“i’m ready!” jini happily jumped out from your room, showing off the costume.
“i still think this is a little silly…” glancing down at your own suit, you were greeted with the yellow material of the rabbit onesie.
“that’s why you’re the grumpy rabbit and i’m the tiger!” her arms wrapped around you in a quick hug before she ran to her phone to check the time. “okay, my friend will pick us up in ten- do you want some coffee?”
“as long as it’s not pumpkin spice latte.”
jini pouted at you. “what’s wrong with pumpkin spice latte?”
“jini, i hate to say this, but i think you might be a millennial.”
yunjin watches as you talk to your girlfriend, tears threatening to fall from her eyes as her members look at her in pity.
she stares, wondering if you still remember how everything was back then. she wonders if deep down, you feel the same way she does when she looks at you.
maybe if she had been different, everything would have been just like the way she imagines it every single night.
she just wants you back in her life, even if that meant hurting herself for a single chance, just like she had hurt you.
but yunjin knew it was too late.
[CHOI YUNJIN, FOUR YEARS OLD]
she was only four then, but she could remember it clearly.
you had been wearing a pokemon sweater paired with a light pink tutu. she was watching you from her window as your parents moved your things into the house. you sat on the curb of the street as cars passed you. she remembers going up to you, worried that you were going to get hit but you had been too preoccupied with your DS to notice her.
"you should move." she scolded you, your eyes still trained onto your device. "you're gonna get hurt."
"my mom said i shouldn't talk to strangers," you muttered out, scooting away as she sat next to you.
yunjin frowned. "i'm just a kid. i can't hurt you."
you paused your game and looked up at the girl.
yunjin didn't know what love was back then, but she was sure it felt something like when she first met your eyes.
"how old are you?" you asked her, watching as her tanned face turned a bright red.
yunjin cleared her throat and raised four fingers. "i'm four and one months."
"i'm four and three months." you smirked at her. you stood up, puffing your chest out as you locked eyes with yunjin. "you shouldn't tell your unnie what to do."
"you aren't my unnie." yunjin followed you, standing up and towering over your tiny body. "we're the same age."
"whatever." you rolled your eyes, watching as yunjin scanned your face closely. "can you go away now? i wanna play by myself."
yunjin shook her head. "no."
"why?"
"i don't want you to get hurt."
"why?"
yunjin hummed to herself, scratching her head as she thought of a reason. "because you're pretty."
you looked at her weirdly before shrugging.
"why didn't you just tell me that?" you gripped onto your DS as another car passed you.
yunjin shook her head. "girls can't call girls pretty."
"yeah, they can." you gave her another weird look. "i call my mom pretty all the time."
yunjin shook her head again. "that's not what i meant."
you tilted your head. she wasn't sure why you were confused. it was just common sense. girls can't call other girls pretty except themselves. it was something that you could only say to boys.
she watched as you walked away, and although she knew she shouldn't chase after you, she still did.
yunjin spent the entire day with you that day.
[CHOI YUNJIN, EIGHT YEARS OLD]
yunjin was sprawled on the ground, her body sore from the dance group that her mom had signed her up for. despite being tired, she wanted to hang out with you, even if that meant that you were doing your homework from cram school, mumbling as she groaned about how tired she was that day.
yunjin watched you, the radio in your room played 'nobody' by the wonder girls.
"i want to be an idol."
yunjin watched as you stopped writing and turned towards her. "okay?"
"aren't you happy for me?" yunjin frowned, expecting more of a reaction from you. "i figured out what to do with my life!"
you rolled your eyes at the younger girl's theatrics.
"you were always going to perform one way or another." you shrugged nonchalantly. "it's what you were born to do."
yunjin could feel herself blushing for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. she loved getting compliments from you. it always made her feel special.
"you think so?" she muttered shyly.
"yeah." you smiled fondly at the girl, almost as if you were thinking about something. "you're kinda like those tigers in the wild."
yunjin gasped. she sat up and threw the nearest pillow at your head. "that's mean!"
"no it's not!" you caught it mid-air, trying to hold down your laughter as yunjin continued to whine. "tigers are pretty and they're strong! you're mean!"
"well, how was i supposed to know what you meant?" she shouted back at you, slightly annoyed and embarrassed.
"you should already know since you're my best friend!" you frowned.
"well, i'm sorry!"
"me too!"
a loud knock cut the two of you off.
"do you guys want some ice cream?" you heard your mom's muffled voice through the door.
you stood up and looked at yunjin. the two of you raced towards the door.
"i want cheese flavored!"
[CHOI YUNJIN, ELEVEN YEARS OLD]
yunjin tucked her hair to the side, keeping her head down as she listened to the whispers around her. she knew that it was a bad idea that her mom knew. she was going to tell everyone (and she did).
"jinni!"
yunjin looked up before feeling herself getting lifted off the ground. she looked down to see who was holding her, only to find you smiling up at her.
her face turned red as everyone in the hallway watched the two of you.
"y/nnie!" she slapped your arm, too happy to put any force into it. "put me down, everyone's staring!"
"who cares?" you grinned wider, holding her with one arm as you pointed at the taller girl. "choi yunjin is a future idol in the making!"
if no one was paying attention, everyone was now. they giggled at your gesture, some even cheering for yunjin as she hid her face in her hands.
despite being nervous, her heart was beating fast for another reason.
"put me down!" she complained another time, feeling everyone's stares on her as the two of you disrupted everyone's break.
"she's gonna buy her best friend the biggest house in the entire world!" you added on, laughing as she yelled at you again.
she slapped the top of your head, causing you to put her down. yunjin looked over at you, wondering if she actually hurt you, only for you to look up at her with a grin.
"i'm so proud of you," you said softly.
yunjin could feel the air escape from her chest. "really?"
"yeah, duh." you rolled your eyes, earning another slap from the soon-to-be trainee. "it just sucks that you're moving."
yunjin nodded. it was one of the only things that she hated about the deal. although she was pursuing her dreams, she would always know that a part of her will be back here with you.
"we can always call," she muttered.
you covered your mouth as you thought. "or we can just dorm together."
"what are you talking about?" yunjin looked at you. you were supposed to be the smart one, not her.
you smirked as you raised your hands up. "i got into hansan."
"what?"
"we're dorming together, idiot!" you laughed loudly at yunjin's shocked face. "my mom said that—"
with adrenaline filling up inside her body, she launched herself at you, lifting you up as you screamed in terror. "we're dorming!"
"jinni, put me down!"
[CHOI YUNJIN, THIRTEEN YEARS OLD]
yunjin buried herself in what seemed to be a cocoon of her self-pity. she was embarrassed and disgusted with herself. she shouldn't have done what she did. it scared her that she did it without thinking, but what scared her the most was that she wanted to do it again.
she wanted to kiss you again.
"jinni." you said, closing your dorm room.
you walked to the window, allowing the moonlight so enter the room. yunjin covered her head with her blanket.
"go away." she muffled out.
"jinni..." you sighed, sitting on her bed as she scooted away from you. "you know i don't care that you kissed me."
yunjin groaned, slamming her blankets away from her puffy face. "go. away."
you frowned. you didn't realize that she had been so torn up about something like this. she had always been supportive of your preferences, but you guessed it was different when it came to her.
"yunjin."
she whined, turning to look at you. she hated how you could be so calm about something like this. "leave me alone, y/n."
you stared at her with an emotion she couldn't place back then (but thinking about it now, she realizes it was hurt).
"why did you kiss me?" you asked.
"i don't know!" she kicked her feet around, almost breaking out into a sob. "stop bugging me!"
"choi yunjin."
she huffed and sat up, looking at your perfect face. looking at you made her angry. "you looked pretty."
you opened your mouth to speak, only to end up chuckling lightly, something that made yunjin angrier than she ever had been. "you could've just said that."
"i'm not like you, okay?" she growled back, her eyes turning into a sharp glare. "i'll never be like you."
yunjin watched as your smile slowly dropped, making her realize that she had messed you.
you smiled at her with watery eyes, your voice slightly wavering. "you didn't have to say that, y'know?"
yunjin gulped. she had only seen you cry once in your life, and that was when you had been so heartbroken about how your own grandparents refused to talk to you during last years christmas.
you had ran to her house, tears in your eyes and she held you for the entire night.
she never wanted you to feel that way again.
"y/nnie, wait." she moved the blanket off of her legs, trying to grab your arm as you made your way to your side of the room. "i didn't mean it like that."
"it doesn't matter." you muttered. "i'm going to sleep."
"y/nnie," she whispered as your figure turned away from her. "i'm sorry."
"goodnight, yunjin."
she remembers that she stayed up the entire night, listening to you as you tried your best not to cry too loud so she could sleep.
she remembers that that was the very first time you called her yunjin, and every year since then, she would have the same dream over and over again, like her brain was taunting her for breaking her promise.
yunjin wishes she could go back in time.
[CHOI YUNJIN, FIFTEEN YEARS OLD]
"jinni!" you waved at her, your uniform smoothed out and completely wrinkle-free.
"y/nnie!" yunjin shouted as you engulfed her in a hug, one that you made sure not to linger too long. "i'm so nervous."
"don't be." you punched her arm lightly, watching as she furrowed her eyebrows. "it's just graduation."
"i know but—"
"school doesn't matter anyways." you squeezed her arm reassuringly, sending waves of electricity up down her entire body. "you're gonna be famous, remember?"
yunjin shook her head. "i might not even debut."
"then they're stupid for that." you scoffed, ushering her to walk to the gym for the ceremony. "if i was jyp, i'd keep you in my company forever."
you cringed at the thought of you suddenly turning into an old, withered man.
"you aren't jyp." yunjin grinned, feeling much lighter than before.
you chuckled nervously, the thought of being the ceo terrifying you. "thank god."
"hey y/n?" yunjin stopped in her tracks.
you turned around to face her, her eyes bright with unshed tears. "yeah?"
yunjin remembers how many things she wanted to say to you, some of them even terrifying her to a point where it ended up with her hurting you in future situations.
she wished she was brave enough back then.
"thank you." yunjin said simply.
you looked at her weirdly. "for what?"
"i don't know." she shrugged, feeling her face burn in embarrassment.
"you are so weird." you laughed, grabbing her hand gently. "it's a good thing you're pretty."
yunjin rolled her eyes and punched you with her free hand, too scared to let go of you in fear that you would disappear.
"i hope you trip on your way up."
"i hate you." you stuck your tongue out, earning a laugh from the trainee.
she remembers when you used those words as a joke, instead of a truth.
[CHOI YUNJIN, SIXTEEN YEARS OLD]
her mom had agreed for her to stop going to high school. she was finally going to put her 100% into being a trainee. she was gonna reach her dream.
but there was only one problem.
"y/nnie." yunjin hugged you tightly, her luggage packed right behind her.
"jinni." you pulled away, wiping the younger girl's tears. "hey, don't be sad."
"i'm sorry," she said, meaning more than what she could ever tell you.
"it's okay." you smiled, patting her shoulder lightly. "this is your dream, isn't it?"
yunjin nodded. "yeah."
"don't let me hold you back." you whispered, almost as if it meant more than just meets the eye. "i just want to see you shine on stage."
"i don't want to leave you." she shook her head, pulling you into another hug.
"you won't." you laughed loudly. yunjin felt herself smile against your shoulder. "we'll still be friends. i'll text you every day, okay?"
she nodded against you shoulder, listening to your heart beat.
"y/nnie?"
"yeah?"
"thank you." yunjin wished (and still wishes) she could say more.
she felt her shoulder getting wet. "for what?"
"for you."
"well, thank you for you too, weirdo." yunjin hear you sniffle as you pulled back, quickly wiping your face. "don't forget to give me yuna-sunbaenim's number."
yunjin frowned, but quickly hid it with a playful smile. "i'll try."
"i'll be waiting." you winked, giving the younger girl a last squeeze on her arm. "you better work hard because you're definitely going to be my bias."
her heart fluttered at the thought of you supporting her while she was on stage. "okay."
"i'll miss you," you whispered, softer that she had ever heard you spoke.
"i'll miss you too."
yunjin wishes that she kissed you there.
[CHOI YUNJIN, SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD]
you groaned, feeling as if your arm was about to be torn off as yunjin dragged you out into the hallway. your other hand gripped onto the bento box that you had made especially just for her.
"why are you here?" she whisper-yelled at you, dropping your arm harshly.
you looked at her confused. "you said to visit?"
"not at the dorms! are you insane?" yunjin scratched her head. she looked around and saw that no one was to be found. "what if they saw you?"
you squinted, not sure what she was implying.
"what if who saw me?" you asked slowly.
she rolled her eyes. "y/nnie, please."
you scoffed at the taller girl. "are you embarrassed by me?"
"no." yunjin clenched her jaw, a habit you knew she did when she was lying. "look, just tell me first."
"you asked me to stop by." you yelled, gripping on tighter to the food in your hands.
yunjin shushed you, looking around.
"this wasn't what i meant though." she rubbed her forehead.
she watched as you smirked in disbelief. "what did you mean then?"
"couldn't we meet outside?"
"like at night? with our faces covered?" you asked, watching as she nodded furiously, thinking that you finally understood what she meant. "i cannot believe you."
"i'm debuting soon." yunjin tried to explain, not wanting you to be upset. "i can't have people finding out that i'm friends with someone like you."
yunjin remembers how your face went stoic. she relives that moment every night, knowing that it was the day that you had fully closed yourself off to her.
she had fully lost you.
"someone like me." you nodded, an eerily happy smile on your face. "someone like me?"
yunjin's eyes widened. "that came out wrong. you know that isn't what i meant."
she watched as tears fell down from your face.
"screw you, choi yunjin."
yunjin reached out for your arm, but you pulled away faster than she could react. "y/nnie..."
"i've been so patient with you and you're gonna treat me like garbage?" you swallowed, trying to hold back a sob. "no one's gonna see me here!"
"the trainees—" yunjin pointed to her door, noticing how yoona and kyujin's heads were popping out from the doorway.
she could deal with them later. what mattered now was you.
"the trainees know who i am! even the idols do!" you sighed, tears now waterfalling down your face. "i get that you don't agree with it but why'd you have to be such a dick about it?"
"y/nnie, i'm sorry." yunjin reached out to you, but it was as if you were gone.
"don't ever fucking talk to me again." you shoved the bento in her hands. wiping your eyes, she remembers your last words to her. "i hate you, choi yunjin."
she watched you walk away, tears falling on the pokemon bento that you gave her, the same one that she had gifted you back when you were kids on your seventh birthday.
if she knew that that was the last time you would ever talk to her, she would've done things differently. maybe then, she would be standing with you instead.
but it doesn't matter anymore.
[CHOI YUNJIN, EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD]
yunjin smiles happily. she had finally won her first award after working so hard all those years. now she was standing in the back rooms as her seniors congratulate her team.
she knows that she should've been happy, but she couldn't help but feel like she was missing something.
yunjin feels a tap on her shoulder.
"yunjin?"
she turns around, and it suddenly feels like she was back on the curb at her childhood house, watching you almost get run over by a car.
"y/nnie?" yunjin says out of habit. her face twitches into a smile. "hey."
"congrats on your first award!" you give her a hug, one that doesn't last as long as the ones before.
yunjin wonders when the last time you hugged her was.
"thank you." yunjin bows to you, a smile on her face. "what are you doing here?"
you shrug, yunjin too busy staring at you to notice that you had been scanning the area. "nothing much. i'm just here to visit someone."
yunjin nods, suddenly feeling awkward about your last interaction more than a year ago. "i'm sorry about—"
"it's okay." you nod understandingly. you give her a light squeeze on her shoulder, and she feels like she was taken back in time. "i get it. you were scared and i shouldn't have said what i said either."
yunjin swallows. "y/n, i think i'm in l—"
"jagi!"
she watches as you turn around, her face dropping as soon as she sees the person who had yelled for you.
"shin yuna!" you giggle as the idol wraps you in her arms. "can't you be any quieter?"
yunjin watches as yuna pouts. "but i missed you."
"i missed you too."
yunjin was going to be sick.
"jinni-ssi, hi." the younger girl's head snaps up at her senior addressing her. "please don't tell anyone but this is y/n. she's my girlfriend."
she tries her best to seem unaffected, but she could tell by yoona's worried look over your shoulder that she wasn't doing a good job.
yunjin smiles tightly. "girlfriend?"
"i found her crying outside the jyp building a year ago, i think?" yunjin watches as you looked at yuna the way she remembers you looking at her. "i thought she was gonna get hit by a car or something."
"i was careful!" you whine.
yuna rolls her eyes, pressing a soft kiss on your cheek. "no, you were crying."
yunjin hates that you look happy, but she what she hates even more was the fact that the reason you were with yuna in the first place was because of her.
she lost you. you didn't lose her.
"you guys look good together." yunjin nods, bowing once more at yuna who sends her a smile.
"thank you." you smile back, relief flooding your chest. "it was nice seeing you again, yunjin."
you bowed down, your eyes meeting hers. (i loved you, jinni, but you were too scared.)
"you too, y/n."
(i know. i'm sorry. i love you.)
[Y/L/N Y/N, EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD]
yuna looks at you with a curious gaze. "how do you know who she is?"
"she's just an old friend." you shrug, as if yunjin wasn't the first person to ever hold your heart in the palm of her hands.
you smile bittersweetly as yuna wraps her arms around you.
