Hello! If you're feeling up for it, 84, 102, or 119 for the intimacy prompts with Shadowgast? Any of those, if they inspire anything. 😊
Hello! Definitely inspired something! This is for one of them, though the other two will probably get written at some stage and posted separately!
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119 - being in comfortable clothes together
shadowgast, post canon, 620 words, no content warnings apply
His hair is damp, as he steps out of their bathing chamber, unable to get it completely dry without the use of prestidigitation. His hands itch to cast, as he pulls the towel off his head and shrugs into one of Caleb’s sweaters, but he stops himself. He’s trying to get better at taking comfort in not needing to be immaculate when he’s here in Caleb’s house. Caleb already knows what he looks like; between Aeor, and the years since, there’s been many times he’s ended up in a state of undress.
Dropping the towel down onto the hamper, Essek pads into the bedroom, the timber floors slightly cold under his bare feet. He doesn’t float while here. Not anymore, and it’s nice to have his feet connected to the ground. Like he’s home, and doesn’t need to pretend.
And he doesn’t, as he pauses in front of the dresser, unearthing a pair of soft, threadbare sleep pants and slips them on. They are large, barely staying up on his thin frame, and he has to knot the cord firmly to keep them from sliding down his hips. The sweater too, with it’s stretched out neckline that hangs off one shoulder. They are both Caleb’s and he has given up pretending he doesn’t enjoy wearing things that belong to him. Can even admit out loud that it’s comforting, to be surrounded by Caleb’s scent and warmth, that he misses it every time he’s away.
Caleb is already in bed, propped up against the headboard with a stack of pillows behind his back, glasses on and book open in front of him. He’s in a long, sleeveless loose shirt, the sleeves having been sacrificed long ago, and as far as Essek can tell, that’s all he is in. He can’t help the fond chuckle that escapes as he climbs in next to him and presses a kiss to Caleb’s head.
“How are you not cold?”
“Hmm?” Caleb looks up from his book, eyes still a mile away as he focuses on Essek. He blinks, before answering. “Empire blood. We run hot.”
“I know,” replies Essek, settling in and fussing with the blankets around them.
Caleb smiles at him as he tips his head back to look at him, the lines around his eyes crinkle and bright blue eyes shining. He reaches a hand out and takes one of Essek’s, threading their fingers together.
“Are you comfortable? I can grab an extra blanket?”
“No need, aşkım. I am quite comfortable.”
He reaches his free hand out, and using a bit of telekinesis, floats his own book off the bedside table and over to him. Flipping it open to the place marked by a scrap of paper, he wedges himself further down into the cushions.
They lose themselves in each of their own books, the quiet only distrubed by the rustling of turning pages and Caleb’s mug of tea, and occasionally the brush of a thumb across the back of Essek’s hand. He’s unsure of how much time has passed, before there’s a prickle of awareness that draws him out of the text. He’s being watched, the weight of eyes on the side of his neck causing his lips to quirk into a smile.
Caleb’s page hasn’t turned in a while.
“May I help you?”
“Seeing you in my clothes, it makes me happy.” Caleb’s voice is low and rumbly, a huskiness that Essek knows comes from Caleb being on the edge of sleep. “Seeing you as just Essek, without the layers.”
“Oh?”
“That you trust me enough to do so. It’s special.”
Essek just raises their still-joined hands, and presses a kiss to the back of Caleb’s palm.
The Point of Cowboy Tai Chi - self awareness in horsemanship
The skills that we teach in clinic’s and lessons and through the correspondence course are largely based off this thing we call “Self-Awareness.” We want to adapt that concept to interacting with horses on a variety of levels, primarily from a point of leadership and partnership.
I suppose one way to look at it is that we must mindfully be seeking a deeper level of self-awareness in order to develop what Ray Hunt and the Dorrance brothers called “FEEL.” Or feeling of the horse so that horse and human can learn to feel together.
If you have been around horses long enough, you will find that horsemanship attracts people who want to a “feel” of their horse to achieve that highest level of connection and communication. With that desire being an attracting factor, so much of how we help students is to begin creating Neural pathways that allow for mindful searching to achieve self-awareness.
I meet people all the time, whom, like myself, want to help horses and bond with their horse, but often get in their own way of achieving their goals. They in essence, (I know, I have been there in my life) cannot find a way to set aside their ego and emotional imbalance to see the horses needs clearly.
As the understanding of horses, Neuro Chemistry is recognizable and common knowledge myths about how horses think, feel, play and act need to be re-examined. Horsemen are going to have to adapt accordingly.
What I spend an increasingly larger amount of time coaching is how to help the student set aside their ego’s, low self-esteem and most importantly the unrealistic expectations of their horse. This requires one to face the fact that horses do not possess the brain capacity to have ego’s, or plot against us. They have reactions or respond with their own sense of reasoning largely based on their innate instinct to survive.
Simply understood, horses live in the moment, so we must learn to share that moment with them. This is called being present. A concept that is fairly elusive to our on-demand world availalble with a flick of the thumb.
When I see a human putting pressure on horses to hurry up and comply, as a result of being chased, abused, drugged or harassed, I will try and intervene on the horse’s behalf and cause the human to actively develop self-awareness. The results are generally wonderful for all involved too.
When I think back to my list of amazing teachers of Horsemanship, the very common observation they have, is, at least when they were working with a horse, they demonstrated a strong sense of self-awareness and emotional fitness.
Self-Awareness is having a clear perception of your personality, including strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motivation, and emotions. Self-Awareness allows you to understand other people and likely horses too, how they perceive you and your actions, your attitude and your responses to them in the moment.
How to develop and increase self-awareness around horses (and in everyday life)
1. Look at yourself objectively. Do the same for your horse!
2. Keep a journal, find a way to measure progress. Phases are a great measure of progress. Journal what phase you do on any given day, then check back to see if your horse is getting lighter! Our emotions often make us critical due to ego, money and time constraints.
3. Write down your goals, plans, and priorities, keep track of your horse’s progress and your own journey of growth.
4. Perform daily self-reflection.
5. Practice meditation ,quiet times or mindfulness habits. To apply this directly to your horsemanship, practice the art of doing nothing with your horse. Or add a meditation or quiet-time to your work out. (Life changing practice for my own journey)
6. Ask a trusted instructor to describe you and your progress with your horse. Education and experience see things that you may not know to look for yet!
7. Allow your horse to give you feedback and take it with a sense of humor and a shot of tequila. Some days, when we lack connection and emotional fitness, we can leave a not so positive feel on our horse. If your horse develops any sort of behavior that you would otherwise call: stubborn, cheeky, spooky, arrogant or naughty, this is likely your horses way of telling you he is not feeling safe or cool with what has been happening. Take a deep breath, think objectively and find a solution if you pinpoint something obvious.
8. Check your emotions at the gate. You can carry compassion and a sense of humor with you, nothing but positive feel should come from you. Your horse can only sense if you are excited or relaxed. When a horse feels our heart rate rise and sees our grumpy face, he only has the brain capacity to assume you are a hungry predator excited about eating. (Could be why he runs from you?)
Want to Be a Good Leader? Step One: Know Thyself around horses
The principles of Heartfelt Horsemanship are to create strong leaders, if only for horses.
1. Keep an open mind. Understand the horse’s idea first.
2. Be mindful of your strengths and weaknesses. Don’t go so far outside your comfort zone that you cannot come back.
3. Stay focused or the better way to say this is: Remember your intent. Be clear in your intent and keep it simple. Horses cannot think 20 goals at a time!
4. Set boundaries.
5. Know your emotional triggers and get help in coping with those.
6. Embrace your intuition.
7. Practice self-discipline.
Tips for improving your self-awareness.
1. Get out of the comfort zone. No one grows there. Adversely don’t go farther than you can safely manage. Build goals.
2. Identify your triggers.
3. Do not judge your feelings. Learning horsemanship is tough, and sometimes can be frightening. Be kind t yourself.
4. Don't make decisions in a bad mood around horses. You will regret it. Rather hang it up for the day and try when you are refreshed!
5. Don't make decisions in a good mood either, good horsemen are objective and neutral!
Originally asked by @jamieylnn on this post: "84, 102, or 119 for the intimacy prompts with Shadowgast". I got around to another one of them. It's less fluff and a bit more angsty, but this is where my brain went with it.
Thanks again to @mllekurtz for taking my spaghetti-thrown-at-a-wall mess and helping turn it into an actual coherent meal. <3
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84 - sky watching
Shadowgast, post canon established relationship, canon compliant, 2108 words, cw: brief fatalistic thoughts
Caleb stepped onto the roof, hands tucked into the pockets of his linen pants, feet bare and hair untied. He found Essek in the middle of it, lying on his back and hovering a few inches off the ground, one hand held up as he seemed to map something in the stars above.
He paused, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness, taking in the sight of moonlight against Essek’s skin. The shifting, gentle light was like a caress, catching on the smattering of freckles across Essek’s cheeks, the traces of silver still lined around his eyes, and glinted off the jewellery delicately clasped to his ears. He had come out here sometime while Caleb was bathing, the bedroom empty and the open window the only indication that he hadn’t teleported away completely.
They were in Emon, Caleb visiting Allura under the pretence of collaboration in magical education when really it was an excuse for Essek to spend some time investigating some interesting dunamantic pulls he had discovered in the jungles to the south of the capital. It had been three weeks of exploring, discovering, and relaxing in the way that Essek and Caleb do, days filled with academic pursuits while taking advantage of the fact that Essek didn’t have to hide, could just be Essek. They had their Tower, though it wasn’t used much, each more content to take the time to enjoy the open air and sky above them.
But, like all things, it had to come to an end. They lingered as much as they could, on the journey back to Emon. Had slowed down the pace, spending more time in the Tower than exploring outside of it, until they couldn’t justify the delay any further and Essek teleported them back to the house they had rented.
Essek’s easy smile had become strained during their dinner, as Caleb spoke of his students and the plans he had been toying with for the next semester, answers taking longer to come when Caleb would ask for his opinion. He could recognise the signs, having seen them before, but he knew that Essek would only talk about it when he was ready to.
He stepped forward, feet scuffing intentionally against the loose dirt and pebbles. One of Essek’s ears twitched, the only indication that he had heard Caleb’s arrival. Essek continued to stare up at the sky, hand pausing in its tracing before he pulled it back. His violet eyes were shining in the low light, the stars reflected back, an endless void that Caleb could lose himself in if he looked too long.
Pausing, Caleb debated for a long moment before he eased himself down onto the ground next to Essek, groaning slightly as his muscles protested the movement. He envied Essek’s ability to hover, the rough ground was not kind on his ageing body, but it was one trick he had never quite got the hang of every time Essek had tried to teach it to him.
He stared at the skyline of Emon, Allura’s tower in the distance, a beacon on the edge of the Cloudtop district, the few lights still lit up in the houses around them. It was still, quiet, and every bit of his focus was on monitoring the small movements of the drow next to him. The stuttering rise and fall of Essek’s chest, breath ragged and uneven, hand flicking through somatic gestures and arcane runes as if by habit, all while his eyes stared at the sky above, unblinking.
It was a long moment before Essek blinked and broke the silence, his voice rough and low.
“I miss the sky. This one… this one is different. It’s not Rosohna’s sky. I did not think— I should not miss it.”
“It is not that different—”
“Except it is,” Essek cut in, voice sharp. “Rosohna’s… it isn’t a perfect match for what would be in the sky above Wildemount. It’s based off the Bright Queen’s memory of what it once was, over thousands of years ago. The sky has changed since then.”
“I wasn’t aware of that,” Caleb admitted, drawing one knee up to his chest and wrapping an arm around it, eyes still focused on Essek’s face.
“No. You had no reason to be. You weren’t there for that long… and you had more pressing concerns.”
“Fjord never did see that ceremony.”
Essek laughed hollowly. “No, he did not.”
They fell back into silence, and there was a tension there now that wasn’t there earlier. A wariness to the way Essek’s shoulders hunched ever so slightly, as if he had to brace himself for whatever was said next.
And Caleb didn’t want to ask it, didn’t want to bring it up, but he knew that if he didn’t, then this would fester and he couldn’t bear anything being a reason for Essek to stay away.
“Do you regret it?” He saw Essek flinch, a barely perceptible motion that he would have missed, hadn’t he been looking for it. He clarified, “Not… not taking it. I mean— well. Us, the Nein. We threw your plans into disarray and Jester… and me. You would not be here if not for us, you wouldn’t have had suspicion placed on you.”
“There would have been suspicion on me eventually.”
“And Shadowhand Thelyss would have had a plan for that,” he pointed out with a rueful chuckle. “Or at least, the glimmer that we saw of Shadowhand Thelyss would have, and if he was anything like Bren, well… plans upon plans.”
There was a long beat before Essek replied.
“I would not change any step that I took that led me to you—”
“I don’t doubt you on that, meine Liebe, but—”
“I don’t say that for you,” Essek snapped, holding a finger up between them while his eyes didn’t move from the sky. “Just… just let me finish.”
Caleb merely nodded, biting his lip at his instinct to respond.
“I don’t say that for you. I say it because sometimes I need to remind myself of what I have gained. I don’t… it’s not regret. Or rather, I did not know quite how much it would bite. I did not anticipate the… the vastness of it, of displacement.”
Caleb got the sense that Essek wasn’t finished, so he said nothing, just waited and watched, hands itching to reach out, to comfort and hold.
“I miss home. Not… I know I have one with you. My towers, my laboratory. I did not expect to miss it quite so much. The eternal night, the easy access… this hiding. I hate it. I hate it.”
Essek scrubbed a hand across his eyes, and Caleb’s heart ached. He knew what it was like to not be able to return to a place that he wanted to, a weight that nobody who hadn’t experienced loss understood. He lifted a hand towards Essek, but before his fingers could connect Essek flinched back, turning away from Caleb.
“Essek, Liebling.”
“No— don’t,” Essek gasped, curling in on himself. He hunched over, still somehow hovering a few inches off the floor, shoulders raised. “Don’t give me your sympathy. I bought this bed and now I have to live in it.”
Caleb could not help the way his heart clenched at that, the fondness for the jumbled saying seeping through his own pain, his own realisation that this had been brewing for far longer than he had realised. He should have seen it. Should have realised that all the times Essek snapped recently weren’t just due to the exhaustion of being in the sun, that when Essek chose to trance before Caleb had fallen asleep he did so to avoid conversation, that the times he had tracked him down to the ninth floor, the moment of vacant expression before a smile kicked in was more than just troubling thoughts. Caleb had to swallow around the lump that had formed in his own throat. There was a sudden hollowness in his stomach as he realised how much the situation was affecting Essek.
It took a moment to realise the hollow gasping sound wasn’t coming from him, that despite the swirling storm of his own emotions, his shoulders weren’t shaking and he wasn’t falling apart.
Essek was.
Essek, who had tried to hide his worries from Caleb. Essek, who had to be coaxed to state what he needed and wanted on a good day. Essek, who could command and demand his way into any room but would barely make eye contact when he truly cared about the opinion of whoever he was talking to.
This was exactly why he hadn’t said anything, why he didn’t show it. He was as bad as Caleb in his determination to carry his own burdens.
But there was something Caleb had learned, that he had an advantage on Essek in learning, and that was that burdens were immensely easier to carry when shared.
Shoving away his own guilt, carefully, ever so carefully, Caleb inched forward and placed a hand on Essek’s back. He felt Essek tense under his hand, but this time he didn’t move away. Swallowing, Caleb took that as encouragement and shifted again, hand moving across Essek’s back until his arm was wrapped around Essek’s shoulders.
“Essek.”
Essek gasped, letting out a heartbreaking sob before leaning the tiniest bit into Caleb’s grasp.
Caleb just waited. Not demanding, and not expecting, just hoping that Essek would take the comfort offered.
Slowly, Essek turned to Caleb, fraction by fraction he shifted until his shoulder was against Caleb’s chest, his forehead tucked against Caleb, and he was sobbing into Caleb’s shirt. Caleb held him, hand moving in gentle, soothing circles on his back as he murmured in Zemnian, nonsense phrases and observations about everything he loved about Essek.
When he judged that Essek may have calmed, when the sobs became sniffles and Essek stopped clutching Caleb’s clothing like he would drown without the lifeline, Caleb leaned down and pressed a kiss into Essek’s soft curls.
He gently ran a thumb under each eye, drawing away what dampness he could as shining violet eyes blinked up at him.
“I’m so—”
“Shh, Liebling, it’s okay. There is nothing to apologise for.”
Essek’s eyes closed, as he let out a shuddering breath.
“It is okay to mourn what you had, Essek. It is okay to acknowledge what you have lost, even while you acknowledge what you have gained. One doesn’t cancel out the other. Looking back… it is not a bad thing.” He was saying it as much for Essek as he was for himself. They had always been similar, had always understood each other in a way that no one else did. It could be a crutch, could be their downfall, but instead it led to a partnership that was equal, that felt so right, like it was always meant to be. He wanted to be that support for Essek, the way Essek always was for him. “When we visited Blumenthal, and I said goodbye, you stood with me. In the T-Dock even, you would have helped me, without question. You have ever since, even when all I wanted to do was rewrite time so I could step back and do it all again.”
“It is not the same.” There was little conviction in Essek’s tone, it was barely a protest.
“No, it isn’t. But what I am saying is that it is okay to have dark days, to have days where it is all too much. That is why I am here. To remind you that you can do this, Essek. That it is worth it, that you are strong enough to get through it. And on the days where you aren’t, where you need quiet and to escape, I will be here to hold you.”
“You won’t always be here, when you’re teaching and I’m off… wherever.”
“We can both teleport, distance and time are meaningless with the right determination.”
Essek half laughed and half hiccuped, an odd choked off noise that Caleb had never heard him make before. A grin started to grow across his face as Essek looked taken aback at the noise, and it was far too cute for Caleb to let it go.
He leaned forward and kissed Essek, chapped lips pressing gently against carefully looked after ones. Drawing back, Caleb presses a second kiss to the tip of Essek’s nose, another between his eyes, his forehead.
“I love you,” murmured Essek.
Caleb smiled, shifting carefully to lie back, adjusting and holding Essek to his chest as he went.
“Come. Tell me about the differences in the stars.”
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Jamie-Lynn Sigler is sorry to dash your ‘Sopranos’ reboot hopes
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Instead Sigler, 41, is focusing on juggling her career, motherhood and having multiple sclerosis.
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Britney Spears lashes out at sister Jamie-Lynn in savage post about family failures
Britney Spears lashes out at sister Jamie-Lynn in savage post about family failures
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Britney Spears continues to enjoy holiday with Sam Asghari
Britney Spears has lashed out amid her conservatorship battle, claiming that she was forced to…
