#ji loves yapping

[miseulsoup]

ohmygodohmygod i hit 200 follows guys im gonna cry 🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭

[miseulsoup]

it’s weird that a netflix tv show and kpop of all things would cause me to reevaluate my queer identity, but here we are. again. (yes i’m talking about stranger things and xlov) but i thought i’d make a post about it, just in case any other queer youth might need it on their own journey to self discovery.

i’ve known i wasn’t completely, one hundred percent straight since i was little. i’ve always been slightly aversive to men and clung more to women as i got older, even admitting to myself that i didn’t think i’d ever get married because why the hell would i want to spend the rest of my life with a man?

i found the term aromantic and asexual right around that time, and decided those fit me. i struggled a lot with gender, because hell fucking yeah i loved being a girl but i also absolutely hated it at the same time.

nonbinary and genderqueer were tossed around a lot in my head, but nothing ever fit me quite right. at some point i identified with genderfluid a lot but time showed me that that term didn’t fit quite well, either.

i was happy to be a tiny ball of gender and platonic love. that was, until i realized that i may or may not have been deeply in love with my best friend.

this realization was really, really hard for me, especially since i’d grown up in a conservative, asian, christian household. being any sort of queer simply just wasn’t allowed, and i struggled with this a lot and since many of my friends were the same, i refused to allow myself to admit i did, indeed, like girls.

but was i really in love with her? yes, i think so, but not in the romantic sense. i realize now that i was in love with my best friend in a sort of platonic way. i haven’t found the right word for it yet, but i know i wouldn’t want to kiss her. kinda.

it’s confusing, and makes no sense, but i digress.

a few crushes and confessions later, i realized two things: one, i apparently had bisexual rizz (i’ve had girls and guys admit they liked me and BOY WAS THAT NOT FUN) and two, i really have no clue what i am. i don’t know who i’m attracted to or how i’m attracted to them. guys are hot, girls are gorgeous, and everyone in between is so freaking beautiful. would i date them? who knows because right now I’m single as fuck. and i really don’t care enough to figure out my gender! i’m happy being called a girl and being a girl but if someone decides to call me he or they or ze or whatever the fuck they want then that’s okay with me too!

i don’t need labels to be happy. i’m fine just floating in my own little bubble, and whatever the fuck people perceive me as in terms of gender or attraction doesn’t matter as much as it did anymore.

(if they think i’m cishet, it’s not fun but that actually protects me since. yknow. family + friends are conservative and actively queerphobic)

and yeah ok i’m having so much fun being (perceived as) a girl but there’s just a little something missing if ykwim

in conclusion: i’m lazy but hey that’s what being labelless is for xoxo

[miseulsoup]

upcoming fic…gangalang i am NAWT ready to post this one im not even halfway done but i wanted to tease it anyway lmaooo

rip @sousydive ur brain is gonna be fried after this one

[miseulsoup]

MY MAN MY MANNN HES SO TALENTEDDDD GODDDDDDDDD

[miseulsoup]

low success on tumblr but relatively ok success (by my very low standards) on pinterest and yt what even is life anymore

[miseulsoup]

THE WORD ISEULBI. HAS NO HANJA. DO YGS REALIZE HOW ABSOLUTELY INSANELY CRAZY THIS IS

MY CHOSEN FUCKING NAME IS ONE THAT IS PURELY KOREAN ARE WE SERIOUS RN.

GUYS THIS IS SO INSANE LIKE WHAT ARE THE ODDS BRO ACTUALLY !!!!!!!!

[miseulsoup]

i deleted it omg IM FREE IM FREE IM FREEEEEEE

[miseulsoup]

i’m just now realizing my smau and my written fic lowk have the same plot. what even is life anymore 💀💀💀