#jax's thoughts

[end-fall]

The door shut. Jax turned and flopped onto the bed before cursing and rolling onto her stomach. She felt lighter than she had in years as memories of the evening ran through her head.

The hugging. The crying. Yuza's murmured Infernal like a warm fire. The way she held Jax's hands between hers. The kissing.

Holy shit the kissing.

The way it started out clumsy and awkward, but only got better. Yuza's lips, soft and warm beneath hers, her tail curled gently around Jax's ankle. It was better than she could have ever imagined.

Her mind jumped back a bit, to the moment before the kiss, Yuza might not have realized it, but she'd just given Jax her freedom. Maybe for the first time ever. She wouldn't have to worry about her family and could just focus on finding Violet and stopping these motherfuckers. Sure she still had the rune, but that didn't seem as important any more. The Roses didn't have shit on her now.

She kicked off her shoes and snuggled beneath the blankets, Yuza's laughing smile was the last thing she saw before she drifted off to sleep.

[soulessaura]

I just got a random train of thought...

Imagine living with all of your Oc’s... like, all of them.

so; every time you got rid of an old character, they moved out. and every time you made a new one or brought back an old oc, they moved in.

And they were all themselves, like; exactly how you wrote them.

I have around 300-450 Oc’s Imagine the chores, The shopping, the washing. Everything.

Just imagine.

[end-fall]

"It's when something so traumatic happens to you that your brain can't forget it."

"... We called that shell shock."

When Jax was younger there had been a mine collapse. The upper viens had were running dry and they had to keep digging deeper to find ore. The further down they went, the more likely the explosives they used to clear the rock would destabilize the tunnel and cause a cave in. Was using artillery shells for mining safe? No, but it was cheap and effective, and that's what mattered. This cave in had been bad. Her dad had gotten injured in it, an injury that would later go septic and kill him. There was one man, a halfling called Edward Murview, who had gotten trapped in the explosion and was stuck under the rubble for 3 days before they managed to dig him out. Her dad said he was never the same afterwards. He had a look in his eyes like he wasn't all there and he spent almost every waking moment at the bar, drinking like he was trying to keep Dorio in business all by himself. Jax asked what was wrong with him and her mom told her that sometimes when something really bad happens, not all of a person is able to move on, that part of Murview was probably still stuck down there all alone in the dark, and was nothing they could do about it. Jax had always felt sorry for him after that.

[end-fall]

The airship was amazing. Jax could see the pilot making adjustments to the ship with magitech gloves as she slipped out of the cabin. She wondered if this was what it was like for her sister when she came to Illium. The two of them tried to build an airship once. It had ended in scraped knees and fire. Adine had give them a good yelling to afterwards. The memory made her smile as she swiftly hopped herself onto the roof of the cabin.

It was peaceful up here. Jax hadn't had a peaceful moment in a while. The closest she had was the week of sitting in the dungeons of Leon as they tried to figure out what to do with her, but this was nice. When she leaned back against the slope of the roof she could look up and see the rain sliding down the sides of the protective magic bubble. No one seemed to notice her up here. The faint hum of magic and the sound of rain was comforting and she felt like she could relax, even just a little bit, as she laid back and watched the rain.

[end-fall]

 Jax fidgeted with the edge of her hand wrap as Yuza cursed the Primogens and their need for wax.

 It had been a very long day and she was physically and emotionally done. Her brain kept going back to the fight. To Cynn's cutting remark about Sunshine. Jax paused, the teasing nickname tasted bitter now, but being together hadn't gotten Cael killed. Though maybe if Jax had acted differently maybe she'd still be here. Maybe if she'd healed Cael instead she'd have been okay. Maybe it was her fault. She tried to push the thought away, but it kept coming back. 

 She was exhausted and she wanted a hug, but Elton was off doing prince things, and Cynn was in a mood and needed to be left alone, so she came here. Looking for comfort she guessed,  but instead she found Connor who was weird and annoying to talk to. When Yuza finally did arrive, she sat Jax down and began to rant. Jax was happy to be there for her, but she had to push down some bitter feeling as she focused on listening to Yuza. Her shit could wait. She'd just have to suck it up and deal with it like she'd done a hundred times before. 

[end-fall]

Jax took a deep breath, trying to regulate her breathing. To keep the rising panic at bay. Violet would be back soon. She wasn't going to just leave her there alone in a small room. Again. 

Her mind felt blurred. She knew she was safe. She just had to wait for the spell to run it's course. She knew Violet would be back soon, but that didn't stop the panic. She still felt trapped. Alone. Like she was loosing her mind. 

She tried to take a deep breath again, but it didn't help. Without something to distract her it was hard to focus, to keep her shaky mind above the panic. Maybe this was the ptsd thing Char was talking about, she didn't really know.

[end-fall]

Jax had done a lot of stupid things in her life, but the second saw the chain snap she realised this might be the stupidest, and the last. She only fell for a moment before something hit her head *hard* and everything went black. Next time she opened her eyes she was weightless and everything hurt, especially her head. She saw the ground rushing towards them the same time she felt Elton clinging to her. 

Fuck.

 She could still feel the tingle of the sheer amount of arcanic resonance that had coursed through her. She tried to focus the last dregs of magic and... their fall slowed. With milliseconds to spare they landed gently on their feet as rubble crashed down around them. 

Someone started yelling and they all ran towards... a skyship? When the fuck that get here? It was getting hard to think as Jax teetered on the edge of consciousness. Her head was warm and sticky, that couldn't be good. There was the creak of wood beneath her feet as she tried to make sure everyone was safe, but her vision swam and it all went dark again.

[end-fall]

 Jax was going to have to talk to Cynn and Elton about keeping their fucking mouths shut about Yuza. She didn't think Yuza wanted people to know yet and this was still new. Still fragile. Jax was half expecting the other shoe to drop. For Yuza to realize... What? That she was an asshole? A scrappy kid from the hicks that had nothing to offer, but still head over heals for the first pretty woman she met? Any of it would be reason enough for Yuza to change her mind. A part of Jax didn't even know if this would last past this mission. That Yuza wouldn't just get bored and change her mind. She lived in a different world, one they both knew Jax didn't belong in. Being seen with Jax was probably bad for Yuza's reputation anyway. 

 But still... Yuza did seem genuine the other night and Jax, bad idea or not, was too far gone to turn back now. She just hoped it didn't end soon.