I write these posts as a bit of therapy for myself. I post videos and quotes and music and gifs for your entertainment and sometimes your edification, so I post them to twitter as well because they first entertained or edified me. I never post things like this to twitter because I don't want anyone to read them, although i'd argue that every personal blog is not about hoping that everybody reads it but that the right person reads it. Hopefully they would read it because they are sincerely interested in what's going on in your head even though they may leave more confused and un-enlightened than when they first arrived.
I find myself at a critical point in my life (then again, aren't they all critical); I honestly feel like I'm honestly a day or a week or a month away from something extremely climatic taking place beyond my expectations. Whenever a person is in that situation I feel like that is when it's easiest to give up and hardest to continue because you are literally right around the corner from something major you just have no idea when or what it is. God has done this on purpose because he knows me, I've never been one to relinquish control of my own destiny. I like plans, I like to see things coming from a mile away, I have a 30/60/90 forecast for every scenario from jobs to music to relationships to locations, God knows this and I firmly believe that he won't stop until I completely surrender all my planning, scheming, and forecasting to him. Truth is, on a month by month basis I have no idea where I will be living: I don't know if I'll be in Tallahassee, Minneapolis, Atlanta, Jacksonville, New York and it drives me crazy. I have no idea when I'll meet the girl who will take my breathe away that I would do insane non-sensical things for in order to prove my love; I don't know where she's at, what she looks like, or if I've even interacted with her yet....and that drives me crazy. I don't know what job I'm going to have in 3 weeks: will I be a DCI at Best Buy Tallahassee still, maybe a Regional Account Manager, perhaps a CSM, or will I no longer be with the company...who knows, all I know is that it drives me crazy. I have no idea what's going to happen with this music: will our planning work, will my money spent pay off, will Hip-Hop be dead by the time we are set to "make it"....is it even about "making it" in the first place.... it drives me crazy.
Yet I feel like for now, God wouldn't have it any other way; at the edge of human reason is the base of God's understanding. Therefore for me to try to out-plan and out-scheme him for my own benefit is to act as a fool would.
