Wearing your heart on your... mantle?
So, everyone has that ONE cringey date that sticks out in there mind. Whether they don’t look like you thought they would, or they smell weird, or maybe it turns out they are a soccer fan *barf.* I can nearly guarantee you that I now have what is THE most cringe date story of all time. Not because it was crazy bad at the time or anything, I mean he was weird, but that was whatever because he was tall #classicAnna. So, homeboy was tall, blue eyed, and seemed to have some similar interests to me. For context, this date occurred after the longest celibate dating spree I had had in my life. Physiotherapist was BAD with his anatomy folks, and that rubbed me in more than just one wrong way. Anyways, this was a date, set up through the wonders of the 21st century online dating pool. So, I go, we meet at a small coffee shop wherein we decide to go for a walk around town and talk. This is when things started to seem a little weird. He ran an antique business, which is cool, but he also worked at a clothing retailer and lived at home. Okay, not horrible, but less than ideal. He told me he drove a truck and he wanted to live in a tiny house. Okay, not a deal breaker, but kind of gross. Then came the whammy, he was into taxidermy. This super fun fact comes out after I told him there was a dead goose on the road when I was driving to the date. He asked where so he could go pick it up and get it stuffed. What. The. Fuck. I left the date kindly, and called a friend. Now, the joke is “don’t get turned into a lampshade” or, “make sure he doesn’t taxidermy you.” Well, while telling this story to a date last night, he asked, where is he now? I began to wonder and said I would look him up (even though I couldn’t remember his name) while my date went to the washroom. What I found, is 100% THE most messed story I have ever found. He was convicted several months ago of some crazy sexual assault charges. Now, I don’t want to demean the story, because this is a serious topic and as women we are often subjected to sexual assault, BUT the moral of the story is, if he’s into dead stuff, don’t go. Leave immediately. Then don’t look up past dates while on a date, because if it was bad then, there seems to be a strong likelihood that it’s even worse now. Anyways, don’t get turned into a lampshade trying to find a lover, unless he turns up with a lampshade made of money, then take it and run. xoxo call me beep me if you wanna reach me (unless you intend to wear my skin as a suit),
Anna