#joke essay

[orca-in-disguise]

Across human history, language has been a constant. No matter what form it takes, it has been present in every civilization. With language comes variability and adaptation, forming thousands, if not millions, of words and phrases. But which of these is the best? Well, I propose that the phrase "little guy" is the greatest. In this essay, I shall discuss the etymology, usage, and some little guys I saw today.     

The phrase "little guy" is a combination of the word "little", used as an adjective here, and "guy", used as a noun. Now, this phrase is pretty straightforward so instead of talking about how it rose to popularity, I'm going to discuss the etymology of each word. "Little" is pretty straightforward, descending from Old English "lytel" which had basically the same meaning. The word "guy" pretty much meant "fellow" when it became part of American English in the 1800's. Before that it featured in various European countries with various meanings. So, this is the etymology of this phrase.     

The phrase "little guy" can be used in multiple contexts. The phrase is often used to describe people or characters but can also be used for things or animals as well. Something/one doesn't necessarily have to be small to be called a "little guy", although this is often the case. Other adjectives are sometimes added before "little" to enhance or change meaning. "Silly little guy" is often used to describe oneself. "Special little guy" is used to describe something or someone you are close to. While these are the most common ones that I've seen, other adjectives, most notably those pertaining to emotions, can also be used. It is also worth noting that sometimes "little guy" and similar phrases are used ironically. In summary, these are the uses of the phrase "little guy".

Lastly, I'd like to give a few examples of little guys I saw today. Firstly, the ant on my shoe today was quite little, so it warrants being a little guy. However, I doubt that its silly levels were high enough to be a silly little guy. Secondly, the house sparrow I saw in the fence today. He was very silly and very much a little guy, ten out of ten. Lastly, the moth on the school window is an honorable mention due to its general appearance and size. Hence, these are some little guys I saw today.

In conclusion, "little guy" is a simple yet versatile phrase. Although the phrase is simple in its origins, it can be used for many different situations. This phrase is also easily applicable to everyday life. In conclusion, "little guy" is the best phrase.

[bunnies-can-fly]

"Hello, I’m….”

The sunlight was streaming through the lace curtains in Erica and Marshall’s bedroom. Erica was already up and in the living room. Slowly she began to saunter sleepily into the kitchen to start on breakfast. Suddenly she was gripped by nausea and bolted to the bathroom. A few vomit filled minutes later she slid down onto the cold tile floor and gripped her aching abdomen.

“Why am I sick?” she muttered to herself “I better not tell Marshall… He always gets too worked up when I’m ill. If I’m not better by the end of the day I guess I’ll go to the doctor”. She heard Marshall begin to stir in their bedroom. As soon as she heard him she hopped up and ran to the kitchen to start on breakfast. When she grabbed the eggs out of the fridge she felt sick thinking of how they would taste.

“Good morning Honey” Marshall said from behind her. Erica smiled and turned around. Her husband had a five o’clock shadow and his hair looked as if rats had run through it but she felt her heart swell with love. “I’m running a bit late so I’m just going to grab something on the way to work”.

“Okay” she replied in a sing song voice “sounds like a plan to me”. She knew Marshall could see that she wasn’t feeling very well. He looked her in the eyes and raised his dark eyebrows.

“Hun, you should go to the doctor today. I heard you in the bathroom this morning and I just want to make sure everything is going well” Marshall said with an authoritative tone to his voice. Erica’s eyes skipped away guiltily, she had tried to keep this from Marshall but to no avail. She nodded her head and looked up. Marshall smiled and nodded quickly, he stepped forward and gave her a quick kiss. He turned around and went into their room to get dressed.

“Might as well call the doctor now” she muttered to herself. She walked to the kitchen table and grabbed her cell phone. She dialed the number to the doctor and put the phone up to her ear.

“Hello?” she said “Yes, I’d like to make an appointment for this afternoon”.

“Who is the appointment for?” the high pitched voice on the other end said.

“Erica Petrova”. There was a pause on the other end. Erica could hear the receptionist turning pages and rustling through papers.

“Alright, we have you in at three o’clock”. Erica thanked the receptionist and hung up. She loathed going to the doctors but, she wanted to make sure everything was okay.

While she had been on the phone Marshall had gotten dressed and ready for the day. He walked up behind her and slid his arms around her waist. Erica smiled softly and put her dainty hands over his large ones.

“I love you Erica” he said “I’ll see you after work today”. He kissed her on the cheek and walked to the front door. Erica turned and looked at him as he walked out the door. When the door closed she spun around and walked into her bedroom to get ready for the day.

Before she knew it she had to go to the doctor’s office. When she arrived at the doctor’s office she began to feel light headed but she pulled herself together and went in to go see the doctor.

About five tests and half an hour later the doctor came in with her diagnosis. Erica fidgeted nervously as she waited anxiously for what the doctor had to say.

“Well Mrs Petrova there’s nothing wrong with you” the doctor said joyfully “In fact I think some congratulations are in order”

“Why would congratulations be in order?” she asked in confusion. Her heart began to pitter patter with anxiety and hope.

“You’re pregnant”. A small smile spread across her face. She and Marshall had been trying to have a child for over three years and now, they’d finally be parents. Leaving the doctor’s office and heading home seemed surreal to Erica. She needed to prepare something as a way to tell Marshall the incredible news.

Hours passed by as she worked on what looked like an easter egg. Inside the egg was hollow and a little slip of paper laid inside. She heard the door open and Marshall walked in. As quickly as she could she placed the egg into a gift box and waited for her husband.

“Hi hun” he said in slight confusion “What’s that gift box doing on the table?” Erica smiled like a fool and handed it to her husband.

“It’s for you” she couldn’t wait for him to open the box and know he was finally going to be a Daddy. Marshall smiled and opened the box. When he picked up the egg his brows furrowed in confusion. He trusted his wife and his instincts. He cracked open the egg and picked up the tiny scroll. When he unrolled it and read what it said his eyes misted over with tears. He hugged his wife and said: "Hello pregnant, I'm dad"