Dec 25, 2020
How does a bird cause an apocalypse?! Twice?! O.O
It's just one of those things ya know!!!!! Not important how it happens!
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How does a bird cause an apocalypse?! Twice?! O.O
It's just one of those things ya know!!!!! Not important how it happens!
Remember when I ripped a hole in in space and almost started an apocalypse because I refuse to listen....
Yeah me neither...
Clearly these guys have never met me because I have caused 80% of the dangerous situations for my party
Next session I am screwing a vampire and you can't stop me DM
Well.... today we had... quite the session.
Let's start off in the tavern. We wake up normally and notice Javier missing. We are like ok we gotta go find him. I ask a dwarve where he is and he points us in the right direction. Jayfice gives him a little wink on the way out. And we head towards a bathhouse only to get ran into. Knocking us all over by little 4 foot 10 Javier. He says sorry and we walk to the bathhouse where Javier has completely taken over and is turning it into a lush ass place. Me being me instantly strips all of my clothes and takes a dust bad as a big ass bird. Kariel takes a sand bath... yadda yadda yadda poke a an old man turtle a lot to get his attention. Get him to tell us where the staff we need is and we head out that way.
We reach a dam. There is a guy sitting at the base. Ned wants to put something in his mouth. Me and ned both want to throw him in the river. But this all gets cut off by a man falling off the damn hitting the ground dead because the DM got a nat 1 on stealth.
There are still 2 people up top We are all screaming horrified. I'm here like "you know what. Your friend just died I think we should all just leave this situation" which works.
I then actually being sneaky am able to hide in a Bush as kariel and ned walk away extremely not sneaky. I shoot eldritch blast at these fuckers. Miss. And blow up my Bush.
I then try that again and fail so we come up with the idea for Ned to YEET me up on top the dam. Which works surprisingly well and I land up top. On of the guys being a ranger try to stab me with a rapier but misses.
And then everything went downhill. Very. Very. Very. Fast.
The rogue which was behind me did a sneak stab attack reducing all of my hp. I also fall of the dam. I was gonna insta die so me being somewhat logical for once tried to take my potion of vigor from a druid.
Problem was.
I had done some shit to this druid.
So instead of a potion of vigor it was a potion of death.
I hit the ground completely dead.
Then. Javier. This tiny baby that we love comes over to my body. Stands there for a moment saying a prayer before the power of the fucking gods flow through him. He starts glowing and flies straight up the dam. Grabs the 2 people that killed me. And bolts straight down to the ground.
Dust clear and all that is left is Javier. He comes over. Picks up my body and carries it to the tavern. Lays me down in our room. And places a hanker chief with Jayfice embroidered on it around my neck.
While all of this is happening I wake up in the 9 hell's. Yep. The devil crownrend who had been inside a bracer on my arm up until now was now in devil form in front of me.
He goes on a whole rant about there being a loophole to bring me back. As a cambion.
I'm like fuck yeah let's do that so I do and Javier watches as my body sinks into the ground and a cambion pops up.
He rightfully freaks out and stabs me. I try to be like "no it's me jayfice" which gets him to calm down but this poor guy is so brokenhearted from the lost of his friend and traumatized that he leaves and goes steals another person's room.
Kariel and Ned enter just in time to watch me shift back into a aarakocra and are also rightfully freaked out. Before kariel stabs me I just start yelling random memories trying to convince them which ends up working.
Javier comes back in. Being the traumatized boy he now is and says sorry says he still doesn't know what to believe. Gets a shit ton of the strongest alcohol the tavern has and drinks the rest of the night away with kariel and ned as I black out from one of these drinks.
Wake up the next morning Javier is gone. We eventually track him down to the dam which now has a golden river flowing through it from Javier.
Kariel goes up and talks to him. He eventually gets up and walks over to me asking for the handkerchief back which he then does a bit of magic on and gives it back so I am now not gonna be in fucking pain from celestial magic like I would be normally as a fucking devil.
We cross the river and come upon a mountain with goblins inside. I ask where the staff is. Little shit goblins being little shit goblins aren't answering straight. I threaten to squish them. They for some reason get mad
And now there is a goblin being propelled by a hook up is butt that is tied to a rocket.
Captain bumhook.
He starts attacking us knocking me and ned over and damaging ned. We do some more fighting. Ned gets the rocket blown up in his face. He eventually is down to one heart the poor dwarve but we win the fight after Javier goes ape shit over ned being hurt and THROWS the goblins over the cliff.
We then walk into the catacombs and that is where it ends.
It was much more dramatic and angsty than I portrayed here. Like we were trying to not cry.
Sorry if I missed anything major @what-username-where @thelockenessmonster @emo-est-slinky @that-crazy-australian
D&D TONIGHT!!! JAYFICE IS PREPARED TO GET IT ON WITH A VAMPIRE!!!
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