shatter.

“Kim for three! And … score!”

Following through, Gaeul watched as the ball swished into the ring and came out the other end. The gathered crowd—a mixture of substitutes waiting for their turn to play and some girls who watched her play from time to time—cheered energetically as Gaeul received a high five from her teammate and rushed to the other side of the court.

Tucking her short hair behind her ears, she got down low and readied a more defensive stance. On her side, she spotted a tall girl peeking through the windows of the gymnasium, watching from a safe distance.

Gaeul winked at her and gestured to the match.

With much finesse, Gaeul broke out of her position’s usual rotation and ran straight for the boy who currently had the basketball. He flinched at the sight of the charging Gaeul, making him pass the ball away to the larger kid next to him, which was a big mistake. The more nimble Gaeul managed to stretch her short arms in time to intercept the pass and convert into a run.

As she dashed towards the opposite end of the court, the crowd went wild. Other people playing on the other courts began to pause their matches for a moment to watch the scene unfold.

Unguarded, unobstructed, and unmatched, Gaeul leapt into the air for a layup and scored another two points for the team.

Fanning herself with her shirt, she raised up a fist and addressed the crowd. There, she spotted Wonyoung smiling at her, shaking her head shyly. She blew Wonyoung a kiss and pointed a finger at the sky.

Watch me, she mouthed.

Filled with confidence, Gaeul bolstered the rest of her team. While she got the rush of adrenaline coursing throughout her body, she still played smart and worked with the other four to push their lead even further.

She navigated through the traffic inside the paint with ease, and at the last moment, she faked a shot and instead passed it onto the captain of the varsity team, setting him up for an epic alley-oop.

When the opposing team kept passing the ball around to try and confuse them, Gaeul read the pick-and-pop well, diving for the ball before the last pass and ended up swatting it away from their side of the court. One of her teammates bolted for the ball and did a half-court Hail Mary, which surprisingly sank right in the bucket.

With just a few minutes remaining before the end of their lunch break, Gaeul pushed for one final play. Dribbling the ball between her legs, she slowed down just outside the three-point line. She glanced around her—at the crowd and at the other players—discerning what to do. The boy guarding her lunged at her out of frustration, bumping right into her with his shoulder. It should have been a foul, but Gaeul let it slide and avoided calling it out. Instead, she bounced the ball on his knee to get it out of bounds. From there, she scurried outside to pick it up quickly, pass it to her fourth teammate, and gave him the clear shot for a wide open three.

Score after score, play after play, Gaeul knew how to make a show of it all. And by the end of it, as she panted and dried her dripping sweat, she got lifted into the air as if she had won the championship—all after just a quick friendly match against the younger batch.

Jogging past some people who tried to approach her to make small talk or congratulate her, she headed out of the gym through one of the backdoors and shuffled over to where Wonyoung was. “Liked what you saw? Hope I put on quite the show.”

“You were amazing, sunbae. I didn’t plan to stay for too long because I wanted to do some reading in the library, but … but you were on another level,” Wonyoung exclaimed, getting a little embarrassed when she realized how worked up she got. “Here! Um … if you need to wipe.”

Gaeul held Wonyoung’s handkerchief gently in her hands, running her fingers over the pattern before wiping and patting her face down with it. She could smell her hoobae’s cologne still on it, smiling as she thanked the younger girl. “Sorry about this. I’ll get it washed and return it to you when I swing by the library after class.”

“You can keep it and return it another time, sunbae … b-but don’t take it the wrong way! Ok …?”

Gaeul smirked and winked at her. Slapping her gently on the shoulder, Wonyoung blushed behind her sunbae before the two made their way back to their lockers.

Shatter.

Gaeul took a deep breath before entering. She had to do so every time to try and compose herself. Although, after all these years, by now, she’s learned that no amount of steeling herself could ever prepare her for who was inside.

As she shuffled quietly through the corridor like a ghost floating down the hall, she heard all sorts of noises from the different rooms that alternated along her path. Some had blaring television sets while others were incessant arguing that seeped through the thick walls. But to Gaeul, they were all just background noise. She’s learned to live with it—to live above it.

But one thing she couldn’t live above—no, one person she couldn’t live above—was who she ended up with after the divorce.

Her dad.

Before she made it to their door, she took another deep breath and exhaled thoroughly. Once she mustered up the courage, she tightened her grip on the strap of her backpack as she moved forward to knock. However, she was surprised to find the door already open.

Creaking as it swung against Gaeul’s weight, the door gave no resistance, allowing Gaeul to creep inside. She pinched her nose to avoid the smell of leftover booze and the tufts of cigarette smoke that circulated throughout the apartment thanks to their air-conditioning unit. Once she closed the door behind her, she tiptoed towards their makeshift living room and dining room, spotting her half-naked father mindlessly rubbing his hairy belly while asleep.

Sighing in relief, Gaeul immediately returned to the kitchen just by the small vestibule. “At least there won’t be another scene today.”

She wasted no time looting the fridge, checking to see if there were any ready-to-eat food left. When all she found was an unopened container of kimchi, she darted to the cupboard and rummaged through the filth, swatting away cobwebs and dusting off some of the untouched cans. She found a yet-to-be-expired can of peaches and nabbed it. There was no room to be choosy.

The young girl was startled by the sound of shattering by her face—a vase. It was too close to her eyes and ear—too close for comfort.

Her father groaned, trying to sit up but failing miserably. Slurring, he rubbed his eyes. “Is it you?”

Gaeul held her breath, but when she saw him pick up one of his beer bottles, she tensed up and replied. “Yes …”

“Yes what, you disrespectful bitch!”

Just as loud as his barking, the bottle flew right at her, giving her only a split-second to duck, drenching her blazer with warm beer. After a moment of silence has passed, Gaeul cleared her throat and spoke a little louder. “Yes … sir …”

Her father grunted in satisfaction and turned on his back, stretching his pudgy limbs. “For fuck’s sake—your mother? She was more useful than you. Learned how to dress properly too—made her really stand out like eye candy. Your body’s such a waste if you cover it up like that.”

Not wanting to rebut any of his infuriating statements, Gaeul just glanced down at her trembling knees before slowly getting up. This motion made the floorboards creak, causing her father to open his eyes and glance at her. “Ya, are you heading out again? Are you going to go partying again or something instead of helping keep our house afloat? Huh? Huh! Or are you going to fucking get it on with some jock promising you a good time? Going to get fucking knocked up like I did your mother, huh? Ya, answer! ANSWER!”

Gaeul’s reply was a middle finger in his direction as she swiped her backpack and the food and ran for the door. She heard another bottle smashing just behind her heel, but she dried her eyes quickly and made a run for it.

As she stormed down the already noisy corridor, she could still hear her father beckoning from his couch. “DON’T YOU DARE FUCKING COME BACK, YOU USELESS BITCH! RUN TO YOUR MOTHER AND ASK HER TO SWAP YOU FOR YOUR BROTHER INSTEAD!”

Gaeul kept running.

Before she knew it, she had been trudging underneath the cold early winter rain for nearly an hour—mindlessly wandering with her head down. Glancing up, squinting through the heavy downpour, she found herself just outside the school on a Friday night.

Running up the steps, she took shelter inside the main hall, yanking off her soaked blazer and draping it over the umbrella rack before continuing further inside. Rolling up her sleeves, she squeezed out portions of her slacks to dry them out a bit more. Glancing around, she heard some noise coming from the gymnasium, so she decided to avoid it, opting instead to walk around the emptier halls towards the back.

On her way to her usual spot, the door to the women’s restroom swung open, and out came a face she’d rather avoid. “Oh? You.”

Gaeul raised her brows and nodded. “Hey.”

“What brings the Kim Gaeul to school on a Friday night? Got bored of your little friend or something? she teased, tossing her hair back to tie it up in a high ponytail. “Oh? You’re drenched. Seems like you got a taste of your own medicine.”

“If it’s all the same to you, Yoona, you wouldn’t happen to have any spare clothes would you?” Gaeul politely asked the cheer captain. “It’s freezing in here and out there. I’d hate to catch a cold.”

Smirking, Yoona approached the damp girl and lifted her chin up with a finger. “I could have warmed you up if we were still dating. Shame you traded me for that newcomer. What do you even see in her?”

Gaeul gently moved her wrist to the side and bowed her head. “Thanks anyway. I’ll leave you to your practice—.”

But Yoona insisted. She pushed closer to Gaeul and placed a hand just above her chest, pressing up against her collarbone as she pinned Gaeul to the opposite wall. “Why are you always so meek when it comes to me? Still have that fire inside of you? I’m willing to look past what you did to me and my girls a while ago if you come over to my place for the weekend. We could … catch up, or something, hm?”

Before Yoona could propose anything else, Gaeul shoved her off harshly and slammed her against the wall next to her. Glaring with a blank face on her, she dusted Yoona’s shoulders and apologized with another bow. “Please, let’s not make this difficult for either of us. What’s past is past. I’ve moved on from it, and I think you should too.”

As Gaeul walked away from her, she caught Yoona cursing under her breath. “Guess you never really loved me.”

Gaeul shook her head, and with her back turned to Yoona, she replied, “I did. You loved me too. We just couldn’t wear it on our sleeves, could we?”

And with that, Gaeul disappeared up the stairs.

Picking the lock with one of her paperclips, she opened the door to the roof of their school and sighed. She walked towards the barricade and glanced over the edge, watching as the downpour grew lighter, turning into that of a drizzle. Underneath the more tolerable weather, Gaeul hunched forward and lit one of the cigarettes she stole from the cabinets and took a huff at it, blowing the smoke gently into the air, warming herself up.

“S-Sunbae?” 

Turning around in surprise, Gaeul snuffed out her cigarette and stepped on it before anything else. “Wonyoung?”

Wonyoung nodded, peeking out from her thick scarf. She joined Gaeul and held up her umbrella for the both of them. “I saw you as I was coming out of the library. You were talking with … Yoona-sunbae right?”

Gaeul bit her lip as she tucked herself underneath the shade. “You saw that? What did you hear?”

Her hoobae shook her head rapidly, tucking in her lips. “I … Gaeul-sunbae, I didn’t mean to overhear what you two were talking about.”

Gaeul raised up a hand to dismiss her concerns. “It’s alright, Wonyoung. Long story short? We … we tried dating at some point. She wasn’t like the others who confessed to me. She told me about her feelings in private, and I decided to try it out. Dating. And … it just didn’t work.”

Sighing, Gaeul shifted her gaze to the city in the distance. “She had to keep it a secret from her friends, and I could never really be with her inside or outside of school either. It was more trouble than it was worth, and at some point, both of us were just doubting whether we really liked the other or not.”

Wonyoung kept silent by Gaeul’s side, just listening to the older girl. When it was her turn to speak, she inched a bit closer to Gaeul to make sure she wouldn’t get wet from the rain. “Love seems hard, sunbae. I’m sorry you had to go through that. That must have been … difficult for you.”

“Not so much, but I appreciate the assurance,” Gaeul replied with a smile. She smothered her foot on the cigarette while Wonyoung was distracted. “Honestly? It wasn’t that bad. Yoona can be nice if she wants to. It’s … my father that’s the problem.”

When she realized she spoke too much, Gaeul pursed her lips and squinted. “We should head back. I’d hate for you to keep standing with me in the rain. Your arm must be hurting. Want to grab some warm food before heading home?”

Just as Gaeul headed down the stairs, Wonyoung darted next to her and tucked the umbrella close. She followed Gaeul to where she thought was the main hall, but was surprised to see her sunbae stopping by her locker.

“Sunbae …?”

Gaeul opened her locker and took out a bottle of ointment. She winked at Wonyoung and sat down on the dusty corridor floor. There, she rolled up her slacks and massaged her legs with the ointment. “I hope you don’t mind. I forgot to put some on before heading out earlier.”

“Sunbae, your legs … they’re …”

Gaeul glossed over the several bruises that tinged her skin with her fingers. “They were starting to hurt again, sorry. It’s why I don’t really like standing up for too long.”

Wonyoung knelt beside her and helped herself to a few dollops of the ointment. She rolled up Gaeul’s other leg and followed her sunbae’s rubbing motions. As her hands moved back and forth, a portion of her wrists poked out of her long sleeves, revealing several seemingly fresh horizontal scars.

Sighing, Gaeul thanked Wonyoung for the help, but couldn’t help pointing out what she saw. “Do you want to apply some on your arms?”

Wonyoung flinched and adjusted her sleeves compulsively. “S-Sorry about that, sunbae … I didn’t mean to show them.”

Gaeul placed a hand over her wrist. She took one look at Wonyoung and gently peeled back her sleeve, applying some of the ointment on her injuries. “Why?”

“H-Huh?”

“Why? What happened?” Gaeul asked, tapping on Wonyoung’s pale skin. 

Wonyoung took a moment to compose herself before replying. “I-I … sometimes, when … it’s a bit much, life, I … I do it. It doesn’t change things, but … I don’t know, it … i-it helps … somehow …”

“Stop it, ok?” Gaeul said firmly, finishing up the last few strokes as the ointment got absorbed onto her skin. “From now on, none of that anymore, ok?”

“Ok, Gaeul-sunbae,” was what Gaeul was expecting from Wonyoung, but she was caught off-guard when she added, “But that’s if you stop smoking too … ok?”

Gaeul snickered and shook her head. “This and that are two different things. Mine’s harmful, sure, but—.”

“But?” Wonyoung interrupted, pulling her sleeves back in place. “Smoking is harmful for you and the people around you, sunbae, you should know that. It’s not good for you.”

Gaeul defiantly disagreed. “What do you suppose otherwise? Are you what’s good for me?”

Blushing from the teasing, Wonyoung glanced away for a brief moment. But little did Gaeul know that this was to quickly check their surroundings before she leaned into her and kissed her softly on the lips.

No tongue. No force. No moans. Just her warmth—just their warmth.

When she pulled away, glancing down at her palms pressed against the floor, she couldn’t figure out how to look Gaeul in the eye again after that. Gaeul, on the other hand, froze in place as she watched the younger girl’s beautiful form retreat away from her.

Smiling, she muttered, “If I get that every day, I wouldn’t need to smoke to keep me warm anymore.” And just like that, the two girls burst into laughter and pressed their foreheads together.

Shatter.

“Faster, pedal faster—you got this!”

Wonyoung shook her head, unable to really focus as she was clinging onto the handles for dear life. As she wobbled around, she swapped between Gaeul and the front wheel, unsure of what to do.

“Listen to my voice, but keep looking ahead, ok? Look straight, look straight!” Gaeul cheered. She gently grabbed the left handlebar with one hand and pressed up against Wonyoung’s back with the other. “I’m going to let go now—.”

“Don’t let go.”

“I need to, so you’ll learn,” Gaeul explained. But Wonyoung wasn’t having it. “Sunbae, if you let go of me I’m going to—AHHHH!”

With a gentle thrust, Gaeul pushed her forward and watched as Wonyoung managed to bike on her own. Allowing her to cycle a few meters ahead, she raised a fist in the air and celebrated, jogging as quickly as she could to catch up to her.

“SUNBAE! SUN—GAEUL! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE AHHHHH!”

As Wonyoung cycled faster and faster in a panic, Gaeul’s eyes widened. She was quickly approaching an intersection. Breaking into a full sprint, the older girl managed to grab both the cup of her seat and one of the handles to assist her in breaking.

When the bike came to a full stop just before the pedestrian crossing, the two girls sighed. Wonyoung slammed a clenched fist into Gaeul’s collarbone before pulling her in for a tight hug.

“Don’t let me go like that …”

“I won’t,” Gaeul reassured with a kiss.

Shatter.

“Are you sure this is ok? I wouldn’t be intruding?”

“It’s fine, sunbae. It’s not like we’re going to be doing anything illegal … right?” 

As the two girls walked up to the front porch of Wonyoung’s house out in the suburbs, Gaeul fixed her necktie and straightened her clothes. This was the first time she’s ever been to anyone’s house—let alone a girlfriend’s house. She wasn’t sure what to expect. “I won’t do anything you wouldn’t want to do, Wonyoung. Are your … is your family home?”

She nodded, biting her lip. “My elder sister’s away for college and my dad’s at work now, so it will probably just be my mom.”

Feeling a bit more assured, Gaeul nodded and gestured to the door. Wonyoung opened it for her and as they both stepped inside, they were surprised to see three figures in the dining room.

“Wonyoung? You brought someone?” her father asked, setting down some plates while another girl—presumably her sister—took them out from the cabinets. “Who is this? Who is this girl?”

Gaeul immediately bowed down to her waist, nearly flinging her backpack over her head. “Good afternoon, Mr. and Mrs. Jang. I’m Kim Gaeul. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Kim Gaeul? That’s a lovely name—like Autumn,” her mother noted, dusting off her apron. “Is she your classmate? Groupmate? You’ve never brought home anyone before, sweetheart.”

Wonyoung trembled as she struggled to push her glasses back up her nose. Glancing at Gaeul, she stuttered. “I-I … this is my … my …”

“Friend.”

It was Wonyoung’s sister who finished her sentence for her. Smirking at the two, she raised a finger to her lips and winked at Wonyoung. “She’s told me about her before. They’re going to be ‘studying’ in her room. We’ll save dinner for you two. You can have some before you head out, Gaeul. Just don’t be too ‘noisy’ now.”

Even Gaeul blushed from being read so thoroughly. She wasted no time bowing once more to thank them, and as they fled to Wonyoung’s room, flustered from head to toe, they locked the door behind them and both cringed on Wonyoung’s bed.

Shatter.

“Ya, where is that girl? She told me she’d be—oh? So this is where you were.”

Yoona placed a hand on her hip, ruffling the hem of her cheer outfit as she glanced down at Gaeul. “Your girlfriend’s got a group work to finish with some of my girls. I agreed to babysit the group to make sure they don’t pick on her. Make her—?”

Pressing a finger to her lips, Gaeul signaled as Wonyoung nestled up more against her body. Groaning softly, she tucked her head into Gaeul’s chest, to which Gaeul replied with swaddling her blazer across her front to make sure she wouldn’t get cold.

Rolling her eyes, Yoona sighed. “You’re something else. ‘Study session’?”

Gaeul smirked and shrugged, caressing the top of Wonyoung’s sleeping head as she whispered, “She’s been staying up later since I started coming to her place. I can’t blame her for it though.”

“Lucky you, meeting the parents.”

Gaeul crinkled her nose and smiled wider. “I know. I’m the lucky one here.”

Not wanting to linger any longer, Yoona nodded in small motions before turning around and leaving the couple be. “Keep her safe, will you? She’s not as strong-willed as me. She’s going to need you.”

“You don’t need to tell me twice,” Gaeul muttered, pecking the crown of Wonyoung’s head, watching as the younger girl continued to sleep in her arms.

Shatter.

Swinging her locker door open, Gaeul was not expecting more gifts from random students who managed to pick her lock. But this time was different.

The insides of her compartment were filled with horrid smelling sticky bits of chocolate that melted and clung to their wrappers. They were all over the place—stuck to the walls, pressed up in between her books and papers, hanging from the roof. It was disgusting.

Fanning the stench away from her, Gaeul eyed a piece of paper in the center. It was an index card. On it, written and retraced in several different red and black markers, were the words ‘carpet muncher’.

Gaeul crumpled it and tossed it aside, slamming her locker shut. “At least it was me, not Wonyoung.”

Remembering the younger girl, she recalled they agreed to meet up at the library after class to review for their mid-terms. This would be the last one for the school year, and for Gaeul, this would be her last high school mid-terms for her entire life. Just half a semester more, and she’ll be a free woman. She could do whatever she wanted to: find a part-time job, consider college, legally move out of her dad’s place. The future was bright and just in sight. And she was glad she made it this far.

Just a little while longer.

“Gaeul? Can I have a moment?”

Stopping in her tracks, she glanced behind her. It was their guidance counselor, Ms. Shin, waving at her from atop the stairs. “Are you busy right now? There’s something important I need to talk to you about.”

“Oh, I mean, if it’s important, I can go now, Shin-seonsaegnim,” she replied, furrowing her brow. She glanced down the corridor to where the library was before turning to follow the older woman up the stairs.

She was expecting to be lead to the guidance counselor’s office, but much to her surprise, she was instead brought to the principal’s office. Ms. Shin invited her in and held the door for her, and when she entered, closed the door on her without following suit.

Weird.

Gaeul wasn’t alone in the small lobby just before the principal’s office proper. There was a group of three girls on the opposite corner of the room. Two of them were consoling the crying girl in the middle, telling her it was alright to let it all out. As one of the two glanced up and met Gaeul’s eyes, she glared right at her as if she had done something wrong.

She looked rather familiar too, but Gaeul couldn’t put a finger on it.

The door to the principal’s office suddenly swung open. Their principal, Mr. Seol, stepped out and snapped his fingers. “Good, you’re here. You three, that’s all for now. Please head out. I’ll talk to these two in private as soon as you do.”

These two?

Gaeul was beginning to get a bad vibe about all of this, and her heart sank even further as she spotted Wonyoung sitting in one of the two chairs opposite the principal’s desk.

“Sunbae …?”

Mr. Seol quickly closed the door as Gaeul took her seat next to Wonyoung. Extending a hand in her direction discretely behind the desk, she met Wonyoung’s hand and held it firmly in hers as the two girls glanced curiously at the principal.

“So, Ms. Jang, Ms. Kim, I’m sure you might be wondering what I’ve called you two here today for,” he deftly began to explain, sparing them no pleasantries. “This is with regards to several reports filed against Ms. Kim, which also concerns the behavior of Ms. Jang in relation to them.”

Gaeul leaned forward and placed her other hand on the principal’s desk. “Seol-seonsaengnim, with all due respect, if these complaints—whatever they may be about—only involve me, then please, let Wonyoung go. She has nothing to do with whatever issues students might have with me. Is it because I wear the male uniform instead of the female one? Is it because I’ve cut class too many times?”

The principal barely moved an inch. “These were not part of the report and list of concerns, but I will gladly add them. But, no, these concerns are entirely separate.”

“You’ve been accused of harassment against your fellow students.” “Wh-what …?” Wonyoung muttered in surprise. Gaeul was just as shocked, but she kept it to herself for now, waiting to hear the rest of it.

“Kim Gaeul, you have been reported seven times for harassing your fellow students—sometimes even harassing groups of them at once—during this school year alone. Many, if not all of these reports, have come from female students. Some have noted you’ve stolen their clothing ‘for fun’ while others have reported that you’ve toyed with their … romantic emotions to extort presents and gifts from them.”

Gaeul clenched her fist. She remembered who the crying girl back at the lobby was.

She was that one girl whose gift she had forgotten to receive after helping Wonyoung.

“Mr. Seol, this is all one big misunderstanding,” Gaeul raised, perking up in her seat. “I’d like to review the complaints myself, but from my perspective—.”

“That’s not all.”

Gaeul’s eyes widened at the principal, who began flipping through some files within a folder. “The reason why Ms. Jang is with us here today is because several—dare I say a multitude—of our students have spotted you and Ms. Jang committing explicit and immoral activities with each other both inside and outside the school. Photographic evidence has been provided in some reports, but out of respect for your privacy, I have opted to remove them from the case files.”

No …

“As a result, with the amount of irrefutable and undeniable evidence, I’ve discussed how to move forward with things alongside key administrators of this school. We’ve unanimously came to an agreement on what sanctions and demerits to provide you two with.”

No.

“Jang Wonyoung, you are going to be suspended until the end of the school year. All missed requirements during this time will be automatically given a failing mark. However, you will still be eligible for readmission in the next school year. Kim Gaeul, you are hereby expelled from the school. Effective immediately—.”

No!

Gaeul slammed her fist onto the desk and kicked her chair backwards, revealing how tightly she was holding Wonyoung’s hand to the principal. He eyed it quickly before Gaeul blurted, “Explicit and immoral activities my ass! Are students not allowed to be in relationships?”

“Gaeul, we don’t want to control our students too much,” the principal explained in a softer tone. “But in this situation … it’s …”

“It’s what?” Gaeul raised, eyes glaring so intensely they were moments away from boring a hole right through his skull. “What? Answer me! You just don’t like it or approve of it because we’re both girls, huh?”

“Gaeul—.”

“Fuck you, fuck this school, and fuck everyone in it! You can all go to hell, you bloody fucking pricks—!”

Wonyoung grabbed Gaeul from behind and pulled her into a tight hug, trying to calm her down. Their principal was visibly startled, but managed to regain his composure. Gritting her teeth as she slowly eased up, Gaeul felt her fury and rage still bubbling inside of her. “You … do what you fucking want. You can’t kick us out. We’re leaving. Hope you enjoy the rest of the school year.”

Grabbing Wonyoung’s hand, she glanced at her once and nodded before leading her out of the principal’s office. She couldn’t hear what he was yelling to them. She couldn’t hear the sound of the door slamming behind them. All she could hear was the loud thumping of her heart.

Just as they made it to the main hallway, Gaeul froze. 

Everyone had their eyes on them.

“So the rumors are true … they’re dating … that’s such a scandal!”

“Gaeul-sunbae must have had her eyes on her—what a waste! If I helped her first, maybe I could have scored with Wonyoung.”

“Two girls dating is kinda … weird, right? They’re both pretty too, so they wouldn’t have any problem finding guys to date, right?”

Gaeul has had it.

With her head held high, she swung Wonyoung over to her side and shielded her. Pressed against each other, Gaeul and Wonyoung strutted as fast as they could through the muttering and mumbling crowd, glancing at no one else, keeping their heads forward the entire time, keeping to themselves all throughout until they made it onto the front steps of the school.

And with a deep breath, they ran.

“Sunbae, where are we going … I-I … this is all …” Wonyoung beckoned in broken fragments as she ran, struggling to keep up with Gaeul.

“Just a bit more … just a bit more …”

They ran and ran and ran—tearing through the busy city streets, darting past red lights and speeding cars, scrambling to make it as far away as they could from the school as possible.

Once they made it to a bus stop at the very outskirts of the city, they slowed down to a stop and caught their breath.

Gaeul held Wonyoung’s cheeks in hers and pressed her forehead against hers. “Wonyoung, I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry. If I had known things would get to this point, then I wouldn’t have—.”

“No.”

Wonyoung sniffled, blinking her eyes rapidly to dry them. “No, don’t say that sunbae. We … we both agreed to this. We both … w-we both love each other, right? And there can’t be anything wrong with that, right …? Right …?”

Gaeul nodded, pulling her close. “Right …”

Nodding into the embrace, Wonyoung whispered, “So what now …? I-If I go back to my family, then … they’ll find out a-a-and … I-I can’t … I can’t … they’ll … they’ll …”

Gaeul held her tighter and hushed her. “I can’t go back either. I guess … I guess it’s just the two of us for now. Just us against the world …”

Pulling away, Wonyoung managed a faint smile. “I wouldn’t have done things differently, sunbae … Even if this was the end of it all, I … I’m glad you’re all I have.”

“Me … too …?”

I’m glad you’re all I have.

All I have.

I have.

A ringing filled Gaeul’s head. Something was bubbling in her stomach, threatening to rise up and spill all her guts out. As she glanced up at Wonyoung, who looked very concerned over the older girl, she saw a bright white light growing from right behind the younger girl.

“G-Gaeul, are you … are you ok …?”

Be happy … please …

Is this sexy enough for you now?

“You …” Gaeul struggled to get out, clenching her stomach, taking one last look at Wonyoung. “You’re … you’re not real …”

“Wh-what …?” Wonyoung muttered. And as she did, much like glass would, Gaeul’s vision and the reality around her cracked into a spiderweb-like pattern before her world shattered right in front of her, leaving fractals of existence all around her until there was nothing left but a bright blinding light.

Shatter.

“Ya, An Yujin, if you were slow enough to get caught, then your incompetence may prove to be more of a burden to me.”

As Yujin struggled against the grip of her hostage-taker, she slowly began to yield as she heard those words from her partner. “Gaeul … what do you …?”

Bang. Bang. Bang.

Without hesitation, Gaeul took three shots.

One at the hostage-taker’s foot, one at their hand, and another right through Yujin’s chest.

Eyes wide open, Yujin gasped and began to choke. “You … you …” Falling forward, she revealed that the bullet passed through her completely and pierced her taker as well, making him crumple onto the floor very much like her.

Dead.

Sighing, Gaeul tucked her gun back into her holster. “Nothing personal. Just did what was best for our family.”

Shatter.

“Stop it, stop it, stop it!”

As Leeseo pressed her hands against her ears, she shook her head rapidly and refused to listen any further. Groaning, she slammed her forehead into the desk and whined like a spoiled brat.

Sighing, Gaeul tapped the chalk against the board, fixing her glasses. “Leeseo, I don’t mind if it takes us all night, I don’t mind if it takes a hundred tries. I’m going to help you, ok? Now, which part of the lesson do you not understand—?”

“Everything!”

Swiping both arms across her desk, she flung her calculator, pencils, eraser, and worksheets off it and onto the floor. She got up in a flurry and slammed both of her bracelet-covered hands onto the surface. “Why does physics have to be so difficult! Urghh, can’t I just drop this class, professor?”

Wiping her brow, Professor Kim shook her head. “You need this class, Leeseo. If you drop out of another class, then you’ll lose your athletic scholarship. You’ll have to leave the university.”

“I already know that! I already …”

Crumbling back into her seat, Leeseo tucked her head into her arms and began to weep. Gaeul, clueless on what else she could do to ease her student’s troubles, simply gave her the space to cry as much as she needed to.

Shatter.

“Yujin? Rei? Liz!”

Gaeul screamed as she found the lifeless bodies of her other four members sprawled across the ground. The battle had gone on for too long. They got cocky. They miscalculated. And now, they all had to pay the price.

Rei’s legs were crushed by fallen debris from the building. Liz’s form was visibly flickering in and out of existence. Leeseo was wrinkled, aged, and barely breathing. Meanwhile, Yujin’s clothes were all torn and ripped as smoke drifted up from her unmoving body.

Gaeul rushed up to Yujin and held her in her arms, pecking her on the nose. “Hold on … h-hold on, please … please! Not like this … not like this …”

Even if it meant everything she had—even if it meant sacrificing her life—Gaeul was ready. She closed her eyes, and following a deep breath, she screamed into the sky. A cold and chilling sensation travelled down her spine as she channeled it towards her fingertips. She forced that sensation to spread like roots into the ground, finding their way towards the other members, and once they latched onto them, began to spread Gaeul’s vitality all around her.

As Yujin’s eyes flickered open, Gaeul smiled at her with bloody eyes and nostrils. “I … got you …”

And just like that, she died giving herself for her lover—for her team.

Shatter.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry—sweetheart? Sweetheart, come join mommy on this side please, not that side—son! Son, please … please don’t add more cookies in the cart, there’s already so much—god!”

Just before Gaeul could break down, her youngest child was crying in her arms. She bounced him up and down gently, trying not to rattle the growing child inside of her, all while she witnessed her four other children running here and there wreaking havoc inside of the grocery store.

Shatter.

“I-I-I … I can’t!” Gaeul screamed, taking aim with her bow. As the other competitors began to flock towards the supply shipment she and Rei were standing on, she hesitated to take any shots at them.

“Shoot them, unnie, please! Please!” Rei begged. And just like that, with tears in her eyes, Gaeul accurately pierced each of their heads and chests with rapidly fired arrows, saving their lives in exchange for the others’.

Shatter.

“Madame President! We … we only have fifteen seconds left. Should we or not …?”

Taking a deep breath, Gaeul was left with no choice. At the last second, she pressed her finger on the button and watched as cameras placed all around the world were now swarmed with footages of nuclear missiles raining down on them from the sky.

“This was the only way …”

Shatter.

As soon as Gaeul opened her eyes, she had to squint from how bright it all was.

She was floating, suspended in the nothingness of the void. Like stars in the sky, like Christmas lights around the tree, she witnessed as fractals and shards of glass slowly began descending on her like slowed rain.

She reached a hand out and grabbed one of them. Inside the fragment, different scenes were playing, swapping rapidly after a few seconds.

Her as a cowboy with Liz herding sheep. Her as a white dragon spewing her frosted breath onto a small town. Her as a nurse trying to save someone’s life at the emergency room.

“This …” she muttered, letting go of the shard, watching as it floated back up through the void. “These are all me … wow … that’s … that’s amazing!”

Gaeul curled up into a ball, and as she hugged her knees in a fetal position, managed a smile. “I’ve lived such colorful lives across all of these … I’m glad …”

But something pained and ached in her chest. “I’m glad … but … why …?”

“In all of these, why is it always me? Why am I always taking responsibility … taking accountability … for the biggest decisions? For the most important actions? Why does it always fall to me to … to protect myself … and to protect others …?”

Feeling the shards pierce her back one by one as they began raining down on her from above, stabbing themselves one at a time on her back, jerking out tears from her little eyes, Gaeul held herself together and tightened her eyes shut, allowing the pain to just cascade all over her.

“In any other lifetime … in any other reality … in any other version of me … why?”

Why do I always have to deal with others’ issues with me? With their views of me?

Why do I always have to be mature enough to make the ‘right’ choices?

Why do they always judge me for being who I am?

Why?

Almost as if responding to her thoughts, unable to take much pain, the shards stopped moving. When she opened her eyes, she glanced behind her and gasped.

The shards had clung together on her skin and formed makeshift wings.

The fragments of different realities—ones that could have been—had given her the chance to fly.

Wiping her tears aside, she shook her head. “But it doesn’t matter, right? Because … because I’ll find what I need to do. What I need to be. I’ll find it myself.”

Taking flight, she shoved her arms downwards and allowed her new wings to propel her forward. Soaring higher and higher, past the constellations of realities through the darkness of the void, Gaeul smiled widely as she pushed herself to fly faster and faster, upwards, towards the door filled with light in the distance.

After all, no matter what happens …

Either way …

Either way …

Either way.

=====

Standing outside the door to her room once more, Gaeul lifted a hand up to her face to make sure this was all real. That this wasn’t a dream. Once she reassured herself enough, she took a deep breath and sighed.

“That was … crazy …”

Pushing back her long hair and tying it up into a ponytail, she crinkled her nose as she recalled the vast number of lifetimes she witnessed—and much to her surprise, still remembered. “Those were all so real … that’s … wow … To think I was a dragon too—.”

Before she could make it further into the tight hallway of their temporary vacation house, she stopped in her tracks. She spotted something glistening behind a vase.

She shuffled over to it and picked it up curiously. Gasping, she recognized what it was.

It was a shard of glass.

Mafias.

Dragons.

Scientists.

Enemies-turned-lovers.

Empresses.

All these scenes of other versions of herself rippled across the glass before swirling into a whirlpool of experiences, draining themselves into a focal point on the surface as it returned Gaeul’s proper reflection back to her.

There, through the reflection, Gaeul saw her own face smiling back at her, decorated with a unique floral sort of design or makeup, as if someone had etched it onto her as a little gift.

There, as she poked the side of her soft cheek, Gaeul watched as a single letter formed at the bottom of the broken shard.

The letter E.

=====

=====

“Liz? Liz, are you done unpacking already?”

Rei couldn’t help herself. She was a little deflated from the recent turn of events with their group, but she grew excited when she found out that they were going on a little vacation. She thought she could spend some time with Liz—some time alone preferably. She didn’t want to let this chance escape her now that they were all settled in.

When she climbed to the top of the stairs, pausing to hear if the room here was Liz’s, she gasped and climbed back down as soon as she heard another person crying. 

That was definitely not Liz. Maybe she’s on one of the lower floors.

But just as she was about to head down, she slipped on one of the steps. And in a brief instant, as her head turned upwards mid-fall, she saw it.

She saw a bright white light shining down at her.

And before she knew it, the back of her head slammed down hard on the edge of the step and made her vision go completely black in an instant.

Now, she was floating motionlessly on her back through the infinite stretch of a dark, endless tunnel.

=====

A/N: Got to excited to post this one as I finished revising even if ... it falls on Rei's birthday. This ended up being longer than Yujin's because I felt the need to flesh out things in the 'major' realities more. You may have noticed the patter now, so it's no open secret. Each girl gets three 'major' realities to explore with a montage of smaller and more 'minor' ones after. A/N 2: What did you think of this chapter? Feel free to let me know. The next chapter is Rei's, and oh boy--it's only uphill from here.