Hi!! Welcome to my masterlist🖤 Please refrain from reposting, translating any of my works on any other platforms. I only crosspost these stories on my Wattpad account.
Minors, please check the age rating on my individual stories before reading them. If it indicates that you are underage to read it, DO NOT INTERACT.
a → angst
f → fluff
s → smut
You can also check out my WIP list here <3
More links: Fanart , Other art
Latest update: Tease you more (16 Dec, 2021)
Coming soon~~
Little Butterfly | a, f
→ Seokjin cares about you so much and you know that he’ll be there to catch you when you fall.
Not too far away | f
→ Maybe the future the two of you saw with each other was not too far away.
Homecoming | s, f
→ Hoseok is finally back from his 4 month tour with his bandmates and you think of all the ways you could welcome him home.
Whiskey and smoke ft. Taehyung | a, f
→ She has been bound to follow orders all through her life. Living a life of restraint, Taehyung had become her only source of relief. And one day, he and a very handsome stranger from the bar take a decision that rocks her damned world.
Whiskey and smoke ft. Jimin | a, f
→ She has been bound to follow orders all through her life. Living a life of restraint, Taehyung had become her only source of relief. And one day, he and a very handsome stranger from the bar take a decision that rocks her damned world.
Lose you | a
→ Losing a child is supposed to be painful. Like he’s been gutted alive. But he doesn’t hurt as much as he should. Atleast not for the same reason. He wonders if he’s heartless. But how can he be when his heart weeps for you?
☆ Moodboard
In the way | a
→ You should’ve known he was too good to be true.
Sing me to sleep | a, f
→ Where Jungkook sings you to sleep.
Sounds of bliss (euphoria) | f
→ A surprise awaits Jungkook when he gets back from work one evening.
Starless night | a, f
→ He comforts you in a moment of anguish.
Tease you more | s, f
→ You swear you could get yourself off from just thinking about his thighs. And he proves to you just how right you are.
Warnings: angst-violence-tiny smut-death-dealing with the loss-emotional
~Before you read the final chapter in this journey, I want to thank the people who stayed along for this ride and gave feedback. Yes this is the ending but I also left it open in case I want to revisit the life that does exist beyond the loss of one of our Savagez. We shall see. Hugz!~
I woke up to a dripping noise not to distant from me. I was strapped to a bed naked but covered with a dark sheet. My mouth wasn’t covered so I started to scream as I took in my surroundings. The women dressed in a scrubs was clearly just as frightened as she backed away from me.
“Please y/n, I was ordered to clean you up and attend to your medical needs until you were conscious. Your only tied up because I was afraid if you woke like this you might attack me thinking I was the bad guy, fact is were both hostages. I witnessed the accident and got out to help when they grabbed me shoving me into the car before they took you. Please please know I didn’t harm you, nor has anyone since you’ve been here.” she pleaded with tears staining her face. I willed myself to calm my heart and clear my head. I blocked my Lily, my Haz and my Tom out. I reverted back to my training to help save my life and get myself back to them.
“If your not the bad guy then untie me and tell me why they trust you to roam free in this room.” I said with a icy tone
“I'm a doctor, it's why I got out to help, before the second hit they grabbed me.” she untied me hands first. It let me know she was telling some truth because if she was a real threat to me she wouldn't untie me so quick or from my hands first. But still I didn't trust her. I sat up quick as she undid my feet and grabbed her neck squeezing it so tight she had no airway. Her eyes went wide as she gripped my wrist tight pleading with her eyes. Why wasn't she fighting me off? Next thing I knew the room was going dark as she started to smile.
I awoke as I was escorted in a wheelchair to a dark room where I was placed on a leather chair and my shackles were connected to the ones attached to a steel bar on the floor. The room was cold. Almost walk in refrigerator temperature. I started to shake as the slam of the heavy door created a breeze inside the tiny room. I could see my breath as the wall illuminated a medium sized screen and the asshole that fathered me appeared. He wore a slight frown and that let me know he had at least one ounce of feeling towards me or my mother he sees in me, it told me I had a shot of getting out of this hell. The screen panned out and the doctor from my room appeared, looking much different. She smiled as I started to put the puzzle together.
“Well hello Y/N, I do apologize to have to meet with you like this, but from what I witnessed, you seem to be a fighter, even as you heal. So I thought it was best for us both you learned the fastest way possible when it comes to me.” she took a moment to pause to see if I was absorbing her words. Then she proceeded.
“My name is Alexandria, I’m Roberts wife of 30 years, to make it simple and move on from a subject I hate to discuss, your mother was a weakness of my husbands and in short, how you became about. He refused to kill your mother or you, which is why I sent my men to it. They didn’t do a very good job, which is why you're still breathing. But you see, I never gave a fuck about you, your mother or Robert. We married for power positions. My siblings are the dead men your lovers killed. Making me the head mistress in charge. I will be sure to thank them for that when I get them together.”
“I am the only reason you’ll ever get them together, much like him and you are still alive. I asked them to stop when they were planning the last hit to end Roberts life. They left you alone so we could be a family, we were offered that deal!” I said, words dripping with venom.
“That was a deal offered before the smoke cleared y/n, now I’ve Iost my men, my money, my family business was what kept us, me, in power. That's why your here y/n! Your lovers have cost me everything. And they will make it right or watch you die a slow and painful death.”
“Fuck you Alexandria ” I roared at the screen.
“Yeah, I figured you'd be hard headed like your counterparts, so I'll paint you a picture of what's at stake and then lock you away for another week or so to think about how you want to speak to me.”
The screen snapped off and before I could even imagine what was coming next I was drenched in ice cold water spraying from overhead. So much water, the force from it was hard to breathe. It felt like it was being released from a firehose but with less pressure. I gasped for air as I struggled to lift my head up at the light from the screen as it glowed. I sat up straight as my Lily-Stars face filled the frame. I screamed at her to let her know momma was here for her. It was purely mental and I knew it, but I wasn't prepared to see her face. I panicked at first wondering how she had pictures of but then I realized it had to be from my phone as my sweet TomTom and Hazzi filled the frame with her. I closed my mouth as I focused on the screen and breathed through my nose so I wouldn't drown. I wouldn't miss a moment of their faces while I had it, they gave me strength to gather my head on how to get back to them.
I was placed in a more comfortable room after a weeks time and given instructions to shower and prepare myself for dinner. I was reminded that this test of my control would have rewards or consequences. I did as instructed and waited for my escort to arrive for dinner. I was allowed to walk on my own with instructions on what direction to turn and the door to go into on the third lower level. This alone told me I how valuable I was in getting her what she wanted. She wanted me to know it.
To my surprise it was only her sitting in the dining room. She poured two glasses of wine and handed me one, pulling out a chair for me to sit. I eyed her as dinner was laid in front of us.
“Interesting men you fell in love with,I count myself lucky to have captured their only weakness.”
“I wouldn’t say that's luck, there is nothing stopping my savages from coming for me, nothing. Not even if you kill me, they will raise hell to remove you from this earth as well.” I smiled back
She let out a laugh and raised her glass to the truth in my statement. “My sweet girl, I respect you for being so honest. And I know this as well. I want them to come rescue you, I’m counting on it in fact!” she laughed taking a bite and eyeing me to do the same. “See, I need their skills and expertise and in exchange, I will give you back to them, well one of them. But only when they agree to work for me. After all they are why I’m reduced to nearly nothing in my line of business. They have killed all my worker bee’s, so they can repay a debt and in no time you all can be back home to your daughter” she smirked eyeing me for a response and not getting one. So she dug deeper, smiling that she got to play the next party trick.
“Tell me y/n, does Tom still like to fuck rough? One of my hit men were moments away from killing Tom had found one of Tom’s ladies fresh from the bed he had fucked her senseless in. She was one of our spies but he never knew it, they are only trained to distract men while the professionals move in, but he’s a fuck em and leave em type of guy. She even had videos to prove it, he’s a real pain in the ass, if you know what I mean? Especially with that big dick of his, makes me wonder why you need that blue eyed beauty around when you can have this every night..” she watched me as a laptop was placed in front of my eyes and a hidden camera was aimed on a bed where Tom was naked and thrusting hard into a woman from behind. His hands fisted her hair and slapped her ass hard as she begged him to fuck her there too. I closed my eyes and shut the laptop.Hearing her begging for more of him.
“No way, you watch..I have plenty of times and I’ve even gotten off to it, he’s a wild card, noway does he fuck sweet little you like this is there?” she spat as one of her men restrained my arms and she opened it back up hitting play. I closed my eyes as Tom gripped her hips shoving himself deep in her ass. She slapped me hard gripping my face towards the screen even closer. The video ended and another one started. I felt the bile in my throat rise as I watched him and another woman. She sat on his lap as he guided himself into her. He pushed her away from touching him and as he grown tired of fighting her trying to touch him, Tom held her hands behind her back and bit her nipples hard. She moaned in pleasure, but not his name. It was the only relief I could find as the tears fell down my face. I found it harder to breathe as the girl was ordered to her hands and knees. He fucked her wilder than the last video and with each thrust I felt I was being stabbed in my heart. He had never fucked me or treated me like that. Was it because he loved me? Was this the way he truly wanted to fuck? I started to sob as she shut the laptop, and wiped my wet face. She looked at me almost with sorrow before speaking.
“Men are evil creatures sweetheart, after all it’s what got your mom killed.”
I reared my head back and head bunted her in the face hearing the crack of her perfect nose now broken. “You bitch!” she screamed back handing me with her blood soaked hand. She nodded at her goon to handle me. He choked me as she punched me in my stomach and with a final blow to the head I was knocked out.
When I came to, I was strapped to the same chair. A bright light was in my face and two large screens were in front of my face. My mouth was gagged and my eye was almost swollen shut.
I looked around the room to see what the hell was going on but I couldn’t see anything. Then the screen showed me a reflection of what I truly looked like. As my senses adjusted I could hear Tom and Harrisons voices being given strict instructions. Or they would not get another look at me alive again. They agreed before being placed on my screen. I sobbed at the sight of them unable to control it. It was a muffled cry and it tore through their hearts. Haz covered his mouth as he let the tears fall silently. Tom lost his shit as he started to scream that Robert had said I was healing and gone unharmed. Our footage was cut off but not the voice as Tom promised to kill everyone of them who had done this. A disguised voice came over our speakers and I knew who hid behind it as she pressed play of Tom and the woman again. I cried harder unsure if I closed my eyes I would be punished again and they didn’t need to see that. Tom was silent as he watched in horror and Haz looked at me with his sky blue eyes. They calmed my soul until the feed was quiet again.
“I love you angel, we are doing everything to get to you” he said as he was cut off by the disguised voice.
“Shut the fuck up, both of you! I have had enough talk and no action from both of you. Time to start proving your love for her. Tom you said you’d kill everyone who had done this to her?” Tom said yes without hesitation looking at me and not taking his eyes off mine. “You got a gun close by? I’m about to expose the one who caused her pain and did this to her.”
My eyes went wide as new footage of me watching him have sex played. The way I was forced, my expressions as the tears fell..the head bunt..all of it. This time my eyes stayed on Tom’s as they swirled in dark brown and copper tones. The storm was full force. He hated himself. I shook my head no as Tom pulled out his gun.
“Wow, you are a wild card! And a man of your word, now big boy..put it in your mouth for her”
I screamed no as he did what the bitch told him to do. “Put your finger on the trigger, I know it’s loaded, you ready to end all of her pain, right Tom?” she laughed as she counted from 5...4… I grew louder trashing my head no until I was slapped by a big hand and Haz jumped up pleading with his sweet beautiful blue eyes, filled with tears at the camera.
“STOP!, there has to be another way, please..anything. Don’t hurt her anymore, for fucks sake!”
“Alright, alright..put the gun down Mr. Big Dick, as much as I like how big your balls are I love the blue eyed ones sincerity.” she said dropping the voice disguise. “Now I see why you have him around y/n, he truly loves you.” she said in awe as she opened the door from far away.
“I do! I love you y/n, I’m so sorry your in this shit because of us baby.” he touched the screen.
Alexandria told him to sit down so she could see Tom. She showed us a Revolver as she put two bullets in the cylinder asking me what my nicknames were for them both. She removed my gag and handed me water, waiting me for me to speak. I knew what she was already doing. This was Harrrisons test now. I looked at Tom first knowing he already knew Haz would fold and he wasn’t prepared for this. “TomTom and Hazzi..” I croaked as she named the bullets exactly that and spun them around before resting it against my head.
“Well let’s see angel, who will be the man who saves you from the other? Rules are simple fellas, Tom can stop Hazzis bullet or Harrison can stop TomTom’s bullet from killing her just by surrendering themselves in exchange for her life. No other rules apply”
Without warning she squeezed the trigger and the gun made the empty clicking sound against my skull.
“Me..” they both shouted as she cocked the gun again. They looked at each other with fire. I prayed Haz would let Tom take this offer, Tom leaded with his head first, Haz leaded with his heart. Tom already had impressed her in more ways than one, he had the upper hand. It’s not that I didn’t have faith in my Hazzi, I knew he wasn’t going to be able to do what she was going to demand of him solo. He wasn’t built like that. “Hazzi no, please” I begged as he looked at me.
“Tom was willing to blow his head off for you angel. He is the only one who can protect our little savage and you from whatever or whoever might be out there, this is my chance to save you both. She needs her mum y/n, so..so you can tell her how much her daddy loves her as she grows up.” he kept his on mine as the silence filled all the space in the world.
“Wow, look at that!” Alexandria said handing the gun to the man behind me “I’m a sucker for this, I’ve never seen a bond so strong. True love does exist in this world! It’s such a shame I have to take a real man from the world.. but I will keep my word, just as they did theirs.”
She looked back and forth between us all, Toms jaw twitched looking at her. Alexandria laughed as she slapped my arm playfully.
“Wow, I see why you have them both now y/n, well played, don’t worry. I will take good care of her until the exchange is made. You have 48 hours to meet me at a location that will be given to you in the next five minutes. And boys, don’t fuck this up! No second chances, Promise!”
I was escorted to the back of a Humvee and we headed out towards the desert to the meet up location. I had men on both sides of me and she sat across from me, looking proud of herself. I couldn’t wait to kill her then daddy dearest who was in the front seat. She pulled out her phone as we stopped at the exchange spot. I could hear Toms tense voice in her ear.
“No games or this bitch dies, do you and your lover friend understand?” he answered yes
“Good, just so you understand your fragile package is really to die for. She is strapped with a life vest, inside is a IED with enough power to send her straight to hell. She will exchange this with Harrison as they say a final goodbye, anything goes wrong and they both die, you so much as flip me off Tom and I will toss him from this Humvee and you will both watch your mate die and I will come back and kill the baby girl next, don’t let your big dick energy fuck this up for the lovebirds. They have made promises, let this be about them. Oh and Tom, it will be a pleasure to finally meet see in person. I’ve had plenty of fantasies with you inside me, but I’m sure Hazzi can be taught to fuck and love, it’s been a pleasure!” she hung up the phone and I kicked her as hard as I could in the chest and stomach causing her to slump over as I brought my knee into her face. The armed men stepped out and ran from the vehicle in case she was crazy enough to blow us all up right there. Robert turned around and aimed the gun at me as she was regaining her senses. She gripped my hair and I heard a crack to her skull as she passed out. I lifted my head to the man who fathered me and watched wide eyed as he ripped the vest off me and told me to run. I watched tears run down his face as he apologized for everything. I only nodded in understanding as I took off towards my savagez and my real family that I knew had me covered.
Tom and Haz ran towards me meeting me in the middle. Haz ripped off his vest and slipped it on me with a quick kiss as Tom strapped it on me. We ran back to the Jeep that was parked in the dead end zone of the cannon. I heard the fire of the gun and I knew she had killed him.
I look at Tom as we get in a Jeep and waited for an all clear, instead we had to take cover on the other side of it as Sam reported more movement headed our way. “Why meet here?”
“It's a wide dead end, we’ve got them surrounded with only one way into our trap.” Tom smiled pointing up “Tuwaine can get a Iine of sight for up to three miles up there, Jacob is behind that mountain with our bird, were almost home baby.”
Harry reports through the ear piece as I’m handed my guns “We're not alone, the guest have arrived. Three Humvee, rolling in hot, about 2,000 yards.”
“AII right, we knew this was going to happen. No one takes anyone without hell!” Haz says as he slips his necklace around me. The angel wing sparkling in the hot sun. I shook my head no and he shut me up with a kiss as he slipped it under my bullet proof vest.
“I’ll take it off tonight, when I tell you all about our new home on the beach, it belonged to my family and has been off the grid since I was born, we will be safe forever angel.” he winked.
“Tuwaine, Don't Iet them get off more than one shot each, alright?” Haz laughed into the mic
“Roger that. Let's give them a Oster-Holliday welcome boys.” he replied with a howl
“AII right, Sam, blow them to bits with whatever the fuck you got!” Tom ordered before kissing me “I love you, it’s good to have you back Starling.”
“I love you too Tom and it’s great to be back. Get us home okay?” I gave him an uneasy look from just feeling in my gut shit was about go sideways. He nodded at me as Haz walked around the side of the Jeep to grab another vest for himself. Toms phone rang and he pulled me close.
“You let that whore know if he dies, it’s on her, not me!” Alexandria shouted so loud I could hear!
Before Tom could tell Haz to take cover the whizzing sound of a bullet’s filled the air. I could hear Harrison yell out as he hit the side of the jeep. I moved to run to him and Tom shoved me to the ground against the front tire. He gave me a knowing look as he shouted into the mic.
“Cover me, Haz has been hit!” without waiting he rounded the jeep and the gunfire increased tenfold. I gulped in air trying to calm myself, I had to focus on getting us out alive.
“Come on, guys! It's raining bullets, here. What the fuck are you doing?” Tom yelled pulling Haz back behind gunfire. He was shot in the leg and his side, just where his vest wasn’t strapped.
“Tom, should we shift?” Harry yells out launching a rocket at the first Humvee as they split formation “Negative, stay put, when we kill them, then changed rotation. And stay ready.”
“Oh, fuck! Smoke them motherfuckers!” Tom yelled as four motorcycles came from the dust. “Sam, cover Jacob, Jacob it’s almost time! Soon as this wave is wiped.”
“How bad is he?” Jacob asked sounding nervous and inpatient. Tom looked over at Harrison. He gave him a thumbs up and Tom smiled shaking his head “He’s prettier than ever.” he replied
I pulled him into my lap feeling his shirt wetter than it should be for a not life threatening wound.
My tears hit his face as he smiled at me. He pulled me into him and held me close.
“You're really going to Iove it there y/n. The water is the color of my eyes, our daughter will play in the sand with her beautiful mum and learn why we named her Lily-Star, the stars sparkle like your eyes. Tell her daddy spent every summer jumping from the rocks and as I grew up, I finally made it to the sky.” He coughed and I rolled him more onto his side as the blood came out. My dress was soaked in my Harrisons blood. “I’ll always be with you angel, never stop believing in that, promise me.” he held my face wiping away the tears
“Hazzi, I promise...I’ll never stop believing. Just please don’t die Haz! Stay awake, please” I begged rocking him, the same way I rocked my mum as she died in my arms on the side of the road.
“Tuwaine, report.” Tom shouted checking Harrisons pulse.
“They are taken care of. But you have another set rolling in hot. They be there in 10 or Iess.”
“Tom? Please, help him!” I begged as he assessed his wounds and not looking at me “TOM!”
Haz pulled my face to his and smiled “Shh... It's okay. It's okay angel.”
“He's going to die,Tom. I don't want to lose him, not like this, please, not here!” I pleaded as I watched his labored breathing grow shallower.
“Tom, give me the phone, it’s time to keep my promise, it’s the only way to stop this.” he gasped
“Savages don't make deals, Haz.” Tom said looking him in the eyes “I haven't Ieft you behind in my whole fucking Iife! I’m not doing it now. Jacob can fly us out of here, all of us!” he said soft as Haz started to shake his head no.
“She's in this shit because of us, we agreed to this. We Savages keep our promises.. to her Tom, give me the phone and get her out of here.” Haz coughed trying to keep his lungs clear. “I’m dying anyways, then what happens? She kills all of us, if we're lucky? Our daughter next?”
Tom looked at me as he handed Haz the phone. I didn’t grasp what the fuck was going on.
“Alexandria, please let her go. I’m keeping my word, please..” he was cut off and told to put her on speaker phone, so he did.
“You see this Tom? A real man, keeping his word. Now, let's just do what we came to do. The snipers. Tell them to put the guns on the ground, hands in the air. Or we will sit here until he bleeds out and I will launch a rocket at your face and kill you all next. As your daughter grows up I’ll be sure to show her what a hero you all went out as, times ticking.” she hung up.
“Jacob, get your ass here now, save my angel and my best friend.” he looked at Tom as he took his hand in his as the chopper roared to life just a stone's throw away.
“I Iove you Tom. Take care of our girls for me” Harrison said as Tom slipped something in his mouth and he swallowed it.
“You have my word mate, but you come back to us and that is a fucking order! I love you Haz.”
Tuwaine yelled they were less than 5 minutes away as the chopper landed.
“Y/N we have to go now!” Tom demanded from behind me.
“Harrison, I can’t..can’t live without you!” I panicked “You promised me forever Hazzi!” I sobbed
“I gave you our Lily-Star, she is my forever promise y/n, now go home to her, she misses you so fucking much.” he held me to his chest. “I love you Y/N Osterfield-Holland, forever.” I felt his arms drop away from me.
“Hazzi! Harrison! No no no…please no!” I screamed as Tom wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me away from him. I fought so hard against Toms strong grip. “Hazzi, open your eyes, show me your alive, please!” I screamed as Tom got us into the chopper “Harrison I love you, please...open your eyes” He couldn’t hear me over the noise. I didn’t care, I kept begging him, pounding Toms chest with all the strength I had as we flew away and left him there, unknowing.
Every Night I wake up in darkness screaming for Hazzi to open his eyes. Every fucking time I wake up before seeing his eyes stay closed or open. Even my dreams wouldn't let me have closure. The only peace I can make with that day, is thus far, no one has came after us. In my mind it makes Harrison alive. It’s another reason to shove my nightmares aside and peek in our sweet angel sleeping in the room next door to me wrapped in Toms arms. Until I stop thrashing around and screaming for my Hazzi they have to sleep away from me. So she won’t be traumatized or physically hurt by my unconscious choices. I kissed the angel wing around my neck and retreat to my bed. The first couple of weeks I wouldn’t leave his room from the yacht. Tom forced his hand in making me shower and eat after the third day of locking everyone out. I couldn’t even look at our daughter. She looks so much like him. Her blonde curls, sky blue eyes, her dimpled chin. It’s been almost four months now. Tomorrow we bury her father, the other half of my heart. How the fuck do you bury someone when there is no body? No ashes? No proof he’s even dead! My stupid therapist says it’s supposed to help with closure. Whatever, I’ll do it because part of me that is forever owned by Harrison will give his daughter the best mum she deserves. The part of me that belongs to Tom hated him at first. I blamed him, we shouldn’t have left him there on the side of the jeep. Dead or alive, he didn’t deserve to be alone. I had become the cold one, every 20th of the month I’d make Tom fuck me and by fuck I meant like in the videos, he wasn’t allowed to touch me and I didn’t scream his name. We worked hard together to bring me back. I would have died by now if he hadn’t forced me to seek treatment. We all lost Harrison, it took a lot for me to understand that. I looked around at our empty house. After the so called funeral we were leaving for the home Harrison had remodeled as our safe house. It was his last shot at saving us and I prayed moving there would save us, what was left of us...of me. I was ready to cancel my life. This pain was too much.
I stood at the feet of his empty casket as our friends and family placed pieces of their memories of Harrison inside. I was numb as I looked at the different tokens of love and remembrance. Our baby girl slept in my arms as I rocked her side to side to calm my anxiety inside. I kissed her little fist that was gripped around Hazzis angel wing against my rapidly beating heart. My eyes were glued to his in the picture that was blown up from our babies first birthday. My last happy day with him. I was jolted from my memory of him as Tom placed his hand on my lower back asking me to take a seat before it started. I shook my head no and Tom accepted. Zendaya held out her arms for Lily-Star and I handed her over, she stirred only slightly grabbing her long curly hair and shoving it into her mouth making us all laugh just as her dad would have. Monty and Tessa even sat quietly at mine and Toms feet as he wrapped his arms around me. And that's where his arms stayed, as my song “Stars” by Grace Potter I picked for him played quietly. Toms strength is what held me upright as the full impact of never seeing him again hit me like a mac truck slamming into a mountain side as they exchange words, details about his life, personal connections, his smile, his eyes..all carried on through our daughter. Harry took the dogs away as they started to whine at my silent sobbing. I can’t make sense of it over the ringing in my ears and the brutal shaking in my body. That’s when I break down, the sobbing turning into a full on wailing from my chest and throat. Like a pressurized pipe busting loose, the pain shoots from my lungs and I pound my fists onto his empty fucking casket. Tom picks me up as I go limp at hearing our daughter cry for her mumma and dadda.
I don’t hear the door shut, I don’t feel Tom beneath me, don’t taste the tears flooding my face as he holds me tight in the back of the limo. The pain is all consuming, crippling me, twisting me into something unrecognizable, a shapeless and hopeless vessel of a woman just lost.
Toms arms are around me, and that’s all I can feel, keeping me glued to this hell on earth moment. He holds me tighter and sings to me like Hazzi did, for his girls when they needed comfort. He covered my ears the Three-Volley Final Salute fired for his honorable death.
I scream for them to stop, he didn’t die! He isn’t dead. I scream at TomTom to tell them the truth! Tell me the truth. He just holds on tighter and cries with me, telling me he’s sorry, he wishes it was him, he wishes he could trade places. Tom begs me to forgive him through our mingled sobs. His pleads are powerful, like he’s looking inside me and sees me pointing blame. I hold his face in my hands and truly see my TomTom for the first time since we left Haz there.
I thought I had hidden myself from him well enough. I should have known better. Tom has read my soul like an open book, since day one. I canceled out on life, our future, our everything. I’ve been okay with checking out. Until now...staring at Tom, mourning his best friend and hurting for me, needing me but unable to ask for me. I hate myself, because this is no ones fault. Not even Harrisons. He might have broken our promise of forever but it was to give me, Lily and Tom forever. I’ve wasted enough time being bitter, mad and sad. This life was Hazzis gift to me.
“TomTom I’m so sorry..for everything since he left. If you forgive me I promise to live fully again.”
He held onto me as he broke down and cried for his brother, his best friend..his loss of Harrison. I held him until he felt he could carry on with me at his side.
“Let’s go get our little savage” he sadly smiled and kissed me, looking in my eyes.
My soul sparked a flame inside my body as and I sit up straight and kissed Tom back lovingly.
Fighting hurts. Living without Harrison hurts. But nothing is as painful as hanging onto the broken pieces of a dream we all lived for and lost together. Even if I choose stay in my dark misery or move forward to light, Haz is gone. Giving up on life won’t bring him back. I climb off of Tom and open the door. I get on my feet and stagger until my legs find their own strength. Every second is painful, but I focus on getting to our daughter. I focus on her and allow myself a drop of hope. Hope that one day if he comes back to me, he will appreciate the strength I discovered and the will to live the life he gave for me. Lily-Star reached for me and her sky blue eyes told me what I felt was true all these months, Harrison James Osterfield-Holland was very much alive, inside our little angel.
SIDE NOTE: Again thank you for your support and encouraging words! I have left the ending open for a few ways to revisit our Savagez and their future. If you like what you see please let me know with a like and a reblog. Until next time happy reading and hugz!
Yay! My Masterlist is expanding week by week. We’re finally accumulating stories in here. I really hope that you like this collection of words.
If you have requests, please send them in! You can do that in my Ask box and I’ll try to do them justice. :)
Drabbles - Midnight Mission: Coffee
Poetry - you’ll find some stuff in here that may have been included in drabbles/fics, but that can be read on its own - Time | Glue ∞
Marvel- Unrelated Poetry - She saw him | ∞
Nothing in the Mirror - Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight | Part Nine | Part Ten | Part Eleven | ∞
