seen from Taiwan
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from Japan
seen from United States
seen from Kazakhstan
seen from Australia
seen from Türkiye
seen from China
seen from Netherlands
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from Russia
seen from United States
seen from India
seen from Mexico
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Denmark
out of the thousands, it was just one evening. my god, i am so thankful for that one evening. i remember being so happy, so calm and so at peace with my life. the beauty was subtle yet piercing right through my heart. i was sad because i knew it would be over and i won’t ever come back to this day again. i already felt nostalgic and began longing the moment i’ll feel this way again. for once sunday wasn’t too bad.
real talk, this shitty ass website is probably my one true best friend—I’ve had my tumblr for over seven years now and I’m going through my likes and yikes, the trauma was real.
i swear, sometimes the most absurd thoughts creep into my mind—i don’t even know if my mind is playing tricks with me or if this is the reality of life. today was supposed to be a good day. congenitally, it had to be but my heart felt so heavy. I wish I could find the most profound words to explain my thoughts but often, more like always I’m lost when I’m trying to explain my feelings. It was all fine but then it’s somehow not but I think that’s just the painful reality of being alive—knowing that even in our greatest moments there has to be a void—it is the price of being born. I make no sense and it’s almost 3am, my eyes are heavy like my heart. tomorrow, inshAllah, will be better.
some moments are so warm—they’re simple, they’re wholesome and fleeting. today I held my mother’s hand and walked down the street with her and the weather was perfect. the sky was varying shades of blue and pink and the warmthness of her hand was soothing
this part was for her, does she remember?
But do not ask the price I pay I must live with my quiet rage Tame the ghosts in my head That run wild and wish me dead Should you shake my ash to the wind Lord forget all of my sins
being surrounded by men that wear excessive cologne but no deodorant reignites my memories of pakistan. The combination produces an unholy scent that I have come to associate with masculinity, protection, and vulnerability.
the other day for iftar i went to a local pakistani restaurant--it was pouring, people were constantly in and out and I was pushed up against the wall to make room for the delivery man. As he walked by me I smelt him and I swear in that moment I was back in pakistan. At that moment i was 19--blissfully unaware of how life was about to unfold.
and someday you’ll find me
no different than i was before
until then i’m still looking for you
in every dark four door
khali hawa deway
koi pakhay de hawa deway
jeena main khayal khara
maya lambi saaza deway
jeena main khayal khara
maya lambi saaza deway
