With the C.D.C. far behind her, how will Jacey struggle with her new scars and loses? Will a blonde farm girl be the reason behind her healing? And maybe even her purpose? Or will that purpose lie with her broken family?
Chapters & Masterlist:
Chapter ONE - Repercussions
Chapter TWO - Sophia, Herds & Repressed Feelings
Chapter THREE - Survival
Chapter FOUR - Cigarette
Chapter FIVE - My Kid Brother
Chapter SIX - Surgery
Chapter SEVEN - A Father
Chapter EIGHT - A New Pretty Friend
Chapter NINE - Flashbacks & Nicknames
Chapter TEN - Forever & Always
Chapter ELEVEN - Gun Training
Chapter TWELVE - The Lost Girl Found
Chapter THIRTEEN - A Monster From The Past
Chapter FOURTEEN - ...
Chapter FIFTEEN - ...
Chapter SIXTEEN - ...
The Cast:
Kaya Scodelario as Jacey Grimes
Andrew Lincoln as Rick Grimes
Emily Kinney as Beth Greene
Jon Bernthal as Shane Walsh
Sarah Wayne Callies as Lori Grimes
Chandler Riggs as Carl Grimes
The Walking Dead cast as their respected characters
masterlist ⚫ book 1 masterlist ⚫ book 2 masterlist ⚫ requests ⚫ request guidelines
"What did you want to do?" Jacey asked.
"What do you mean?" Addie answered the girl.
"Like when you grow up? Before all this happened?"
"I can't tell you," She blushed, "You'll laugh."
Jacey looked down at the beauty who had her head resting in her lap, "Why would I laugh, you dork?"
Addie smiled slightly, "You just would... it's embarrassing."
"Would it make you feel better if I tell you what I wanted to be?" Addie nodded her head at Jacey's compromise, "A cop."
"Like your dad?" Jacey grimaced at his mention, although she saw it coming.
"Yeah... he was so brave. Even if it led to him getting shot, that's still what I wanted to be."
"What? Brave?" Addie tilted her head, still blessing Jacey's eyes with her wide smile.
"Yeah, that and I guess I wanted to make him proud, I wanted to protect people like he did," She paused, frowning softly, "But I guess that's impossible with everything that's happened."
Addie beamed at the girl wanting more than anything to take her pain away, "You protect me... you'll always protect me." Jacey stayed silent, so completely happy with this moment. "And for what it's worth, I'm proud of you, and I'm sure he was too. I mean how could he not be," the dark-skinned girl admitted, "Look at you, you're a badass."
"Thank you, Addie. And I will protect you, I promise," the younger girl let herself fall back onto the grass, Addie remaining on her lap, "But I can't help but realise you've yet to say yours."
Addie groaned, lifting slightly to look her into her blue eyes, "I uh... I wanted to be in the navy."
"No shit, I did not expect that, but I can see it. You're quite the badass yourself," She paused, "Any reason why?"
"Uh yeah, my older brother was," Jacey felt the girls' mood suddenly change, "I always thought he was so cool... 'Fighting bad guys and living the dream,' he always used to say."
"Where is he now?" She inquired.
"God knows he was overseas when it happened so your guess is as good as mine. He's alive though I bet he is."
"What was his name?"
"Jaeden," She replied, "You would've liked him. He was so awesome. I remember once back before he joined my dad was out for the weekend some business trip or something. Jaeden decided to invite the entire block for a party at ours. I for one was extremely against it but he insisted. He said to me, 'Addie you gotta get your shit together and live or it's all gonna pass you by. I'm doing this for you, so you can have fun, so you can make a memory,'" she reminisced smiling softly, "It was actually a going away party but he just didn't have the heart to tell me."
"Your dad ever find out?" Jacey simpered.
Addie nodded, "Oh god you should've seen his face... he was so mad but Jaeden took the blame like he always did. I miss him."
"You're right," Jacey acknowledged after a few minutes, "I would've liked him."
Jacey was yet to move from her seat in the RV. In fact, she was yet to do anything at all. She hadn't eaten, hadn't slept and she certainly hadn't spoken. The funny thing to her was that she didn't feel angry at her father for stealing that opportunity away from her, she didn't feel the pain of Addie and Mitch's deaths or even most recently Jacqui's at least not to the extent she did days prior and despite what her group thought she was staying silent because everything was too much for her. She was staying silent because she simply felt nothing at all. Jacey was in a state of nothingness, oblivion hell even numbness whatever you'd like to call it. For days her feelings were everywhere, she screamed, cried, laughed. Christ, she even tried suicide and now she was completely and utterly exhausted. So exhausted in fact that she almost felt free without the weighing pressure of her feelings. Jacey wanted to say it scared her but she knew it would just be a lie, nothing scared her anymore. Not even the walkers that roamed past them every so often could scare her. She truly felt nothing at all.
"Baby you gotta get up okay?" Jacey heard someone tell her, "Or at least eat something please." The voice was pleading with her now and she pointed out to herself that they sounded so close to tears. She knew the voice belonged to her mother without even looking as she'd tried this same thing 5 times already, the sadness in her voice vaulting every time she did so.
"C'mon, Jace, talk to me. You can't ignore everyone forever," Lori huffed knowing well enough that her daughter did have it in her to ignore everyone forever, "Please, baby."
This time, however, Jacey did move. The young girl lifted her small fist at her mother bringing her middle finger up towards her. She apprehended that Lori had stomped away angrily and fed up, which almost brought a smile to her face - almost.
"Jesus, kid, you hell-bent on everyone hating ya?" This time she recognised the accented voice as no other than Shane Walsh. Jacey lifted her finger once more this time in his direction, "Oh you're doing it to me now, great." She imagined he would've rolled his eyes at this probably distracting himself with something with his shotgun. "You know she's only trying to help ya. You don't got to be such an ass about it," She could tell that Shane was tired with whatever she was doing but it didn't matter to her and she wouldn't stop because her bitch of a mother asked so politely.
Shane looked out of the RV window, spotting Carl, who was half-ass playing with Sophia and frowned. "You know you're breaking their hearts right, Jace? Carl hasn't smiled in days, your dad hardly saying a word. Do you even know what you were going to do?" He pressed, waiting but still knowing he wasn't going to get an answer, "Suicide, Jacey! Death... you would be gone. You would've left them all behind. Does that not bother you at all?"
Jacey waited a second before shifting her vision towards him, "No." Her words were sharp, not an ounce of regret coming from them. "No, it doesn't. Not at all," This time she laughed, a small one but it was clear what it was.
"Are you fucking kidding me, Jacey? What the hell is wrong with you?" Jacey was certain that the man was angry even though he wouldn't allow himself to show it.
"Too much," She smiled, "Too fucking much. A-and I knew that. I got that and I told dad. I told him and yet he still forced me to live... he took my choice away. I'm a sick person, Shane, I know and you can hate me, all of them can for all I care but that's not going to change the fact I don't give a fucking shit." The former police officer didn't say a word, too stunned at her upheaval.
"Rick should've left me there," Jacey added bitterly.
"It would've been wrong. You're just a kid. Leaving you there would never be the right thing to do no matter how much you begged," Shane brought his hand to his chin, "It would've been wrong."
Jacey chuckled fakely, "So's fucking a married woman but that never stopped you."
The RV fell silent and Shane was so glad that it was only them who occupied it right then, "You don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't bullshit a bullshitter, Walsh."
Now the man grew nervous, which wasn't necessarily a familiar feeling - had they been that obvious? Shane sat back into his chair, sighing as he did, "How did you know?"
"I didn't, not until just now," Shane deadpanned, "I just witnessed a little too many longing stares." Jacey laughed at his tough demeanour shattering as he once again looked out the window at her mother.
"You can't tell no one, alright?"
"Why? Thought you'd love to break my parent's marriage up," The strange girl brought her legs to her chest and observed how the man struggled to answer.
"You just can't, Jacey. Promise me you won't?" he said fearful, knowing the father and daughter were close.
"Yeah, yeah whatever Walsh wouldn't dream of it," Jacey swore, "But just know I have a habit of breaking promises."
"This isn't a joke, kid, don't say nothin'."
"Alright, jeez Walsh get off my back," She joked but Shane remained unimpressed, "As much as I'd like to hurt Rick, you don't deserve to get hurt in the process, neither does Carl."
"Thank you, kid," Shane smirked, "Now will you please go outside and catch some sun you're looking paler by the minute."
Jacey looked out of the window to the place they'd had stopped for a break and sighed, "Only if you join me." The officer nodded at her request and followed her out of the vehicle.
Lori was first to notice the pair. She was surprised and almost angry that he had done the thing she'd attempted to do the last few days. Rick was next but he could barely meet her eyes. A familiar feeling arose at the sight of his partner with his daughter, a feeling he first felt way back in camp when he held her back from fighting him. A feeling of jealousy. He didn't like it, god no he didn't. He hated feeling so envious of the man for having some sort of relationship with his daughter compared to the broken one they shared. Carl was last to see as he looked up from playing Sophia's checkerboard on the floor of the small clearing. He was furious with the girl, which wasn't something he could hide, not like he wanted to anyway. Carl hated how she abused the power she held over him. He hated how she would go from being his sister to being a stranger, someone hellbent on getting herself killed.
"Do I look tanner yet?" Jacey joked as they sat against some tires.
"Like a shining star," Shane chuckled adjusting his hat before taking it off completely preferring the feeling of the sun shining straight on his head. "Here take this," He handed over his cap to the girl, "Don't want you getting sunstroke after being holed up in there for days."
Jacey smiled at his almost fatherly actions and planted the black hat, that held the word 'police', on her head. "What are we doing now, by the way?" She inquired.
"Making our way to Fort Benning," Jacey scoffed, "What? It's our safest option."
"I don't know why yall keep lying to yourselves. Fort Benning is gone, so's the government. We saw that with our own eyes at the C.D.C."
"Where do you suggest then, princess?" Jacey said nothing, "See... anyways that's the plan we're going with so suck it up, alright?" She merely nodded before leaning further against the stray tire.
"You alright?" Jacey didn't respond though, not having it in her to find the words - was she okay? Was this what okay felt like?
"Are any of us?" That shut Shane up as he peered off, overlooking the group. "I should uh... I should probably go talk to Carl," the girl mumbled standing up and dusting off the dirt from her pants. She walked off before Shane could answer which he didn't care much about.
Jacey felt relatively nervous as she proceeded towards her family. She saw Rick look at her with hopeful eyes, which she avoided and grew closer to Carl. "Can I talk to you?" Jacey appealed.
Carl gazed up to his older sister, "No."
"No?"
"You heard me right," the boy muttered looking back to the game they were playing.
"C'mon Carl, don't make this harder than it needs to be," She challenged.
"I said no," Carl insisted not bothering to cast his eyes back to her as he spoke.
"Please," Jacey pleaded with the young boy and bit her lip as she saw his hands clench into a fist.
"What don't you understand about no?!" Carl snapped, "Why can't you leave me alone? Like we all know you want to," Jacey didn't reply confused, "Don't look at me like you don't know."
"I don't know what you mean, Carl. I want to be around y-"
"No, you don't! You made that clear enough," Carl halted, breathing heavily, "All you do is leave me, Jacey, and I don't want to talk to you, to let you try to explain yourself b-because I know I'll believe you." The girl looked to his brother motionless, "I'll believe you and you'll leave again! You'll break every promise you make to me so I'll save you the bother of even making them. Just leave me alone."
"I'm sorry," she undertook now looking into the boy's bloodshot eyes.
"No, you're not... If you were you wouldn't have left me when all of this started, you wouldn't have left me to go back to that girl and you wouldn't have tried to stay with Jacqui and that doctor," He cried standing up, ignoring the stares he got, "I wish you stayed at the C.D.C."
Carl marched off into the direction of one of the cars while Jacey wouldn't move an inch.
"Well, I wished I stayed there too!" She screamed back at him after getting over her initial shock. The teenager roughly pushed past her father, who had now moved in her way and entered one of the cars.
"Jacey come back here!" She heard a male voice shout to her. Jacey ignored him, of course, and took her seat in the same car Carl had just entered.
"Leave her, Rick, she needs time," Rick looked to his wife disapprovingly.
"She just tried to kill herself, Lori, and you want me to let her run off feeling God knows what," He choked, the reality of the statement settled in with the pair shortly after. Their daughter had tried to end her own life. "Hell if I'll leave her alone again," Rick tried to leave his wife but she held him back.
"Give her time, alright? Carl and her need to talk they can't do that with you around," Lori told him.
Carl refused to look at his sister as he continued to stare out of the front window. "Talk to me please," The older girl begged.
They stayed quiet for a long time until Carl spoke up, "I don't want to wake up tomorrow and you to be gone."
Jacey sighed, "You won't-"
"Don't. Please don't lie to me," He shuddered, "You're my best friend, Jacey. How do you expect me to be okay without you? How could you even dare to try and do what you did at the C.D.C.? Did you even think about me? About what would happen to me?"
"I thought I was doing you all a favour," she watched as her brother cried, unable to comfort him in any way.
"You're selfish Jace. That's all you are and I will never forgive you for that." Memories flashed to Addie's words, words that pained her to hear but it hurt more hearing them for her brother.
Chapter Eight ~ Words of a Dying Man, Utterances of a Living Dead
masterlist
Jacey woke up what she guessed was hours later in a small tent housing two makeshift beds. She sat up looking around, realising she must've fallen asleep in her father's arms but noticing his lack of presence. She looked over to her right noticing her shoes that he must've taken off of her and reacquainted herself with them.
From inside the tent, she heard a voice matching Shane's say, "I've been, uh… I've been thinking about Rick's plan. Now look, there are no… There are no guarantees either way. I'll be the first one to admit that. I've known this man a long time. I trust his instincts. I say the most important thing here is we need to stay together. So those of you that agree, we leave first thing in the morning."
Despite Jacey feeling happy that her family would be getting out of here and to a possible safe place she also couldn't deny that the sooner they leave for the C.D.C the sooner they leave her once again.
Sighing Jacey exited the tent walking over to the group that was slowly departing. She spotted Shane first, who was accompanied by her parents as well. "Morning sleeping beauty," Shane teased as he noticed her.
"Hey," She smiled awkwardly at them, unsure on where her and her father stood at the moment, "What's going on?"
"We're leaving for the C.D.C first thing tomorrow so pack your things," her mother informed her making Jacey realise that this was probably one of the first things her mother has said to her since she found out she was alive.
"Oh," she whispered before looking towards the ground, "Well... um, I'm not coming with you."
"What do you mean?" Shane inquired while Rick just looked speechless, "Wait, this ain't about that girl is it?"
Rick snapped his head towards Shane unsure on who they were talking about, "So what if it is?"
"I thought we already went over this you're needed here. Hell, even she agreed."
"She has a name, Shane," ignoring the confused expression her father wore, "Besides she wouldn't have agreed if she knew the whole story."
"Seems to me like she did, Jace," The police officer informed.
"Well..." She paused biting her lip unsure on how to respond to that. It was true that Addie knew most of what happened but that wouldn't change the plan she already had - she had to go home.
"Okay c'mon stop this," Rick intervened, "Can you please tell me what the hell is going on?"
"Simple I'm not going with you."
"B-but we're your family, where are you going to go?" Lori questioned.
"Home," She put vaguely.
"Home? This is your home, Jacey," Rick sighed, "We're your home."
"Not anymore," Jacey said almost coldly, "Look I'm sorry but it's just the way it is now. I've been away long enough." Jacey looked around the camp for where her stuff was hiding, spotting it against the side of the RV.
As she took off to collect it, a hand grasped around her arm stopping her, "You can't leave Jacey. I won't let you." The voice belonged to her father so full of persistence and sadness.
"You can't stop me," she informed before pulling out of his grip heading for the RV once more.
"Yes, I can. I am your father!"
At that Jacey turned around, prodding a finger into his chest, "No you were my father! That stopped when you got shot and they stopped being my family the moment they left me behind." Rick couldn't speak, any words he tried got caught in his throat - was that really what she thought of him? Was he really about to lose her again?
Instead of stopping her, this time Rick let her reach the RV, collecting her stuff and head into the woods.
"I'm sorry, dad, I really am but they're my family now. I need to be there for them," Jacey announced before leaving for what she thought was for good.
"Please Jacey," her father attempted.
"I can't," With that she left, leaving her father, her family behind to return to her makeshift one. As she exited the area she could the cries of her brother Carl, who must've just been told of his sister's departure and the bang of her father's fist finding its way into the side of the RV.
~
The walk back to her camp was the hardest thing she'd ever have to do, not because of the terrain nor was it anything to do with the walking dead. It was because she knew she'd likely never see her family again. They could die tomorrow for all she could know and the last time she saw them wasn't exactly the goodbye she was looking for.
She couldn't explain it out loud and she knew it was messed up but the time she and her father had spent away from each other didn't just change them as individuals but it changed their relationship. It had changed so much to the point that Addie meant more to her then he did. She didn't know how or when that happened maybe it was recent or maybe it was growing over these past months.
Jacey felt the guilt of that, it throbbed throughout her and she fears it will never leave. She loves her family, of course, she does but she loves Addie more and she knows that Addie won't leave her like they did.
Jacey continued down the dirt path ignoring the casual groan she'd assume to be a biter and nothing more. She had travelled quite a distance from where her family was by now and that put her at rest somehow like if they had tried to follow her they might've given up by now. It was darker now too, dark enough for her to trip ever so often but she remained determined to be home that night.
Silence swept the air as the young girl finally caught sight of the gated community they called their home. She shook off the uncertainty of the silence as even this late it was unlikely they were all asleep.
Shakily, she pushed open the gate, her vision filling with things likely seen in a nightmare she'd have one night, one that Addie would easily be able to calm her down from. Bodies filled the grass, bodies of the people she knew, people she would call her friends.
She walked past one man, the oldest of the group, his name one that she could never remember but his face, that now homed a teeth shaped mark the size of her hand just above his right eye, was one that gave her great comfort. She used to say to Addie that he always reminded her of her granddad before he passed as somehow through all of this he always had a grand smile on his face.
Addie she thought in a panic.
Rushing past the assortment of bodies as if they meant nothing to her. She stumbled her way towards her and Addie's home that was until a small, shaky voice cut her off, "Jacey?"
The weakness and pain of the voice would haunt her for years, she just knew it - how could it not? She threw herself around coming face to face with the kind one of Mitchell's. He was rested against a wooden log that many used as a stool, his hand rested over his bleeding torso, parts of his left leg missing.
"Mitchy," she smiled through her tears and struggled over to his side.
"You're okay," he said a ghost of a smile gracing his bloodied face, "I was worried." The Grimes girl looked his body over, assessing his injuries, ones she couldn't dispute to have been caused by a walker yet she still attempted to come up with a way to save him. It was funny for her to think that hours earlier she was angered by the stupidity of her father's people, thinking they could miraculously save Jim when right now she was attempting to do the same thing.
"Stop crying Jace, it's okay," He said, coughing a little afterwards.
"B-but your bleeding Mitch. T-there's so much..." she exclaimed looking over his body and down to her hands that were covered in the crimson substance.
"I'm okay. I'm fine."
"You're dying, Mitch," she sobbed.
"That's the point, Jacey," he clarified, his voice offputtingly calm.
"W-what?"
"It's okay, Jace."
"Stop saying that, Mitch you're-" She stopped as a sob escaped her chapped lips.
"I was never going to survive this world, none of us were," He moved his hand to her face ghosting her cheek, "We were all going to die eventually. Even you will Jace even if you're unkillable as you say," Mitchell smirked.
"This isn't a time to joke, Mitch."
"On the contrary, all the time is a good time to joke for someone, especially for a dying man."
"What happened?" she asked despite somewhat having an idea already.
"That herd was a little closer then we all thought, huh? But we put up a good fight in the end," he paused, "Tell me Jacey have you ever heard of Theodor Adorno?" to which she shook her head, "God the education system really failed us, didn't they?"
She laughed shortly, "Who was he?"
"Uh... well he was a German philosopher telling people things at a time they didn't want to hear. But I wanted to tell you something he said once, something I think will help you."
"What is it?"
"He said, 'Normality is death'."
Jacey tilted her head, "What does it mean?"
Mitchell smiled to her at least he told himself he did, to Jacey all it was was a slight twitch to the corner of his mouth, "You'll see, kid. This world is going to be cruel to you. It will take people, friends, family away and you won't be able to stop it. Don't put it on yourself okay? You're stronger than that. Look out for yourself as well or at least find someone that will do it for you."
"But that's what I have you for. Please don't leave me," Jacey pleaded, knowing it was useless.
"C'mon don't do that, Jace. Don't cry over me, okay?" Mitch's voice was becoming quieter now alerting Jacey that he didn't have long left, "I love you, Jace. Don't ever forget that. You're like my little sister, my family."
"I love you too Mitchy. I'm going to miss you so much."
"As will I but remember I'm always with you. Right here," He choked up, hand coming in contact with her heart, "I'm so proud of you."
He removed his hand placing it onto her cheek instead. Mitchell brought her face closer to his, their foreheads resting against each other, "Addie's looking for you Jace you've got to go find her. Go, protect her."
"I-I'm not leaving you, Mitch," the older man closed his eyes still leaning against her, "Please don't go, Mitchy."
"What did I tell you about crying, babydoll?" Mitchell closed his eyes slowly letting himself hunch over falling into Jacey's arms.
"Oh god," She said attempting to pull his limp body up wanting to keep him alive longer, to keep him with her, "I'm so sorry, Mitchy." She knew what she had to do but could hardly bring herself to unsheath her knife. That moment she felt so weak, unable to protect her friend from becoming one of those things, unable to find the strength to put him out of his misery. As the girl crumbled, sobbing into the man's neck, she heard the familiar gargle of one of the dead. She looked to Mitchell assuming that it was happening already but became alarmed when she realised it wasn't. She began to hear small incoherent footsteps, one foot dragging behind the other. Jacey lifted Mitch off of her before standing up and turning around to face the monster.
"No," she cried her voice hardly coming over a whisper. As she uncovered the face of the walker her eyes burned to see the face of her love, her Addie, "No." The dead girl stumbled forward reaching out for her, Jacey pushed herself backwards falling close to where she left the cold body of one of her best friends.
"No. No. No. No. Please," She sobbed dragging herself further away from Addie or rather the cold decayed version of her. Addie became persistent her weak arms clawing to get to her, unaware of how the girl was breaking at the sight.
"Addie, baby, please. I'm sorry... I'm so sorry," Jacey rambled incoherently still trying to distance herself from the most important person too her. "Addie please! Stop Addie! Please!" She screamed hoping that in some way she'd understand and go but deep down knowing that the thing controlling her now wouldn't stop until she had killed her. "Please Addie I love you! I love you so fucking much, please don't," as Jacey continued to push herself across the field Addie followed shortly after, tripping often until she ended on the floor as well.
Addie continued to crawl her way towards her like some bloodhungry animal and before Jacey knew it Addie was about to take a chunk out of her leg. Jacey kicked the older girl in the head creating a bigger distance between the two as she scrambled up, gripping her knife. The Grimes child held Addie down keeping a gap separating her and the snapping jaws of the girl she loved.
"I-I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. I'm so fucking sorry. I should've protected you. I should've saved you."
The walker, however, struggled against Jacey's grip and frailed as Jacey's knife inched closer to her skull. The dead girl threw Jacey back landing roughly on her spine, a yelp falling from her lips as she made contact with a metal pipe. Soon after Addie pounced on top of her, her jaw widening, preparing to bite down on her face, "I'm sorry," Jacey wept before continually stabbing Addie in the head, blood trickling out of her wound's and onto the girl's face. The blood didn't seem to stop however even after Jacey was sure the dead girl was finally dead.
Addie's body slumped on top of her own, gore staining every inch, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," She repeated over and over hoping somehow Addie could hear her. "I love you so much."
Jacey pulled herself up along with the limp body of her first love, "Oh god don't leave me please don't leave me. I need you," She sobbed, her lips coming into contact with the girl's forehead, "It should've been me. You don't deserve this, you didn't deserve this."
Feeling everything almost at once forced a painful, unearthly scream to rip from her throat. "No! It should've been me! It had to be me!" Jacey looked back down to the girl noticing that her brown hair was soaked now with her blood but she didn't seem to care as she let her fingers run through it just as she would if they were aimlessly laying in bed one day.
"I don't want you to leave me, Addie. I can't do this without you. You can't leave me. You can't do this to me. You promised you wouldn't! You lied you lied! How could you lie?!"
Another scream escaped her lips the copious amounts of tears blurred her vision, "Why do you have to leave me? Why does everyone have to leave me?"
Is there going to be more of the jacey grimes story?? I fell in love with it tbh 💕
Hello! yes i will be writing more of this story but i’m not quite sure when it will be posted as i like to finish writing the whole story before releasing so maybe not for some time i hope that’s okay with you. thank you for reading it. hope your well and stay safe! 🥰
