#joy has thoughts

[icanttalkimhavingacrisis]

Crazy?

... I was crazy once. They had locked me up,

In a room,

Made of plaster and a sad sort of conformity.

I was alone in there,

The rubber girl, the one going crazy,

I was rubber, you were glued,

But I wasn't really, and the things you threw

Would stick to me, not you.

Crazy?

I was crazy once. They put me in a room,

A rubber room, for a rubber girl,

And I was alone in there,

Except for the quiet sound of squeaking,

As my rubber feet paced the rubber floors.

You'd push food for me

Under the cracks in the door, when you'd remember,

And when you didn't, I'd eat the walls,

The dry, dry walls, that were rubber, not drywall.

Crazy?

I was crazy once. They put me in a room,

A rubber room, for a rubber girl -

A rubber room with rats,

Rats that squeak and rats that claw,

And rats that nibble at my feet,

Cutting them up and bleeding me dry,

So that I felt something once more,

Something save conformative isolation.

...

Crazy?

I was crazy once.

They put me in a room.

A rubber room.

A rubber room with rats.

The rats made me crazy.

[anxietyautismcreature]

OK so I just remembered that there are soulmate aus where geese chase you towards your soulmate and my brain immediately went to "how would this work in obey me?" So, my working theory is that the geese in the human realm would constantly launch themselves at Mc from above, while the ones in the devildom (their versions, at least) have created a system of tunnels to pop up from underneath the brothers. Levi is now even more terrified to leave his room, mainly because they've begun to pop up in the HOL. Goose chaos, anyone?

[icanttalkimhavingacrisis]

"isn't that a bit much?" Stfu I don't dress for you I dress for the goth lesbian who is one alcoholic beverage away from saying she loves me but thinks she would die of heartbreak if she had a partner who had multiple partners

[icanttalkimhavingacrisis]

Poetry? Heck yeah poetry

Counting Crows

[icanttalkimhavingacrisis]

Art? *Nod* art

[icanttalkimhavingacrisis]

Uhh painted a jellyfish. Will be opening commissions (/hj)

[icanttalkimhavingacrisis]

[unsent messages]

"You know what's sad about cell phone cameras

They can't capture half as many colours as eyes can

Even shades of black. You know what I mean?

I tried to take a photo of the moon's reflection on a lake and there was nothing there."

"Do you think we'd have worked out?

Romantically I mean. I'm sure what we have now works

But that's not really what a healthy me would want from you.

I would have loved to be your girlfriend."

"I think we have to stop seeing each other for a while.

I'm starting to imagine a future with you

And that scares me

Because it wasn't part of the agreement."

"Would you miss me if I dissapeared?

I mean

Do you think you'd notice?

Just out of curiosity."

"I'm not sure I want to move in with you

I've wanted to be alone for so so long

It's a bit hard to imagine myself not doing that

And besides, I'm sure you'd learn to hate me fairly soon."

"I'm having a really bad day.

The itching is back

And I don't know how to stop it this time.

I can't backslide, I can't."

"Are you awake?

I'm sorry, I just need someone to keep me company

The endless is calling my name again

And it's getting harder to ignore."

"I wish you had listened to me when I told you what I did

Because now I can see you still struggling

But because you didn't listen last time

You have to deal with this yourself. I can't keep repeating myself."

"I'm so, so, so sorry

But I don't want to see you again.

Truth be told, any and all feelings I had for you

Are long gone, and I had forgotten about you."

"I tried to die again today.

Yesterday I was perfectly fine

And today everything is wrong again.

I'm tired of it, honey. I'm so, so tired."

"I think wisteria is one of the most beautiful plants of them all

When I die, I want you to plant wisteria on my grave

So that when I come to sit on my bench

I can look at it, and feel a little bit of its peace."

"Do you think I'm broken?

Well, I mean, I know I'm broken

But do you think that too?

Do you mind it?"

"I know that it's a burden to take care of me

Trust me, I know.

But I didn't ask to be the way I am.

And I didn't ask you to care."

...

"I miss you."

...

"I love you, I think."

...

"I'm sure that it'll pass."

[icanttalkimhavingacrisis]

Pretending.

And here I stand once more,

With my monologues and soliloquies

Pretending that they might possibly mean

Anything to anyone but me.

Pretending

That I am anything more and anything else,

Than an alcoholic,

Who someone once called gifted,

Clutching on to the very last drops of talent

With all the strength I can muster.

Pretending

That I am anything other and anything beyond

An addict,

Who someone once handed a pen,

Practicing and perfecting the art of their craft

And readying for their magnum opus.

(...)

But no, not yet.

Not yet, because he is far more lovely

In person, when I can see his face,

Hear his voice, make him laugh,

Hear him tell me I'm someone he could learn

To like (or maybe even...)

Not yet,

Because I have not been a woman yet,

And I am not quite as alone as I used to be.

Not yet,

Because I still can hold off on it.

At least one day more.

(...) Piece of cake.