If your doing a new one why can't you update your jokesaku or madasaku fics too?
Hi, anon. It's not quite that simple. I mean, I definitely should update/finish my older stories before starting new ones. There are eight of them sitting on the back burner... I never intended to be one of those writers that left fics unfinished or on hiatus, yet here we are. Now, I understand some of those writers a bit more since I actually began writing myself. It's not always that easy.
Here's the thing. I'm not the kind of person who can work on multiple projects at one time. God knows I've tried. I told myself and others I can do it. But I've concluded that all it does is stress me out and nothing gets done. I'm someone who can't sit still, is unorganized, can't focus for long periods of time, and is a mess at the end of the day. Yet I still try to write chapters that are between 5-11k because I'm a big dummy that can't reel it in. And dyslexia only makes it more difficult.
I work a full-time and part-time job. I have bills to pay and a place to take care of. A partner, demon children (my cats), family, and friends that need me. So when I do get a little free time, I want to spend it doing something I'm excited about. That tends to be my current fixation at the time. Which is also something I can't necessarily control. Believe me, I've tried. Being in the middle of a project and losing what was once an all-consuming fixation on a ship/piece of media is heartbreaking. I can try to rekindle the flame but unless it happens organically, I'm screwed.
That happened recently. My fixations can last months, even a year or more. The last one was MadaSaku again (HeisenSaku and JokeSaku before that). Then the passion for it whittled away, little by little, until I was left spending months just trying to finish one chapter. It's agonizing. Eventually, it comes back. It's just the time in between that's hard. I'd sit at my table for hours on days off, staring at a single chapter and drawing a blank. I couldn't get anything done. In return, I'd feel embarrassed to the point I didn't even want to go on Discord and talk to my online friends. It might sound silly, but that's how it is...
Right now, I'm sucked into the Eddissy ship for Stranger Things. Seeing the gifs and fanart of those two ignited the feeling I was missing. It motivated and inspired me to write again after another long dry spell. The same way the other ships I write for did previously. I don't know how long it'll last, but I want to ride the wave for as long as I can.
So with the limited free time I have available, I'd rather spend it working on something that I'm excited about and actually putting out content than forcing myself to stare at a blank screen for hours while slowly spiraling into a self-loathing mess. For free, might I add. The only reason I do any of this is because I enjoy writing garbage and love hearing from readers.
This wasn't meant to be so long, but I've been getting quite a few messages like this recently. Especially on FF.net. Like, I spent hours over multiple days working on and editing a 5k+ Eddissy chapter, then get a review/DM saying "Nice so when are you finally going to update your JokeSaku fic, huh?" and it's just so... disheartening. I get it. Some of you are here for JokeSaku, MadaSaku, etc. And it's not fair to leave you hanging on an incomplete fic. It just doesn't feel great to have someone basically say, "if you have time to work on this crap you like, then you should also have spare time to write the things I actually want to read." I don't know... This is just me explaining and rambling about what's going on from my end.
