Progress | John Walker
MASTERLIST | AO3
Adapted from: This ask and these headcanons.
Context (please read): I've written the reader with this backstory in mind. If you don't wanna read the whole post, tldr: reader is Clint Barton's adopted mutant kid (now in their 20s or 30s) from another universe. The reader can teleport and fly as part of their mutation. They were on Team Cap in Civil War. Not included in the post: they hid out in Wakanda with Bucky after Civil War, which led to them becoming friends.
Relationship(s): John Walker x nonbinary!Barton!reader (implied platonic; can be read as romantic if you want), Yelena Belova, Ava Starr, Bob Reynolds, Alexei Shostakov and Bucky Barnes x nonbinary!Barton!reader (platonic)
Summary: John Walker is getting there. Slowly but surely, he's making progress.
Warnings: Transphobia, dysphoria, Walker is initially an asshole, we're operating with 2010s Avengers Tower vibes for the last couple of scenes so sorry if that isn't your thing. (Let me know if I need to add any)
Word count: 2.8k
(A/N: This was pretty much half a year in the making. It took a lot of revising and editing until I was happy enough with it. Truth be told, I'm still a little mixed on how it turned out. I don't know if this is everything I wanted this fic to be. But, nevertheless, I had a lot of fun with this one and capturing the reader and Walker's dynamic, as well as the reader's dynamic with the rest of the team. I read some fics from other MCU writers (I've reblogged them on @cosmicballet) whose work is beautifully written. To be completely honest, I'm very self-conscious that my writing isn't good enough. Still, I want to contribute to the MCU reader-insert fic community as best I can, like those aforementioned immensely talented writers. Also, I'd love to write more fics with this mutant Barton!reader, and, on the whole, I'd love to write more for Thunderbolts* and its characters. So, as always, feel free to send in requests! I have some ideas of my own that I'm working on but requests are a lot of fun to write. Ramble over!)
Climbing up the hollowed-out shaft proved a strenuous task even for a super soldier and a trained assassin, nevermind the mutant who would normally fly and not use their legs in this kind of situation. But, alas, Val must have thought ahead and had made sure to build this vault out of something engineered to interfere with your mutation. Your chest rose and fell rapidly, and you weren’t in the mood to talk. Yelena, on the other hand, was.
“Who sent you here, Barton?” Yelena asked between grunts.
“Are we really gonna do this now?” you hissed. “You trust me, right?”
“You knew to come here and you weren’t sent by Valentina. You know how totally suspicious that looks, right?”
You thought for a moment, then let out a huff of defeat.
“I got some intel about this place and I was trying to do someone a favour by checking it out,” you explained. “Clearly this wasn’t a suitable mission for someone who has never done solo spy crap before.”
“Intel from who? A favour for who?”
You groaned.
“What’s with all the questions? What’s next – do you wanna know my mother’s maiden name? How about I tell you my pronouns while we’re at it?”
“He/him,” Bob said quietly.
You looked over your shoulder at him, your demeanour softening a touch.
“Cool. I’m nonbinary.”
Walker rolled his eyes with an exaggerated sigh.
“Oh, great.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” you asked.
“It means we’re trying to escape a deathtrap and now we have to deal with some pronoun bullshit just because you saved the world.”
“Do you know how many pronouns you used in that sentence?” Ava retorted. “And, y’know, you should probably respect the pronouns of people who have never saved the world-”
“I’m never going to see any of you again after this. Who fucking cares about your gender or pronouns?”
“How would you like it if someone called you a woman?” Yelena said.
“I don’t think she’d like it very much,” Ava added.
“I don’t think she would.”
“Just because she was Captain America for ten minutes she expects us to call her a man.”
“Okay, fine!” Walker conceded. “I’ll call… them? Is it them?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll call you them, then, alright? Is everyone happy? Can we focus on getting out of here now?”
“I do have a name. But, thanks, I guess,” you said. “And, actually, I helped save the world twice.”
– – –
Of all the sensations in the world, the last one you wanted to experience was the feeling of John Walker’s knee pressed against yours. Given what he’d said to you earlier, it was about as pleasant as having gum stuck in your hair. At first, you’d both made a conscious effort to avoid making contact, but being crammed in the back seat of Alexei’s limo limited that possibility. After a while, tucking his leg in had become uncomfortable for him and crossing your legs for so long caused the muscles in your thighs to ache more than they already did after climbing up that damn shaft. So, you both decided to tolerate the feeling.
You distracted yourself by tuning in and out of the familial bickering of Alexei and Yelena. It wasn’t like you were consciously paying attention to everything they were saying, though. Instead, you caught only bits and pieces of it. You watched your barren surroundings roll past you in the window. It wasn’t long before you spotted yourself reflected faintly in the grimy glass. Inevitable. You blinked and stared. Your reflection blinked and stared back. And, it felt like everything else melted away as you studied your own face. You stared for so long you weren’t sure it was you anymore. You crossed your arms over your chest – a gesture that came as naturally to you as breathing – and you fidgeted in your seat.
It seemed Walker was getting bored of the talking, so, without meaning to, his gaze landed on you, long after you had begun your self-inspection. You looked like you were a million miles away, or in some catatonic state. But, you were conscious enough to look uncomfortable and unsettled. He knitted his brows and cocked his head to the side ever so slightly as he watched you squirm. But, before he could think about it for any longer-
“I know you!” Alexei exclaimed with a snap of his fingers. You jumped, startled. You glanced up at him and realised ‘you’ was you. “One of Captain America’s friends. The one who goes from here to there to here again and shoots up in the air without the wings.”
He made animated gestures with his hands, and he had turned in his seat to look at you. Yelena grabbed the wheel, her jaw clenched.
“Alexei! Wheel!”
You forced a smile, the kind of smile you force when you have to make small talk with your friends’ parents.
“Yeah, that’s me.”
“Your father, he shoots arrows, yes?”
“He certainly does.”
“And, you were banished from this country for many, many years.”
“I don’t think they want to talk about that, Alexei.”
“Of course they… They? There is only one of that one.” He suddenly seemed unsure. He looked to Yelena for reassurance. “Right?”
Walker smirked, his vindication clear from his expression and the way he folded his arms. Finally, it seemed he might have someone on his side. Ava spotted his smugness, tutted and rolled her eyes. She resisted the urge to kick him in the shin. Yelena glanced at you and you shrugged.
“Barton is nonbinary. Not a man or a woman.”
“Ah, I see. Like snails?”
Yelena narrowed her eyes.
“What?”
“Snails. Not a man or woman either. Hermadaphodites.”
“He almost has it,” you said. “It’s not a biological thing. But, yeah.”
“Not a man or woman. I think it’s very cool.”
You cut a glance at Walker, who all of a sudden looked quite disappointed, and it was your turn to smirk.
“You do?”
“Of course! But, I do have a question, if you do not mind,” Alexei said. “You see, I have too much masculinity surging through my veins to know what it is like to be not a man. I do not know what it is like being a woman either, but I have known plenty women in my time, if you catch my drift.” He chuckled to himself and a broad grin spread across his face. Everyone else in the car cringed, especially Yelena. “Never have I known anyone who is neither a man or woman.”
“Sure,” you agree hesitantly. “Go ahead.”
“If you are ‘they’, does that give you the strength of more than one man?”
Yelena sank in her seat and pinched the bridge of her nose.
“Alexei…”
– – –
You were alone tonight, overwhelmingly so. It was hard to not feel alone when observing it all from so close yet ultimately afar – the roads and pavements and many of the surrounding buildings over which the Watchtower… well, towered. The quiet hum defied the expectation of silence that came with this time of night. And, it was just dark enough that you could make out your reflection in the window pane. Looking at it wasn’t so much down to choice as it was your inability to resist that familiar impulse. Maybe you’d look and it wouldn’t be as bad as you thought it’d be. Still, it wasn’t wise to risk it, not when you were feeling like this. So, for God knows how long, you stood in front of the window, as though you were in a trance. You couldn’t quite remember when you’d stopped gazing at the streets below and when you’d begun to focus on your reflection. Your eyes roamed over the person staring back at you, surveying their face, the way their t-shirt hung on their frame, the way they were standing. With everything you picked up on, you tried readjusting whatever it was to mixed results. It was a silent process, which would make it appear all the more strange to anyone who stumbled upon you doing it.
“Are you… good?”
The voice forced you back into reality. Back into your body. Startled, you flinched. Reflected behind you was Walker. He was far enough away that you had to forgive yourself for not noticing him sooner. You turned to find him standing on the other side of the room. Of everyone who lived here, it had to be him. Heat rose to your cheeks. Just by looking at him, you could tell this situation was out of his comfort zone. It was out of yours, too. But, refreshingly, it didn’t seem like he was going to be too much of a dick about it.
You nodded in (delayed) response to his question.
“Yeah.”
Your gaze flickered to his face.
“What are you doing up?” you asked.
“I was getting some water…” he said, holding up his glass. “Are you sure you’re okay? You didn’t notice I was here for, like, two whole minutes.”
“Sure. It just happens sometimes.”
You didn’t really mean to add that last sentence. Nevertheless, it came out and Walker had heard it loud and clear. His brows furrowed.
“‘What’ just happens? You get possessed?”
“No.”
“Then, what?”
The thing where I sorta stare at my reflection for way too long and it sorta starts to feel like I’m looking at myself from outside my own body and then the longer I look the less it feels like I’m looking at me because it feels wrong. Very very wrong.
“I’m fine.”
He wouldn’t get it, anyway. He wouldn’t care.
“Do you think I’m an idiot?”
“That’s besides the point.”
“Nice try. What’s going on?”
“I’m fine. I’ll be fine. You don’t need to…”
“We’re a team. We’re friends… I guess.”
He looked at you expectantly, with uncharacteristic patience.
“Dysphoria.”
Nodding, he bit down on his bottom lip. It was then that he decided to move closer to you, taking slow, almost cautious steps.
“Okay. It’s out of my wheelhouse but… go on.”
You knitted your brows.
“Seriously?”
“Yeah.” When all you did was look at him blankly, he continued. “If you’re alone and all you do is keep looking and thinking… it’ll mess with your head. Yelena’s right with all of that ‘talk about it’ stuff. So, y’know, you can talk to me. Or, whatever.”
It was a rare, genuine moment with Walker, and you allowed yourself to soften at it.
“Okay, well…”
– – –
None of you wanted to go to the meeting with Valentina. But, she insisted upon it. So, you were gathered around a conference table. To your surprise (and chagrin), her attention was directed at you as she went to speak.
“Barton,” Valentina said, her voice taking on a placating tone. “Your years of service to this nation are greatly appreciated.”
You leaned back in your seat and stuffed your hands in your pockets.
“What’s the ‘but’?”
“Some people… they don’t like having someone like you be so… visible.”
She was trying to choose her words carefully and it was still indelicate. You didn’t expect anything else from her.
“What do you mean, ‘someone like them’?” Bucky demanded without missing a beat.
“Oh, come on. You know what I mean. Barton’s a mutant – from a different universe! They’re an ex-criminal. And, they’re nonbinary. Not everyone’s come around on that stuff yet.”
Yelena cocked her head to the side and narrowed her eyes at Valentina.
“Surely that’s not Barton’s problem?” Yelena cut in.
“I’m not here to play the blame game, okay?” Valentina said with a huff. “I just think, if we want to keep a good thing going, we need to think about what we can do to retain as much public approval as possible.”
“So, what’s happening, then? Am I being benched?”
“No, no, of course not. Can you imagine the backlash?”
When Bucky and Yelena sent Valentina a silent death glare, she hastily added, “And, of course, you’re a valuable member of the team.”
“‘Valuable?’ Not ‘valued?’”
“I think it’s for the good of the whole team if you don’t make the whole nonbinary thing such a big deal. Maybe the public will be more receptive to it if you tone it down.”
“‘Tone it down,’” Yelena scoffed. “What exactly do you expect them to do? It’s who they are.”
“Fine. Then, we’ll have to try to redirect focus. I can persuade some friends in the press to stop doing articles on Barton’s gender stuff. Or, since we’re spitballing, maybe I could arrange an interview with questions focused more on Barton's association with the Avengers and Steve Rogers. People aren’t into nepo babies right now so maybe we’ll have to steer clear of mentioning Hawkeye too much-”
Clearly, no one was on Val’s side for this one.
“I don’t have a problem with you being nonbinary!” she insisted. “What you wanna do with your life is no concern of mine. But, you have to understand that plenty of people think it’s bad enough that you’re some scary mutant and you were on the run from the law for years, and then, to top it off, you have to be something else… weird.”
This was where Bucky and Yelena would have interjected. But, someone else beat them to it – the person everyone in the room least expected to speak up.
“Do you want to say that again?”
Valentina’s head snapped to look at Walker. Her lips were parted but, for a few moments, she couldn’t get any words out.
“E-excuse me?” she finally spurted, ironically indignant.
"They've saved people's lives and that's all that matters? Everyone in this room's done actually bad shit, but the big problem is that they're fucking nonbinary? It’s bullshit!”
The rest of the team watched on with evident shock. Bucky knitted his brows, while Yelena, Bob and Ava’s were raised. Alexei had a massive grin on his face. And, your eyes were wider than they had ever been.
Meanwhile, Val couldn’t respond this time.
Walker looked at you.
“You don't have to take that from her. You're not gonna take that from her. She doesn't tell you who you are or who you have to be. Do you hear me?”
You stared at him, dumbfounded but grateful.
“What the hell…” Ava muttered, glancing between the pair of you like she was watching a tennis match.
“Are you gonna sit there and let a scumbag like her call you a freak?” Walker went on.
“Walker-” Bucky tried.
“He's right,” you said.
“There's a first,” Ava murmured.
You folded your arms over your chest.
“I have saved this planet so many times,” you said. “But, that's besides the point. I’d still deserve a baseline level of respect even if I hadn’t. I couldn’t care less what you think of me, but you don’t get to belittle me. You don’t get to tell me there’s something wrong with me.”
Valentina attempted to maintain her composure. She raised her hands defensively.
“That’s what other people think,” she replied, keeping her voice calm and level. “I never said I agree.”
“If you didn’t agree with it, you wouldn’t demand that I bend to the whim of people who don’t like me just for your stupid brand that I don’t give a shit about, frankly. Unless, you really are completely spineless.”
She rolled her eyes and groaned.
“Don’t you want to be seen as more than just the nonbinary mutant? More than the token gay?”
You let out a long sigh.
“I didn’t wanna pull this card, Val, but I got a call from Sam. As in, Sam Wilson. You know, Captain America.”
Her eyes widened, and finally she looked a little unsettled. She tried to recover and forced a smile.
“You did? How is he?” she asked – facetious, of course.
“He’s fine. And, he gave me a very interesting proposition,” you said. “He asked me if I wanted to ditch this gig and join him instead. He phrased it a tad more delicately than that.”
“But, you turned him down.”
“I did,” you replied with a nod. “But, Sam’s never had a problem with the ‘nonbinary mutant’ thing I have going on. He wouldn’t tell me to stop being who I am. So, this whole meeting has really made me reconsider.”
“You’re bluffing.”
“Maybe. Or, maybe I’m giving you a choice. Or, a warning,” you said. “You don’t tell me what to do. You don’t tell me what to be. You don’t tell me what you think because I don’t care to hear it. Otherwise, I’m gone. I’ll join someone who doesn’t think being a nonbinary mutant’s a bad thing. I’ve fought too long and too hard for this world to not live in it as who I am.”
Val couldn’t speak yet again.
A smirk graced Walker’s lips and he clapped a few times, evidently proud of you. You couldn’t help but think back to the day you first met him, and how far he’d come since then. Sure, you wished he’d been like this from the start, but you’re happy that he’s here now.
“Good job, Barton,” he said.
You smiled back at him.