With the C.D.C. far behind her, how will Jacey struggle with her new scars and loses? Will a blonde farm girl be the reason behind her healing? And maybe even her purpose? Or will that purpose lie with her broken family?
Chapters & Masterlist:
Chapter ONE - Repercussions
Chapter TWO - Sophia, Herds & Repressed Feelings
Chapter THREE - Survival
Chapter FOUR - Cigarette
Chapter FIVE - My Kid Brother
Chapter SIX - Surgery
Chapter SEVEN - A Father
Chapter EIGHT - A New Pretty Friend
Chapter NINE - Flashbacks & Nicknames
Chapter TEN - Forever & Always
Chapter ELEVEN - Gun Training
Chapter TWELVE - The Lost Girl Found
Chapter THIRTEEN - A Monster From The Past
Chapter FOURTEEN - ...
Chapter FIFTEEN - ...
Chapter SIXTEEN - ...
The Cast:
Kaya Scodelario as Jacey Grimes
Andrew Lincoln as Rick Grimes
Emily Kinney as Beth Greene
Jon Bernthal as Shane Walsh
Sarah Wayne Callies as Lori Grimes
Chandler Riggs as Carl Grimes
The Walking Dead cast as their respected characters
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"What did you want to do?" Jacey asked.
"What do you mean?" Addie answered the girl.
"Like when you grow up? Before all this happened?"
"I can't tell you," She blushed, "You'll laugh."
Jacey looked down at the beauty who had her head resting in her lap, "Why would I laugh, you dork?"
Addie smiled slightly, "You just would... it's embarrassing."
"Would it make you feel better if I tell you what I wanted to be?" Addie nodded her head at Jacey's compromise, "A cop."
"Like your dad?" Jacey grimaced at his mention, although she saw it coming.
"Yeah... he was so brave. Even if it led to him getting shot, that's still what I wanted to be."
"What? Brave?" Addie tilted her head, still blessing Jacey's eyes with her wide smile.
"Yeah, that and I guess I wanted to make him proud, I wanted to protect people like he did," She paused, frowning softly, "But I guess that's impossible with everything that's happened."
Addie beamed at the girl wanting more than anything to take her pain away, "You protect me... you'll always protect me." Jacey stayed silent, so completely happy with this moment. "And for what it's worth, I'm proud of you, and I'm sure he was too. I mean how could he not be," the dark-skinned girl admitted, "Look at you, you're a badass."
"Thank you, Addie. And I will protect you, I promise," the younger girl let herself fall back onto the grass, Addie remaining on her lap, "But I can't help but realise you've yet to say yours."
Addie groaned, lifting slightly to look her into her blue eyes, "I uh... I wanted to be in the navy."
"No shit, I did not expect that, but I can see it. You're quite the badass yourself," She paused, "Any reason why?"
"Uh yeah, my older brother was," Jacey felt the girls' mood suddenly change, "I always thought he was so cool... 'Fighting bad guys and living the dream,' he always used to say."
"Where is he now?" She inquired.
"God knows he was overseas when it happened so your guess is as good as mine. He's alive though I bet he is."
"What was his name?"
"Jaeden," She replied, "You would've liked him. He was so awesome. I remember once back before he joined my dad was out for the weekend some business trip or something. Jaeden decided to invite the entire block for a party at ours. I for one was extremely against it but he insisted. He said to me, 'Addie you gotta get your shit together and live or it's all gonna pass you by. I'm doing this for you, so you can have fun, so you can make a memory,'" she reminisced smiling softly, "It was actually a going away party but he just didn't have the heart to tell me."
"Your dad ever find out?" Jacey simpered.
Addie nodded, "Oh god you should've seen his face... he was so mad but Jaeden took the blame like he always did. I miss him."
"You're right," Jacey acknowledged after a few minutes, "I would've liked him."
Jacey was yet to move from her seat in the RV. In fact, she was yet to do anything at all. She hadn't eaten, hadn't slept and she certainly hadn't spoken. The funny thing to her was that she didn't feel angry at her father for stealing that opportunity away from her, she didn't feel the pain of Addie and Mitch's deaths or even most recently Jacqui's at least not to the extent she did days prior and despite what her group thought she was staying silent because everything was too much for her. She was staying silent because she simply felt nothing at all. Jacey was in a state of nothingness, oblivion hell even numbness whatever you'd like to call it. For days her feelings were everywhere, she screamed, cried, laughed. Christ, she even tried suicide and now she was completely and utterly exhausted. So exhausted in fact that she almost felt free without the weighing pressure of her feelings. Jacey wanted to say it scared her but she knew it would just be a lie, nothing scared her anymore. Not even the walkers that roamed past them every so often could scare her. She truly felt nothing at all.
"Baby you gotta get up okay?" Jacey heard someone tell her, "Or at least eat something please." The voice was pleading with her now and she pointed out to herself that they sounded so close to tears. She knew the voice belonged to her mother without even looking as she'd tried this same thing 5 times already, the sadness in her voice vaulting every time she did so.
"C'mon, Jace, talk to me. You can't ignore everyone forever," Lori huffed knowing well enough that her daughter did have it in her to ignore everyone forever, "Please, baby."
This time, however, Jacey did move. The young girl lifted her small fist at her mother bringing her middle finger up towards her. She apprehended that Lori had stomped away angrily and fed up, which almost brought a smile to her face - almost.
"Jesus, kid, you hell-bent on everyone hating ya?" This time she recognised the accented voice as no other than Shane Walsh. Jacey lifted her finger once more this time in his direction, "Oh you're doing it to me now, great." She imagined he would've rolled his eyes at this probably distracting himself with something with his shotgun. "You know she's only trying to help ya. You don't got to be such an ass about it," She could tell that Shane was tired with whatever she was doing but it didn't matter to her and she wouldn't stop because her bitch of a mother asked so politely.
Shane looked out of the RV window, spotting Carl, who was half-ass playing with Sophia and frowned. "You know you're breaking their hearts right, Jace? Carl hasn't smiled in days, your dad hardly saying a word. Do you even know what you were going to do?" He pressed, waiting but still knowing he wasn't going to get an answer, "Suicide, Jacey! Death... you would be gone. You would've left them all behind. Does that not bother you at all?"
Jacey waited a second before shifting her vision towards him, "No." Her words were sharp, not an ounce of regret coming from them. "No, it doesn't. Not at all," This time she laughed, a small one but it was clear what it was.
"Are you fucking kidding me, Jacey? What the hell is wrong with you?" Jacey was certain that the man was angry even though he wouldn't allow himself to show it.
"Too much," She smiled, "Too fucking much. A-and I knew that. I got that and I told dad. I told him and yet he still forced me to live... he took my choice away. I'm a sick person, Shane, I know and you can hate me, all of them can for all I care but that's not going to change the fact I don't give a fucking shit." The former police officer didn't say a word, too stunned at her upheaval.
"Rick should've left me there," Jacey added bitterly.
"It would've been wrong. You're just a kid. Leaving you there would never be the right thing to do no matter how much you begged," Shane brought his hand to his chin, "It would've been wrong."
Jacey chuckled fakely, "So's fucking a married woman but that never stopped you."
The RV fell silent and Shane was so glad that it was only them who occupied it right then, "You don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't bullshit a bullshitter, Walsh."
Now the man grew nervous, which wasn't necessarily a familiar feeling - had they been that obvious? Shane sat back into his chair, sighing as he did, "How did you know?"
"I didn't, not until just now," Shane deadpanned, "I just witnessed a little too many longing stares." Jacey laughed at his tough demeanour shattering as he once again looked out the window at her mother.
"You can't tell no one, alright?"
"Why? Thought you'd love to break my parent's marriage up," The strange girl brought her legs to her chest and observed how the man struggled to answer.
"You just can't, Jacey. Promise me you won't?" he said fearful, knowing the father and daughter were close.
"Yeah, yeah whatever Walsh wouldn't dream of it," Jacey swore, "But just know I have a habit of breaking promises."
"This isn't a joke, kid, don't say nothin'."
"Alright, jeez Walsh get off my back," She joked but Shane remained unimpressed, "As much as I'd like to hurt Rick, you don't deserve to get hurt in the process, neither does Carl."
"Thank you, kid," Shane smirked, "Now will you please go outside and catch some sun you're looking paler by the minute."
Jacey looked out of the window to the place they'd had stopped for a break and sighed, "Only if you join me." The officer nodded at her request and followed her out of the vehicle.
Lori was first to notice the pair. She was surprised and almost angry that he had done the thing she'd attempted to do the last few days. Rick was next but he could barely meet her eyes. A familiar feeling arose at the sight of his partner with his daughter, a feeling he first felt way back in camp when he held her back from fighting him. A feeling of jealousy. He didn't like it, god no he didn't. He hated feeling so envious of the man for having some sort of relationship with his daughter compared to the broken one they shared. Carl was last to see as he looked up from playing Sophia's checkerboard on the floor of the small clearing. He was furious with the girl, which wasn't something he could hide, not like he wanted to anyway. Carl hated how she abused the power she held over him. He hated how she would go from being his sister to being a stranger, someone hellbent on getting herself killed.
"Do I look tanner yet?" Jacey joked as they sat against some tires.
"Like a shining star," Shane chuckled adjusting his hat before taking it off completely preferring the feeling of the sun shining straight on his head. "Here take this," He handed over his cap to the girl, "Don't want you getting sunstroke after being holed up in there for days."
Jacey smiled at his almost fatherly actions and planted the black hat, that held the word 'police', on her head. "What are we doing now, by the way?" She inquired.
"Making our way to Fort Benning," Jacey scoffed, "What? It's our safest option."
"I don't know why yall keep lying to yourselves. Fort Benning is gone, so's the government. We saw that with our own eyes at the C.D.C."
"Where do you suggest then, princess?" Jacey said nothing, "See... anyways that's the plan we're going with so suck it up, alright?" She merely nodded before leaning further against the stray tire.
"You alright?" Jacey didn't respond though, not having it in her to find the words - was she okay? Was this what okay felt like?
"Are any of us?" That shut Shane up as he peered off, overlooking the group. "I should uh... I should probably go talk to Carl," the girl mumbled standing up and dusting off the dirt from her pants. She walked off before Shane could answer which he didn't care much about.
Jacey felt relatively nervous as she proceeded towards her family. She saw Rick look at her with hopeful eyes, which she avoided and grew closer to Carl. "Can I talk to you?" Jacey appealed.
Carl gazed up to his older sister, "No."
"No?"
"You heard me right," the boy muttered looking back to the game they were playing.
"C'mon Carl, don't make this harder than it needs to be," She challenged.
"I said no," Carl insisted not bothering to cast his eyes back to her as he spoke.
"Please," Jacey pleaded with the young boy and bit her lip as she saw his hands clench into a fist.
"What don't you understand about no?!" Carl snapped, "Why can't you leave me alone? Like we all know you want to," Jacey didn't reply confused, "Don't look at me like you don't know."
"I don't know what you mean, Carl. I want to be around y-"
"No, you don't! You made that clear enough," Carl halted, breathing heavily, "All you do is leave me, Jacey, and I don't want to talk to you, to let you try to explain yourself b-because I know I'll believe you." The girl looked to his brother motionless, "I'll believe you and you'll leave again! You'll break every promise you make to me so I'll save you the bother of even making them. Just leave me alone."
"I'm sorry," she undertook now looking into the boy's bloodshot eyes.
"No, you're not... If you were you wouldn't have left me when all of this started, you wouldn't have left me to go back to that girl and you wouldn't have tried to stay with Jacqui and that doctor," He cried standing up, ignoring the stares he got, "I wish you stayed at the C.D.C."
Carl marched off into the direction of one of the cars while Jacey wouldn't move an inch.
"Well, I wished I stayed there too!" She screamed back at him after getting over her initial shock. The teenager roughly pushed past her father, who had now moved in her way and entered one of the cars.
"Jacey come back here!" She heard a male voice shout to her. Jacey ignored him, of course, and took her seat in the same car Carl had just entered.
"Leave her, Rick, she needs time," Rick looked to his wife disapprovingly.
"She just tried to kill herself, Lori, and you want me to let her run off feeling God knows what," He choked, the reality of the statement settled in with the pair shortly after. Their daughter had tried to end her own life. "Hell if I'll leave her alone again," Rick tried to leave his wife but she held him back.
"Give her time, alright? Carl and her need to talk they can't do that with you around," Lori told him.
Carl refused to look at his sister as he continued to stare out of the front window. "Talk to me please," The older girl begged.
They stayed quiet for a long time until Carl spoke up, "I don't want to wake up tomorrow and you to be gone."
Jacey sighed, "You won't-"
"Don't. Please don't lie to me," He shuddered, "You're my best friend, Jacey. How do you expect me to be okay without you? How could you even dare to try and do what you did at the C.D.C.? Did you even think about me? About what would happen to me?"
"I thought I was doing you all a favour," she watched as her brother cried, unable to comfort him in any way.
"You're selfish Jace. That's all you are and I will never forgive you for that." Memories flashed to Addie's words, words that pained her to hear but it hurt more hearing them for her brother.
Jacey felt as if time had stopped or at least as if she had lost consciousness at some point, which she could've for all she knew. Somehow her brain switched on and her body was finding its way back to her dad's camp. Nothing felt real to her anymore, she could feel the tears drip from her eyes and the blood run down her cheeks, but nothing could change her mind of the image of the dead girl that was in her arms merely 20 minutes ago.
Twigs broke underneath her boots, adding to the noise of the sobs falling from her mouth. She wished for it to be just a nightmare something she'd wake up from soon, but it was all too real the feeling of Addie's blood on her skin, the image of Mitch embroidered in her memory.
Before she even knew it, she walked into the busy camp she was in earlier that day. Unaware of her presence, the group paced aimlessly making sure they had everything ready for their departure.
"Holy shit," Eyes snapped in her direction at Shane's exclamation. Suddenly all at once, she felt self-conscious of how she must look caked in blood belonging to someone else even if it was around a group of strangers.
"Jacey, oh my..." Her father shouted as their eyes met.
"Y-you," She pointed weakly at him anger filling her vision.
"Are you okay? What happened?" Concerned questions bombarded her as Rick finally reached her.
"It was you."
"What? What was me, angel? You're not making sense," Rick brought his hand to her cheek, but the moment it made contact, she smacked it away.
"It's your fault!" The camp looked to her, stunned, "It was you! It was your fucking fault! They're dead because of you!" Eyes bounced from the daughter and father, no one quite understanding what was happening. "You were that fucking idiot in the tank! You're the one that led them to us!"
Finally, to some, it made some sort of sense, although not much, as everyone continued to watch shamelessly. "You killed them all! You took her away from me!" This time not only did Rick feel the pain of what Jacey was saying to him he felt the punches her hands threw at him. Shane ran over to the pair, pulling Jacey away from her father as if she was some sort of animal, "It was you! You did this!" She collapsed against Shane his arms shielding her and offering a small amount of comfort.
Rick remained stunned unable to quite comprehend what had just happened between his daughter and himself. He wanted more than anything to take her from Shane, to be the one protecting and consoling her but he knew that that was the opposite of what she would want.
Lori watched the scene unfold from behind them, her arm holding Carl close, tears falling freely. "I hate you! I hate you so much! You did this!" Carl brought his hands over his ears, struggling to hear his sister, his best friend, saying this to their dad.
Rick studied her movements, how she fought against Shane's arms, how she screamed and cursed him out. He felt the tears blur his vision, watching Shane take her away, still screaming that she hated him. Lori's hand caressed his cheek, alarming him as he hadn't noticed her presence til now, "It's okay, baby. Just breathe."
~
Jacey looked into the rustic mirror daring to ignore the blood that drenched her head to toe, her blood, the blood of the girl she loved, the blood of a man she respected so deeply, the blood of everyone that had helped her in these past months. The sobs continued as she pressed herself against the wall of the small room. She was still in shock, somehow, she couldn't believe they were gone and that they weren't coming back ever.
The anger towards her father remained yet still came as a surprise to her. She hadn't planned to erupt on him in such away. Hell, she didn't realise she had begun to blame him for what happened until she saw his face. It scared her really, her anger. She would've killed him right then and there if Shane hadn't intervened and that hadn't quite settled inside of her yet. The fact she was willing to kill her father for Addie, even though she could admit it would do nothing, yet parts of her still wished she could.
They had left camp for the C.D.C awhile before, perhaps an hour or so but within that hour they had already lost Jim, or she assumed they had. The group had stopped the car at Jim's request, they brought him out, and the rest of them came back without him moments later. Jacqui seemed most affected by it, that much Jacey could tell and if it was any other day she'd offer her some support and sympathy but not now, not when she felt like this. Not when she felt so beaten and weak. Not when her whole world had just abandoned her.
She pushed herself out of the bathroom, not remembering exactly why she went in there, to begin with. Her movement was slow as she left, eyes fell on her as soon as she exited as well - they heard me she concluded. It wasn't a secret about her heartbreak however vague she had put it, and it certainly was painfully obvious, that they had questions on what had happened and how she could say the stuff she did to Rick, to her father. And she feared for the time when they would ask as she wouldn't be able to bring herself to answer.
"You okay?" Glenn's voice asked her. He knew it was helpless to ask, but he had to as although he knew both of the girls for such a short amount of time they still meant something to him - now even without Addie's existence.
Jacey didn't respond, in fact, she hadn't said anything since she saw her father, which made the concern for her grow further but she couldn't care less for that. Her mind only thought of Addie now.
Sitting down became more of a struggle then she'd like to admit, searing pain in her back became apparent immediately, and she guessed she was yet to notice it as everything was happening so quickly. Jacey hissed softly as her spine made contact with the uncomfortable seat.
Jacqui looked at the young girl concerned despite having just met her, "Are you okay, sweetheart?" The younger girl looked to her kindly, having taken a liking to the older one. Still, the girl made no response except a small nod, which Jacqui hoped she would be given more but was happy with the tiny form of communication.
The RV came to a slow, all of a sudden, Dale signalling to them that they had arrived. Jacqui looked outside the window unnerved by its derelict state, while Glenn and Dale looked pleased to finally be there. They exited soon thereafter, and for the first time Jacey finally took in her surroundings.
Abandoned cars littered the environment. Some of them held grotesque and decayed bodies of people, who perhaps had the same idea they had. And she could hardly distinguish between the smell of the rotting corpses that coated the streets and herself.
The girl stayed, strictly, behind Glenn, ignoring the saddened stare of her father and the strain such little movement put on her injury. She knew she'd have to face him eventually, but she'd do everything in her power to stop that from happening soon. Rick led the group carefully through the almost gothic display.
"All right, everyone. Keep moving. Go on," Shane directed them, "let's go. Okay, keep moving. Stay together." Jacey came at once entranced by the picture playing out in front of her. The large, oddly shaped building seemed so much more peculiar now seeing it in person. Growing up she'd seen pictures, in fact, she was meant to go on a school trip there that fall, for her biology class. At a time, she looked forward to it as biology was always a favourite for her, but she'd now allow herself to settle for this visit now.
Slight murmurs travelled through the group followed by a small hush as they finally reached the entrance. Rick stood hopefully in front, looking for any sign of life as the rest of them began to panic by the approaching walkers.
Jacey looked over towards her brother, who she had yet to reunite with, and noticed how her mother became preoccupied with something else, leaving him slightly behind. The girl felt a wave of sudden anger for the woman that mixed with a protectiveness for her only brother, at her irresponsibility.
Jacey stepped towards him, grasping his hand and offering a fake smile that Carl felt seemed empty but understood it was all she could muster. Carl buried his head into her chest immediately, looking at the blood that bathed her but concluded that it didn't bother him. Jacey welcomed the affection and held him closer to her wanting to take her mind off the current panic.
Daryl, who surprisingly became another leader to the group, shot a nearby walker in the head sending off a new fear through the group, "You led us into a graveyard."
Shane looked at Daryl unenthusiastically, "He made a call."
"It was the wrong damn call!" He asserted, earning some attention from some wandering dead.
"Just shut up. You hear? Shut up. Shut up!" Shane argued before turning to Rick, "This is a dead-end, Rick."
"Where are we gonna go?" Carol inquired, holding tightly to Sophia.
"Fort-Benning, Rick... Still an option," Shane proposed once more.
Panic settled into Carl suddenly - he didn't want to die, he didn't want his family to die. Jacey felt his form began to shake slightly, bringing her attention over to him.
Offering no words of comfort, Jacey picked her little brother up, ignoring that his added weight along with her backpack made the pain in her back sky-rocket, and held him closer towards her, letting him cry into her neck.
The blonde woman, Andrea, contradicted, "On what? No food, no fuel. That's 100 miles."
"125," Glenn corrected unhelpfully, "I checked the map."
"Forget Fort Benning. We need answers tonight, now," Lori ordered briefly looking towards her two children and then back to her husband.
"We'll think of something," Rick responded still hopeful. Rick backed away from the shutters reluctantly, his gun in arms, overlooking the stares of his irritated wife.
He looked over at Jacey, noticing the presence of his other child in her arms, and she noticed the guilt boring into her. He wanted to be able to protect her more than anything. He had hurt her sufficiently, and now all he wanted to do was keep her safe and he truly believed that would only be possible through the C.D.C. Shane began to escort the group away, Rick looked back towards the security camera, it moving an inch as he did.
"The camera... it moved," He spoke confidently stopping the whole group.
"You imagined it," Dale insisted, but Rick shook his head moving closer.
"Rick, it is dead, man. It's an automated device. It's gears, okay? They're just winding down. Now come on," Shane attempted to convince him, "Man, just listen to me. Look around this place. It's dead, okay? It's dead. You need to let it go, Rick."
Angrily, Rick slammed his hands against the shutter, which brought Jacey and Carl further on edge. "Rick, there's nobody in there!" Lori tried.
"I know you're in there. I know you can hear me," The father shouted directly into the camera. Shane and Lori pushed against the man striving for him to get his shit together and leave. "Please, we're desperate. Please help us," He looked from the camera back to the trembling image of his children, "We have women, children, no food, hardly any gas left."
The building remained unmoving encouraging Jacey to let a staggered fearful breath out. "Rick, there's nobody there, please," She said to him teary-eyed.
"We have nowhere else to go," He continued, banging against the metal shutters, "If you don't let us in, you're killing us! Please!"
"Come on, buddy, let's go."
"Please help us. You're killing us! You're killing us!" He repeated pushing against Shane, who was pulling him away along with the rest of them. Rick hit the shutter once more before turning away and leading his wife and children away. Jacey was the first to turn around as a bright almost blinding light emerged out of the C.D.C, a hope for a new tomorrow.
