#jerobertsthoughts

[jerobertsthoughts]

Maybe Baby

Maybe if I told you I loved you everyday.

You would feel it.

Maybe if I had spent more time with you.

We would be closer.

Maybe if I didn't place so much responsibility on you.

You wouldn't feel burnt out.

Maybe if you lived in a two parent household.

You would feel like your life had structure.

If I didn't push you so hard.

Maybe you wouldn't give up so easily.

If I read to you more.

Maybe you would feel smarter.

If I didn't spoil you with the things I never had.

Maybe you would be more appreciative.

If I didn't yell at you so much.

Maybe you wouldn't be so withdrawn.

Maybe if I had more patience.

You would communicate with me more.

Maybe if I helped you more.

You would have a sense of direction.

Maybe if I prayed over you more.

You would have more faith in me as your mother.

Maybe if I did a lot of things differently.

I wouldn't be wondering maybe.

-jeroberts

[jerobertsthoughts]

Better off

Today, I discovered I was better off without you.

I always knew I would rise above you.

But never like this…

Looking over my life.

Wondering if there is a part of you I miss.

So many promises broken.

Constant lies being told.

Trying to find reasons to reminisce.

But I can’t anymore.

You hurt me before…

Hurt me more during.

And just tore me apart completely after.

I’m better off without you in my new chapter.

Today, I learned that I was better off without you.

I always knew that you didn’t want to lead a life with me.

With our son…

But slandered my name like I had stolen him away.

Looking over the life we had.

I’m glad I’ve finally given up.

Wondering who I would’ve became.

If I never bore a child carrying your same government name.

I always knew I would rise above you.

Even after all the lies you told.

All the promises you made to my son.

Seems like I can’t reminisce.

Over something I can’t miss.

We are better off like this.

-jeroberts

[jerobertsthoughts]

I write my truths

My faults...

The hurt I feel

You've read it all

I am an opened diary

I have nothing to hide

Every post you see is how I feel inside

It may seem one sided

But I'm sure others can relate

Anything I've said is up for debate

I've been at this for years

And at times it seemed like a struggle

This writing thing fits to me like pieces of a puzzle

I write for you, I write for me

My words can be meant for anybody

I don't want to stop

I'm so close to the top

It's been written

And I hope you all can bare witness

-jeroberts

[jerobertsthoughts]

I wanted forever with you

I realize now that it will never come true

Our love wasn't what I thought it would be

Never thought that after all of these years you weren't in love with me

I was just an empty void in your life

Begging to be your wife

Because we created this life together

We called it forever

A place that I thought that I would always be

Until you told me you've only tolerated me

Words that broke my heart

Because I gave you my best parts

That you used to your benefit

And now I'm ending it

-jeroberts

[jerobertsthoughts]

Easy To Love

It's easy to love me

Yet, you make it seem so difficult

Play me music

I love music of all kinds

Show me art

I love art, I even make it some times

Read me a book

I love books, I get so excited when I receive one

Take me somewhere I've never been

I love nature, I love to explore

I love to sight see, it makes me feel free

All these things makes it so easy to love me

Where is the difficulty?

[jerobertsthoughts]

I could fill pages upon pages with how much I love that girl

But now...

The pages are only filled with my tears

Writing how lost I've been

Losing a friend

Death did not become of her

But she's dead to me...

All these years I've been trying to make peace with it

Then social media reminds me

And the wounds are cut open again

To play fiddle with my heart strings

Daring me to reach out to no avail

She's never there...

For me to say the least

But I love her

It won't go away

It follows me every where

Then sneaks up on me when I least expect it

This feeling is hectic

-Jeroberts

[jerobertsthoughts]

I'm not hurting anymore

I'm not completely healed either

I'm just taking my time treating these wounds with the love I have left

Remembering the words that cut so deep

Remembering every single time I accepted what I didn't deserve

I'm not crying anymore

My emotions have left me high and dry

To reap what I didn't sow

Even though I am partially the blame for being so forgiving of deceitful things

Remembering how love had me weak in the knees

Remembering all the times I fought with you not to leave

Now I'm a carrier of love scars

Reminders of what someone who I once loved had done to me

For trying to give my love to them

...I'm not in love anymore

I've finally said it

Even though I don’t mean it

Just tired of bandaging love wounds

While trying to love you

While trying to protect myself

From being hurt

From being covered in love scars

[jerobertsthoughts]

My favorite hiding place is the notes section on my phone

It makes me feel at home

No one can hurt me there

I can express myself

I can laugh, I can cry

I can be the inner child I hold inside

I am free

I can write whatever bothers me

It gives me hope

It keeps me motivated

To create stories that I hold inside of me

It doesn't bother me if no one reads it

It still makes me happy

To be able to create this magical place

That I hope will never go to waste

-Jeroberts