You know, I'm at a phase of my life in which I became more well aware of who I am as myself and the place I have in this world, and I still wonder at times about the sort of legacy I'm building within the fandoms I'm in, whether I'll be remembered or just simply forgotten, despite my efforts to prove the contrary. Like, I'm no deltaartist, I began as a Final Fantasy IX illustrator because nobody wanted to draw my characters for the fanfictions I've written (and I'm still writing some of them, it's just that I'm working on too many projects at once while being a, well, only one person doing it all), then I moved to the Moomin fandom and I began to illustrate my stories as well because I had a vision of what I wanted to see and I couldn't afford to pay someone else to do it for me, so I had to do it myself, you see, and now, as a deltaartist, I'm drawing my own Deltarune comic based on my AU because, again, I want to do it myself, it's not just a question of "I need to pay this person this much money so they'll do things for me", uh, no, I have my own job and a salary and I get to invest some of that money on my art tools, like, I bought all sorts of pens and pencils that I never thought I'd use in my works.
I'm doing better, I'll say. And I do things no one else is willing to do, meaning these things that exist in my head that need to get out of it, or else they'll remain just ideas that come and pass as quick as tides of an endless sea of possibilities.
I still think about being popular at a very often, though sometimes seldom basis. Now, when I say "popular", I don't mean like being everywhere, that's impossible, no, it's... It's more like being popular in a sense that my efforts of storytelling and artwork are acknowledged by people who appreciate those. Thing is, though, it's like people have a hard time appreciating the work that comes from free of others. Like, I'm doing this Deltacomic on my limited free time. I'm drawing a very obscure Moomin character who showed up in a single episode of the 1990 anime that, at this point, may as well be a semi OC... For free. I wrote a huge amount of Final Fantasy IX fanlore regarding the Burmecians, I even came up with original characters myself... For free. No money involved. Well, there's money, of course, I need to pay my pens, they're not infinite and I need to buy them, I need to buy paper, I need to pay my bills, sure, but I do these things without being paid to do them.
I keep musing about what will I do next on my Deltarune AU for free. Heck, I'm even thinking about giving a little sister to Berdly because that would allow myself to write something new about his character within the context of the AU I came up with, and I do it for fucking free, like, I'm not getting any cents on my bank account by imagining what Plover will look like on paper.
So, yeah... I just rambled a bit in here, hope that makes any sense and I'll be posting in here whenever I can, under my very limited free time. My holidays will be on September, by the way.
