esqnomore (Sep 26, 2014 - 2:43 am)
It's 1 a.m., and I'm sitting in my car in the garage balling my eyes out. I just voluntarily went on restricted CLE status, and I am no longer a licensed attorney. I finally decided to quit throwing money down a rabbit hole that leads to nowhere. I cannot hold myself out as an attorney, and I can't even do document review now because I am not licensed. I have been unemployed for two years because I made the decision to quit my dead-end nonlaw job working for the biggest workplace sociopath I have ever met. My story isn't anything unusual - I can't get a job as an attorney because I don't have any experience, and I can't get a nonlaw job because I'm "overqualified" and a flight-risk even though I truly would not leave. The only reason I left my last job was because I could not take being gaslighted all the time and treated like dirt. Otherwise, I wouldn't have minded that job at all.
Like many, I've thought about killing myself but that solves nothing. My life is actually very good. It's the career part that sucks, and sadly, a career is a big part of a person's life. Can a person even have a life without a career? I feel as if I have zero options. What can I do? I'm almost forty - I can't work retail for the rest of my life (if they'd even take me). I'd try starting a business, but it's not a good time in this economy. Places are going out of business left and right.
Anyway, I am just sad over the loss of my license and my wasted life. Three years of nonstop stress and work, $100k+ in student loans, another decade of misery trying to find a job - any job - to pay the damned things back and now worse off than when I started. Drinking doesn't even help the pain go away anymore. Nothing helps. I don't know what to do, I am just so sad. I've tried counseling, anti-depressants, volunteering, trying to get back to my former life before law school by doing things I used to do like socialize and go out with friends before I became a hermit because I was embarrassed about my predicament, but nothing helps.
I know there are no good answers or solutions so I don't expect any. I know; I've been trying to find them for the last decade. Thank you for letting me share. It just helps to get it out. Now it is 2 a.m. Great.