Between Two 4.5
I left my dad’s house with the weight of the world on my shoulders, trudging home and feeling heavier with each step. My phone was vibrating in my purse and I rifled through it on the elevator up, answering what had to be Tom’s eleventh call with an exasperated ‘what?’.
“Wow, someone’s pissy.”
“What do you want, Tom? I’m not in the mood to fight right now.”
“Neither am I but I do want to talk to you. You doing anything tonight?”
Drinking wine in the bath and crying myself to sleep.
“Nothing really.”
“Dinner at Grey? How does eight sound?”
I checked the clock and confirmed, jotting it down on a pad of paper I’d found. The apartment was cold and I turned my attention to the thermostat after I hung up with him. There was a quiet lull before the heat kicked in and I found myself a comfortable spot on the couch, pulling my phone out to text Jamie.
He called me immediately and I warmed at his chipper tone, unable to fight a smile as he sang my name.
“How’s it going, Gracie-Lou?”
“I hate it when you call me that.”
“No you don’t. What’s the matter babe? You sound a little blue.”
I felt the onslaught of tears as I gathered my thoughts, trying to decide what to say and what to keep. He gave me a long minute before he cleared his throat and I broke down as he asked me again.
“What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”
“I... I...” I broke down crying before I had a chance to answer, my eyes burning as my makeup started to run. The concern in his voice had reduced me to a blubbering mess and he did his best to comfort me as I whimpered into the phone. I felt like a scared little girl, alone in a big empty apartment with my world starting to unravel. All I wanted was to curl up in bed and sleep for a hundred years but he pushed me to talk it out.
“Gracie, baby, breathe. Breathe, in and out, alright? Get some water.”
I reached for my purse and pulled out a bottle, taking a long sip and following his instruction. He encouraged me until I composed myself enough to get out a full sentence.
“My dad’s nurse wants to put him in hospice. She said he’s getting worse a-and I haven’t been there to see it but today... he just wasn’t there today.”
“What happened?”
I took another sip of water and stood, walking off nervous energy through laps around my coffee table. “He’s stopped talking, stopped everything really. I was there for two hours and he barely said a word. And when I went to say goodbye, he called me Alice.”
“Who’s Alice?”
“His younger sister. She passed away years ago, before I was even born, but he was so convinced that I was her. He wouldn’t listen to me or Dana and he-he started freaking out and she had to restrain him.”
I let out a shaky breath and winced at the memory, the sight of my dad strapped down to his chair. It was a lot to process and I felt like I saw it every time I closed my eyes.
“I’m so sorry Grace. I... god, I can’t imagine. Is there anything I can do?”
Come over. Fuck me into a coma. Figure out a way that we can fool around without getting me fired.
“No. Thank you though.”
“Please let me know, yeah? I- I’m so sorry.”
He kept saying it like things would change and I swallowed hard, wishing more than anything that I’d wake up any minute, that this was all a horrid dream and nothing had actually changed. No trade to Pittsburgh, no talk of hospice care, none of this.
I would’ve killed to wake up and smell the pancakes he’d made every weekend, to hear him sing Frank Sinatra’s Fly Me to the Moon one more time before he buried his nose in the newspaper. I was hit by the harsh reality that I’d lost that and I choked on a fresh round of tears.
He fumbled with his words, trying to say something to make it better, but came up short. It warmed my heart at the effort he put in but it just reminded me that I could be losing him too soon.
“Jamie, can I call you back tomorrow?”
“Oh- yeah, of course. You let me know if you need anything.”
“Thank you.”
“I love you Grace.”
My throat felt tight as I reciprocated and I broke down again once I’d hung up, sinking back onto the couch and falling onto my side. Fatigue washed over me and I hiccuped as I set my alarm for seven, hoping a two-hour nap would calm me down.
I woke up with a heavy chest, dreading dinner and leaving my apartment overall. Jamie texted me while I was getting ready and I took a minute to thank him for the support, his kind words like a second wind for me.
The sun was setting as I found my way to Grey, spotting Tom at a table in the front through the window. He was deep in conversation with Braden and I let out a breath, grateful for the company.
“There she is!” He shouted, smiling as I approached the table. Both of them stood as I took my seat and I thanked him for pulling out my chair. “How’s life, kiddo?”
“Peachy. Wasn’t expecting you tonight.”
“Never go into war alone, right?” Tom interjected, his hands clasped on his lap. I sucked on my teeth for a moment before shooting him a smile.
“So now we’re at war?”
“Feels like it.”
“You guys know what you’re getting?” We both looked at Braden and he held up a menu, flipping through it before tucking under his plate. “Tom told me you love this place. Any recommendations?”
“The salmon is always good.”
“The steak is better.”
The three of us sat in silence until the waitress came around for our orders. She must’ve sensed the tension at the table as she poured the wine because she left the bottle and quickly brought us a second. I downed mine in one sip and Braden was quick to refill my glass, clearing his throat loudly.
“So uh, Tom told me what happened. I just want to start by apologizing, Alex and I didn’t know it was a secret.” I nodded appreciatively and he carried on. “However, I don’t think it’s okay that you kept this to yourself, especially from Tom of all people.”
“I really don’t think it’s anybody’s business-”
“Then why did you tell them?” I fell silent and took a sip of wine, dropping my eyes to the plate in front of me. Braden mimicked my position and Tom leaned in, his brow furrowed and his interest piqued. “What? What happened?”
“We um, Alex and I sort of... walked in on them.”
“You what?”
My cheeks burned at the memory and I cringed, avoiding his eyes as he looked between us.
“Yeah, we were in town for her birthday and we went over to surprise her-”
“And you did.” He frowned and I blushed harder if possible. “And we agreed to never talk about it.”
Tom sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. I watched him process it for a minute before I reached over, setting a hand on his knee. “Tom, please know I wouldn’t have said anything if they hadn’t... caught us.”
“Wait, are you serious?”
“Braden-”
“You’d just keep it to yourself? Not tell anyone?”
“Considering I could lose my job because of it, yeah, but I don’t think that’s the point of this dinner.” His eyes widened and he seemed to let it go, giving me the chance to turn my attention to Tom again. “But I’m sorry. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t think it was anything.”
“But it’s been going on for three years!”
“Not intentionally! I-” I set my hands on the table and took a deep breath, trying to gather my thoughts before I lost my temper. He had a point, they both did, but lying to Tom was never my intention. “Listen... we were drunk the first time we hooked up. It wasn’t anything I thought I’d do again but when we bumped into each other in New York, it just felt right. We started talking a bit more and then he came into town for a few days, I just... I needed him at the time.”
“Three years?”
“Three years of hooking up and hanging out whenever we happened to be in the same city. We’ve spent a total of like, six months actually together.”
Tom took in a sharp breath and Braden looked away from me, the reality settling over both of them that I was telling the truth.
“Like I said, it wasn’t anything at first but we started talking more and I got to spend a week with his family. Everything just sort of came together.”
The waitress came with a tray of food, setting dishes in front of us before she slipped away. I watched the two of them dig in before grabbing my fork and pushing a few pieces of asparagus around, my appetite suddenly gone. Tom took a long sip of beer before he noticed me, his brow furrowed in concern.
“You’re not eating?”
“I’m not hungry.”
He set his fork down and wiped his hands on his napkin. “Gracie-”
“I had a late lunch with Cal.”
“You saw Cal today?”
Braden looked up from his steak with wide eyes. “Who’s Cal?”
“Her dad. Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve gone with you.”
I shook my head and took another sip of wine, my head buzzing a bit from the alcohol. “You had work.”
“I could’ve taken off.”
“It’s fine. Dana wanted to talk to me about his treatment so it ran long.”
“Who’s Dana?”
“Cal’s nurse.”
“Cal, your father?” I nodded and Braden sat back. “He needs a nurse?”
“He was in a bad accident a few years ago.”
He paled and set a hand on my shoulder, squeezing hard with sympathy in his eyes. I forced myself to keep it together and shrugged it off.
“How’s he doing?” Tom asked.
“Good. He’s good. Same old Cal; Jeopardy, sports, and the newspaper.” My stomach lurched as the lie sat on my tongue and the room felt hot. I felt a headache building behind my eyes and I pulled my napkin from my lap, setting it on the table next to my untouched meal. “I’m sorry guys, I’m actually not feeling too well.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I think it’s just a lot of travelling. Not a lot of sleep. Who knows?” The waitress passed us and I handed her a credit card, leaning close to ask her to open a tab. “I’ll pick this up tomorrow.”
“Of course ma’am.”
“I think I’m going to go.”
“I’ll walk you out.” Tom stood as I did and I stopped him with a hand on his arm, eager to end this conversation before I crumbled again. His eyes were on mine and he studied me intently until I turned away, blushing under his watch.
“Stay. Enjoy your meal.”
“Gracie?”
“Seriously, I’m fine. Enjoy your meal.”