#journalarts

[forlornpariahs]

// Francisco de Zubaran // Taylor Swift- my tears ricochet // Adrien Ghenie // Mitski- I Want You // The Roses of Heliogabalus // Ocean Vuong // Feminine stereotypes - Romina Bassu // Lucy Dacus- Night Shift

[forlornpariahs]

"When does a war end? When can I say your name and have it mean only your name, and not what you left behind?"

— Ocean Vuong, On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous

[forlornpariahs]

yes songs are great time machines but what about when you replay it so many times, trying to regress to that time when everything was easier, to a point where the song is now contaminated with the pain of the present

[forlornpariahs]

“i say i don't believe in god; but when I'm afraid, i murmur a prayer my mother taught me when I was young. i immerse myself in my culture. i reassure a grieving friend, and say i will pray for them. i ask them to have faith.

i say i don't believe in god, but all I am is an amalgamation of the people who loved me enough to make me believe in one.

i murmur the prayer because my mother taught me it. i pray for my friend because one of my own did the same for me. i try to be someone's rock because someone was one for me.

what is life, if not paying the gift of mundane divinity forward?”

(—) forlornpariahs, 'divinity'

[forlornpariahs]

november never feels real to me

every year I live a dream

[forlornpariahs]

In my dream, I apologize to everyone I meet. Instead of introducing myself, I apologize for not knowing why I am alive. I am sorry. I am sorry. I apologize.

In real life, oddly enough, when I am fully awake and out and about, if I catch someone’s eye, I quickly look away. Perhaps this too is a form of apology. Perhaps this is the form apologies take in real life.

— Claudia Rankine, "Don’t Let Me Be Lonely: An American Lyric"

[forlornpariahs]

"𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥,"

—

[forlornpariahs]

My PIN number to this day is my second grade best friends birthday. There are people I don’t talk to anymore whose families are still in my prayers. There are shirts I wear to bed from exes of 8 years ago who are married now with kids.

And I haven’t found a macaroni salad recipe better than my college boyfriend’s mom’s. Our lives are made up of so many people and when people become parts of our lives, some parts remain long after they leave. And in the same exact way, it’s comforting to know there are so many lives you’re still a part of that you have no idea about.

- @i-writethisforme