February was drawing to an end; younger students were eagerly waiting for warmer weather to finally return while older ones were spending their days tucked away in the library. When Remus wasn’t on Prefect duty, in class, or sleeping, he found himself listening to Lily go on about how Sirius clearly fancied him increasingly more often. In fact, she had started trying to clumsily orchestrate serendipitous encounters between Remus and Sirius, which was rather pointless, given that they shared a dormitory. At some point, Remus began wondering whether she just wanted a reason to spend more time around James as a pleasant side effect of all her efforts.
“I can’t believe we just did that,” Lily gaped at Remus as he pulled James’ invisibility cloak off them both.
“I think that officially makes you an honorary Marauder,” he grinned down at her face brimming with a kind of mischievous excitement.
“Honorary?” She gasped indignantly, following Remus into the boys’ dormitory. “You were more scared than I was!”
“I was scared for you, Lily,” Remus chuckled as he stuffed the cloak into James’ trunk and went over to his own bed. “Don’t insult me by insinuating that I haven’t snuck into the Restricted Section at least once for every month that I’ve been in Hogwarts,” he sat down on the edge of his mattress and bent over to retrieve something from under the bed.
“I can’t believe you lot have had that cloak for years… I hope you’ve not been using it for anything, you know, creepy?..” Lily was aimlessly pacing around the room while Remus opened a tin box containing a handful of chocolate treats, a few loose cigarettes, and some other bits and bobs.
“Creepy? No, no,” Remus smiled as the image of his twelve year old friends and himself swam into focus; all out of beds in the middle of the night, taking turns hiding under the cloak, attempting to pull a pair of underpants over the other boys’ heads.
“So which one is Sirius’ bed?”
“That would be the one with the leather jacket and all the Muggle magazines on it,” Remus nodded his head towards it; he had taken out a few things from the box in his lap, trying to get to the chocolate bar that was at the bottom of it.
“Hm,” Lily walked over to Sirius’ bed, clearly trying to catch Remus’ eye, or maybe wanting to say something, but he ignored her completely, focusing on his treat “I’ve never been in the boys dormitories before.”
“And? What’s the verdict?”
“Surprisingly, this is not any dirtier than the girls’ dorms,” she chuckled and, holding onto one of the posts, swung around and sat down on Remus’ bed. “Remus, what is this?” Her voice dropped unexpectedly.
He turned around and looked at the little phial she was holding in her hand; it contained mossy looking, dried green buds. “Weed,” he answered matter-of-factly.
“But you’re a Prefect!” Lily whispered hurriedly.
Remus took a sharp inhale, and then sighed, turning away from her. “Yes,” he bobbed his head as he spoke, “some days I think that becoming a Prefect has been the biggest tragedy of my life… Then I remember that I’m a werewolf…” His eyes found Lily’s again, and for a second she simply stared at him, completely expressionless; before she burst out laughing, almost falling off the bed.
“I always thought you’re such a goody-two-shoes.”
“Look who’s talking.”
“I’ve never tried it…” Lily’s eyes found the phial again.
“I usually smoke some after a particularly bad moon,” Remus explained, unprompted, but Lily gave him a small nod, encouraging him to continue. “Of course, we’ve done it purely for fun, but I like to always have some, just in case I’m feeling exceptionally rough. It helps me...feel more at ease, I suppose. Helps me feel a bit more normal,” he struggled through the last sentence, feeling like there simply weren’t words out there to explain what he meant. “With all the potions and tinctures and charms, this Muggle remedy is the one thing that I found really makes a difference sometimes. For me, anyway.”
“What does it feel like?” Lily opened the little container and brought it up to her nose, frowning instantly at the scent.
Remus took a bite of his chocolate before answering. “Sort of soft and warm… Relaxing but also energising. It just puts you in this state of being perfectly content. Happy. Although Peter always becomes paranoid - about everything…”
“Paranoid?”
“Strange, isn’t it? He has no qualms about breaking every school rule but that is where he draws the line. Lily?” He added quietly when she continued to stare at the little phial in her hand.
“Do you think,” she started slowly, timidly, “I could try some?”
“Lily Evans,” a devilish grin crossed Remus’ features.
“Oh shut up,” she tittered. “I just thought, shouldn’t I be a bit more reckless now, while I’m young? My chance is now, isn’t it? Who knows what’s going to happen when we leave Hogwarts,” her eyebrows dipped before she hesitantly opened her mouth again. “There’s a war going on out there, after all.”
Moments like these were inevitable, yet still always unexpected. Remus understood exactly what she meant; terrible things were happening in the world and they weren’t always going to be able to be kids, kept safe in their school, away from the real world. That sense of suppressed dread had only gotten stronger as they got older. “Do you want to do it now?”
“No. I don’t know…”
“We certainly don’t have to. We can do it whenever.”
“Let’s do it now!” Lily’s eyes twinkled. “You’ll do it with me, right?”
“I thought you said not now?”
“I might chicken out once the adrenaline wears off,” she grinned guiltily.
“It’s really not as big of a deal as it might seem. But I still want you to be sure that you want to do it. After all, if you do, you’ll have broken not only a Hogwarts rule this evening but also the Muggle law. And it’s barely ten pm.”
“I’m sure. Let’s do it!” Lily whispered excitedly, coaxing a laugh out of Remus.
He took out a little green glass pipe from the tin box, all while Lily was watching him, barely blinking at all, it seemed. She followed his every movement as he loaded the pipe with a bit of the green stuff, then listened closely as he explained to her what to do next.
“If only James could see you now,” Remus sniggered.
Lily glanced at the dormitory door, as if expecting him to walk in at that moment; then, she lifted the pipe to her lips, the tip of her wand to the bowl of it. “So I just do this?”
Remus nodded but it quickly turned into a vigorous head shake. “No, stop inhaling! That’s enough! You need to blow the smoke out now…” He laughed as Lily started coughing, disappearing in a thick, grey cloud.
“That’s disgusting!”
“Takes a bit of practice, I suppose.”
“I don’t feel anything,” she sat up on the bed once the coughing ceased. “Do I sound different?”
“No, Lily, you don’t,” Remus grinned at her, blowing the smoke out simultaneously; contrary to her, he instantly started noticing a pleasant fogginess drown out most of his thoughts.
“Should we go downstairs then?”
“Perhaps not the greatest idea,” Remus trailed off.
“Why?”
Remus couldn’t stop himself from chuckling before answering. “You’re high and you have a reputation to uphold. Terrible things could happen.”
“I’ll be fine. Come on, we’re not going to spend the whole evening up here!”
“Alright then,” he nodded slowly watching Lily’s grin grow bigger.
From the top of the stone steps, Remus instantly spotted Sirius down in the common room, talking to a couple of people from their year over by one of the windows; James and Peter were playing exploding cards in another small group. Even though Sirius was on the opposite side of the room, by the time Remus and Lily descended down the steps, he was waiting for them at the bottom stair.
“You’re back, finally. You didn’t get caught, did you?”
“We’re high,” Remus whispered.
“You’re… Wait. Plural of you? High? You?” A big grin slowly found its way to Sirius’ lips as he stared at Lily in both admiration and disbelief.
“Oh, shush!” She dismissed him with a flick of her wrist. “It’s not like I’ve never done anything illegal.”
“Wait, you have? She has?” Sirius turned to Remus now.
“I am just as deeply shocked as you are.”
“Why are you high?” Sirius’ smile suddenly clouded.
“What do you mean?” Remus raised his eyebrows.
“Are you okay? Were you in pain?”
“Oh… No, no. This is all purely for Lily Evans’ amusement,” Remus explained while his heart swelled in his chest at the thought of how lucky he was to have Sirius in his life; someone to care so deeply and fiercely about him.
“My mouth is really dry.” Lily didn’t seem to be participating in their conversation anymore; instead, she was touching the tip of her index finger to her tongue. “Is this normal?”
“Yes,” Remus smiled at her brightly. “That can happen.”
Lily pointed her wand into her mouth and, wordlessly - a new skill she had just recently mastered - magicked a little jet of water. The two boys watched her with a mixture of wonder and pride. “Kids,” Sirius sighed tearfully, “they grow up so fast.”
“Oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to ask you…” Lily had finally quenched her thirst and looked over at him. “What was up with that kiss?”
“Kiss?” He laughed out, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion.
“On Valentine’s day.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Evans.”
“About you kissing Remus, of course,” Lily’s plainly stated words tugged Remus out of his weed-induced haze.
“Well, of course, the kiss was about Valentine’s day, since it was...Valentine’s day,” Sirius concluded, slowly but surely.
“Uh-huh…”
“Did you know that if you’re standing up for too long when you’re high, you might pass out?”
“Really?” Lily instantly became visibly worried. “How long do I have?”
“Probably shouldn’t do more than five minutes.”
“You’re lying,” she squinted at him.
“Okay. We’ll find out soon enough, I suppose.”
Lily stared at him for a long, quiet, hesitant moment before making a beeline for one of the sofas in the common room.
“Sirius… Why?” Remus murmured, following Lily with his eyes.
“I didn’t think she would actually believe that.”
“What was the kiss about?” Remus smirked as he returned his gaze to Sirius now, making the latter scratch the back of his head involuntarily - a gesture Remus knew to be a sign of nervousness. He leaned his back against the wall, just to the side of the steps leading up to the dormitories. He might have asked the question humorously, but he wanted a real answer. He had been thinking about that clumsy kiss ever since it happened, although he would have never admitted to anyone. Pretty soon, he realised, he had started harbouring hope that was hard to ignore. And now that he’d gotten a boost of confidence and courage from the dried Muggle herb, he wanted to know.
“Isn’t that what people do on Valentine’s day?”
“You really are,” Remus narrowed his eyes at Sirius, “a very strange person.”
“And you are a very high person,” Sirius seemed to have regained his composure, a wry smile stretching his lips.
“Yes, speaking of which… I can’t get this out of my head… Pads, which do you think is later - three or four am?”
Sirius barked out a hearty laugh. “Three, of course. Three is late night and four is early morning. What? You don’t agree?”
“No, I do, actually,” Remus replied with a smile although frankly, he was much more interested in how beautiful Sirius’ eyes looked in the warm light of the common room.
“Then why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?”
“Really, how high are you?”
“A fair amount,” Remus answered brightly. “Has nothing to do with me looking at you though.”
Of course, Remus looked at him that way because he fancied him. How did he not see that? Or did he? There were times when Remus could have sworn that Sirius knew something was going on, but for the most part, they were just friends. And yet, quite inexplicably, Remus had been even more attracted to Sirius lately than ever before.
“I’m flattered that you think weed has nothing to do with it, but you never stare at me like that when you’re sober.”
“Maybe it’s the earrings,” Remus reached his hand out and gave a light flick to one of Sirius’ hoops.
“The earrings,” Sirius blinked, a smirk forming on his lips.
“Yes. They’re very...dangly.”
“Oh? You’ve got a problem with them?”
“Yeah. Can’t stand them,” Remus went on, while knowing full well that ever since Sirius had gotten his ears pierced, he’d somehow become even more difficult to not stare at; that this seemingly insignificant addition of accessories had been making it hard to concentrate on what Sirius was saying sometimes.
“Ah. That’s a shame,” Sirius muttered nonchalantly while scooping up all of his hair, with the exception of a few gracefully cascading wavy strands, and putting it into a bun, secured by his wand. “Guess you’ll just have to get used to looking at them.”
Without realising, Remus had stopped breathing for a moment. Was Sirius flirting with him? “Yeah, that’s--”
“Take that thing out of your hair, Pads, you look like an idiot,” James materialised right next to them, cackling and nudging Sirius’ shoulder. “So what are we up to tonight?”
Sirius slowly turned his head to look at James, a stoney expression painted over his face.
“What?” James shrugged. “Is it because I said you look like an idiot? Doesn’t he, Moony?”
“Really? You want to talk about other people’s hair?” Remus did a near-perfect imitation of James ruffling his hair, making his own dirty blonde strands stand up in all directions. “Do I look dangerously attractive yet?”
“Moony!” James gasped dramatically, clutching at his heart, while Sirius chuckled, leading the way towards the other side of the common room.
“Oi! Potter!” Lily called out and James reached her so fast, you would have thought he had just Apparated.
“So what do you think?” Remus plopped down onto one of the sofas, his eyes fixed onto Lily as he pulled Sirius down with him.
“Er...yeah, it suits you. I wouldn’t say it makes you dangerously attractive per se… Folding your socks is not a very dangerous trait.”
“What? What are you talking about?” Remus tore his eyes off Lily, who was already deep in an animated conversation with James, and looked at Sirius in confusion.
“Your hair… Isn’t that what you were asking about?”
“I was asking about Lily…” Remus was pleased to see that for once in his life, he wasn’t the one blushing. “But thanks, Sirius.”
* * *
“Do I look dangerously attractive yet?” Remus teased James, and Sirius silently nodded to himself as he walked across the room, laughing.
“Moony!”
Remus seemed to have such an air of confidence around him that evening that Sirius found himself staring at him sheepishly, unwittingly fantasising about running his fingers through that messy hair. This was the first time that he was undeniably reciprocating Sirius’ flirting, and it felt exhilarating.
Sirius wanted to grab Remus’ face and pull him into a kiss-- but he shouldn’t, he thought. It wouldn’t be fair to either one of them - he wanted them both to be completely sober for that. Sirius was all too familiar with doing something stupid while high or drunk and even more familiar with the regret, or sometimes shame, that would rear its head in the light of the following morning.
He wanted to tell Remus how he felt about him; he wanted to show him. But he decided not to, not just then. It wouldn’t have been fair to either one of them.
“So what do you think?” Remus muttered, instantly dragging Sirius out of his thoughts.
“Er...yeah, it suits you. I wouldn’t say it makes you dangerously attractive… Folding your socks is not a very dangerous trait, you know...”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“Your hair… Isn’t that what you were asking about?”
“I was asking about Lily… But thanks, Sirius.”
“You’re welcome,” he mumbled, trying to will away the heat rising in his face. “Shut up,” he added as Remus smirked at him with obvious satisfaction.
“I didn’t say anything.”
“You were thinking about saying something,” Sirius rolled his eyes, fighting back a happy smile. “What do you mean, what do I think about Lily?”
“Do you like her?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Hey, I just remembered...that time I heard James and Peter convincing you to tell someone you fancy them… Who is it?”
Sirius hadn’t expected Moony to ask him that. In fact, he’d forgotten about that conversation completely it seemed. “Oh that wasn’t really...anyone,” he concluded quickly.
“Oh? Well, I just thought I’d ask…” Remus shrugged it off.
“How’s Vincent doing?” Sirius blurted out before he could stop himself. Although, he hoped, his tone might have been casual enough to not betray him.
“Haven’t got a clue. Why?”
“No reason.”
“So what do you think about Lily?”
“I think I like her more than I thought I would,” Sirius started happily, feeling like there wasn’t another place on Earth he’d rather be. “She just always seemed more...boring and stuck up, I guess? But I suppose that was just her reaction to Prongs, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah… But now… Do you think maybe she is actually interested in James now?”
“Aren’t you two best mates now? Shouldn’t you know if she’s interested in anyone or not?”
“Hm. I guess I never really understood girls. Never cared to, anyway. Not really my crowd.”
Sirius stole a sideway glance at Remus, who spoke so nonchalantly. His eyebrows dipping over his eyes slightly; surely, he thought, there was only one way to interpret that statement, wasn’t there?
“Remember that time I kept casting the Muffliato Charm on McGonagall every time someone was answering a question?”
“Vividly. Yet, I still can’t believe you did that. You worship her.”
“That would have been my first detention, had you not taken the blame.” Remus conjured a couple of those blue flames and watched them spinning in the air as he spoke.
“I didn’t really take the blame. I just didn’t correct Minnie when she assumed it was me,” Sirius was surprised by how quiet his own voice came out as he gazed at Remus’ profile, one of his arms draped across the backrest of the sofa.
“Yeah, that’s what you said to me when I thanked you for it,” Remus chuckled. “Why didn’t you correct her though?”
“Remus…” Sirius’ voice was laced with laughter now.
“What?” Moony looked over at him, their eyes meeting.
“You--” Sirius’ breath caught and he had to remind himself that pulling Remus into a kiss and snogging him until they both couldn’t feel their lips anymore wasn’t a good idea; not while Moony was high. “You are so high.” He heaved himself up and lay back across the length of the sofa, resting his head on Remus’ lap.
“True. But irrelevant.”
“I didn’t correct her because it would have been your first detention.”
“It was, what, the beginning of our third year? It was about time, don’t you think?” Remus kept his eyes on the blue flames as he spoke, but Sirius could see his smile widen a little all the same.
“I was also very much impressed.”
“By me?” This time, Remus looked down at Sirius.
“Don’t look so surprised. I don’t think I would have had the guts to do that then.”
“Yeah… You probably still don’t have the guts to do that now.”
“Oi!” Sirius flicked Remus’ nose playfully. “I just think that of all the professors, McGonagall is the least deserving to be pranked.”
“Or the scariest?”
“Also the scariest…”
“She likes you though. Always has.”
“I like her too. Alas, we could never be together,” Sirius quipped, making them both laugh.
