Do You Feel It Too?
A soulmate AU counts as Fate right? Shhh let’s just act like it is.
Jihyun Week 2020 Day Three ( @mysme-events )
Fate
Jihyun Kim x MC
Word Count: 5k
Summary: Your entire life you’ve felt your soulmate’s pain. Every bump, scratch, headache. Never knowing who.
The first time you remember feeling it, you were five years old. You’d been sitting at home when a sharp pain hit your knee. Like you had just fallen, you had cried out and pulled up your pant leg to try and see what happened. Only to find nothing, not a bruise or a scratch.
It would happen occasionally, you’d feel a sting on your arms, your legs, or a headache. All things with no discernible cause and no physical impact. Almost like a sort of phantom.
After a few months you had heard one of your relatives talk about it, how they met their soulmate because they felt the same pain. You had listened to them with rapt attention coming to the realization that the strange feelings you felt were the same sensations someone else in the world was feeling too.
The thought stuck in your mind as you grew older. Mentally you would keep track of the types of pains you’d feel, as if it could give clues as to who your soulmate could be. For years all you felt was the occasional bump or papercut, some headaches here and there. Once or twice a year your body would ache like they had a fever. Nothing very out of the ordinary.
It also became a strange experience for you to get hurt. On one hand you hated experiencing pain, but now you had the weight of knowing that someone else in the world was feeling that same thing you were. Every injury led to you silently apologizing to your soulmate hoping they somehow could hear you.
For years the types of things you’d feel were typical, the normal types of injuries and pain that most people would get into. However, it started to change when you turned sixteen.
It’d been the middle of the night when you woke up feeling agonizingly hot, it felt like every inch of your skin was burning. Your lungs ached and struggled to take in air, you twisted around your bed rubbing at your skin to try and soothe the sensations to no effect. You ran from your bedroom into the bathroom and sat in the bathtub submerged under cold water, sobbing as the burning only got worse and worse.
You’d layed there for hours, so distracted you couldn’t even think about what your soul mate could be going through to cause them to feel something like this. Eventually the water in the bathtub grew lukewarm and you fell into a fitful sleep once you’d run out of tears to cry.
In the days following you figured that your soulmate must have been in a fire. The way the burning had felt that’s all it could possibly be in your mind. You spent the next two days doing research seeing if you could find any leads to who your soulmate could be. Only to find nothing. With time the memory of the burning started to seep into the back of your head, becoming more and more distant.
The second worst experience happened eight years later. You had been watching a storm rage from your window. Watching the rain come down and the lightning strike, you had felt a few things from your soulmate recently. Some strange stings in your chest and on your arms. A sprain in their ankle a few months ago. Nothing seemed to be too major.
One minute you were watching the storm and the next your back and elbows started to ache, taken aback from the feeling you winced and looked away from the window.
Then the worst of it began, your vision went red as a slashing pain tore across your face. Clutching your eyes you collapsed to the floor, it felt as if they were being gouged out. You fumbled around unable to see a single thing. Screaming out you crawled your way to the bathroom to try and wash your face, but nothing seemed to help. You knew like the fire you would have to just ride out the pain until it was over. So completely blind you fell onto your couch and put pressure on your eyes to try and relieve it.
What could be happening to your soulmate right now? How could their eyes hurt so badly? You screamed and cried in agony for several hours until the feelings had turned into a dull aches. Which remained for weeks, even after your vision returned to you.
Like the fire you spent weeks researching to see if you could find any news reports of an accident, anything having to deal with an eye injury. All to no avail. Beyond the usual crime the only thing that caught your eye was the apparent suicide of the fiance of a famous photographer, but beyond skimming the article you moved on. Accepting that you probably weren’t going to find anything.
Over time you’d watched the people around you slowly find their soulmates, some were childhood friends who learned pretty quickly. Others found each other at jobs, school, walking down the street. You weren’t one of those people, and as years passed you started to wonder if you’d ever find them.
While you searched for your soulmate, life hadn’t been kind to you. Money was frequently tight and finding a place to live even harder. So the mysterious text you received one afternoon couldn’t have come at a better time.
Under any other circumstances you would have said no to the stranger offering you room and board in exchange of playtesting a game for him. It sounded sketchy, but the eviction notice on your front door and your dwindling bank account made the decision for you.
The man you’d spoken to on the phone, Ray was strange in person. He was more than polite but gave you a strange feeling when you looked in his eyes too much. When you stood in front of him you couldn’t help yourself from noticing the strange clothing he wore, how it was strangely dated and odd for a game developer. His eyes also had dark bags under them and he appeared to be so thin, his skin a sickly pale color. Even if you couldn’t place why. There was something off about him and the way he spoke.
Still, you stayed, and you played his game. You found yourself growing more and more attached to each one. The more you talked to them this feeling started to bloom in your gut, that something wasn’t right. The way they talked was too realistic, too human even for an advanced AI.
The first time you heard V’s voice was the first time you truly started to doubt what Ray told you. He answered you with such kind words. His voice held such a warmth to it that you couldn’t imagine it coming from anything other than a real human being. But when you expressed any doubt or hesitation, Ray would be there to reassure you they were AIs. Only highly advanced and specially designed to seem realistic.
Yet, there was still a doubt.
“Have you made your choice?” Ray asked you on the fourth day. You’d just barely left the chatroom when Ray entered. The weight of the decision weighed on your mind, you knew he’d come to ask but you weren’t ready, and you weren’t even sure what you’re agreeing too.
“I. I’m not sure yet.” You told him. Ray sat down next to you on the bed.
“This place is wonderful, I hope you chose to stay with us.” Ray said. You glanced at your phone next to you. The screen just turned off, the RFA messenger still open if you turned it back on.
“Ray, what is this place?” You asked him. His face didn’t give off any expression, he didn’t even seem to let the question sink in.
“I can’t tell you now, but I promise once you go through your ceremony you’ll know everything.”
Your ceremony? Those words made fear grip your heart. There was something off about this place. Something that made your stomach churn, and even though you were being offered a choice. There was something in you that told you really didn’t have a choice in this matter.
Ray returned a few hours later, finally asking for your final decision.
“I’ll return as soon as the game is over.” You told him. Despite the gut feeling that your choice didn’t matter. You wanted your stance to be clear. Ray’s face fell, clearly disappointed.
He rubbed his wrists. “Ah… I see. If that is what you wish.” He glanced back up at you, stepped towards you. “But I worked so hard to make my preparations. So… could you at least take a look at what I have for you? Please?”
This was a bad idea. You knew that, there was no way for this to go well. However, you also knew you couldn’t refuse him.
He led you down winding hallways. The hugeness of the building finally dawned on you. You had seen it from the exterior when you were in the garden but now it was a whole different feeling.
After several minutes of walking you came to Ray’s room. A dark room that looked to both be large but crowded with computer monitors and desktop computers. You had to squint to see clearly, the room really only primarily being lit by the light from the computers. Behind you Ray closed and locked the door.
The feeling of unease in your chest was getting worse and worse. You realized he’d locked the door, trapping you inside. The heat from the computers made the room uncomfortably warm. Ray was talking to you, but you aren’t really paying attention at this point. Thinking more of potential exit routes.
“There’s no need for a signature for this contract. You only have to take a special elixir developed at this place… as a promise that you’ll stay here.” Ray explained. Turning to face him you saw him holding a glass bottle in his hand. The contents an unnatural blue color.
He continued to talk, but you weren’t listening. Your panic rising in your throat. Ray grabbed your hand. His grip is gentle yet firm, not letting you step away from him. He talked of paradise, a loss of pain, of happiness with him. The more he spoke the more you wanted to run away from him. Obviously this place wasn’t safe, and the more you worried about what the true nature of this place was.
A sharp knock on the door pulled you out of your thoughts, and cut Ray’s sentence off. You both stared at the door, Ray with a look of confusion and you with a look of hope. Ray hesitated before dropping your hand and walking towards the door. You whispered silent prayers to yourself, for anything that could let you run out of the room and out of this place.
A hooded figure stood outside, their head bowed to hide their face.
“We have a problem with the server room. This is an emergency.” The hooded figure said, listening to the stranger you couldn’t help but feel their voice was familiar somehow.
“What? Of all the times.” Ray muttered. Then he looked back to the hooded figure, his brows knit together. “Hang on, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you before.” The hooded figure spoke before Ray could continue his train of thought.
“The Savior is also there. You must go now, Mr. Ray.”
“Wait, this voice.” You held your breath, Ray tried to lean down to see the figure’s face but he lowered his hood further.
You spoke up quickly. “This isn’t the time to be suspicious! You should hurry up and go Ray!” Ray turned back to look at you, then back at the bottle of elixir, then at the hooded figure again. Your heart raced in your chest, hoping that maybe he would actually leave.
“I should. But before that.” He looked right into the hooded figure’s obscured face. “Take off your hood.” After a pause he nodded and reached up, but instead of pulling off the hood he pushed Ray back, the glass elixir bottle falling from his hands and shattering on the floor.
The rest happened in slow motion, the figure yanked off his hood revealing a strikingly familiar face. Bright blue eyes stared right at you, the exact image of the RFA’s mysterious leader V.
Still, you couldn’t help but ask who he was when he called to you.
“It’s V! Jihyun!” He yelled. You gasped, eyes turning to Ray who was now standing up. This meant that the gut feeling you had was right. The RFA weren’t AI’s and Ray wasn’t a game developer, and looking back to V you realized he was your only way out of this place.
Your thoughts were stopped by Ray who had begun yelling, other hooded figures began to appear as Ray pointed to V calling him an intruder.
This was your chance, this was the only chance you had to escape this place. You ran forward reaching out to grab V’s hand, to run from this place to get out. From beside you, Ray was screaming and within seconds he’d grabbed your other arm twisting it behind you and pulling you away from V.
A sharp pain shot through your arm and shoulder as Ray pulled back on the arm he’d twisted behind you and looking at V-
Had he just cringed?
Was it because you did? Was it because of seeing Ray grab you, or?
Ray’s screaming in your ear stopped you from going further. He was screaming at V now. Claiming that he’d never let V take you away, calling for guards, for anything. Your arm was aching behind you as V apologized to you.
“I’m sorry, I’ll come back for you. I promise.” While Ray screamed at him you nodded back, watching V run from the room.
Once Ray calmed down he let you go. Stumbling forward you held your injured arm, rubbing it to soothe the small ache. Your mind raced with thoughts of all kinds. The RFA was real, this wasn’t a game, this place was dangerous, and the thought that emerged to the front of your consciousness. Was it possible that V actually felt the same pain you had, without being touched?
Ray left you alone in his computer room as he sought out the “Savior” leaving you with your swirling thoughts. You hadn’t even thought of taking your phone with you when Ray came to you. So you sat in silence, only the sound of the computer fans to keep you present and grounded.
Twenty minutes after Ray left a brief sharp feeling hit your leg. You held the spot, was it even possible that it could be V? You’d assumed that Rika had been his soulmate, since they were going to be married.
No, there was no way. It was just a coincidence.
The next few days were some of the scariest. You had Ray, who was still trying to convince you to stay. Telling you repeatedly how V was a liar. Then V who asked you to say very little and keep a low profile while he figured out how to get you out. Then, before you could do much V had been captured by the Savior. Who you had learned was actually Rika, the creator of the RFA who had supposedly committed suicide six months before.
Sitting in the Savior’s room you tried to keep your body language clear. You didn’t want to show her any sign of fear or hesitation, even though both of those things was gripping your throat tightly. If Rika could feel this fear coming from you, she didn’t say a word about it. Which somehow made you feel even worse.
Sitting there a strange itchy feeling started in your throat. Like burning, you swallowed to try and get rid of the ache but found it did nothing. This pain must have been what your soulmate was feeling right now. Pondering this the uncomfortable feeling spread to your head, your vision blurred. Lightheadedness taking over, your limbs started to throb.
You closed your eyes to try and make it look like maybe you were resting, trying to think of what your soulmate might be going through. The pain made your thoughts hazy. It was all you could focus on. The miserable feeling spread to your entire body, you weren’t even sure if you could stand on your own if you needed to. Cracking your eye open you saw Rika speaking to a believer. Despite Rika’s assurance that you wouldn’t be harmed you didn’t feel safe showing her any level of weakness. Afraid of her taking advantage of you in that state.
After the sun had fallen over the horizon Rika approached you. Like Ray did days ago, she offered you a choice and decided to show you something.
Clutching the wall you kept yourself upright. Your head was dizzy and your knees threatened to give out at any second. You kept yourself up at this point on pure adrenaline. Descending down a staircase your surroundings changed to what can only be described as a dungeon, like one from a film or book.
Your heart nearly stopped seeing V. He laid crumpled on the hard stone floor, his face twisting in pain. His eyes completely glazed over. He looked to be in so much pain, you held yourself back from running to him. Rika was watching him, a look in her eyes that held nothing but disdain and disgust for him.
“Ray gave you more than I wanted him too. I was hoping we could still chat.” Rika said. V’s eyes moved around the room, searching for the voice that was speaking to him. His eyes locked on you, his face looked relieved to see you. Thought it quickly twisted back in pain.
Your brain was taken over by worry for V. He was clearly not in a good condition and by the way Rika was declining neither was she. And with how angry she was with V you worried about his safety.
Staying still, both from fear and pain you heard a voice from behind you.
“Shh! Quiet.” A familiar voice said. “You’re the coordinator right? Don’t answer. I said be quiet! We’re getting out of here.” Seven’s voice whispered in your ear. This was it, you were going to get out of this place. Watching V and Rika closely you watched as Rika turned away from V, now screaming into the wall. “Pick him up. Now, so that she wouldn’t notice.” Regardless of your aching body and dizziness you reached down for V, his arms holding onto your shoulders as you helped him to stand. Leaning on each other for support.
One eye on Rika and the other of Seven beckoning you forward you left the dungeon and snuck out of the building. Breaking into a run once you were a safe distance away, Seven carrying V on his back you stumbled following them.
Every step felt agonizing, still you tried to hide it. Right now V was the one in pain, and whatever you were feeling was just from your soulmate. V was far more important right now.
The hours that followed were a blur, the three of you had hidden out in a safehouse Seven knew of. V was tucked into bed to rest and Seven told you he had called someone who could help him. While Seven was working in the corner of the room you sat curled up in a chair with your head between your knees. The pain you felt was still so intense, and now that the adrenaline was leaving your body you realized just how bad it truly was. Your body felt like it was being torn limb from limb. Your head felt light while your arms felt like rocks and your head throbbed from behind your eyes.
Seven’s friend, his maid? His coworker? Whoever Vanderwood was arrived not long after you did to the hideout. As soon as they was inside they started getting to work on giving V medicine and trying to assess his condition.
“What’s wrong with you?” Vanderwood asked you once they were finished with V. Who was awake now, but still dully staring at everyone. You lifted your head, the pain was less intense now but still lingering in your body.
“I’m okay.” You said. Vanderwood however didn’t look very convinced.
“Did they drug you too? You look like he does.” Vanderwood pointed to V who was watching you now. Even Seven who had been working on his computer was taking a closer look at you.
“No.” You said. “They didn’t drug me.”
“Then why are you-” Vanderwood stopped and looked between you. “Wait, are you two soulmates?” Your head snapped up and looked at Vanderwood, and then at V who was staring at you with wide eyes now.
You stuttered. “No, there’s no way we are.” Vanderwood glanced between you again.
“Look at that wall for a second.” Vanderwood instructed you. Crossing your arms you turned your eyes away. You heard shuffling then a twinge of pain in your arm. Grabbing it you looked back to Vanderwood. Who was pinching V’s arm while V stared in confusion and slight horror.
“Wait.” Seven stood up. “V, you always told us Rika was your soulmate.”
“I-” V coughed, as he did you felt burning in your lungs. Seven waited for a second for V’s response but then shook his head.
“You know what. Now isn’t the time.” Seven sat back down. “There are other things to worry about.” Seven picked up his computer setup. “I’m going to go to the other room to try and figure out this hacker situation. V, get some rest.” V nodded, a pained look on his face. Vanderwood sighed and followed Seven into the other room. Likely to grill him about what was going on, away from the two of you listening in.
Even without looking you knew V was looking at you. Rubbing your arms you stayed quiet, under any other circumstance you likely would be happy to know you’ve met your soulmate. But looking at V, laying in that bed, and knowing about Rika, you felt nothing but worry, and a small bit of guilt.
“I’m sorry.” V whispered to you. You shook your head, eyes closed.
“You don’t need to apologize to me V.” You said. “Just focus on getting better. For both of our sakes.” V stared at you a moment longer, his eyes full of something you couldn’t quite place. Something between longing and grief. Leaning back in your own seat you watched V drift to sleep. A million thoughts still swirling in your head.
Recovery was slow, but you could feel V slowly gaining his strength back. You encouraged him. Especially during the moments he proclaimed his desire to return to Rika. You had tried to tell him that nothing good would come from going back. That him returning to Magenta wasn’t going to stop her. Even if he didn’t seem to agree something told you he was listening to you honestly.
Neither of you talked about what you both knew about your soulmate status. Rika was still too fresh a wound and you were still trying to process it all. Still, you saw some of the looks V would give you when you weren’t looking. Or the way Seven and Vanderwood chose their words extremely carefully around the two of you.
You never discussed it until the two of you went for a walk. Jihyun held onto you to keep himself steady. You both walked down the mountain trail letting yourselves be swallowed up by the trees surrounding the beaten path.
“I feel that I’ve been unfair to you.” V said once you’d stopped for a moment.
“What do you mean?” You asked him.
“Our situation, it’s very complicated. And I know my relationship with Rika has only made it worse.” V said. You stared at the ground.
“Did you think Rika was your soulmate?” You asked. You knew sometimes that could be the case with people, and based on V’s words. You couldn’t help but wonder.
V sighed. “Once maybe. But perhaps I just wanted her to be. But, once my eyes were hurt I...” He shook his head trailing off his sentence.
“I remember that.” You whispered, your hand touching under your eyes. “That was six months ago, right before Rika disappeared?” V sucked in a harsh breath.
“Yes.” Hearing that, you couldn’t keep yourself from stepping forward and embracing him. Pressing your face into his chest. You could still remember the agonizing pain from months ago, and seeing him in the flesh made that memory all the more painful.
“I’m sorry.” You said. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.” V was quiet, you almost pulled away to look at him. To make sure he was okay.
V was quiet for a moment, your words seemingly not reaching him. His voice cracked when he spoke up again. “So this is what it feels like to be embraced by someone.”
“Has no one ever held you before?”
“No, Rika always needed to be held. The only person who wanted to hold me was…” He trailed off for a second. “Was my mother, before she passed.” You hugged him tighter, V hadn’t ever mentioned his mother to you before.
You talked for a while longer. V talked of his mother, Rika. Even Jumin. As he spoke you could feel all the things he’d been holding in for years. Years of trauma and fear that he’d done everything in his power to disguise. After a while emotion choked him up, especially when he spoke of his mother.
“I’m sorry.” He started. “It’s been a long time since I talked about her. My mother that is..” He wiped his eyes and sniffled. “If you don’t mind, I think I need a moment alone. To gather myself.”
“Will you be okay?” You asked him. He nodded.
“I’ll be okay, be careful going back.” You nodded walking away slowly back down the mountain trail to the safehouse. Your thoughts kept your mind busy, thinking back to your conversation with V. In the time in the safehouse you’d never thought about your feelings for him. Everything had been so stressful, you’d never stopped to consider that maybe, you had fallen in love with him. Even if just the tiniest bit.
The sight of the safehouse came into view, you were preparing to walk through the door. When a feeling came into your stomach, something painful and shocking. You gasped and fell to your knees squeezing your eyes shut. Something was wrong, very wrong.
V was hurt.
Your memories of what happened next are fuzzy, the pain had taken over every one of your senses, every once of your mind. Vaguely, you remember running. Screaming for Seven, looking for V. You remember how your heart sunk when you saw him, bleeding on the ground.
However you don’t remember the car journey, or even arriving at the hospital. Your memory only cleared while you sat in V’s room. Waiting for him in surgery, then you remember talking with Jumin and watching V be returned to his room to recover.
The best moment besides seeing his face, was feeling the pain subside from your stomach. Knowing he wasn’t hurting at all.
As V recovered you knew Seven and Jumin were taking care of everything in the background. You heard bits of pieces from them as to what was happening, that Ray was only continuing to attack until he stopped. Rika had been in the chatroom, until she had stopped. However your mind was focused entirely on V during that time.
One the day of the party was cancelled, Magenta was blown up, Ray inside. While that thought weighed on you and V. You couldn’t deny the sense of finality it had in your heart. Finally, this horrible saga seemed to have come to an end. Only recovery from here on out.
“I’m going to have my eyes operated on soon.” V told you, you were sitting next to him. Focused on the news of Rika’s arrival at the party venue. “Turns out Jumin already scheduled an operation for me.”
You laughed gently. “Sounds like Jumin.” He smiled at you.
“I hoped that I could start my new life after my eyes are cured but, it’ll take time to fully free myself from Rika.” You nodded. “I care for you, very much but.” He looked at you, holding to your hand. “I want to be a complete person, I want to find what is precious within me.”
You smiled, although your heart ached you held that positive look. As you looked into his eyes you saw something you’d never seen in him before. You could have sworn you saw hope.
“Take all the time you need.” You said, speaking honestly.
The first time you remember feeling your soulmate's pain was when you were five years old. You’d been sitting at home when a sharp pain hit your knee. Now, you stood at the airport, watching the plane V was in as it was about to take off. You weren’t sure when he’d come back, only knowing that he would someday.
Tears filled your eyes as you waited with Jumin and Seven next to you. The plane started down the runway and lifted into the air raising higher and higher, you watched it until it disappeared out of sight and into the clouds above.
“Ouch!” You said grabbing your arm, it felt like someone had just pinched you but looking at Jumin who was standing next to you his hands in his pockets there was no way it was him who had done it.
A smile grew on your face as you realized. Going for you other arm, you smiled as you pinched your own arm. Knowing V on that plane felt it too.
