Pained
JJ x Reader
Summary: Reader and JJ are in a relationship despite her father telling her to stay away from him. One day she gets a call from Sarah or Kiara that he’s in the hospital- his dad beat him within an inch of his life. Luckily her dad is somewhere on the mainland for the next two weeks so she can sneak out. She doesn’t leave his bedside for anything but using the bathroom until he can leave the hospital. Maybe he’s in surgery when she gets there, and/or has to have emergency surgery, maybe his heart stops a few times from like internal bleeding or something.
Warnings: Discussions of abusive households and extensive injuries
You wake to relative silence in the room, only disturbed by the faint sound of JJ’s snores from behind you, his breaths deep and even. You snuggle yourself back into him and lace your fingers with his arm over your chest.
It wasn’t too often that the two of you got to spend the night together, once every couple of weeks at best. He’d stay at John B’s and you’d tell your father you were staying with Sarah, only to go straight to the Chalet when you got the chance. You’d crash in the spare bed and spend the whole night wrapped in each other’s arms. You were certain it was only on these nights that JJ ever got a proper night’s sleep.
He groans behind you and tightens his hold on you, a telltale sign that he would be waking up.
“Good morning,” You speak softly, tilting down your chin to kiss his knuckles.
JJ hums, pushing himself closer against you as if he wants the two of you to become one, “Not yet.”
You giggle and shift against his arms until he eventually loosens his grip, letting you turn against his chest until you’re facing him.
“Go back to sleep if you want,” You offer, moving up a hand to push away the hair from around his forehead.
JJ shakes his head, “No you’ll have to leave soon.”
“That’s okay, I’ll see you tomorrow,” You encourage, trailing a finger down his face.
He shakes his head again, “I want to see you before you go. Just five more seconds.”
After five short seconds, his eyes blink open and he groans at the overpowering light, wincing at the feeling.
“Good morning,” You say once more, leaning down to press a kiss to his jaw.
JJ grins tiredly and wraps his arms around your waist, “Morning.”
He buries his head into the crook of your neck and you giggle, ticklish at the touch.
“Did you sleep well?” You ask him, running a hand over the back of his head.
He hums, “Best I’ve slept all week.”
JJ never told you too much about his home life, but you could sense it had been worse recently. He was sleeping less and he’d ask you to sneak out at random hours of the night when he definitely shouldn’t be awake, and he was eating less too - you could tell in his face. But, when you asked if he was okay, he’d kiss your cheek and respond ‘always’. And then he’d make a comment about how he liked not having to think about the bad stuff when he was with you, and he’d wrap his arms around you and the pair of you would forget that anything else in the world existed.
You didn’t speak to him much about your home life either. It was just you and your Dad at home, on the rich side of the Outer Banks. He owned one of the largest properties here, and you were well aware of the difference between your life and the one the Pogues had. He didn’t like you being friends with the Pogues, or associating with them at all for that matter. In fact, he thought you didn’t see them at all these days. He thought of you as his angel girl that wouldn’t be corrupted by ‘that bunch’. In particular, he hated JJ - you’d been warned to stay away from him since your father he first caught him sprinting through your yard to escape the police. You’d remembered watching him even then and smiling at the way he laughed against his troubles, the way nothing seemed to scare him.
“What are you thinking about?” JJ cuts through your thoughts, kissing along your jaw.
You hum against the contact, “That I don’t want to go.”
“Then don’t,” He mumbles, voice still thick in the way only you heard in the mornings, “Just stay with me. John B won’t care if we steal this room.”
You smile, “But my father absolutely will care if I don’t come home.”
“Why?” JJ seems to spark into a new energy, hooking his leg around yours so that it flips you onto your back on the mattress, “Because he doesn’t want you hanging around with us Pogues? Let alone in bed with one of them.”
“Yeah I’m pretty sure he’d kill you if he knew I was here,” You laugh, looking up at him as he looms over you.
“Maybe,” JJ shrugs, “But I’ll take my chances with you.”
You narrow your eyes at him, “You’re so corny.”
He fakes a gasp as if he’s offended, “You’ll regret saying that (Y/l/n).”
“Prove it.”
———
You’re back at your house an hour later, pulling your hair around to either side of your neck to cover the marks left there.
You can just about make out the sound of your father on the phone, hoping to avoid him as you start to make your way up the curving staircase up to your room.
“(Y/n)? Is that you?” He calls out and you practically wince at the words.
“Yeah, Dad, just got home,” You call back, pausing in your tracks as he walks through from the back of the house.
“Steven I’ll call you back,” He says into his phone, quickly hanging up, “I need to talk to you.”
“I know I’m late, sorry, I just had to help Sarah to revise for a-“
“I don’t care about that,” He waves you off, “I know what you and Sarah are like.”
“Right, yeah,” You force a smile, “What is it Dad?”
He sighs deeply, “Work have asked me to help set up a project, I wasn’t supposed to be part of it but they’ve got nobody else.”
You frown - what did this have to do with you?
“And, well, it would mean Im on the mainland for two weeks,” He explains, “Now, I know you’re old enough to take care of yourself but-“
“You should go, Dad,” You encourage, “I mean, come on, you wouldn’t trust anyone else to do the job properly.”
He laughs deeply.
“I’ll be fine here, I’ll call and text you every day if you need me to,” You smile, “It’s only a couple of weeks.”
“Now, are you absolutely sure? I’d be leaving today and I-“
“It’s fine, Dad, it sounds like they need you.”
He lets out a breath and nods, “They want me to leave as soon as possible, I should probably pack a bag.”
“Go ahead,” You say, trying to fight back your own enthusiasm at the idea of him being gone for a fortnight.
No father, no overbearing rules.
You hurry up the rest of the stairs, dropping your bag down onto the floor of your room and pulling out your phone, shooting off a text to JJ.
‘How about an empty house for two weeks? Just you and me’
You feel your heart swell at the thought, having to think about nothing else and nobody else than JJ for an entire fortnight. It felt like a pocket of heaven.
———
It’s a few hours later when your father finally leaves and you’ve still not heard back from JJ. He was terrible with his phone, you knew this. But he’d got better since the two of you had been together - on the days when your father was extra strict, this was the only communication you had with JJ. You’d tried to ring him but didn’t get a response, tried again and listened to it go to voicemail again.
If dating JJ had taught you anything, however, it was to not sweat the small stuff. He never let you worry for too long. And so, you ignore it. You turn up the music coursing through the speakers in the house and make use of the fully stocked kitchen your father had left you with, pottering around to make yourself dinner.
It wasn’t until the sun had already set that you hear your phone start ringing. You’d been curled up on the couch watching a film when you heard it start buzzing, pausing the screen to look down at your phone. But it wasn’t JJ. It was Sarah.
“Hello?” You answer, “You’ll never guess wh-“
“(Y/n)! Thank god,” She sounds breathless, panicked on the other end, “Oh god, (Y/n) somethings happened.”
“Wh- what are you talking about?” You frown, sitting up straight on the sofa.
“It’s JJ,” She sighs, “We found him at the house and he’s… he’s not doing good (Y/n).”
“What are you- what do you mean? What’s happened? Where is he?”
“It was his Dad.”
You feel your stomach drop instantly, churning, and your hands seem to go numb around the grip of your phone. You seem to lose every sense beyond the single thought in your mind. Him.
“Where is he?”
“We’re on our way to the doctor now,” Sarah explains, “Well, that guy they use as a doctor. John B said it’s safer than taking him to the hospital.”
“Just tell me where it is,” You return quickly, panic coursing through the volume in your voice.
“I’ll send you the location, just get here when you can okay?”
It’s like you’re instantly in panic mode, you grab your phone, your keys, the closest pair of shoes and a hoodie and throw yourself into your car, driving over the speed limit the entire way as you follow the directions to where Sarah had just sent you. You felt sick to your stomach, adamant that your worst nightmare was being realised.
What had happened? How bad had it been?
The questions course through your head the entire journey until you eventually catch sight of John B’s van parked up in front of a weathered rundown house just past the bit of the Cut that you knew. Sarah’s outside and her face awakens when she spots your car.
“Sarah what’s going on?” You ask as soon as you get out of the car.
Without a word, she throws her arms around you and engulfs you in her comfort - as if she knows it’s needed before you do.
“It’s not good, (Y/n). He looked awful… I mean he was just… and he wasn’t moving… and we couldn’t… I mean we didn’t know…” She drags a hand through her hair, “He’s with the doctor now, but he’s lost a lot of blood, and he’s weak, really weak. They think he might have internal bleeding, and one of his eyes is swollen shut.”
“Oh my god,” Is all you manage to force out, every breath being knocked from your lungs, gripping onto Sarah’s arms like she’s holding you up from falling.
“John B trusts this guy though, he’s going to help, okay?” She encourages, “I promise.”
“Can I- I mean, can I go in?” You ask, glancing back at the small makeshift hospital.
Sarah nods and you follow her through the open door, into a lounge that seems to have been turned into a reception. There’s a walkway through to the rest of the building but it’s blocked off with a closed door, and part of you is adamant that you don’t want to see what’s on the other side. John B stands up from one of the couches and strides over to you, wrapping his arms around you as if wanting to let you share in each other’s pain.
“Thank you for getting him here,” You mumble into his ear and he nods against your shoulder.
“I’m so sorry (Y/n). I should’ve known to not let him go home on his own and-“
“No, don’t blame yourself,” You sniff, pulling away from him, “I should’ve done more too. But JJ never wanted to talk about stuff like that and I just… I knew he wanted things to just be better when he was with me, like he didn’t have to think about anything. And, I don’t know, I should’ve pushed, I should’ve made him talk to me about all of that shit.”
“One thing about JJ: he’ll never do something he doesn’t want to do,” John B half smiles, “He just wanted you to be there to make him forget about all of that. That’s what you are for him.”
You shake your head, “I just can’t believe he’s-“
“(Y/n),” John B places a hand on either of your arms, “This guy is good, and JJ’s strong, he’s going to be okay.”
“Can I go in?” You let out a shaky breath and John B nods.
You wipe the tears from under your eyes and push through the door into the makeshift hospital room. JJ is laying across a hospital bed but he’s barely recognisable. His face is patched with purple bruises and cuts marked with dried blood, bruises across the exposed skin of his arms. His t-shirt has been cut open and there’s more bruising littered over his torso, contorting around his muscles. You lose all feeling in your body, feeling like you could crash to the floor at the sight. You feel a sickness bubble in your stomach, threatening to rise.
“You must be (Y/n),” A man with glasses and crazy hair glances in your direction, wheeling over a metal tray of tools you don’t recognise.
You think you manage to nod, but the movement feels numb. Somehow, you force one foot in front of the other over towards the bed, freezing once again when you’re looking at JJ closer. His eyes are closed but one looks so swollen you’re not sure it will open again. His lips are busted and blue and there’s a cut rising from his chin up towards his Cupid’s bow, splitting through lips you’re desperate to kiss better.
“(Y/n) I need you to do me a favor,” The man looks up at you, pushing his glasses up on his nose, “I need you to be strong enough for the both of you, can you do that?”
You don’t respond, not sure that your lips are capable of forming any words.
“Because JJ here is going to need all the help he can get, do you understand?” The man persists, “Now go and wait with your friends and I’ll see what I can do to fix up Mr Maybank here, is that alright darling?”
You smile a little, thinking of how JJ would instantly jump to complain about a man calling you darling. How he’d wrap an arm around your shoulder and pull you away, defending that it was just him being a ‘feminist and he absolutely almost definitely wasn’t jealous’. You’d kiss him and tell him you believed him. He’d tell you that you were his darling.
“Okay,” You whisper, looking down at JJ and letting out a shaky breath, wishing for a moment that you could trade places with him.
Your feet guide you back out of the room and into the waiting room where John B and Sarah turn to you instantly. Your legs give out then but both of them are there to catch you before you can hit the ground. They crouch down on either side of you, letting you sob into them through gasping breaths. You’re sure this is what it feels like for a heart to break, your heart breaking over a boy you were supposed to stay strong for.
———
It’s a few hours later when the doctor emerges from the room, wiping the sweat from his brow as he steps out. Sarah is asleep across the seats but you and John B bolt up as soon as you see the door open.
“I won’t lie to you kids, the situation is worse than I anticipated,” He pinches the bridge of his nose, “Due to the impact against his torso, JJ seems to have some form of internal bleeding.”
“Okay, okay, so what does that mean? What can you do?”
“He’s hooked up to fluids, and he’s had a transfusion,” The doctor proceeds, “Other than that, it’s a waiting game. He’s stable but there is still work to do. For now, I’d suggest you get on home and get some rest. Hopefully JJ will be awake by the morning and you can come and see him.”
“I-“ You shake your head, “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Unfortunately, (Y/n), there’s nothing we can do for now,” The man proceeds, “The last thing you want to do is worry yourself sick waiting here.”
“I- I don’t care. I’m not leaving. I’m not leaving him.”
“(Y/n),” John B begins softly, hand touching your shoulder.
You flinch away from his touch, “I’m not going anywhere John B! I’m not leaving! I’m staying here until he wakes up.”
Tears bubble at your eyes again and John B engulfs you in a hug, holding your head to his chest.
“I can’t leave,” You whisper against him and he hums in agreement, running a hand up and down your back.
“Okay,” He pulls away from you, “I’ll take Sarah home, I’ll get some rest, I’ll be back in a few hours. Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”
You nod, “I’ll be fine.”
He frowns softly but takes a deep breath as if agreeing with you.
You move back to the seat you’d been in and sit back down, drawing your knees up to your chest, wrapping your arms around your calves. Waiting. You’d always wait.
———
Another hour or so later, the doctor comes out again and tells you this time that he’s done all he can, and it would just be a waiting game now. You hurry into the room as soon as he says you can.
JJ is still laying in the exact position he had been before, though he’s cleaned up now more than he had been. The cuts remain but their blood is confined under scabs, the bruises seem to have darkened and spread where reddened skin once had been. His breathing is shallow and supported by an oxygen tube hooked into his nose, his eyes closed.
You sit down on the chair beside his bed, glancing at the pads attached to all parts of his chest and the tubes attached to his arms, the sight making you a little weaker. You take his hand into your own, wrapping your fingers around his still digits, letting out a shaky breath. He looks so much weaker than the boy you knew, like a shell of himself.
You’re desperate for the feeling of his eyes on you, the sight of his lips curling into a smile as he sees you, the words for only you to hear escaping his mouth. You want all of the parts that make him into your JJ.
But this wasn’t him.
And you weren’t sure your heart could go much longer without him.
“Come on,” You whisper, tears soaking your words, “Cut the act Jay, you’ve pranked us all, we get it.”
The dull hum of the oxygen machine.
“If you wanted attention, you’ve got it. Okay? We’re all worried. Cut it out,” You half-laugh, the words choking in your throat.
The beeping of his heart monitor.
“You know we’ve got a free house for two weeks, it would be a real shame for you to miss it,” You continue, pressing your lips against his knuckle, “And I don’t care if it’s selfish, I just really need you to wake up, okay Jay?”
Dull ringing.
You glance up to the computer screen and feel all colour drain from your face, the sight of the heart monitor lulling into a straight line.
“Jay?” You stand up from the chair, squeezing tightly to his hand, “JJ!”
The name rips from your throat, full of every horrified emotion your body was releasing all at once.
“Doc!” You scream, “Doc help!”
The man comes hurrying into the room only seconds later, his eyes widened as if assessing everything as quickly as he can manage. You hear him mumble a string of curses under his breath as he rushes over to JJ.
“Wait outside (Y/n).”
Your entire body is trembling as you follow his orders, stumbling out of the room and dropping down against the wall outside, your breathing rapid and erratic.
Every morsel of your being is reaching out for him, wishing every bit of oxygen in you could just transfer to his lips, your heart to pump for him instead of yourself, your lungs to breathe for two.
Instead, you close your eyes and cash in on a million wishes that the beeping machine will return to a normal rhythm.
———
You’re not sure at what time anything changes, but the doctor comes outside and wakes you up from an exhausted state to tell you that JJ is stable once again. He tells you again to go home but you ignore it, hurrying into the room to return to your place beside JJ’s bed.
Your hand finds his and you squeeze any ounce of life into his cold palms, breathing shakily.
Your eyes are dropping from the lack of sleep, but you pull up a second chair beside the one you’re sat on, drawing your legs up and settling yourself down to lie across the seats beside the mattress. Your hand doesn’t once let go of JJ’s, even once you let sleep overcome you.
That’s how they find you in the morning, when John B and Sarah return with Pope and Kie. The doctor makes a comment about how this boy wouldn’t know what hit him when he woke up and saw all of these faces. Pope told him they were his real family. They all speak in hushed voices and whispers so as to not disturb you, commenting on how drained you must be and how they knew you wouldn’t leave his side. When you blink awake, you squint against the dim lights and groan at the ache in your back, your hand still locked against JJ’s.
“Hey!” Sarah smiles softly, “How are you feeling?”
You turn quickly to JJ to check on him, eyes connecting to the beating of his heart monitor. Steady. Alive.
“I’m okay,” You clear your throat, “How long have you guys been here?”
“Not long,” Kie shakes her head, “We didn’t want to disturb you.”
You smile, “I didn’t want to fall asleep but I-“
You glance over at JJ as if begging for any movement.
“I was exhausted,” You finish your sentence, dragging a hand through your tangled hair.
“I’m not surprised!” John B says, “Do you want to head out for a bit? We can stay and keep an eye on him.”
“No, no, I’m okay,” You shake your head, “I’ll stay here.”
They all look at you with solemn expressions like they want to take your hurt away. You pay no mind to it, turning to Jj and focusing solely on him, running your thumb over the skin of his hand.
“Alright, I need to do some routine tests on your friend here so could you all wait outside please,” The doctor glances in your direction, “You can stay if you’d prefer.”
The others all look between themselves and reluctantly head back outside, leaving you in the hospital quiet once again.
“Okie dokie, let’s see what we’re dealing with,” The doctor fixes his glasses, scanning the room and collecting together a few of his tools, “And I’m missing something.”
He’s mumbling more to himself but you’re clinging onto every word as if he’s about to tell you the best or worst news ever.
“I’ll be right back.”
He disappears once again and you turn to JJ, standing up from your chair and smoothing a hand over his hair, trying your best to avoid the cuts on his face for fear of hurting him.
“Come on Jay,” You whisper to yourself, biting your lip to stop yourself from crying at the sight.
He looked so fragile, so young. And yet the scars on his body were shaping more trauma into him than anybody his age should have.
And then, movement.
You feel it first in your hand, the slightest, most gentle squeeze back against your fingers.
And then his eyes, fluttering just enough for you to see any difference.
A puff of air against the oxygen mask on his nose and mouth, lips parting underneath the clear plastic.
You blink a few times to convince yourself you’re not seeing things, but all at once you know it’s real. Slowly but surely, his eyes force themselves open - one opening just barely above closed, the other blinking and squinting against the lights of the room.
“Oh my god JJ!” You say through the croak in your voice.
He lets himself slowly adjust to the setting before turning his head slightly towards you, grimacing at the movement.
He goes to speak but his words get stuck on the mask covering his face. You move your hands up quickly to pull it away from his face, letting it hang just underneath his chin.
“Hey darling,” He says softly, his voice hoarse and barely audible.
You laugh softly, “Oh my god I don’t even-“
You stop yourself, shaking your head as if to clear it all away.
“Im just happy you’re here.”
JJ tries to move again and groans at the feeling, glancing down at the state of himself as if looking at someone that wasn’t him. He grimaces and tries to push himself up onto his elbows.
“Woah, woah, woah,” You place your hands on his shoulders, “Careful okay? You need to take it easy.”
He isn’t strong enough to resist against your touch but his lips curl into a slight smile, crooked against the swelling, “If you wanted to get me in bed (y/l/n) you could’ve just asked.”
You roll your eyes, sitting yourself onto the edge of his bed beside his arm, certain you’d blink yourself out of this dream if you thought about it for long enough.
The door swings open and the doctor walks in, glancing up at the sight.
“Mr Maybank! It’s good to have you back with us.”
———
It’s two days later when you’re getting JJ home. You drive him the short distance to your house and slide an arm around him to help him hobble towards the door.
You lead him up towards the bedroom, pausing on every couple of steps when he winces at the pain. For now, the broken ribs were the worst - agonising with the movement.
Eventually, you lower him down onto your bed and sit beside him, dropping down the duffle bag of his belongings that John B had collected for you.
“Glad to be out of that place?” You ask him as JJ readjusts himself on the bed.
He grunts in agreement and stretches out an arm to the other side of the mattress, “Come here.”
You crawl over to the other side of the bed and pause, “I don’t want to hu-“
“You won’t hurt me.”
You smile and lay down beside him, your head resting on his shoulder as his arm wraps around your waist. His chin rests on top of your head, pressing a quick kiss to your hair.
“JJ,” You speak into the air between you.
He hums.
“Why didn’t you tell me about everything with your Dad?”
He shifts beneath you as if uncertain, clearing his throat, “I didn’t want you to worry.”
You lean up onto your elbow and look at him, “Of course I was going to worry! That man is awful, Jay. I can’t believe you had to deal with that. I mean the thought of you… and him… and when John B found you I-“
Your lips begin to tremble.
“Hey, hey,” JJ brings up a hand to cup your cheek, brushing his thumb over the skin, “I’m here. Okay? I’m here and I’m okay.”
You let out a shaky breath, “I was so scared seeing you like that Jay. I didn’t know what was going to happen to you.”
He shakes his head slowly, his eyes waiting until they find your gaze, “I’m not going anywhere.”
You lean in and press a kiss to his lips, rough and cautious against his healing injuries. You pull away and he smiles that crooked smile you’d started to get used to.
“So, what’s this about you having an empty house?”
