Aug 7, 2015
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and it is. your scent is everywhere. this apartment is filled with the memory of you. and I don’t want to be here. and I hate it.
Must give in....
sadly mistaken
I want to whisper in your ear and let you know that I'm here, I never want to leave your side..... A King cannot live without his Queen..
I don't know what it is about the night. Why it feels so beautiful to be vulnerable, why it makes me want to tear my soul open and show you everything that lies within it. The good and especially the bad. Give you information to use against me, tell you things that will have me at the palm of your hand. Crying in front of you will only proof that I am human, a sensitive person, so easily broken. To say that I need you would only grant you all power over me. So why do I do it? It's as if I'm drunk, intoxicated by you. I'll allow anything in that state. But tomorrow when I'm sober, only feelings of shame, regret and remorse will fill my day as I wait for night to return....just so I can do it all over again.
He lifted his hand, pointed to my temple then to my heart..."because I'll always be in here and in there". My heart pounded with fear realizing how true this was.
I remember the feelings I had hearing that song. That one song you burned for me, with many other songs. It stood out, it made me feel misery and sorrow. I had no idea why. I thought it was of old memories. Old memories of pain. The kind of pain that only the absence of a love can create. Yet I fell in love with the song, with the feelings it created, the fear it induced. If I needed to get depressed, I can do it in a heartbeat with this song. And now that I hear it, its not as sad. Its just a beautiful tear. But I cant help to think that when you're gone, these feelings will all return with a vengeance. It will remind me of your love, and I will crave you, I will need you, I will want to die without you. Because those nights we've spent together while everyone slept, have been engraved in my soul and they will be forever with me. And maybe that's why. That's why I almost slashed my wrists in hearing this song. It's not a memory of the past, but a memory of the future.