A Rose Amidst Thorns #21: A Reason to Escape
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word count: 2.4k
special shoutout to @whump-card who helped me beta this!
CW: Aftermath of noncon, blood, Jesse's really weird tunnel vision thoughts and general.. being gross.
He’s going to be okay, he’s going to be okay, he’s going to be okay. There’s something wrong with him. There is blood that drips down his legs, covering the inside of his thighs. There’s blood that drips down his chest and shoulder from teeth marks. His eyes are swollen shut, skin black and red all over. His breathing is shallow and his hips are bruised. If he didn’t know any better, Jesse would think he was dead. He was breathing, at the very least.
Jesse knelt down next to where Miguel was on the floor. Curled in a ball, face screwed in in a pained expression. Breathing ragged and wheezy. Every breath made a rattling, whistling sound that he figured was his broken nose or some broken ribs. He wasn’t sure which. Either way it didn’t look good. He wondered who had done this to him. Jesse was sure that it wasn’t himself. It wouldn’t ever be Solomon. He was also sure that none of the ranch hands would dare come up to the hayloft to do so. If they had him alone somewhere, without Jesse or Xavier there maybe.
Oh. Xavier. Jesse shivered, examining Miguel more closely. Blood was dark and sticky on his thighs, but when he looked closer, gently pressing a hand on Miguel’s hip. He realized there was another substance there too. White and slick. It was all over his stomach too. His own probably.
Xavier finally fucked him then. Fucked him hard and beat him half to death. There was anger in his chest, blossoming into his fingers. Miguel was filthy and bloody and it wasn’t because of him. It was because of Xavier. Xavier laid a mark. Had taken something that was his. Miguel was supposed to be his. Now that Xavier had a taste, he’d want more. That was always the way it was with Xavier.
His feeling stopped as he heard Miguel whimper when he moved away from Jesse’s hand on his hip. Jesse had thought about fucking him one more time before he picked him up. Finding him bleeding on the hayloft floor like that. It made him feel a warmth in his core. He shoved the thought away when Miguel quietly sobbed. Eyes so swollen tears wouldn't come through. Instead, he picked him up as gently as he could. Covered him with the small blanket Xavier kept up here for him, and slowly left the barn.
Miguel was so light in his arms. Had they really been feeding him so little? Or was he hiding the food somewhere because he wasn’t hungry? Jesse wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure if he actually cared or if Miguel looking so small was just deeply unattractive to him. Jesse needed to stop thinking like that, he would end up dropping him if he did.
Instead of taking him inside the house, where his uncle would undoubtedly be, he took him into the small stables meant for the ranchhands. Jesse found an empty one and gently laid Miguel in the soft hay there. “I’ll be back okay?”
There was no response. Jesse hummed as he walked away, forgetting about the fact that Miguel could not hear him.
Solomon, Solomon, he needed to get to Solomon. Solomon would help him. He also wouldn’t tell Xavier. That was the main point now, who could help without alerting Xavier?
He snuck into the house, stepping along the walls so the boards wouldn’t creak. Making his way up to Solomon's room, he opened the door. “Solomon,” the man did not stir, “Solomon.”
“Mmm?” Solomon groaned and sat up in bed, braids messy, in his sleepwear. “Jesse? What are you-” “Shhh,” Jesse said quickly. “Miguel needs you. He’s in the ranch hand’s stable.. It wasn’t-”
“Was it you?” Solomon growled, feet slipping into some shoes.
“I was about to say no. It was not me. It was..” he glanced backward for a moment to make sure Xavier wasn’t around. “It was Xavier. It’s bad. I think you better be quick.”
Solomon was already near him, stepping close. His face was passive but there was a steaming anger in his eyes. Jesse stepped out of his way and Solomon walked down the stairs. He followed behind, more out of curiosity for the reaction than anything else. Maybe he also wanted to know if Miguel would survive it. There was a lot of blood. Something curled heavy in his chest, a lead rope in the bottom of his sternum.
The man collapsed next to Miguel, horrified noise leaving him when they arrived. Immediately he reached to feel Miguel’s pulse. Solomon’s body was tense, face going back to its normal neutral as soon as he found the pulse.
“You didn’t do this?”
“Nah. It was Xavier.” “Xavier?”
Something in Jesse twisted at the heartbroken tone of Solomon. The man knew this was bound to happen, why would he be so sad. Was he sad because it was Xavier? Or because Miguel was so hurt? Jesse didn’t know what to think, but it created a sinking pit in his stomach. Sadness? Anger? He shoved it down, pushing himself off the wall he was leaning on.
“Is he, you know, alright?”
“I need Henrietta down here.”
A frown lined his features, making Solomon look even older than he was. Last Jesse checked, Solomon was teetering on the edge of 62 or so. Sometimes he looked it, sometimes he didn’t. When he smiled he lost about 10 years from his face, when he frowned he gained 10 more. Often, Jesse wondered if he was always like that, or if Xavier just did that much of a number on him.
“Yeah, I’ll get her. I think Xavier is out… should be anyway.”
“Go get her then Jesse,” Solomon said tersely.
Jesse hummed, standing up straight and walking off to go find Henrietta. He stepped inside the creaky house, frowning. Xavier sat on the couch, passed out, flask open. He smelled like a brothel. Head tipped back on the couch, mouth open enough to catch flies. Jesse snuck past him. Walking up the stairs and gently opening the door to Xavier's room.
“Hen?”
The woman was at the vanity, staring at herself like she was trying to find something she lost. Maybe she had lost something. Being around Xavier usually meant there was a trade off. Something to lose. Even if it was just a part of yourself you didn’t know was there.
“Jesse?? What the hell are you doin-”
“Shut up. Solomon’s down in the shed with Migs..”
“Why? Are they celebrating his birthday down there?”
Jesse laughed. Celebrate? Birthday? Was it his birthday? God. Xavier did that on his birthday? His stomach churned at the thought. Even he wasn’t that fucked up.
“I forgot about his birthday,” he mumbled before shaking his head, “nah something bad happened. Again. Solomon asked for you.”
Henrietta stood up from the vanity, grabbing the lantern and shoving past Jesse. Everyone suspected Jesse when it came to Miguel. Perhaps that was fair. Miguel was his favorite little punching bag after all. Favorite fuck toy. Best dog he’d ever had. But this? This was too far even for him. He’d never do something like that on a birthday, birthdays are sacred. Meant to be good things.
Jesse always got a silver dollar on his birthday. Lately though, he had stopped using it on himself. There were two redheaded children who lived in the brothel womens houses he’d been buying gifts for. One of them was already eight years old, the other five. They both had his hair. But they didn’t have the signature Reede eyes. They both had their mothers eyes. He dropped gifts off for them and left before they could see or stop him.
He was self aware. He knew that there was something wrong with him. Jesse's way of thinking was different from other peoples. Feeling things came to him differently. There was no inbetween for him. Sad, angry and happy. There was no inbetween, there was just that emotion and nothing else. He didn’t understand how people could feel happy and sad at the same time. Or angry and sad. Jesse only knew how to feel things one at a time.
They made their way down the stairs and Henrietta stopped at the sight of Xavier. Jesse watched her carefully, squinting at the scene in front of him. He couldn’t tell what her expression was. She didn’t even whisper when she spoke.
“I could kill him. I could do it. Right now. It would be easy.”
“It would be easy,” Henrietta turned toward him. Her face as always was blurry, but he squinted. It cleared slightly and her expression was something between terrified and angry. She always leaned more toward terrified. He sighed. “But you won’t.”
“Why not? Do you think I wouldn’t?”
Jesse grabbed her arm and yanked her toward the door. “Solomon wants you Hen.”
She pulled out of his grip, growling at him. Eyes alight with rage. There was still more fear in them than anything else. Jesse stared down at her, calming himself with a deep breath.
“I could kill him right now and everything would be better.”
“But you won’t” Jesse snapped, no longer caring for the loudness of his words. Xavier was passed out anyway. Too drunk to function. He longed for that crisp blackness that came with getting too drunk.
“How do you know Jesse? Fuck you! I could do it! I could!”
Jesse growled, grabbing her by the throat and slamming her against the wall. Leaning in real close until her face became clear. Fear shining in her eyes. He didn’t squeeze or hold too tight. He just held her there.
“You can’t do it because you’re still too afraid. You’re not angry enough Henrietta.” Her eyes went wide and the hands on his wrist loosened their grip. “You’re fucking afraid of him and you can’t really kill someone you’re still afraid of.”
“Is that why you haven’t yet?”
His chest tightened. “No.”
“Right.”
Jesse let her go, stepping back away. “Are you gonna come with me to Solomon or not Hen. You’re gonna wake up him with all your fucking whining.”
Henrietta looked away, rubbing at her throat as she walked in front of him and out of the house. He followed her. The next steps felt numb. Hollowing him out as they walked to the shed and Henrietta let out a horrified cry as she dropped herself next to Solomon and Miguel.
Miguel looked better without all of the blood on him. But his eyes were still swollen shut, and bruises littered his body. Ugly black and blue things that were dark enough to blend with the night sky. He curled up in Solomon's lap, still only covered by the thin blanket. He shivered and cried quietly, fucked up hands curled in his lap, head resting on Solomons shoulder.
“Get out,” Henrietta said, looking back at Jesse.
“What the hell did I do? I’m helping!”
“You probably did this to him you fucking little shit.”
Jesse scoffed and shook his head, “I was waiting until tomorrow to fuck him.”
Henrietta and Solomon shared a look, frowning at each other. Was it something he said? Jesse felt awkward standing there in silence. He slid down the wall, sitting on the floor. Knees halfway to his chest.
“I-” he paused, frowning and trying to think of the words, “I think that Xavier, has been losing it lately you know. Gettin’ meaner. Worse. Beatin’ on everyone more than usual. I want to kill him. I ain’t angry enough either, Hen, to kill him. I just wanna leave. I know a way to the river, the Salt River. I went there once on a deal with the Earl’s family. He’s just across it. I’ll do whatever ya want you know? We can go opposite ways once we get there. We just gotta get there.”
Solomon and Hen stayed staring at him in open mouth shock. What the fuck was that about? Hadn’t they known he’d been itching to leave since he was seventeen? He asked to leave. Wanted to join the army. Thinking about it made the X brand on his back itch. He’d been whipped within an inch of his life, and branded for his threat to the Reede legacy. Jesse never wanted to be a rancher. He wanted to build things. Always liked building his mother things when she was alive. Built her a birdhouse once. Hung it up on the tree outside and watched the red cardinal live there. Raise its children there.
If he ever got out, he’d probably try a hand at carpentry.
“We have a plan,” Solomon said suddenly, “We were planning to escape before.”
“Solom-”
“Stop Hen. We just needed a place to go. Everything else is ready Jesse. If you’re serious about this. We need to wait for Miguel to heal again. Then we can go.”
“I think we have to go whether he’s healed all the way or not,” Jesse said.
“We know that! But he needs to at least be able to walk when we leave idio-”
“Henrietta,” Solomon's gentle voice cut her off. “He knows. He knows.”
Jesse hummed slightly, glancing down at Miguel, who had since stopped shivering and now was sufficiently asleep. Snoring softly, mouth slightly open, face half pressed into Solomon's shoulder. Fuck. Xavier could have killed him.
He could have killed him and Jesse would have been alone. Jesse knew that Henrietta and Xavier hated him. But Miguel and Solomon. They were still kind even if Miguel bit and scratched at him. Even if Solomon stared at him like he was some sort of rabid animal. Miguel was the one who still looked at him like a person. He made him feel like a person. He liked Miguel, he really did. When Miguel wasn’t terrified of him, he was sarcastic and shy. Miguel was pretty in pain, but he’d seen him laugh with Solomon once and that was even prettier.
How could he possibly ever be good enough for that laugh?
The answer was simple, it was plain. He never would.
Jesse wished he could go back and stop himself from fucking Miguel in that stall. The first time. But you can’t go back. No matter how hard you try, you can’t go back. Jesse could only deal with what he had.
He was going to escape with a roomful of people who hated him.
“So.. tell me about this plan you have.”
____
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