#j:five

[randomshineepics]

perfect for each other

[kimberlyfck]

☯ journal five ☯

Dear you...

Everything happened so fucking fast, I'm barely even able to keep up with my own thoughts. Way too much happened last night, but in the end we took a turn for the best so it's okay. Every single word is still crisp and fresh in my mind, but here you are pretending that nothing happened in the first place. We're back to normal, but yesterday you opened up to me in a way you never have before. I get that you don't want to continue that discussion now, but I'll never forget that conversation. Not because of the emotion behind the words you said, but the fact that you still trust me more than anyone else. I know we'll have a conversation like that again one day, and I'm ready for it. I'm ready to be here for you, as much as I can after all you could think of me now. I don't think anything has changed, but then again I don't know what's running through your mind at this very moment. I just hope that you don't change your mind and realize this was a mistake, that I'm a mistake or something. My heart strings are literally being yanked at the thought, it's pathetic. I don't want to need you as much as I do. I love you, and I'm okay with loving you. But it's the fact that if you leave it'll be like a tornado hit me and I don't want you to be the only thing keeping me standing. But you are, and you could leave at any time... I hate that, the constant fear that one day you're going to have had enough and not want to settle for the person that I am. I know who I am, so do you. We might have different perspectives, but yeah I'm a little insecure around you. Maybe it's because you're so gorgeously looking, well even though that plays a part in it I know that's not it. What if I'm not good for you? In your eyes I mean, I already believe it enough in my own. To know that you're unsure about this too comforts me for some reason, maybe because you're just as afraid of making me unhappy as I am you? Knowing you're just as scared of losing me as I am you? Something like that, probably. I don't want that to interfere with my trip though, our trip. I'm going to enjoy Hawaii with you and maybe if this thought is still there I'll think about it at home. For now I don't need anything extra on my plate when I worked so hard just to try and make myself happy. Now I finally am, and no way in hell am I spoiling that for myself.

Love, Kimberly