I was raised by a single mom. We often lived with her parents, and when we did not, we lived in small apartments in the same neighborhood. ever since I was about 6 or 7, I have wanted a home of my own, not in the literal sense, but more of a house that I lived in with no others, other than my son.
I am a single mom, and my son and I more often than not, have lived with my mother, in various apartments in the same neighborhood. As a mom, it has been my wish to have a home of my own, where my son could always come home to, and a place where my grandchildren would come over and play or stay, and I would teach them about playing outside, and teach them about the earth, where they could walk outside and pick the food for our meals, and watch trees grow as they do.
For the past several years, life has been rough. I have been underpaid, underemployed, undereducated, and very stressed out by simple things as to finding money to pay for the groceries that I need, as well as hoping the car does not break down because it will be near impossible to be able o fix it with my budget.
The past year has been a rollercoaster ride. I finally got a job that I have been trying to get for the past 5 years. It has taken so much stress, and huge life stuff to get to this point. So now that I finally have a good job, now I want those things that I have wanted since I was young. First, a home of my own, even if I am only renting it, just as long as I can grow food, grow flowers, grow trees, and lay in the sun, and it is all mine to do as I please, where I can finally play out the millions of ideas that I have had of what my home will be like, and look like, and feel like, and be like. It has taken a very long time to get here, and what makes it even radder is that my son wants to be there, too.
So for the first time in about 9 years, my son and I will live under the same roof again. He moved out when he was 18, shared an apartment with buddies where they proceeded to drink way too much for many moons. Luckily that was just a phase, and quickly passed. My son has been on his own since, but now that he is a dad, his outlook on life has changed.
Needless to say, but I am very proud of him, and love him more than ever, and love my grandbaby immensely. I am super stoked to have this opportunity to be with my tiny family, and tremendously excited at the endless possibilities for us to grow as people, and grow as a family. I made life difficult when I was young due to my addiction, but since I have been clean, the only thing that has mattered is improving my life, evolving into a better person, and doing everything possible to improve my son's life. I owe it to him. I brought him into this world, it is up to me to do everything I can to fill his life with all things rad!
It will be hard to swallow and suppress happy tears when I open the door to our new home, even if it is a rental. I have worked very very hard to get to this point in my life, and it is soooo freakin rad to finally have good things happen, and such good timing since my grandbaby is growing fast!
There is a flip side to this story, and that is the one that is happening on the inside - my mind. I have this belief system that runs down deep to my core, and I take it very serious. I used to get terribly frustrated that I was not able to live up to my ideals, and follow thru with my politics, and radical mindset, but after beating myself up for years, thinking that I was not radical enough because I was too busy fighting for survival, and could not participate in events, or change certain things about lifestyle because I had to do whatever I needed to do to survive - pay rent, buy groceries, buy electronic devices, get a salary from those who I disagreed with, spray pesticides, be a bossdude, drive a car, use gasoline....etc. My frustration and stress became intense that my health suffered, and is still suffering to this day, that I decided to give myself a break and go back to basics - just do what I can however I can with what I have, and fight the good fight whenever I can, even if it is something as a simple conversation with another person. There are many ways to be radical, I do not have to live up to others' ideal of what radical is, the only opinion that counts is mine and my son's. It is up to me to be able to live in my skin, and just importantly, it is up to me to take care of myself and live my life in such a way as to be happy, healthy, and mindful, and always compassionate, and empathetic.
Such a long post for something so simple as to share my happiness that I finally will have a home of my own and the intense feelings surrounding it.
huge thanks for following along with me on this blog. it sincerely means so much to me, and I appreciate it. you totally rock! \m/
