#johnocalwritings

[johnocal-writings]

Wherever You Are

I was nestled comfortably in my bed, sheets coming up just below my chin. My eyes started to close as I heard the familiar ring of a Skype call come through my laptop. I quickly answered, not bothering to even look at who was calling, knowing it would be my beautiful boyfriend.

I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my palms as I tried to the read the numbers that glowed on the clock screen; 3 A.M, but this wasn’t something new. Whenever one of us was out of state, we never ended up on the same timezone.

"Hey Darling," John said with his rough morning voice. That was one of the things I missed since he’s been away on tour. It was always nice to have his presence here. California and London are just a tad bit far from each other.

He was shirtless and laying in bed. He always took forever to get out of bed no matter what time it was or where he was.

“Hi babe, how are ya?” a yawn slipping past lips as I spoke.

“Shit what time is it there? I completely forgot about the time difference,” John said with a worried look in his eyes.

“3 in the morning.”

“3?” John yelled, “it’s only 10 here. I just woke up so I figured I would give you a call.”

“I’d be up at any time if it’s to talk to you.”

“You should really be getting some sleep. I don’t want you to be tired because of me.”

As he spoke, I could feel myself becoming more and more tired, although you were willing yourself awake.

“It’s ok if you want to go get some sleep darling, I won’t be offended. I’m glad I got the chance to see your face and hear your voice for more than a quick Snapchat.”

“No, no. You're always so busy, I'm enjoying just being able to look at your face.”

A small smile crept up onto his lips at my words causing butterflies to erupt in my stomach. The familiar burn came through to my cheeks as I glanced down towards the duvet.

“Oh don't be all shy now, Darlin’. I wish I could be there with you right now. The bus bunk is nothing compared to sleeping next to you,” he said while scratching the back of his neck.

“Wherever you are, I know you'll always be home at some point. Whether it's 10 days or 100 days, you're something I can always return too,” I said meaning every word.

“Wherever you are, you should never feel like you’re alone. I’ll always be there to make this feel like home.”

[johnocal-writings]

Obliviously in Love

This was a request from a while ago, but unfortunately it got lost in the sea of posts. Thank you for re-requesting and I apologize for the extremely long wait. I hope you like it and that I finally did your idea justice, anon!

Work never really felt like work for me, I loved my job and it was a great atmosphere to be in. We were all very similar people here; that's what 8123 was all about, being inclusive.

There was this girl and damn she was incredible. She was one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen. Not only was her body amazing, but so was her mind. She was ever so intelligent and creative. It was a blessing that we got to work side by side here at 8123. She was one of the things that could brighten up my day; it was truly something indescribable. The feelings I had for her were starting weigh me down, like a massive truck was sitting on my chest. I was constantly trying to drop subtle hints here and there, but she wasn't picking up on it. 

For example, she was walking through the office one day and she had on one of the most beautiful dresses I had ever seen. It accentuated everything on her perfectly. It wasn’t anything too extravagant, a simple black dress that made my eyes follow her wherever she went. The only issue was that I was too much of a wimp to actually ask her out. Something told me that she didn't like me like that so I ignored my feeling and went on with my life.

As time went on, it was beginning to tear me up inside. We were pretty close friends and I hated seeing her get hurt. There’s been so many guys that have treated her like shit. I've watched her go through some pretty tough breakups and it pained me to see her in the state she was constantly in. After months of watching this heartbreak girl continue to attack her heart time and time again, i had to do something about my feelings.

Today was a day off for the band as well as some of our staff. My mind had been racing all morning, my body woke itself at 5am and has been going since. I laced up my boots, threw on a jacket, and bolted out the door. I ran and just kept running until I made it to her doorstep.

I hesitated for a moment before knocking on the wood ever so lightly, my nerves appearing in my actions.

After a few moments of no answer, I decided it was best to head back home until I heard the click of a lock and the swish of the door opening; it must have been loud enough for her to hear after all. I had just made it down her front porch steps back into the rain when I turned to look at her. She was in a pair of gray sweats, a black v-neck with black socks; simple.

"Before you say anything about why I'm here or how I got here, hear me out please," I said quickly, wanting to speak before my brain could fully process and let my anxiety take over. I took her silence as confirmation that I had her attention.

“I like you okay? I have liked you, but I've never known exactly how to go about telling you. Every time I see you in the office, I think 'this could be the time, just tell her' but my brain doesn't let me. You give me something to think about that’s not the shit in my head.”

Instead of talking, she ran down the steps and into me with open arms. I engulfed her back, accepting the love I was being given, knowing she accepted me too.

"Ya know what would make this even more cliche?" she asked peering up at me.

"You're asking for a kiss in the rain aren't you?"

"We might as well. You started the romantic moment so we might as well finish it with a bang."

That's what we did, we both felt that spark and it felt as though the world had stopped around us. Imagine driving through a storm and as you continue you drive under a bridge. It feels as though everything has stopped and is almost peaceful. She was my bridge that I've been waiting for.

[johnocal-writings]

My Little Badass

Tour had taken a lot of energy out of all of us. We’ve been home for a few days and we had just gotten news that some new dates had been added. We were all were so ecstatic, we decided to go out and celebrate.

We ended up heading out to our favorite local pub. We took a seat at our usual booth after ordering our drinks. Damn, it felt like home. I glanced and looked at everyone enjoying their conversation, putting a huge smile on my face.

That smile fell when I looked over to my left at the dart boards. There was a group of beautiful Women, but one stood out to me in particular.

She had gorgeous long brown hair that cascaded down to her lower back, just above her butt. Tight black jeans adorned her toned legs followed by a pair of black boots with a bit of heels. Even so, she was still short. On top, she had on a black leather jacket. Shit, she was attractive; she also seemed insanely familiar to me. Maybe she’d been to one of my shows before, who knows.

I guess I was staring a bit too long because when she looked up at me, her expression went from happy to sad to-confused? It seemed as if she knew me too. I decided I should figure  this out and headed to where her and her group were sitting. As I got closer to them, it clicked, causing me to stop right behind her.

She had rejected me before. Now this was just plain embarrassing. I was about to turn back but it was a second too late. Her friends had taken noticed to me and gestured for her to turn around. When she did I swear my heart stopped.Somehow she had gotten even better looking than she was before. She was a real bombshell for sure.

Not only that, but she was also crazy intelligent. She was in my Psychology class at ASU before I dropped out to pursue the band. She always seemed to know what she was talking about and that fascinated me.

That was back in my longhair days and she always had something to say about it, never in a rude way, but it led me to cutting it years later. I will admit that I was a bit of a player in college, which she made sure to tell me was ‘stupid and completely immature’ and how she ‘wanted commitment’. I was young and dumb and didn’t realize what I had lost out on until now.

There are times when she’ll cross my mind from time to time and it always makes me regret how I used to be. Having her here in front of me felt like a second chance.

“Hey,” I said lamely.

“Hi,” she said, tucking a loose strand of her hair behind her ear.

“Could I talk to you by the bar real quick?” I asked hopefully.

She playfully rolled her eyes but walked to the bar anyway. By the time I had gotten there, she already had ordered us both a drink and was sat at the bar.

Of course, me being me,I tried to be as smooth as I could. It had been awhile since i had attempted to ask a girl out; I was a bit rusty, but I would try my best.

I propped my body up on the bar next to her and said, “we should totally go out and party sometime. For old times sake babygirl.”

She turned her back toward me and I knew I fucked up. What the hell was I thinking? I wasn’t really that much of a douchebag was I?

I walked to where she was facing and lifted up her chin. “Hey, I’m sorry. I promise I’ not like how I used to be.”

She didn’t seem to believe what I was saying. I sighed heavily and went after her. She was only a few steps ahead so I grabbed her shoulder to turn her around.

“Leave me alone, John. You haven’t changed at all. I’m mature enough to know what I want now and your games aren’t it.”

She stepped past me knocking my arm on the way and sat back down a the bar. Her actions took me aback in a good way. Beautiful and confident, I needed her; of course I followed her back to the bar.

When I got there, I grabbed her hand and gently pulled her out of the bar stool. I led her to the part of the bar where most people were grouped, enjoying the music and dancing a bit on the floor.

I turned around and pulled her in close to me.

“I would like another chance with you, if that’s okay”

My hands were gripped tightly around her hips as we swayed back and forth, our foreheads almost touching. I could feel the spark in the space between us and the undeniable lust else where around us. She brought her mouth close to my left ear and exhaled. I closed my eyes and reveled in the moment. The sound of her voice broke my trance, bringing me back to an even better moment in time.

“I’m not your ‘babygirl’,” she whispered into my ear with lust and a hint of dominance.

She walked off with extra sway in her hips. She turned back and dropped a subtle wink that went unannounced to the others in the booth around me. I could feel the corners of my mouth raise and my skin heat up.

I sat back down with the others and joined into the conversation. I started to get bored of it as continued when Pat tapped my shoulder.

“Who was that?” he asked.

“Oh her? That’s my little badass”

[johnocal-writings]

Unsteady

This one’s a bit short, but I hope you still enjoy it.

My worn out boots scuffed at the ground as I walked. I could just hear the slight crunching of dead leaves beneath them. A breeze flowed through the rips in my old jeans as I pulled my jacket closer to my chest. With my hands in my pockets, I balled them into fists, willing myself not to cry. I puffed up my cheeks as I exhaled, watching my breath fade into the air. Crying would break my wall and that would make me feel weak. I have to be strong, I’ve always had to be. I was always her rock and that’s how it’s been staying balanced all this time. I’m not going to lie, I felt empty without her being here. I missed her touch, her skin, her laugh. Fuck, I even missed when she would bug the absolute shit out of me while I attempted to get work done, I never could fully concentrate though. There was a familiarity to her that I longed for. Her little quirks that made her the weirdo I fell so hard for. She was away on business. It gave me a feeling I’ve never felt before. Something felt off, like it should’ve been me who left, not her. It gave me this peculiar sense of understanding to finally realize what she went through when I left. I’ve tried to resist calling her. I knew if I did, I would be begging her to come back. She was my muse and I didn’t feel like myself without her there. I let my legs carry my aching body back to our house. I needed to go for a walk to get out of my own head but it only made it worse. I pushed the front door open and closed it behind me with my foot. Kicking the boots off, I made my way upstairs, peeling off the rest of my clothes as I went. Passing my bed, I noticed it looked horribly unmade, worse than I usually left it. I shook the thought out of my head and went to the bathroom. The calming steam began to rise to the ceiling as the water warmed. I stepped in and closed the glass door behind myself. Letting the hot warm envelop my body, I rested my palms against the tiled wall, elbows bent as I propped up my body as it was begging for support. A hot shower was my second attempt at clearing my mind which also had failed. I slumped back into the bedroom with a white towel slog low around my hips, she loved when I looked like this. I pulled at the tab tucked against my right hip bone and dropped the towel to the floor. I lazily pulled on underwear and hauled myself to bed. It was insanely early, but there was nothing left for my to do. Hours passed as I tried to force myself into the realm of sleep and dreams. The place where I could make whatever I wanted to happen, happen. I could finally be next to her, I could actually get some sleep for once since she’s been gone. I tossed and turned for a while before I decided to call her. Texts weren’t enough for me anymore. Not hearing the sound of her voice was beginning to tear me apart, emotionally and physically. At first, she was calling me everyday, but she knew how I could be when she left. There were times when I would shut down and not answer at all typically due to work. After the first few days, she stopped trying and resorted to only texting me instead. It took a lot of courage, but at last I picked up my phone from the nightstand and clicked on her contact. I took in a sharp breath as I pressed the cold cell to my ear. The phone kept ringing and ringing, praying she wouldn’t answer and I wouldn’t have to face her just yet. Finally, the ringing ceased and the usual click of an accepted call came through. There was a moment of silence on both ends when I could hear her slowly inhale. Before she could say a word I exhaled defeated and whimpered, “please, hold on to me ‘cause I’m a little unsteady.” I felt as if my entire wall just collapsed in one blow. She’s never seen this side of me before so I have no idea how she will react. Negative thoughts were running through my mind at a mile a minute. My mind finally silenced when she said, “I’ve got you. I could never let you go. You’ll always be safe with me.”