#journal edition

[dispersalpoint]

Dispersal Point - Page 15

- read from the beginning order a physical copy

[writers-ambition]

XI

Am I allowed to dream Even if it is just for a night Dreaming of what it is I can't have From the woman who still has my heart To a life in which I don't lose sleep Am I allowed to dream If I spend my wake hours trapped in my nightmares Holding back my tears cause this world wont accept them Hold myself tight, protecting myself from the menace that walk this earth I swear I don't think I'm allowed to dream Cause there lacks any point I'll never see my desires take life They are merely stars I'll never reach Just the stone tossed to the sea that I'll never hold again Should I be allowed to dream when dreams are just depressing

[writers-ambition]

X

For quite some time now I have allowed for there to be silence My lips, shut ever so tight The secrets from my heart bounce off on the inside of cheeks Desperately longing to ring inside your ears To make there way to your heart These secrets I swear will fit the lock to those chains on your heart I put the beat of my heart in each sentence Key masters couldn't make a key to match your master lock Yet here a humble man thinking outside the normal tradition of a locksmith Has this key that will fit perfectly Excited that he knows it will be received easily Terrified that it won't turn So my tongue remains tied

[writers-ambition]

Bare

If I stood bare in front of you Bare as I first came into this world Would you feel as if you know me Could you tell me the things about myself that I have yet discovered The true measures of my soul that hasn't been stretched to its true length If I stood bare in front you Could you map out my future as if you were reading my palm Would you stare at my scars an create images like you were staring up at the stars How about my tattoos would you see them as the art I intended them for Would you read each line on me an understand that each word was sprung from life If I stood bare in front of you Would you say I'm blessed just as the woman I was intimate with had Could you see the bullet that had passed my flesh Never have any buried themselves in me Could you see it Would that make me blessed in your eyes If I stood bare in front of you Just as I had came into this world Would I have the same innocence I had then Or could you see the lies, the pain, and the posions I've endured Staining me to my core would I be unclean In those blue,brown, or green eyes If I stood bare in front of you Would the puddles of blood I've shed reappear What about the ponds of sweat that have been misplaced Even still those rivers of tears I left after each person dear to me disappeared If stood bare in front of you Could you say you know me Would feel as if you hold something over me cause I stand in the nude I would pray you didn't But to pray would be against who I am Judge me again and again cause now no secrets cover me I hide behind no fear nor shyness I stand before you bare an unafraid I stand alone just as alone as I had came into this cruel world But I bear all of what this world has to offer It comes at a price but staring at my flesh you would never know What it is I've had to do just to get this far

[writers-ambition]

Dreams: Inspiration(unfinshed)

It was never the idea of having a beautiful maiden But the words from her lips were fuel to my fire Which had slowly strengthened before her addition Now I burn to my full potential Reaching the levels of success that I had only thought to be dreams Slow winds on warm days inspire me Freshly bloomed flowers inspire me Never to stain my eyes with the ugliness Of mans dis-concern with mother nature Covering her with cigarette buds and treating her as if she is the dump Silences inspires me Gathering my thoughts with no distractions No engine roars and no sirens No glass shattering and no more mothers crying I'm built to weather the storm, any and every storm Paradise is just outside my reach Everyday I inch closer and closer A beautiful life shared with the most beautiful woman my heart knows inspires me Each and every breath my young nephew takes inspires me To be a greater man than what my father has shown me to be In hopes that he grows into a man even greater than I

[writers-ambition]

I Cuddled Once...And I Miss It

I knew then that I must change As my ear laid to her chest Her heart beats ringing inside of me I knew then that I must change Cause my current state was entirely too Well too fucked up She deserved the best I could offer But I could never give her my all If I could never fully reach my potential I knew then that I must change So that her heart could sing in my ear With her I finally fully understood intimacy I knew then that I must change But I just never did I lost her an shed tears in the dark So no one could see, not even me Now as I change I pray that her heart will one day reach my ear again

[writers-ambition]

IX

With the taste of her lips I'm left speechless My tongue tied with her after taste My eyes still star struck from her amazing debut Instantly becoming the women worth my dreams With her performance of the lips tango Lost within her soft display of a erotic temptation Her lips,and her lips alone Have the power to mystify my senses and my logic

[writers-ambition]

Nightmares: Desperation

This is the life I choose No early morning Just late nights And afternoon wake-ups This is the life I choose Answering the door with a gun under my waist band Treating other humans as if they are lesser Cause the pressures of life have turned them to drug users This is the life I choose A life where signing my name is unlikely Cause in a minute it can all be taken away Ripped from my ownership cause I didn't use legal tender This is the life I choose Now everyone I know looks at me strangely As if I'm not the person they know & love But the reality is they never knew me to start with Fault lies with me not them tho; how could they expect to know me When I don't know myself This is the life I choose No, this is the life that has unfolded for me As my desperation to survive in this cruel world Became more integrated in my everyday life No more time to be wasted on dreams This is the life I choose In a constant place of anger to cope with the pain of my failures At times I wonder if times will ever change Must I reach rock bottom before I change my life This is the life I choose I can see all the failures of this life awaiting me Maybe I should remain content with this life and path set before me Quite possibly the ignorance that goes along with change restrict me Cause my desperation for a change isn't strong enough To take another path and live a different life...yet