#journey entry

[juri-ffxiv]

Journal Entry- Starlight

(It was a stupid wish. I don’t know why I even tried.

But this... This is just my luck. Reaching for the ones that I think are different and yet here I am again, standing ‘here’ disappointed with only myself to blame.

It was ... a stupid...

                                           ...Wish...)

: : W A P : :

: : Throws another snowball : : W A P : :

“Brooding again Juri!? Did you really think I would stand you up!?”

“I would make you wait though-- HEY!! Stop playing dead you goof!”

(For once, someone actually surprised me. My wish-- The only thing I asked for... Was standing right in front of me now.

This was my...             Happy Starlight.

@madalinevossffxiv​

[taekwondohyeah]

On finding believers and a family

***Disclaimer*** Nothing religious will be discussed. This blog will always stay out of religious topics

So, this blog has been lying dormant for a while without any updates or original content. I feel like I should address a few things before coming to the core of my message. More below the break.

Q: Why were you inactive for such a long time?

A: There are many reasons for this. As many of my followers and a few in the budoblr community know, I suffer from mental health issues, more specifically depression. I’ve struggled with these things for over a decade now with a ajor peak in my late teens (hallucinations and delusions are fun, yo) and only in September 2017, I have started to seek professional help. Since then, I was put on numerous medications and only recently, my psychiatrist and I found a combination that works very well and keeps the symptoms in check. In addition to that, I receive therapy, which proves very helpful. My depression had a major flare-up from 2017 to 2018, preventing me to go to training. While this got a lot better, I started my honours year in uni last September and had to dedicate more time to that. I recently finished my project and handed in my thesis. While this is a major achievement, I still have exams to go, so posts will remain scarce until early May.

Q: Did you completely stop training/going to the gym?

A: I did not! Uni is just of bigger importance right now and I have to make a few sacrifices in favour of it. I actually got back to training and working out after almost an entire year of not doing it and I gotta say, I MISSED IT SO MUCH! This leads me to my main topic.

Believers. What are they? Believers are people in your life that radiate so much positive energy and completely believe in what they say and do. And this energy is contagious. And it pays completely to have a believer in your life because that gives you something that you would not have otherwise. Accountability. Those people will tell you that they believe in you but they will also hold you accountable for everything you say you wanna do. In retrospect, I reliase that I have many such people in my club and while I know I made some emtpy promises of coming to training, they relentlessly asked me to come back and were delighted to see me again. I also want to give a huge shoutout to @bikerkitten who has filled this role not only as a friend but also as a believer. Which leads me to my second point:

Family. This term is often misunderstood as “only the people you’re related to” and I want to call bullshit on that. Family is who you want to be your family. And I feel that this might describe the budoblr community (and the martial arts community as a whole) very well because whenever you meet someone who loves the same thing as you, they offer a connection. My friend always says that Taekwon-Do gives you a worldwide family and I wholeheartedly agree with that. It is an amazing feeling to nerd out about the thing you love with someone, regardless of path of life or time zones. This is especially important to me, as I will sadly leave Scotland this summer and won’t be coming back for the foreseeable future. This saddens me because I am leaving part of my family behind. But I am also excited because this means that I can meet other parts of the martial arts family wherever I will end up.

So yeah. Those are my two cents on these things. Normal activity will resume in early May. Until then, original content will be limited. See y’all on the other side!

[taekwondohyeah]

The best fight...

... is the one never fought. For we martial artists train to fight so we can avoid them

[taekwondohyeah]

Last Friday would’ve been General Choi Hong Hi’s 100th birthday. Thank you, for your gift of Taekwon-Do to us

[taekwondohyeah]

So, I went back

And honestly? I love it. It took a lot but I’m back at it and my friends are happy to see me again. Training is a regular thing again. Also, i went to the gym again and I’m happy as well. This break was definitely necessary and I’m finally in a place where I can enjoy life again.

I want to thank everyone who commented on my post about being anxious to get back. Thank you a whole lot, your positivity helped me a lot <3

[taekwondohyeah]

Comeback

Hi budoblr!

It’s been a long time. The queue emptied at some point and I didn’t even realise it. But I’m back! I made a deal with our captain to come to class twice a week, no matter what. And despite the fact that I almost die every single class, I finally enjoy it again, and that’s the point of it in the end. No point in forcing myself to go if I don’t enjoy it.

So yeah. If you had to take a break for mental health reasons as well and think it’s odd to come back again, I feel you. but more importantly: come back. Your friends at class miss you and it will make you feel a lot better. Keep on kicking :)

[taekwondohyeah]

First times

So today I was put in charge of teaching two yellow tags (9th Kup) what they need for their grading. Needless to say I was quite shocked as I don’t feel confident enough to teach people anything at this point, given that I still struggle to train regularly. But here I was, teaching them Chon Ji Tul and some grading exercises. It was interesting and I hope they got something out of that 😅

Then we did a partner exercise and I was assigned two white belts to teach them how to do basic kicks (front kick, side kick, turning kick). Again, it was kinda weird because I suck at explaining things. They improved after some corrections, so I must’ve done something right. But still. Definitely not used to teaching (and hopefully won’t have to do it again any time soon).

[taekwondohyeah]

Update

So I obviously wasn’t very active recently and the blog ran on a queue. I’m sorry for that but it gave me some much needed time to think, reevaluate, and heal. Which is a good thing in the end, right? :)

As some might know, I had a shit semester. Depression took over which rendered me lacking the energy to even leave the bed at times. I just ate and ate and never went to training. Which is unusual for me because I love training and lifting but I can count on one hand how often I went to class this semester. Our captain noticed that and we talked at length about this and my responsibilities within the club. I reduced my responsibilities and distributed them to someone else so I only needed to do the minimum. Ths was aleady at a point where I started therapy but it hadn’t kicked in yet.

Then, when I felt well enough to go to class again, I fell during ice skating and injured my wrist. The doctor said it’d take six weeks to heal and no training whatsoever was allowed. Needless to say, I was beyond pissed. Then, exams came up and I’m a stress eater. So all the weight I have lost in the last two years basically came back on because of this completely awful semester. Additionally, I’ve been unable to grade which kinda bums me out but health is more important. Some people in the club noticed I was slacking off and I just explained it away with a weak immune system and being constantly sick. Luckily they bought it :D

Anyways, I think it has been a learning experience and I feel now good enough to actually train again. After Christmas break, that is. Honestly, I feel good for the first time in years and all of that just due to therapy and supportive friends. So for next year, my plan is to go to training twice a week and to the gym, twice a week. That should bring me up to it again and I might be able to grade for blue belt in February/March. But yeah. I’m sorry for dumpoing this in the budoblr tag again but it might help people see that there is light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how far away it is.

Keep going and do your thing. Here’s to a better 2018 :)