Nov 9, 2020
So I’m on like all(?) of the dating apps, and I’m pretty sure I’m coming off too desperate but like.......... I AM too desperate. Someone please kiss my face.
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So I’m on like all(?) of the dating apps, and I’m pretty sure I’m coming off too desperate but like.......... I AM too desperate. Someone please kiss my face.
🗣 you cannot be friends with an ex for whom you still have a significant amount of romantic feeling, you cannot go to a theme park with them just because you both still have tickets, you cannot listen to them talk in what is barely code to the friend that they brought along about the new person that they want to fuck, you cannot join a new dating app only to have them, still, for some fucking reason, swipe right on you within two hours of creating your profile, you cannot handle this information with the added knowledge that they could have just added you as a friend instead of using the “like” function because that’s literally an option on this platform, you cannot let yourself read too far into this shit, these are things you cannot handle, these are things you should not do, please avoid these things.
I don’t want to fucking feel anything anymore.
This time, I fucked up. And what makes me sad is that I don’t feel like she’ll ever forgive me. Maybe that’s for the best. Or maybe I’m wrong. Neither outcome helps to make it hurt any less for the time being.
The worst feeling in the world is knowing you’ve lost the ability to make someone laugh.
I genuinely just don’t want to feel anything, anymore.
Today’s a day where I really miss being actively loved by someone who genuinely sees me. I’m exhausted, and I think it’s because my brain is very tired of being sad. I’m so tired of missing her, even though we talk every day now. It’s not the same, and it never will be, and I can’t seem to get myself over how much I regret that. I just want to be able to feel happy for more than 5 seconds at a time. I just really need a fucking hug.
Lmao apparently being told “I love you” even in a platonic sense is currently too much for me because that just happened and oops I’m crying and I want to throw up.