Gone for good
Plot: When a change in plans cause a change in life Genre: Angst, AU Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader Trigger Warnings: I really just would prepare to get your heart broken. Word Count: 5.6k A/N: This hurt writing. I’ve read this over and over until I made sure I wanted it to be the way I imagined it. I hope you like it and I will try my hardest to update sooner.
Masterlist
Alternative Ending
You messed up.
You messed up when you didn’t mean to.
Made a mistake and every single day you are paying for it.
Baekhyun was everything to you. You loved him with every single bone in your body, and he loved you just as much. Well, at least you thought he did until that night. The night Baekhyun left you, you remember like it happened yesterday. There was no forgetting the night the love of your life left like you meant absolutely nothing to him. It tore you apart how easily he’d given up on you when you needed him the most and you hated yourself for making him do so.
Life was good for the most part, during the time you were together. You’d just completed school but had an unsteady job trying to find something permanent while Baek was already on the road to success. He’d gotten a job through one of his friends from university and it paid well to give him room to grow. He wasn’t leaving anytime soon.
It had a little over a year of dating before deciding to move in together. The both of you couldn’t be apart from each other for too long without becoming a total mess.
A year and a half later and both of you were, nevertheless, the same. You both got comfortable around each other, some would say too comfortable. There were times where things took a turn, and you would get into arguments but nothing ever to drastic that had any effect on your relationship or at least that’s what you thought.
It was close to the end of the year. Work had become a vital part of your life. You were working extra hours at your office job trying to make any extra money possible to get a start on your actual career goals. Baekhyun was working a decent number of hours, but because of your job, you hardly got to see him besides going to bed and waking up. You were very much looking forward to the break the holidays had to offer.
Since the holidays were just around the corner, Baekhyun was constantly nagging you about needing to make plans whenever he had the chance. Usually, it would slip your mind due to the workload you were already getting.
“Hey don’t forget we have dinner plans with my parent tonight.” Baekhyun parents were never very fond of you. During the beginning of your relationship, you tried your hardest to make a good impression, but it didn’t seem to stick. Baekhyun never really cared about their opinions when it came to you, but you still wanted to be on their good side since they were his parents. Most recently, whenever his parents decided to come over you tried your best to stay away not wanting to add to the stress you were already dealing with.
“Yes, I won’t forget. Text me the address later please.”You grab your bag before walking over to Baekhyun and planting a small peck on his lips causing him to grin. He grasps onto your wrist twisting you to face him before you had the chance to slip away.
“I’m serious. Tonight’s very important, and I need you to be there. Why do you think I’ve constantly been reminding you?” His eyes looked into yours softly.
“I know. I’ll be there don’t worry.”You give him another kiss before you sprint out the door.
The day was going by slow as work was constantly piling up on your desk. Right before the holidays hit, work got most hectic. Because of all the delay from the beginning of the year work always piled up causing the extra stress. There wasn’t enough time to get your work done before the end of your shift, most likely having to take your work home with you.
While sitting down quietly getting work done you heard your name being called from around the office. Lifting your head up from your work, you find your boss right in front of you. “I know you are probably looking forward to going home today and I hate to ask this, but we are overwhelmed with work today. One of the other workers called out and it would be great if you stayed a couple of hours extra today.”
You sighed feeling the pressure of answering. There was no way you could stay, but you knew the extra money would be nice also if you disappointed your boss he probably wouldn’t go to you for things in the future. The last person you needed to disappoint was Baekhyun. Even though it was just dinner with his parents, whom you saw all the time, but for whatever reason tonight was important or else Baek wouldn’t have constantly reminded you about tonight.
“I know there is so much work piled up, but today is important and I really need to head out once my shift is over.” You maintained your tone soft not trying to disappoint your boss.
“I really need you to stay. I wouldn’t have asked if I really didn’t need you. Can you please cancel your plans for tonight?”The pressure was on. Dinner was not that important, right? It wasn’t like you would never have dinner with his parents ever again so would it really hurt to be absent.
“Okay. Let me make a phone call please.”You get up from your desk and make your way towards the restroom pulling out your phone and quickly dial Baekhyun’s number. He answers within the first couple of rings.
“Hey, babe. Are you off from work already?”You were so sad you had to disappoint Baek. He was constantly reminding you of tonight’s dinner, so you knew it was super important for whatever reason. Especially since lately seeing Baekhyun was getting a lot harder despite the fact of living together.
“I’m sorry. You’re going to kill me. We are super packed at work today. Everything is piling up and someone called out so they asked me to stay a couple of extra hours.”You could hear the sigh on the other end. Hurting Baekhyun was the last thing you wanted to do but you knew work needed you just as much.
“You know this dinner is important to me right. I really need you to be there.”You were trying to figure out a way to not hurt him more.“ I’m tired of you constantly putting work over me.”
“That is not true Baek, you know I would never. If we weren’t backed up I would not be calling you right now.”It saddened you that he believed you were putting work over him. He knew how important work was right now while you trying to figure out what you were going to do with the rest of your life. You didn’t have your life together like he did and knew that.
“You went to school for a reason. Find a better job.”He was angry, and you knew he’d say things that he maybe didn’t necessarily mean. You didn’t want to take it personally, but it was hard coming from him.
“Baekhyun please I’m not trying to argue with you.” Your breath got heavy and you felt like you were going to start crying. Even though it wasn’t much, Baekhyun’s words easily hurt you. Arguments were slim to none and usually about something stupid. The both of you always gave into each other easily yet you felt like this time that wasn’t the case.
“You know it’s true. You’re stuck at this dead-end job and dedicate to much time to it. I don’t even remember the last time we had a full conversation.”Finding the right way to respond was hard. You didn’t want to keep the argument going yet you found yourself coming up with replies to make him even madder.
“I’m sorry I don’t have everything handed to me. It’s not easy to find a good job right out of school and you should know that. Stop giving me a hard time.”After a long sigh, the line fell silent. All you could hear we a dead end and you couldn’t do anything about it. You had to get back to work.
The house was empty when you got home. Everything still in the exact spot as you left it in. Exhausted from the long and terrible day you were having, you threw your bag onto the floor and sat on the couch letting out a long and heavy sigh. You closed your eyes trying to relax as much as you could before Baekhyun got home.
You checked your phone to see if you received any missed calls from Baek but there was nothing. After the argument what did you really expect? He was being stubborn when it wasn’t necessary. You wanted to call him to see where he was, but you already knew he would refuse to answer. In all honesty, you just wanted to give into him so bad, you hated getting into arguments and seeing him mad.
When Baekhyun walked in you almost didn’t notice until you heard the drop of his keys onto the glass coffee table laying in front of you. He gave you a quick glance then looked away taking off his overcoat and setting it down on the coat hanger by the door. You needed to release the tension in the room so you spoke up.
“Baekhyun.” His back facing you, he stood still waiting for you to continue. “I’m sorry I messed up dinner. I really didn’t mean to. You knew I would have said no if it was necessary. I’m so sorry.” He turned to finally face you.
“Please stop. I’m trying my hardest not to say anything to you because I might say something you don’t want to hear.” His voice was harsh stabbing yours from every angle possible. Pulling his tie around his neck throwing it on the floor, you could feel the anger coming out from his body in full force even without saying much.
“I can’t stand you being mad at me. I understand why, but I wish you would talk to me.” You get up off the couch stepping towards where he was standing. His breathing got heavier as he was trying to hold in whatever he had bottled up inside of him. It hurt to see him this way. It hurt to know you made him this angry.
“I told you to stop, please. Just leave me alone. I need time to myself to think okay.” You couldn’t do that. You wanted to listen, but you felt he would give up on you if he did. You were being just as stubborn as he was.
“Talk to me please.” You grab his hand but he instantly pulls away and that was enough to trigger him.
“You only think of yourself! I’m tired of it.” He runs his fingers through his hair that was now flat against his forehead. He started pacing back and forth in front of you. “I’m trying to tell you to back off and you don’t care. Stop.” You felt so small, so alone. This was the first time Baekhyun had ever made you feel like he hated you. You were so used to him being so calm and subtle and the fact that you got him this mad to the point where he was acting like this.
“I’m sorry.” Was all you managed to get out. You wanted to cry for making him feel this way. For making him full of anger and not choosing him when you should have. Just a simple no and you wouldn’t be in this situations right now.
“You have no idea how much this night meant to me.” He pulls something out from his pocket and throws it onto the couch and makes his way towards the bedroom.
You walk over and grab this small black box. As soon as you realize what it was your heart dropped into the pit of your stomach, but you had to confirm you were looking at the right thing. Opening up the box, you instantly the tears stream down your cheeks.
There lied a simple yet elegant diamond ring. It was beautiful and perfect for your specified taste. But the realization hit. Baekhyun was going to propose. He was going to propose at dinner too and you ruined it.
You sat there in silence crying looking at the beautiful ring in front of you. The regret of everything that happened today ran through every bone in your body slowly tearing you apart.
Closing the box you raised yourself from the couch and walked over to your bedroom. Wiping away the tears from your eyes you opened the door and found Baekhyun facing the window looking out into the street. You wanted to know what was going through his head. Wanted to understand what he was feeling. Of course, he was angry at you for messing up his plans but on top of that, he was probably terribly sad because he didn’t get the chance to propose.
Walking over to him you grab his hand and place your fingers on his, this time he doesn’t let go but still refuses to face you.
“I’m so sorry you have no idea. I ruined your plans. I feel terrible.” You could barely speak from all the crying, still trying to process everything that was happening. You put the jewelry box into his hand. “Ask me, please. I can’t stand to see you like this. Please ask me again .”
He ignored you. Walking over to the nightstand by your bed and placing it on top looking over it for a couple of seconds before deciding to sit on the bed. “I think there was a reason this didn’t go as planned.”
“What do you mean?” You were confused. He wasn’t talking like himself, letting whatever he was thinking take over him. The crying did not stop.
“I don’t know. I think. I think we”
“Woah. Stop. We’re not doing this.” You knew what he was going to say. He was going to break your heart and little did he know his as well. There was no need to be away from each other. You made a mistake but it could be fixed. You didn’t want him to give up on you so easily. He was everything to you and the last thing you ever wanted was to lose him.
“I just think we need some time apart. We’ve been together for so long, we need some time to breath. I need to think on my own without you being in the other room waiting for me.” He stands up and walks over to where you were standing laying the palm of his right hand on your cheek. “I love you, but today. Today didn’t happen for a reason and I need to figure out why.”
The tears came out stronger. You were sobbing, the tears falling into his hand that was still lying on your cheek. You didn’t want to lose the contact, for him not to be there when you went to sleep, to not wake up to him singing his favorite songs in the shower, to seeing him smile whenever you said something that didn’t make any sense. Even just a day without this would drive you insane. You wouldn’t survive, but he would.
“Just a couple of day. Nothing more. I’m going to stay at Jongins house so you don’t have to leave.” He releases the contact but refills it by placing a small kiss on your forehead before.
You felt as if everything that happened today was blown out of proportion. You understood that today was important to Baekhyun but it wasn’t like you knew why, even though in some sort of way this was entirely your fault. He didn’t have to tell you. Actually, he wasn’t supposed to inform you at all. What was he going to say, ‘Hey I’m proposing to you at dinner tonight in front of my parents be there’. Trying to figure out a way to fix it seemed nonexistent. Like he already made up his mind about the last 3 Years you spent together. He suddenly made up his mind within only a couple hours and it made absolutely no sense how he would give up on you so easily.
If someone asked you who you saw yourself spending the rest of your life with, you would answer Baekhyun before they even had the chance to finish asking. If they were to ask him, you weren’t sure if he would say you. He did love you with every bone in his body but was tonight enough to make him fall out of love? Was this his turning point? You needed to know, but there was no answer to it yet.
Days passed before you had any contact with Baek. There was no phone calls, no texts, no trying to come back home. Sadly the effort to see him was put in by you. Deciding enough was enough, you took a trip down to Jongin’s house.
Jongin was Baekhyun’s best friend and also the person who introduced you to Baekhyun. You met him when you were still taking classes back in uni. He shared a couple of classes with you causing the friendship to spark. Usually, when the two of you went out it was on little study dates, never nothing more. Finally, Jongin gained the guts to ask you out on a date and you said yes at the time since the feelings were mutual. After your first date, you both decided to stay friends not exactly hitting it off as you thought you would. Nothing ever got weird, if anything it made the both of you closer. He was one of those people that you never expected to get extremely close to.
One night Jongin dragged you out of your house, deciding it was finally time that you meet all of his friends. That was the night you met Baekhyun. You both hit it off instantly and since then it seemed as if there was no tearing you apart.
When you reached Jongin’s apartment, all of the sadness from the past week hit you square in the face. You thought you managed to get a tiny amount of control over your feelings, but it did not turn out that way.
Jongin answered the door, seeming too unsurprised to see you standing in front of him. You wondered if he knew? Well, he had to. There was no way Baekhyun would have proposed without consulting Jongin first, it wasn’t allowed. And there was no way Baekhyun would just show up to Jongin’s house to stay the night without an explanation.
“He’s not here. He went for a walk.” You could feel the tension in the air. The last thing you needed was for Jongin to be mad at you as well. “Did you want to come in and wait? He should be back soon.” You nodded your head and walked inside. He shut the door behind you, the room filling with silence yet again.
“How is he?” You asked clearing the silence, sitting down on the couch that reminded you of earlier times. Times where the relationships you had in your life was a lot easier. He walked over to the kitchen grabbing a glass cup filling it with water before walking back to hand it to you.
“I’m still very confused. Can you explain to me what the hell is going on between you?” He ignores your question deciding to ask his own. You were a bit surprised, thinking that Baekhyun would have told him as soon is it all happened.
“I assumed he told you already.” He shook his head. “Well of course you know he was going to propose right?” He nods his head in agreement waiting for you to continue. “I messed up the proposal. It was supposed to happen at dinner with his parents, but I got stuck at work. He was so mad at first. He was constantly reminding me of the dinner, and I decided to stay longer at work because they needed me.” You felt the tears fall down your cheeks as you repeated the situation to Jongin. “When I got home, he wasn’t there. He showed up not to long after and looked so sad. We started arguing, then he finally threw the ring onto the couch and stormed off to the room. I felt so bad. I had no idea. Now he hates me, and I don’t blame him.”
The room had stayed quiet for a couple of seconds before Jongin decided to speak. “I’m sorry this had to happen to the both of you. Don’t blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault.” He patted your back in support.
“Yes, it was! I messed the whole thing up. He’s been here for days and hasn’t called or done anything to let me know he’s okay. I’m falling apart.” You cried even harder trying to quickly wipe away the tears that were continuously streaming down your cheeks. You were a mess.
“He loves you. He won’t be gone for long.” You wish you could believe what Jongin was telling you. You wanted nothing more than for it to not all be your fault, for Baekhyun to tell you that everything was going to be okay, but it did not feel that way at all.
“That’s the thing Jongin. I really don’t think he will come back. I really hurt him, and I know he’s thinking it all through. He’s debating whether or not he wants to be with me anymore and I don’t know what to do.” Jongin pulls you into his arms offering you the comfort that you wish was coming from Baekhyun. You felt bad for having to drag Jongin into this. The last thing you wanted was for him to feel obligated to choose sides, even when there was none to choose.
“There’s no way he’d give up on you. He loves you too much.” Right as you were about to speak, you heard the door squeak open. Jongin released you from his grip and you both turned and faced Baekhyun.
It took a minute for Baekhyun to realize you were there. He walked in and started talking to Jongin not realizing you were right next to him. When he finally saw you, the smile on his face slowly disappeared.
“Oh hey. I was going to call you today but.”He doesn’t finish his sentence and leaves the room in silence. You weren’t sure what to say. All you wanted to do was walk over to him and wrap your arms around him and hope he would have done the same.
He looked the same. No changes from the past couple of days. He seemed like the Baekhyun that you always knew and loved but you weren’t sure if to him you were the same person he loved as well.
You forgot that Jongin was standing right next to you before he decided to speak.
“I’ll go to the room.” Before you could object he was out of your sight. Now you really didn’t know what to say. If you said one thing, you weren’t sure if it would make anything better or worse.
“I’m sorry Baekhyun for ruining your proposal. I’m so sorry I didn’t leave work when I should have. I feel terrible and want you to come home. I can’t stand being away from you. It’s killing.” You finally speak ready to dive into another breakdown after all of this ends. Everything was going so well and now life decided to be a mess when you least wanted it to.
“Being here has given me time to think… but not enough. I thought it would kill me to be away from you for the past couple of days, but it hasn’t. I don’t know what it means, but I know I was okay being away from you.” It’s like you knew what was coming next. The tears instantly reappearing and Baekhyun didn’t seem to notice. “I don’t want to just push away everything that we’ve been through the past three years yet something else is telling me just to give up.”
“Baekhyun I” He cuts you off and continues.
“I really tried to feel unaffected by the proposal going down as I planned it to, but I am. I don’t want to be the one to give up on us but I’m not sure how to continue.” You wanted to yell and scream and break anything that was insight. Standing here and listening to Baekhyun break your heart, felt like taking a bullet to the chest. There was no way to make any of this better. He’d made up his mind without consulting you on how you felt. “I don’t think we should break up. That’s not what I’m saying, but I do think we should take a break.”
“No.” Was all you could get out. It took too much effort to say anything more and it wasn’t like he was going to listen anyway.
“What do you me-?”
“How could you just give up on me like that? How can you just decide we need a break without thinking about how I feel? You’re hurting me too Baekhyun. I can’t stand being away from you, but all you what you want to do is be away from me.” He tries to step closer but you take a step back almost tripping over your own feet. All composure was lost. You were stuttering while talking, hands were trembling. Trying to keep everything together yet coming to realize as you were doing so, every piece was falling back down.
“Please don’t be like this. I’m trying my best not to make this more of a mess than this already is.” He closes his eyes for a second taking a breath and letting it out.
“Well, it’s too late for that Baekhyun. You’ve made it very obvious you don’t want to be with me anymore so just say it please.” He stood there in silence staring at you.“I’m still figuring out how you fell out of love so quickly. How it was so easy for you to forget everything we’ve been through and decide it’s over. I made a mistake and I realize that, but it shouldn’t have controlled our relationship. You were so easy at deciding you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me, yet it was even easier for you to decide to give up on me. I’m sorry I did this and I hope one day you can forgive me.”
That was the end of your sad love story. When the conversation ended, you left without a goodbye knowing it would be too hard. After that day there was officially no Baekhyun in your life. He didn’t try going after you or make any contact past that day. Baekhyun went on with his life as you tried to as well. Things never got easier as you hope it would. You were constantly reminded of him every second possible, trying your hardest to make him not being there completely take over you.
You’d lost most contact with Jongin. He would call every now and then to see how you were doing never bringing up Baek to not hurt you more than you already were. You didn’t want to bother Jongin with your problems even though you knew he would be there no matter what. He was Baekhyun’s friend too and you did not want to have him listen to you as well.
Whether or not you wanted it to, life did go on. Three months later you found yourself a new job. A job that you did not have to dedicate all of your time to and also one that you could find yourself doing for the rest of your life. You were trying your hardest to get your life together without having the constant thought running through your head of how things could have gone differently. You’d even moved out of the dreadful apartment that you and Baekhyun once shared, finding yourself a smaller and more comfortable place.
It was currently the middle of February, a late Saturday night and you had no plans deciding to stay in for the night. You were laying on your tiny couch with your MacBook laying on your lap scrolling through fashion websites trying to find yourself a new wardrobe as the weather was starting to get warmer.
As you were deciding on what color to settle on a cute top you found, your phone started to ring. Quickly placing the laptop on the table in front of you, you answered the phone without looking at the caller id.
“Hello?” It was overly quiet through the line, so you decided to repeat yourself. “Hello?”
“Hi.” Hearing a warm yet unfamiliar voice your breathing instantly stops as you realize who you were talking to. A voice you could recognize anywhere at any time, yet the last voice you expected to hear. “It’s Baekhyun.”
“I know.” It continues to stay silent. Why was he calling? What did he want? Why now? Why ever? You thought this man was out of your life for good, yet here he was calling you for who knows what.
“I tried stopping by the apartment not too long ago, but another family was living there. I got a bit worried.”What was the correct way of going about this conversation? You certainly didn’t expect to get this phone call and certainly didn’t want it. Hearing Baekhyun’s voice just made you miss him, even more, when you were supposed to be trying to get over him. “How are you?”
“Why are you calling me Baekhyun?” You had to get straight to the point. You didn’t need to deal with another situation that was more than likely not going to turn out well. As much as you wished you could talk to Baekhyun like it was easy it wasn’t at all.
“I-I just wanted to see how you were? I know things didn’t end well, and I just want to know you’re okay.”
“I’m the one who messed up Baek. If anything I should be calling you.”It still felt awkward to sit on the phone and talk to the person who you thought was the love of your life on the other line. This shouldn’t be happening, yet it was. It wasn’t tearing you apart like you thought it would, but it did hurt. He sounded the same if anything maybe even happier but you couldn’t be sure.
“You would never call me. I know you too well.” He slightly chuckles which makes you smile slightly. You disliked how much he knew you, especially now at this point in time. Calling was the wrong thing to do and most definitely at the wrong time. Three months was a long time, but still not enough time to mend your still broken heart. “I-I want to ask you something, well not ask but more tell you something.”
“Go on.”
“I’m, I’m dating someone. I know, I didn’t expect to so early, but I met someone and I’m starting to grow feelings-” Everything he said after went into one and straight out the other. You sat there trying to process how within a couple of seconds he confirmed he moved on from you. “Are you still there?”
“Yeah, I’m still here.” You slightly pull yourself together enough to respond. At this exact moment is when you realized that the love you had for him was forever in the past for him. You couldn’t stand another second talking to him, a breakdown would happen any second.
“I just wanted to tell you that I’m okay and I forgive you and you should too.” You end the phone call as soon as he finished talking.
There was a certain sentiment that you got from the whole situation. You were glad you finished it in time before you had to hear anything else, but you heard enough to know you were still the same heartbroken girl you were three months ago. You felt as if the whole world was taken away from you, yet others would call it a fresh start. It was hard to understand all of your emotions as they were all hitting you at once. You would vividly remember every single second of the conversation whether you liked it or not.
One thing you wish you could do was hate Baekhyun even though it wasn’t his fault. You put yourself in this mess and somehow it will always be there stuck in the back of your head. This was meant to hurt and soon enough you’d accept it. Eventually, you would be okay, but there was one thing you knew for sure. You will always regret hurting Baekhyun to where you lost him forever.