#jesse problems

[jesse-alohamora]

*sigh*

I'm tired, hungry, and I could really use a snuggle with someone right about now. Problem is, the person I could reeeeeeeaaaaaally use said snuggle from is three states away and I won't see him till this coming week at some point after I've FINALLY found my way home.

[jesse-alohamora]

I swear, happy things. I will return to posting happy, handsome things. I just...sometimes need to feel like I can express what's going on in my own space and feel like someone is actually listening. 

[jesse-alohamora]

Thank you, housemates that shouldn't be housemates. Being around you has tipped me into such a rage, that I think I might watch Hannibal for the first time and imagine that all the people being eaten are you.

I do not like feeling this angry and I do not like having ill thoughts towards others. I really don't. It feels like absolute SHITE and I don't feel like myself at all. The fact remains, I am angry because I am being asked to accept and adapt to something, that by all rights, I shouldn't have to.

[jesse-alohamora]

I am too exhausted and I hurt far too much to play nice. I don't care what you think, I don't care if you're offended. I just don't. CARE.

Sincerely, 

Someone who truly does not have any desire what so ever to share a home with either of you.

[jesse-alohamora]

Today made me realize how spoiled I am by painting at Conventions. The clientele are older and therefore, understand the importance of NOT SQUIRMING. Painting kids....they don't listen. 8 out of 10 kids do not listen, which makes it very difficult for me to create the elaborate things I want to create. *SIGH*

Don't mind me. I'm going to bed now. I've got another long day ahead of me tomorrow.

[jesse-alohamora]

I have a very difficult relationship with my Dad. Meaning...it's easier to love him when we're not together. I know that sounds awful and I know how hard he tries, that he's doing the best he knows how, but that doesn't make it any easier for me. 

He doesn't agree with my wanting to experience traveling by bus or even amtrak, nor does he approve of the risks I take. He thinks my wardrobe is 'dumpy' and that I look like an old lady, and generally thinks I don't behave like a girl my age should.... all those lovely things. 

[xvxdxncx-remade-blog]

Problems with Jesse's life right now : School is starting in less than four weeks, and I have no idea where to fucking go. Here's the details. My mom's house is a fucking mess, and she won't clean it because it's all apparently 'my fault'. She lives off social security checks and my dad's child support, but other than that, rarely works. She's never able to pay my phone bill on time, but always buys shit for her boyfriend. Then there's my dad's house, which is decent, besides the fact that he doesn't treat me like a fucking human, complains when I don't tell him stuff, but has a fucking fit when I do. and he's also a Homophobe, which if he found out I was pansexual he would flip a table and probably disown me because he's a dick. He's able to pay my bills, but I have to remind him, and he puts it off until I have to yell at him to pay it. Mom offered to let me live by myself, but with the fact she makes less than 2,000 a month, I can't. I would rather live like a normal American for a bit. Paycheck to paycheck, in a shitty small apartment with a roommate who helps with the bills, and cleaning. Having a stable job with decent hours, than live with this kind of bullshit, y'know. But god forbid I have my own decisions.

[xvxdxncx-remade-blog]

having a crush on someone is the most difficult thing a Jesse can ever do you just sit there like  " We'd make a perfect and cute couple but you probably don't like me like that so I'm just gonna sit here for 30 more years and cry about it to my bros. "