#jayscommute

[thefourthbone]

Swervo Sam

Normally I’m writing deep race and involved, philosophical, or emotional posts... this ain’t that. Today ima tell you about this man Samuel Leron Jones, my grandfather. Today, due to a freight train, I was going to be late to work, but I was fortunate enough to not miss it because of Sam L. Jones.

Our morning started off as usual, shooting the shit on the latest in NFL news. (One of our favorite quarter backs Cam Newton is having a third shoulder surgery, haaaate to see it). Sure enough we got stopped by a freight train.... When does the freight train EVER run that late... Never that’s when. Train finally leaves, we back rolling..... 10 minutes behind... fucked.

2 lights away and we see the commuter train pulling in the station, at which point my heart was racing at the idea of being late, I was at a point of acceptance. “Hell naw” Sam would say, swear I’ll never forget this day, the man literally swerves clean over the medium, cuts off oncoming traffic, couldn’t believe what I was seeing, felt like a trip on acid cause the cars was flying at us, I thought for SURE our goose was cooked, life flashed before my eyes, tell my moms I love her, but then the next time I done looked we was cool... Don’t trip y’all, Sam still gets on my nerves, natural born sinner, calls my hair nappy and it hurts, but there was my train, for which I became an Olympic sprinter “see you later pops I’ll be home in time for dinner,” and once I got to the top of the stairs, caught a smile from the conductor, I done caught my train, warmth in the Chicago winter....

All this being said, get you a Sam in your life. Someone who would do the unthinkable, risk self, selflessly, stupidly so, for your benefit. I aspire to be more like him. No one is perfect, true love is acceptance. Whenever I’ve question life, whether it’s all worth it, if I matter, if I want to participate any longer, when I’m not enough, I always think of the Sam’s in my life.

Thankful,

Jasen A. Smith

[thefourthbone]

Discipline

One thing that’s been on my mental as of late is the word discipline. A lot of kids are disciplinED, made to follow rules, codes, and “respect” elders, etc. However, a lot of people, especially males due to social standards, lack in persistence. Persistence is the ability to stick with something through diversity and difficulty... unless it’s sports related (music related in my case), society does not hold us to a higher standard in many other areas.

Further, in a modern era dependent upon instant gratification, we as males lack the patience to develop ourselves in persistence. On the other hand our female counter parts, black women, are the sheer definition and experts in persistence, we can take many notes and learn from them.

Anyways, yes, society has failed us, but where society fails us, we must adapt, become knowledgeable, become self reliant, and hold ourselves to a higher standard; take our future into our own hands. No, the system isn’t made for you Mr. Undisiplined, now you know, what are you going to do about it? How will you change it? How will you help uplift the people around you?

Learn to be discipline, practice it now, make your bed everyday, clean your room, for it will trickle down into other parts of life and make you even better in other areas you seek improvement in.

Jasen A. Smith

[thefourthbone]

Morning Thoughts

I was on my daily train commute today, and since I’ve finished my book (finally, super good read, ask me about it) I’ve started listening to a podcast on finances. So Money with Farnoosh Torabi, is a very well put together, purposeful podcast ran by Farnoosh Torabi, a feminist juggernaut!

Anyway, the podcast I listen to was talking heavily on retirement, 401k, Roth IRAs. Bunch of stuff that made me mad anxious because suprise, I’m a broke bitch just getting into a career field.

This being said I immediately caught myself and redirected my thoughts of anxiety. On a day to day basis, focusing on thinking small is KEY, solving the tiny problems in life will help you solve the big ones. Attack anxiety, attack over thinking, counter it with positivity and simplification.

Jasen A. Smith

[thefourthbone]

Mental Fortitude

Today’s commuter thoughts are on mental Fortitude. This thanksgiving has been beautiful, filled with warmth, food, and family love.

Meanwhile my cousin, who I recently have gotten very close with, was in the hospital with his elder brother who has expressed want to harm self due to depression. This being said, life is tough, I believe that maintaining a healthy mindset is important, but I also think creating healthy habits is even more important.

There will be days where your world will crumble, there will be days where you don’t want to get out of bed. But training self to routinely do these things will help you work through tough times, for they too will pass. Focusing on strengthening the mind is important, but what happens when the mind fails?

Jasen A. Smith

[thefourthbone]

Thankful for the Work I’ve put in

This past week has been mentally and physically exhausting. 10 hour work days. Meetings, classes, it’s been a crazy work week. My personal life has also taken a hit as well, my brother being sick and being put into the hospital.

Throughout all this I have been calm. I had a moment yesterday when I found out about my brother, however, I automatically switched to thinking about how grateful I was for these opportunities life has given me. Living and doing for him and my mother who cannot.

I realize at the end of the day, my drive is different. The fire does not come from ME but from the people around me. I love me some me, but me often times isn’t enough. I eat healthy because I know I have great responsibility in this lifetime; not time for my health to fail. I focus on mental health because I KNOW life is going to throw some mess at me on a reg. Refuse to have my shine taken. I work hard everyday because I’m training my mind and body for something even greater.

I’m not religious, but I do believe in God. God/the universe will not give you BETTER until you handle what you have been given. There is not a point in this life no matter how broke, depressed, lonely, or broken I’ve been that I didn’t have everything that I’ve needed.

Time to push harder, time to go even higher. Thankful for the opportunity.

J.A.S.

[thefourthbone]

Reparations for Black Folk 1 of 2

Today I believe I found the solution, or at least the beginning of it. For years I’ve been debating with self, talking to others around me, old, young, reading, writing, etc. Having had read Ta-Nahesi Coates’ essay on Reparations for the American negro, I know now how DEEP of a systematic issue we as a people are facing.

In this essay, Coates speaks upon the financial obstacles that have been systematically implemented to target black people as a whole; preying upon the ignorant and nostalgic. These predators defined, very distinctly, the race living lines that exist even to this day that carv out the city of Chicago. Modern day, instead of where you live being based upon race, it is based upon wealth, poverty, the gap, the line which a very large percentage of blacks and other people of color fall under.

Individuals during the 50’s in Chicago who migrated from the south (my ancestors included), came in hopes of owning that house, gaining that white picket fence. With emotions and vulnerability in an unchecked capital based society always comes predators. Out the gate due to this influx, whites in Chicago attempted to legally have segregated housing, but the courts would not allow BLATANT racism. Just like a spoiled child being told no, they found a way to push their agenda discretely. A culture of white flight and legal loan sharking became the standard.

It’s sad because I would love to place the blame for these injustices upon the individual whites involved in this scamming. But they also used emotion of their own people to cheat them out of their homes as well; paying black women with children to walk around neighborhoods to evoke fear. “There goes the neighborhood.” Whites often would sell their homes at a much lower price due to fears of loss in equity on their homes.

All this being said. School is a problem, the police, a problem, lack of equal opportunity, a problem. The big problem?? The system itself.

Jasen A. Smith

[thefourthbone]

21

Today I’ve been listening to 21 savage’s new album (fire). When 21 says he’s from the mud, he kids not. Born to a Mother of Dominican descent, he lived a life filled with poverty, school expulsions, crime, and pain. One thing that struck me most about reading Savage’s bio was the amount of loss. Losing his best friend Larry, and later his brother on the night that he was reborn. On his 21st birthday, savage was shot six times, forcing him into a new life where he would trade his time on the corner for studio time.

My ears go to these artists when it comes gangster rap or trap. Words are one thing, but to hear the sound of a culture, to hear the pain and anger, very much so different. I’ve always wondered why he was so special, why his sound was so different, so dark. He’s not like many other rappers in the game right now. I appreciate being able to listen to him. He is the voice of a part of the culture, often times overlooked or forgotten.

Jasen A. Smith

[thefourthbone]

Mad Frustrated

I dropped the ball last week. I spent about $40 eating out feeding myself. My schedule has been mad hectic bouncing from one home to the next, I’m frustrated with myself. My check is going to be late so now I have to cancel plans to visit my good friend. Everybody and their mom is posting Christmas gift wishes. I need to have a good scream, then I need to curl up in a ball for a day. Didn’t charge my Bluetooth, or phone wtf am I doing!??!?!

All this being said, I went crazy on meal prep, lunches for the next 5 days made. This is just week 4 at the job, I’m still learning to balance and get all my shit down. Being patient with myself is key. Being understanding with myself is key, being kind to myself is key. I wasn’t perfect last week 🤷🏾‍♂️ I rectified it this week. Everything will workout in the long run. marathon, not a sprint... still irritated though.