#jess asks.

[motleyscrew]

@lexpxrdus​ said: “ i didn’t want to wake you. it’s been a long day. ”

I HAVE NO MEMORY OF THIS MEME | not accepting!

aching muscles stretch from their cramped positions where jess is curled up on the couch, a few cracks and pops of her joints thrown in for good measure, just to remind her that she’s getting older. she shakes her head and scrubs at her eyes with the heel of her palm, stifling a yawn with her free hand. “no, it’s okay - i was trying to wait up for you, but the couch was just too comfortable.” it really isn’t, she’s just exhausted down to her bones and liable to fall asleep standing up. “when did you get in?” she shifts over on the couch to make room for steve, gesturing to the cushion beside her. “you look like hell.”

[motleyscrew]

@lexpxrdus​ said: 'don’t tell me you still haven’t slept.'

I HAVE NO MEMORY OF THIS MEME | not accepting!

“not yet. i’m almost done, though,” jess gives coulson a weary smile and a thumbs up. she has no clue what time it is - she’s been in the range since they returned from kosovo (yesterday? last night?), carefully cleaning and taking stock of the weapons that had been returned to her. realistically, this can wait till after she’s had a few hours of rest, but jess is no stranger to sleepless nights. “plus, if i do this, i don’t have to do paperwork yet. what are you doing here, anyways?” she glances at her watch, blinking bleary eyes until they focus on the small numbers she finds there; 5:16am. “jesus. early start for you, and a late night for me?” she looks at the arrangement of handguns on the counter and blows out a sigh before turning her bloodshot gaze back towards coulson, “you wanna go get breakfast, old man?”

[motleyscrew]

@lexpxrdus​ said: 'i didn’t like how we left things this morning.'

I HAVE NO MEMORY OF THIS MEME | not accepting!

“you mean when i stabbed you with a butter knife? yeah, i didn’t like that either.” jess shakes her head. she’s been hiding out in a separate room ever since, just out of precaution. she’s been easily startled and an unfortunately light sleeper for the better part of her time in the army, and she knows there’s a reason for it - she just chooses not to think about it. but then something like this happens, booker scares the shit out of her, and she kills him with a goddamn butter knife in front of everybody. not exactly stable behaviour, is it? “i’m still sorry, by the way,” evident in the way her hands haven’t stopped shaking since - she’s been fixating on it all afternoon. reasonably, jess knows that the group is the last to judge her for any violent and sudden responses (including the nightmares they so graciously haven’t mentioned), but it’s still eating away at her that yet another person died by her hand - even if he is standing next to her now. jess glances over at him and offers a tight-lipped smile, “i guess this’ll be something to laugh about later, right?”

[motleyscrew]

@lexpxrdus​ said: “You know what? I was wrong. You never really meant anything to me. You’re broken, you’re beyond fixing, you’re not something I want to take the time to handle. Simple as that.”

A MEME FROM MONTHS PAST! (this one hurts)

“what?” the word leaves her on a punched out exhale. jess feels like the earth is tilting sideways beneath her, and it takes all she has not to buckle into the chair in front of phil’s desk. this has to be a joke, a cruel and bitter joke, or some kind of a dream. there’s no way he’d say these things to her, right? “coulson, i don’t - i don’t understand,” she says softly, raising her eyes to his despite the knowledge that the hurt in her heart is laid bare in her expression. there’s no hiding how deep this hits. jess wants to be angry, but the hollowness in her chest is swallowing everything inside of her, save for the nausea that’s slowly roiling in her stomach. abandonment cuts deep, doesn’t it jessie? “what ... what did i do? phil, what did i-” she never begs, never questions, but this is breaking down every barrier she has left and leaving her with no other option. slowly, jess backpedals and finds herself in the doorway, “but you said...” she trails off, “i don’t understand.”

[motleyscrew]

@lexpxrdus​ said: ‘ you wanna hurt me? go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. i’m an easy target. ’

I HAVE NO MEMORY OF THIS MEME | not accepting!

jess freezes, and the argument dies on her lips. it hadn’t been worth it anyways; just the same roundabout fight that always cropped up and always made her raise her hackles. joey. her expression morphs into into a sorrowful one - something akin to remorse in her eyes, if he knows where to look to find it. she stares at him for a moment before shaking her head slowly, arms folding round herself to hold her elbows. “is that really what you think of me? that i ever want to hurt you?” she asks in a tone that’s softer than usual. her expression hardens as quickly as it had faltered and she shakes her head again, more firmly this time. she forces a bitter laugh and looks away from him to fixate on a scuff in the wall, “jesus, steve, i’m not a monster.”

isn’t she, though? maybe there’s some truth to his words - after all, doesn’t she know just where to jab, and how hard, to hit where it hurts? it’s an art she’s been trained in for years, maybe a defensive mechanism if it’s held up to the light, that’s earned her a specific reputation. vindictive bitch, if she remembers correctly. jess conroy is ruthless. and yet here jess is, standing in her kitchen with the most morally commendable, kind hearted person america has ever seen, and she’s arguing with him about joey, who she always defends so fiercely, in ways that she knows will make steve hurt. maybe she’s the hardest battle steve’s ever had to fight, and he’s standing up alone. that does make her monstrous, doesn’t it? “i don’t want to do this shit anymore.”

[motleyscrew]

@lexpxrdus​ said: “ shh, it’s me, only me. ”

WHO KNOWS WHERE THIS COMES FROM

“shit - shit!” jess gasps, hand pressed to her chest as she sits upright, “i’m awake.” realization hits hard that there’s a gun (empty, thank god) clenched in her hand as if an automatic response. she roughly casts it aside and falls silent while she gets her bearings, pressing her palms into her eyes once she realizes where she is. the range. she’d fallen asleep with her head down on the desk, and phil’s gentle hand on her shoulder had startled her from a decidedly less gentle dream. jess raises bloodshot gaze to his and gnaws on the inside of her cheek for a beat of silence, “didn’t hit you, did i? i’m sorry. long night.”

[motleyscrew]

@lexpxrdus​ said: i knew you’d come back to me.

FOLKLORE SENTENCE STARTERS.

“wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” jess offers steve a soft smile. all of her smiles these days have been soft - the rage that existed in her before the snap has all but extinguished; in its place is a quiet emptiness that she ignores. as far as anyone else is concerned, the snap gave her a new lease on life - in reality, those missing years weigh heavy on her heart as she struggles to make sense of her place in her family’s lives. there’s so much she hasn’t been privy to, and even standing in the kitchen alone doesn’t feel right. it’s a constant flood of impostor syndrome, she thinks, like she’s someone else is supposed to be in her place. jess pulls herself from her thoughts to give another tight, vaguely discomforted smile before turning away to distract herself with the coffee maker. 

[motleyscrew]

@lexpxrdus asked: ❥: barefoot, sleepy wanderings ( joey & whoever! )

SICK WHUMP STARTERS | not accepting

“hey, birdy,” jess reaches out to steady him as he teeters down the hall - it’s a futile attempt and she knows it, if josef falls, he’s too tall for jess to do anything except go down with him. “what’re you doing up? you shouldn’t be out of bed.” she says gently. she reaches up to touch his forehead and makes a small sound of discontent. “you’re still burning up. c’mon, let’s get you settled.” she carefully nudges him back towards his room and does her best to corral him into it. “you need water?”