Final Chapter.
I didn’t see Tokio for a few days. I didn’t see Tokaji either. I had separated myself from the both of them since that night because I was so confused. I couldn’t understand the thumping abnormal pace my heart had taken when Tokio had kissed me. I couldn’t possibly love my best friend like that could I? Not if I was in love with Tokaji. I shook my head, see this is why I was confused. If I loved Tokaji then why the fuck was I having those weird heart patterns just thinking about Tokio? I couldn’t possibly be in love with Tokio right?
I sulked in my apartment for days, ignoring my phone even though I knew that it would be blown up with messages and texts. I didn’t care. My brain was stuck trying to figure out what my problem was. Tokaji… I knew he didn’t love me. I knew that he didn’t care about me. I knew he was just using me for sex. He hadn’t been shy about reminding me of that. So why the fuck did I still love him? There was something seriously wrong with me for loving him even though he treated me like utter shit. Why did I let myself be treated like that? Where the fuck had my self respect gone?
And then there was Tokio. Tokio who had been with me for years, who had always come to my rescue. Tokio who always made me laugh, who knew the things that made me smile. Why didn’t I love him like that? Or did I? Those stupid heartbeat patterns weren’t because of him were they? of course they are eesh when did you become so oblivious, my brain thought. But those things didn’t actually happen in real life. I mean I loved Tokaji and I didn’t get weird abnormal heartbeats with him. Maybe because you don’t love him the way you love Tokio, my inner self was shaking her head at me and face palming at my idiocy.
Finally on the fifth day I dragged myself out of bed and tried to go through my normal routine. It wasn’t easy. My mind was still clouded with those stupid thoughts. I set a kettle of water on the stove for tea and almost cringed picking up my phone and turning it back on to check the messages. Once I saw the first message I was too chicken to check the others and shoved my phone into my pocket. There was a knock on my door just as I was finishing up lunch and it made me jump. I wasn’t sure who to expect I know that a couple times Tokaji had stopped by when he was drunk, but he’d left in anger after kicking the door a few times.
“Sixtine c’mon open up I know you’re in there.” My friend Catherine called through the front door, “You’ve been avoiding me for days now. Open up.”
She started banging on the door again. I hurried to the door and double checked that she was alone before opening the door. Surprise flickered across her face for a second, before complete and utter annoyance smothered it. She stuck her hands on her hips.
“Finally.” She sighed.
“Sorry,” I muttered back to her stepping back so she could enter the apartment.
“You’ve been MIA for days. Do you know how many times an hour Tokio bothers me to find out if you’ve messaged or called me?” She complained sliding out of her shoes as I shut the door behind her.
“I mean what is up with him? And why have you been so MIA? Did something happen between you guys? Did that idiot finally confess to you? Is that why you’ve been avoiding him?”
“Y-you knew he liked me?”
“What am I blind? Of course I knew. I’m pretty sure everyone, but you did.”
“You mean Tokaji knew too?”
“No. That idiot is probably as blind as you are.” She snorted unimpressed by the mention of my not boyfriend-boyfriend.
“Anyways whatever about those dumb boys. You and I haven’t hung out in days. So we’re going out tonight no exceptions. You’re not bailing on me.” She insisted.
“I don’t know,” I started to say. Catherine shot me a withering look and I felt like my legs had locked in place.
“Do not even think about it. We’re going to get you ready. We’re going start now so forget trying to convince me that you can’t tonight.”
She ushered me back into my bedroom to get me ready for whatever the hell she had planned for the rest of the day.
*-------*--------*
After a while I finally began to let myself relax while out bar hopping with Catherine. We were heading between two bars that Catherine had been raving about when suddenly she stopped.
“Huh? Hey isn’t that Tokio? And Tokaji?” Catherine pointed to the patio of a bar across the street. I turned in time to see them both get to their feet angrily and Tokaji to throw the first punch. It connected and I thought my heart would stop when I saw Tokio fall. My legs moved before I could realize what I was doing.
"Tokio!" I screamed as he fell backwards from the force. He glared at Tokaji, ignoring me as he struggled to sit up. He wiped the blood off the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand and pushed himself to his feet. I grabbed onto him tugging on one of his arms to try and get him to leave with me.
“Stop it. It’s not worth it Tokio. Just leave it okay?” I tried to reason with him. He sent me a hard glare.
“YOU are worth it. I won’t let this piece of trash get away with how he treated you.”
Tokaji swiped the back of his hand across his mouth and sneered at us.
“I always knew there was something between you two. There’s no way there couldn’t have been.” He levelled a look at Tokio, “I don’t blame you. She’s a good lay. But man you should have just told me in the first place. I would have shared.”
Tokio yelled wordlessly and punched him hard. Reeling from the force Tokaji fell backwards into a table.
“You stay the FUCK away from Sixtine. Got it?” Tokio snarled.
“Stop it. Tokio stop it now. I don’t want you to get hurt.” I insisted tugging on Tokio’s arm panicked. The frantic beating in my chest was making everything seem worse than it actually was.
“Yeah walk away Tokio,” Tokaji sneered swiping blood off the corner of his mouth, “Walk away like a little bitch.”
“He’s just trying to provoke you. Fuck Tokio I don’t want you to get hurt. Just stop it now okay?” I put myself in between him and Tokaji. “Let’s just go.”
He glowered at Tokaji over my head for a minute before sighing.
“Fine.” He agreed before staring at Tokaji again.
“I’m letting you off this once. You even try and come near here and I’ll kill you. And we’re no longer friends. Don’t come around me either.” Tokio spat before taking my wrist roughly and pulling me away, back across the street to where Catherine stood staring at us with wide eyes.
“Sorry Catherine I’m going to borrow Sixtine for the rest of the night. Do you want me to call a cab to come take you home?” Tokio seemed much more civil seaking to her than he had just seconds ago with Tokaji.
“N-no it’s fine. I’m heading to the bar down the street. I’ll be fine.” She told him quickly. She shot me a quick look, “Hey if you need me my cellphone will be on okay?”
I nodded slowly. She started off again, peering at us over her shoulder every couple of meters until finally she disappeared from view.
“Let’s go somewhere to talk,” he said frowning. I looked up and noticed the blood trickling from the corner of his mouth and the beginnings of a black eye forming.
“You idiot. You’re going to get yourself killed.” I snapped, “Let’s go, you’re bleeding. I’ll clean you up at my place.”
Somehow that’s where we ended up. Just as it had been before I was cleaning up the injuries from his fight and trying not to think about how much of an idiot he was for fighting. Only this time my heart kept beating in an erratic pattern and I couldn’t seem to keep my thoughts in check.
“We always end up like this,” he chuckled a wry smile lifting his lips. I scowled at him furious that he was making a joke at this time.
“Hey relax I was just trying to lighten the mood.” Tokio said defensively.
“You’re a fucking idiot you know that?”
“You don’t mean that.” His entire expression fell.
“I can’t believe you Tokio. Of course I mean it. Why do you insist on fighting when you know it could kill you at any second?”
“That’s like saying don’t live because you could die at any second.”
“No it’s not!” I exclaimed angrily, “Living and fighting are completely different. You can live safely where in the hell are you able to fight safely?”
“I was fighting for you. I was fighting because he did all that to you. Did you honestly think I’d let him get away with it? With treating you like utter crap?” He yelled grabbing onto my wrist.
“Let go,” I gritted my teeth trying to keep my voice calm.
“No. I don’t care how long it takes I’m going to make you see it. The way he treated you was fucking wrong and you deserve way better than that.”
“I fucking know already! OKAY?! I know. I shouldn’t have stayed with him as long as I did. I should have fucking left a long time ago because he’s a piece of shit who treated me just a badly.” I raged grabbing onto one of the pillows on the couch and throwing it as hard as I could across the room. I heard something crash to the ground, but I was too blinded by rage to care.
“Stop. Sixtine you’re going to hurt yourself.” He grabbed onto both my arms and pulled me towards him. He pressed my head against his chest and started patting my back lightly and murmured, “It’s okay to cry. I’ll take care of you.”
I hadn’t even realized that I’d been crying. Crying was for the weak. I shouldn’t be crying.
“Crying isn’t for the weak Sixtine. And even if it was no one, but the two of us would know. I told you I’ll take care of you. You can cry around me.” And now I was talking out loud. There was definitely something wrong with me.
“I’m not doing this again. I can’t handle going through that again,” I sniffled pushing roughly away from him. I wiped at my cheeks to rid them of the evidence of me crying.
“You think that I’m going to treat you the same way that asshole did? Do you really think that lowly of me?” His eyes held a mixture of hurt and anger.
“It’s all that I know.” I mumbled lowering my gaze.
“Fuck Sixtine you are so messed up.” He sighed rubbing a hand through his hair before pulling me back into his arms. This time instead of pushing him away I let myself sink into the comfort of his embrace.
“It doesn’t matter. I promise to show you that I’ll treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I’ll show you that I’m a better choice for you than him. If you let me,” Tokio spoke softly, which was a little surprising considering how rough his personality usually was. I guess there were still sides of him that I didn’t know.
“So? What do you say?” he questioned.
I pushed away from him more gently this time and stared up at his face. There was sincerity in it. Although sometimes I wasn’t the best judge of faces. I smiled dryly at that thought.
“I don’t know.”
“Hey. How about we take it one step at a time?” he held out his hand to me. What was this some sappy romance drama? Did he really expect me to take his hand? I thought about it a little longer.
I looked at him still uncertain, “One step at a time?”
“One step at a time. As slowly or as quickly as you want. It’s up to you.” He promised.
I cleared my throat quietly and put my hand in his. God this really was like a sappy romance drama. Mortified by this thought, by the way we’d turned out I could barely force the response, “Okay,” out of my mouth.
He surprised me by swinging me into his arms again and kissing my hard. Then in a more enthusiastic voice than mine, with a stupidly huge smile, he repeated, “Okay.”
