#jan-aki

[i-scan-your-poems]

(They've got) allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters

Trash compactors, juice extractors, shower rods and water meters

Walkie-talkies, copper wires, safety goggles, radial tires

BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers

Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters

Paint removers, window louvres, masking tape and plastic gutters

Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables

Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles

Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication

Metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation

Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors

Tire gauges, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors

Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers

Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers

Soffit panels, circuit breakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers

Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers

– ◡ – ◡ / – ◡ – ◡ / – ◡ – ◡ / – ◡ – ◡ allen wrenches, / gerbil feeders, / toilet seats, e/lectric heaters – ◡ – ◡ / – ◡ – ◡ / – ◡ – ◡ / – ◡ – ◡ Trash compactors, / juice extractors, / shower rods and / water meters

Metrical form: a very regular trochaic octameter. the feet are organized into 2-foot metra in which the first stress is the primary stress. also, words can span multiple trochees but cannot span multiple metra.

Rhyme scheme: ok so the line ends always rhyme, but within the lines, the metra have a rhyme scheme too. im gonna mark each metron here, but mark a metron that isnt part of the rhyme scheme with X:

XAXA BBXA XCXC DDXC XEXE FFXE

etc.

[watermelonolemretaw]

Oh, your url is watermelon joined with watermelon spelled backwards!

You've always just been watermelokhqvqhxyv to me lol

real

[i-scan-your-poems]

Welcome to Conlang Critic!

(that's the "poem", not a greeting)

scansion:

– ◡ / – ◡ / – ◡ / – ◡ that's the / "poem", / not a / greeting

metrical form: trochaic tetrameter

[i-scan-your-poems]

Is metrically analyzing text like different kinds of chords in music? Like, technically you can come up with a name for everything but it's not usually common or useful

I think that's a good analogy! Every use of language (well, every use of more than one syllable of language) has prosodic features, which in English includes every syllable being stressed or unstressed (or sometimes having a secondary stress). I've been reading recently about rhetorical clausulae, specific rhythms that ancient Roman orators intentionally put at the ends of sentences because people liked how they sounded; those specific rhythmic patterns are significant, but there are lots of patterns in a speech that you could describe just as easily but that weren't used very much and weren't really a "thing".

One thing that complicates the analogy: the actual series of stressed and unstressed syllables (which every use of language has) is different from the metrical form (which really only metrical poetry has). When I scan a whole poem and then say that it's "iambic tetrameter", I'm talking about an abstraction, I'm formalizing the reader's or writer's internal sense of how the line's basic rhythm goes; but when I make a post scanning something that's only one line long and isn't part of a poem, what I'm doing is noticing that that phrase's/sentence's rhythm happens to fit within a common or conventionalized metrical form.

Hopefully this answers your question!

[i-scan-your-poems]

mein gott leute

meine mama hat mir eifach erlaubt

dass ich Cola trinken darf

wie cool ist das bitte

jetzt zocke Fortnite

und trinke Cola

Yippeee!

scansion:

– – – ◡ mein gott leute – ◡ – ◡ – ◡ – ◡ ◡ – meine mama hat mir einfach erlaubt ◡ ◡ – ◡ – ◡ – dass ich Cola trinken darf ◡ – – ◡ – ◡ wie cool ist das bitte ◡ – ◡ ◡ – ◡ jetzt zocke ich Fortnite ◡ ◡ – ◡ und trink Cola ◡ – Yippeee!

mein deutsch ist wirklich schlecht and im going off of how it sounds in the video so please correct me

[i-scan-your-poems]

I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole

scansion:

– ◡ ◡ / – ◡ ◡ / – ◡ ◡ / – I am a / dwarf and I'm / digging a / hole

metrical form: dactylic tetrameter catalectic