Last time —Joao Felix
warning: +18. break up, angst, smut, cheating.
worlds: +1.8k.
#sexynote: English is not my first language so there may be errors.
London, England.
Here you were. Devastated as you held the tears in your eyes, trying to deny it.
You couldn't accept it. You didn't want to accept it.
Your heart was broken into a thousand pieces as your mind replayed those images over and over again in your mind.
Joao was cheating on you.
The person you trusted and loved the most was having an affair with another woman.
How could he do this to you? After everything you had been through together? After promising you his undying love and protection? Was this how he was protecting you?
Thoughts flooded your mind as time went by and you still couldn't believe it. Were you so worthless to Joao? Were you so unimportant to him? Because he didn't seem to care about you at all.
Your heart didn't stop aching since you read those messages, since you followed him to that motel, since you saw him enter with that woman. A beautiful young woman who looked like a model, blonde hair and slender body, sweet laugh and perfect face.
Why? why you? why him?
Your head was spinning trying to figure out what was wrong with them. You wanted to be able to get angry, throw his things and walk away from him, but your body refused.
You loved him so much. Like you had never loved anyone before.
Your love for Joao was too much, you couldn't just stop loving him from one moment to the next. Not after having been together for almost four years, supporting and loving each other.
"Hello sweetheart," Joao entered the room, seeing you at your dressing table, brushing your straight hair.
He reached out to you, taking you by the shoulders. Stroking you a little, massaging your skin as he gave you a smile through the mirror.
Tears gathered in your eyes, burning to come out. But you held on.
"I'm sorry, the training took longer than I thought" he kissed your neck. Your whole body trembled.
A lie. He was lying and you knew it perfectly well.
You knew that his hands had touched another body, that his lips had kissed someone else, that his body had felt someone else. Yet, why did you still feel that way? As safe and protected as the first time he touched you or kissed you.
As if nothing had happened.
"You won't say anything?" he asked, lowering his kisses.
"I have nothing to say, Joao" it came out of your mouth, so slowly that even he didn't hear it.
His hands reached your chest, caressing over your fine silk nightgown, pulling the thin straps open until your shoulders were bare.
Your boyfriend's lips clung to your flesh, tugging and licking at it. Your tears couldn't hold back and began to fall, thinking of Joao and his other woman.
Joao noticed your tense body, your lack of emotion and thought that maybe you had had a bad day or were tired. So he would take care of you himself.
He took your hand, stopping you from your place, to pull you closer to him, pressing your body against his, taking you by the waist.
He searched your gaze, lifting your chin a little, meeting your deep, tear-filled eyes.
"Baby" he worried. "Are you all right?"
You nodded slowly.
"Why are you crying, did something happen?" he insisted.
"Because I love you," you whispered in pain.
Joao smiled, cupping your cheek against his palm, wiping away the tear.
"And so do I, honey. I love you so much"
You forced yourself to believe in him, stopped your useless heart, enjoying his voice, his touch, his words for the last time.
The last time. It echoed in your head.
Allow yourself for one last time to love him as you always have. Allow yourself to finish breaking your heart and then walk away. Hopefully, you will forget and heal. You will.
"I love you" you repeated again. His eyes connected to yours, his smile widened and his hands took yours.
His lips touched yours and even though you felt disgust, you had to enjoy it.
It was like the last puff of a cigarette or the last bite of a delicious meal. You knew it was wrong, but still, it couldn't help but feel delicious, tasty and addictive.
Your body lay on the white sheets, Joao between your legs taking care of your breasts, taking the tops of them in his mouth, abusing your aching nipples.
A slight touch between you and you were both moaning, feeling your heats throbbing even without touching each other.
Joao grabbed the side of your panties and pulled them all the way down, now admiring your naked body hungrily. He left a wet trail of kisses along your belly and hips, biting a little to mark with that reddish color he loves so much on your skin.
You grabbed him by his neck, lifting him to you so he could get close to your face. In an instant, your tongues were again touching and your hands were pulling down the only fabric covering Joao.
The sooner this was over, the more time you would have to heal. So you were eager to feel him one last time.
His lined up at your wet entrance, touching your center a little before, playing with his fingers, pushing them in a little and then pulling them out, dragging them down to your clit.
Your moans became louder and louder and the pleasure more intense.
Once he slowly went in, after a gasp from Joao, he brought his mouth close to yours again.
His thrusts hard and precise, hitting just where you needed them, making you arch your back with each stroke. His ruined moans silenced by his kisses.
You thought only of pleasure. You only enjoyed the moment. Nothing made sense anymore. Your life without Joao was nothing.
Why? echoed in your head again.
Didn't you love him enough that he needed love from someone else? Were you so bad in bed that he had to look for another pleasure? Were you so boring that he had to resort to another kind of fun? Was his love for you over?
And once again, your tears filled your eyes. Those tears that had once been tears of pleasure or laughter of amusement, today, they were tears of pain.
Tears of a broken heart. Tears of a goodbye.
Tears of one last time.
Joao's lips in your ear as he said dirty things, made you regain your sanity. Invading you again with pleasure.
His strokes were erratic and unattractive, both your bodies sweaty and trembling, your breasts together rubbing. A pressure in your lower belly built up at the same time as Joao began to go faster, making him squeal.
At the same moment you bottomed out, tears began to flow loudly. The sobs and moans mingled, tears streaming down your face as you felt the over stimulation.
You grabbed him by the nape of his neck, fitting his lips, feeling the wetness of your tears and his mouth joining. His lips that you loved so much to be kissed, to be bitten, to be caressed. They had kissed someone else's lips, that idea made your chest ache, cutting off your air.
Joao lowered his intensity, now stopping completely, to leave your body. Lying down next to you, one hand still on your body, regulating his breathing.
You couldn't even look him in the face, not without completely falling apart.
You rolled over and sat on the bed, grabbing your clothes, wiping off some of his footprints, then quickly put them on.
"What are you doing?" asked Joao, surprised to see you covering yourself with your clothes.
You refused to leave him. But you couldn't stay. Not if you loved yourself.
Jack sat on the bed, confused, trying to get your attention.
A puff of air filled your lungs, slowly rolling over you, until you were looking at him face to face.
For the first time, Joao saw that pain in your dark eyes of betrayal and the sharp pain in your heart. The tears adorning your cheeks and neck as you watched him with an expression of disappointment.
Then, he knew. He knew that you knew.
But you had already made the decision. You couldn't allow it. Even though you loved him more than you knew and it hurt so much more to leave him than his deception.
The sooner you got away from this house, the better it would be for you. Less suffering.
Hopeless and a mess, you walked away from him and everyone. Maybe someday your heart would heal but nothing was going to take away the fact that you loved that man and just as you loved him, you also lost him.
You lost the love of your life and you lost yoursef for that love.
