#jeff pov

[askthesmile-child]

Mama, just killed a man

Put a gun against his head

Pulled my trigger, now he's dead

Mama, life had just begun

But now I've gone and thrown it all away

I see a tall silhouetto of a man

Slenderman, Slenderman, will you do the caramelldansen?

Fangirls are frightening, very, very fright'ning me

(Galileo) Galileo, (Galileo) Galileo, Galileo figaro magnifico

[inkstainedheartbeats]

Jeff has never understood the whole “I want an omega” thing that most people have. Be it Betas or fucking Alphas. The idea of wanting someone just because of their secondary has always given him the ick. One of his dickhead cousins said that it was because he wasn’t an Alpha. That he would understand if he ever settled. Which is complete bullshit, cause he has settled. An Alpha just like James. He settled and it still doesn’t change how he feels. He looks at Gareth and Eddie and thinks of someone wanting them just because they’re Omegas and wants to barf. He wants them because they’re them. Because Gareth looks fucking hot whether he’s arguing with Freak or busting out sick beats on the drums. The gentle way he feeds the strays. Because Eddie fucking shines like the sun when he’s on top of table tops and it’s hot when he pins Freak to the wall and sucks his tongue down his throat. He wants them like he wants Freak. Because of who not what they are.

James doesn’t understand, says something snide the last time they saw each other and Jeff broke two knuckles breaking his nose. His dad, a Beta, had been pissed at first until James repeated what he said and dad loses it on Uncle Dylan.

He thinks Steve is going to be another James. Too focused on the wrong things. The fact he’s a Beta be damned.

[lunarblue21]

My World is Upside Down (Because of You)

Just a little something I wrote up one night after rewatching Debate 109 for the umpteenth time (though I've rewatched Football Feminism and You loads more) so I decided to explore Jeff's thoughts during the kiss and that entire moment.

Also, I have at least erm... eight/nine prompts for post-S6 finale fics, so those should be coming soon too. Hopefully. Once I can nail a few ideas down and properly get them going. :) Also crossposted to ao3. 

“He hates me, yet he caught me. Man is good!” Simmons proclaims as Jeff grits his teeth, realising that he may have cost Annie her win.

I did it to protect Annie from you, you douchebag, he thinks at the man he supports in his arms. For some reason, he’s confused and upset – when did this matter so much to him? Why does it matter to him so much?  Greendale really is sapping his coolness from him.

Cheers deafen him as City College’s fans rise from their bleachers. Jeff’s too mired in his own misery to catch the reactions of the study group. 

In a few minutes, he forgets everything as two small hands cup his cheeks and pull him down towards her as Annie smashes her face into his and their lips collide with each other’s. 

He can’t think in that moment – he can only feel as she sets him on fire - she tastes like something indefinable that he’s always been missing. 

Without any conscious thought, he sinks deeper into her kiss, responding with intensity that surprises even him. She tastes like sunshine and sweetness and violets, and he doesn’t ever want to let go. 

He doesn’t even notice Simmons thud to the ground as turns to continue the kiss, instinctively lowering Annie to the floor so that she wasn’t on her tiptoes and straining to reach him as his arms curl around her sides, bringing her in closer to him.

She pulls away from him, surprising him – because, because he thought she was enjoying it too, right? – leaving him standing apart from her as he looks down at her. 

He already wants to kiss her again, the desire is that strong in him, but he can’t properly formulate the thought for that action to happen since he is feeling so many emotions now. Surprise. Joy. Disappointment. Longing. 

The taste of her kiss still lingers in his mouth as he feels her small hand resting on his chest, but he’s so caught up in the moment she’s snared him in that he barely notices her triumphant words.

“He was horny, so he dropped him. Man. Is. Evil!”

Annie punctuates her remark by indicating him and pointing at the floor, but Jeff can hardly pay attention.

He hears some lady shout out “Greendale wins!” but he can’t remember what exactly Greendale’s in the competition for. Wasn’t it something with words? Annie’s gambit worked? Where is he even right now? Nothing seems familiar. Hell, nothing feels familiar anymore. 

(Except for those pesky feelings about this girl – woman - that he’s sure began to burrow deep inside him before she let her hair down and he saw her as a woman, but after that moment – and this exhilarating, unbelievable moment - the whole world looks different now.)

Annie’s jumping up and down in excitement. He shares her joy in winning, because he loves winning as much as she does, but he still feels lost and like everything’s been shaken upside down.

She turns to look at him, asking,

“That off-book enough for you?”

He dimly remembers something about debate prep and gentle advice offered freely and her positive response - (so unlike any interaction he’s ever had with Britta.)

No words come from his mouth in reply. Little Annie Edison has rendered him speechless. He glances away from her, completely unable to process anything at the moment except that he can still taste her bubblegum lip-gloss on his lips and that he wants that taste to fill his mouth again for as long as possible.

This girl – this woman – has shaken his world. She’s shaken him with this audacity – this kiss – and now he knows for certain that his world (previously unshaken) will never be the same again. 

He stares across the room, still wondering where he is and the desire that surfaced during the debate prep rises to loom over him again. He wants to kiss her again, so badly. 

Kiss her again, because in that kiss, he’s found everything that he hasn’t even realised that he’s been searching for. But he won’t. 

Because he already loves Annie’s pure soul (even though she is still as selfish as he is)  and he already thinks that she’s the type who needs someone to treat her right.  Not someone, like him, who wouldn’t treat her well, who is likely to just screw her and leave… and he wants to give her more than that…

His mind is still in a swirl of loss (kiss me again, Annie) and heady victory as he walks Annie outside after the debate. 

He hears himself congratulating her on her win (he already feels so different around her), temporarily forgetting himself again. Annie doesn’t even seem to notice his fluster as she calls him “Pal” with another bright smile. 

She moves to hug him and he responds, yearning to feel the warmth of her in his arms again, but he fumbles it.

A seed of self-doubt buries itself deep in his heart and he wants to flee. No, he needs to flee. Flee from these overwhelming emotions and the wish to call her something deeper, something more than “Debate prep buddy” but he can’t. He shouldn’t. Especially because he wants to kiss her again, kiss her like she is life to him. So he pats her on the head and runs.