FET Rain Check (Because OF COURSE)
Today was a really, really tough one for me...I got some gut-wrenching medical news...
Some of you might remember that I had to have a minor surgery back in early June (before our first egg retrieval) on my throat. I have this totally random, weird breathing problem called "Subglottic Stenosis" which is basically some scarring below my vocal chords which restricts my breathing and makes me cough a lot and also sound like I'm wheezing. It also makes it VERY uncomfortable/scary to work out. Anyway, I had a minor surgery in June to help alleviate the breathing issues, but the problem came back after 5 months (which my doctor said would probably happen).
So I saw my Ear Nose & Throat doctor this morning and I asked him how he recommends we proceed, since we have our first FET scheduled at the end of January, and ya know...I'm still having a hard time breathing. LONG STORY SHORT....he recommends we skip these minor surgeries (since they only last 5 months). So even if I we squeeze in another one before my FET, chances are my breathing will be all messed up 5 months from now, when I might be pregnant. NOT IDEAL...especially with this thing I've heard of called "Labor.”
Instead, my doctor recommended a more invasive surgery in which they cut open my throat and remove the scar tissue altogether that’s restricting my breathing. There’s a 95% chance of this surgery curing me permanently (aka no more future surgeries; problem TOTALLY gone). The drawback is that it has a LONG-ASS recovery time (5 days in the hospital itself and then 3-6 weeks of bedrest afterwards). So that means our FET that I’ve been waiting for since September would need to be pushed back like 6ish months depending on when I can get the surgery scheduled and how my recovery looks...
I'm devastated.
I cried through the entire doctor’s appointment and for hours afterwards. I’m just so simultaneously heartbroken and angry.
While rationally I know it’s not just smarter but SAFER to get this done before possibly getting pregnant, (and even if not for pregnancy just for, ya know, breathing), I AM SO SICK OF WAITING!
So our transfer is now on the back burner until I am 100% fully healed from this thing (Realistically? Probably 5-6 months out). I’m so sad and scared and frustrated. While I know I’m lucky that a surgery that can probably cure this forever exists...I'm also throwing myself a massive pity party. I'm so tired of waiting! I am so frustrated! Plus there’s no guarantee that the transfer will even work in the first place, so all of this medical hubbub might just be for “nothing.”
I casually started researching how much a gestational carrier would cost (just to see...) and holy fucking shit. I had no idea! It can cost anywhere from $50K-$150K...
Why does this come so easily for some people? Why is this so hard for us? How come every time I feel hopeful or like we are making progress or finding momentum, everything comes to a grinding halt? I honestly just give up.