#joshyjj

[justbattlewounds]

Sometimes I think about how truly insecure and vulnerable I am.

[justbattlewounds]

June 25

Had my first official date with josh tonight. It’s gonna sound really lame to most f you but to me. It’s was borderline perfection. We were gonna go to a movie but said fuck it. Instead He bought pizza (3 to be exact ) and we went up to Postil for a picnic. Smoking and redbull and pizza. Perfection. When the bugs got bad we left and just drove the back roads. :) my god he makes me so happy. I came home feeling really good about myself and him. And us together. Nothing I’ve felt in a while. Instant butterflies. I didn’t know I could get butterflies anymore. He picked me up met my dad. Well tenet my dad. Our parents are close which is crazy cause I haven’t even seen him around school. XD apparently he went to my third birthday. I want to see the pictures of that. Things went great. We hit two view points actually. I’m so happy. Not even just satisfied. But generally, glowing. It’s amazing. I’ve seen him ever day for like five days. And now I don’t get to see him for another five xD he’s got a rave to go to and I’m camping with Shelb. :) I’m excited. Although we aren’t together we promised not to hook up with anyone while away. It’s nt like I’m gonna have anyone trying to suck face with me. I’m going with a close family friend. But I like knowing he wants to be exclusive. :)

[justbattlewounds]

JUNE 23/24

I’m writing this a day or so later so I’m a little fuzzy

I don’t remember how it got started, I think I was running from my crazy mother and josh picked me up. I just wanted to get away for a few hour so we went I his place for a bit. Laid on his bed and kissed an talked before we decided to go up to Postil. We packed the truck and were on our way. He hold my hand hen he drives wich is really really nice. When we got up there we had a smoke laid in the tent for a bit. Next thing out clothes were off and we were having sex. I knew he had wanted to and tbh so did I. I mean sure it’s fucken early but it’s either gonna turn into something serious or not. An I’m glad I did because it wa great. FUCKING GREAT. I could tell he was experienced. (Ladies, date older. Always date older…;) ) Either way we had a smoke after and laid there chatting. Then we decided that we wanted to go camping. Like over night. His family has a trailer up beside a lake in Postil. We packed up went back to the house and grabbed what we needed and headed back out. It wasn’t til about 9 when we reached the trailer and unloaded. He started a fire and I opened the bottle of whiskey. ;) so enough we were bullshitting under the stars in front of fire with country playing in the back ground. My definition of perfect night. For sure. When the fire died out we laid on ground and stared at the stars, cuddling and smoking. It was amazing. He’s literally perfect. We went into the trailer and crawled into bed which again led to some wicked sex. I’ve never had so much fun topping in my life. :3 we fell asleep pretty quick after that.

The next day we woke up early. I had my provincial exam that afternoon so we had to leave by ten to make it. Instead we left at 8:30 so we could make it to his place for breakfast an tv time. (He’s obsessed with Game of Thrones xD ) Thank god we left early, cause 3/4 way down his drive got fucked up. The connecting rod on his left tire disconnected and we had to walk down. I didn’t mind. He held my hand all the way down to where his mama picked us up. I like her. I remember from my childhood so it was easy conversation. We dropped er off at work then he drove me to my exam. Kissed me for luck then left home.

After the exam I went over to kalvins and smoked a lot of weed with my good friend (and way long ago ex) Marco. Haven’t seen him in a while so that was fun. Over all it was a wonderful couple days.

[justbattlewounds]

JUNE 22

Today I went and cleaned the camp up with josh. It was fun. Not awkward at all. Only took us an hour so we decided to go for a cruise. We wen up and around the back road the relaxing. He’s so easy to talk to. No awkward silences. I mean even as we sat on the creek bed just staring into the forest and the sky, silent. It wasn’t awkward. It was awesome. We appreciate the same part of nature. We cruised until time got that I told my mama if be home. When he pulled up to my driveway he asked if he could kiss me. You have no idea how cool that wa. From going from someone who was constantly molesting me because I was too weak to stop him; to having someone ASK to make contact. I felt respected which was really nice. So I said yes an like I said it was killer. I feel like I already wrote about this. XD probably. The last few days have been a country/romantic blur. I love it.

[justbattlewounds]

recap from the last few days..

The last few months of my life has been full of drama.. i dont want to go into now, i am finally out, but i will say that unhealthy relationships will destroy you..

So now that my grade 11 year is done and I am single. I have been for a while and let me tell you the breakup just about killed me.. i was fucked.. uncontrollable sobbing in my mothers arms for days on end, not eating, lost about 20 lbs…couldnt sleep..my mom thought i was gonna die..i thought i was gonna die..

So Friday night, the great “Passing of the Torch”  which is basically a giant party with the grad class and the proceeding gradding class..I dint think my mother would let me go,but she knew hI made friends, smoked weed, drank my ass off and tried MDMA. SO much fun. I love it. Anyways i had my fill of making out (and a little more ;)) and drinking like any good party, but it was wwas happened the morning after is what made it truly amazing. As much fun as getting fucked off your ass is, it was the morning after that satisfied my lil teenage soul. Although i never slept and dont remember what brought me to the bed of some guys truck along with 4 or 5 other kids. I was satisfied, they were giving me smokes and candy. I was pleased. So as i began to sober enough to know what was going on around me I began to socialize and love these people. We drank and laughed and casually, one by one, people left. By 10:30 everyone was gone except the 5 of us. We sat around the bed of Josh’s ( youll hear about him later. ) truck and aughed and told storys.. its was amazing. Creating bonds and friendships that will last years to come. It was amazing, then casually again, people left.. actually rather quickly… all left except me and Josh in the same truck.

 So although I know i should have gone home, I am left with this handsome guy who said we should go do something.Fuck it right?! We chilled in the bed of his truck some more before we decided to bail and head up to a lake. We thought it was only a few KM away but it wasn’t until we were almost 30 km away before we found the lake. WE walked around, exploring.. we found a leech, both squirmed like little girls. But mainly we talked. Never farther, not even at the end of the day, but i wouldn’t have had it any other way. We drove, we mudded and we talked.. Learned so much about each other. IT was so easy. Amazing actually. As we talked, i began to realise how nice it would be to date a man like Josh. but not necessarily him. By the end of the day though,i was really beginning to feel something. I met my mom in town which left  the day on a amazing end.

I added him on facebook that night and we talked for a bit. Found out that he was too interesting in our budding friendship, and asked me out. You can imagine how stoked I was right?! XD some gorgeous, older, kind hearted, relatable man, actually asked me out. A new feeling.. a feeling that was completely new and completely exhilarating..

Today. THe party sight was still disgusting. So, i messaged Josh and asked him if he wished to join me in our cleaning , and he did. We went up cleaned our spot, drank lots of water and smoked some cigarettes. Talked. Lots of talking. Never an awkward silence. Then after we were done we found a creek. The creek was my favourite. Simple plain, we sat on the edge, quiet and admiring. I’ve never sat quiet for so long. It was peaceful, slightly romantic. Wonderful.

Eventually we decided to go home..it was disappointing but it could only last so long. Before we hit my driveway he slowed and looked at me. He asked me if he could kiss me. I’ve never had anyone ask me to kiss me. It felt wonderful, he wanted to make sure i wanted it. And i did, so I complied. He kissed me, and instantly it was like a whole new high. Something rough yet so smooth. Like a shot of good vodka.Amazing. He pulled up to my house and I kissed him  again, pulled his face to mine.It was wonderful again. I pulled the stuff out of the back of his truck and waved as he drove away.

Kissing that man was the high of the last six month of my life. I felt respected.. hell even cared about. It was fresh and enticing and something I want to do over and over. I haven’t yet, but i can feel it coming… I think I could fall hard for this kid. 

I am actually happy. Truly, shamelessly happy.:D