May 29, 2021
WHY DO I LOOK SO GOOD TODAY ????? MY HAIR IS AMAZING !!! THE ORANGE IS WEARING DOWN !!!! IM FINALLY HAPPY TO BE BLOND
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WHY DO I LOOK SO GOOD TODAY ????? MY HAIR IS AMAZING !!! THE ORANGE IS WEARING DOWN !!!! IM FINALLY HAPPY TO BE BLOND
everything is like.....in shambles w my life rn....my diet, my schoolwork my mental health like everything and i don't know where to start!!!
i do school online bc the bullying was bad at my new school but i took a month off bc of the holidays and i had family visit right after and now i can't get back into it. i failed my first exam which triggered a panic attack bc I'm doing it at my own pace and i can graduation whenever which is good and bad.
i haven't been taking my meds for...idk i just don't feel like it anymore and my sleep schedule is ruined. I'll sleep from 12 am to 9 and then eat and go back to sleep until 2. i tried to set a schedule for myself but i won't follow it.
im just frustrated:-). i wanna give up.
feeling very :( all of a sudden. my nexplanon is affecting my mood i guess?? ive had it for almost 6 months now im hoping its evening out now idk. im so confused :/ and empty. not really sad or anything im just empty and frustrated that im empty?!?? and not feeling any but im not frustrated..everything feels so.....boring like nothing is changing:/ so empty its just me and my trauma and im used to it all now
she hates me now i know she does and it hurts so much...why are you ignoring me why wont u speak to me what did i do? im sorry im sorry im sorry
i wrote a poem but idk if i should share it bc it might be embarrassing and sad idk :/ i usually don't write poetry
i... think i'm starting to come back now. there's always this problem. that when the little switch in my head is flipped (usually in accordance to new episodes), my three mains fight for control. it gives our body intense headaches and lots mental questioning which usually leads to an existential crisis. of course, this is why i was secretly dreading the steven bomb this week. astro was able to control over sans this past few months. but i have the power to erase them both. i just... don't want that to happen. again.
so apparently the Osamu Tezuka museum sells berets like Tezuka’s but with his “mushi” singature on the inside and honestly i’d die if i got my hands on one of those, especially for my birthday.
my 18th birthday is like… next wednesday. i’d also like astro, sans, or lapis stuff/art/etc. but y'know.