On Mean Girls in the Workplace
The recent events at Rutgers involving their new athletic director, Julie Hermann, brought viscerally to my mind a number of my own experiences working with mean women. Don’t get me wrong. Please. I have had positive working experiences with women and still, for some reason that only a well-qualified shrink could interpret, prefer working for and with women despite some very painful experiences in my work life. Today I’m just talking about the mean girls.
The allegations against Hermann by those who were caught in her web are achingly familiar to me. I’ve never been called a whore or learning disabled (to my face), but I have certainly been coldly insulted and cuttingly disrespected by women who I came to believe slithered to the top of their organizations by ensuring that no one around them appeared as competent as they.
Hermann’s complete memory loss as to her own behaviors isn’t uncommon, in my experience. One of the last women I worked for had a memory that could go synaptic toe to synaptic toe with Hermann’s for selective amnesia. This would be okay if the result weren’t always, coincidentally, not an admission that she had forgotten something but that I or another of her staff had done wrong.
One time I spoke to her about transporting some office equipment from an out-of-town work event back to the office as I could not do it. She cheerfully agreed. When the day came, she was unable to do it. Later on she chastised me for even thinking she could do it, what with her bad back and plans to go elsewhere after the event, two complications of which I had had no knowledge. When I reminded her that she had agreed to take care of this task, she said, “Why would I have agreed to it?”
Say what? One is hard pressed to respond to these folks. Or even to describe what they're doing.
On another occasion, for example, as we sat with my union rep and I struggled to explain how her passive-aggressive behavior and attitudes toward me and my work were creating an extremely stressful work situation, her face and voice transformed into those of an angel and—seemingly in real emotional pain—she said, “I just don’t see myself that way.” My male union rep’s conclusion was that we simply had a communication problem and should talk more.
But, enough about her, other than to say that mine wasn’t the only block she sought to knock off.
Workplace bullying is common enough to be covered in the traditional media, studied in academia, and discussed among social media denizens. A Google search for "bullying in the workplace" brings in more than seven million hits. Seven MILLION! I guess neither I nor Julie Hermann's targets have to feel lonely.... Although that's no consolation, certainly; being the target of bullying is a very lonely business.
And another thing--workplace bullies? Let's call them what they are--psychopaths in the workplace. For those who study this stuff, it's common knowledge that psychopaths are far more likely to be working in leadership positions someplace in America than committing grotesque crimes that become plot lines for Criminal Minds. They will stab, torture, flay, and ultimately kill your spirit with words, looks, and actions, leaving you with nary a bruise, cut, or abrasion to prove your case to others--or even yourself.
With leadership positions comes money, of course. Hermann has been offered nearly a half million dollars by Rutgers. Oh, that hurts. It really does. It's bad enough to be bullied; but to be bullied by someone who makes the big bucks while you have to make a long-term plan to get your winter electric bill paid definitely adds psychic insult to psychic injury.
Your bully doesn't have to be your boss. In another office, I was not the target but stood by helplessly as one of my sister employees was "mobbed" by three or four other women. When I complained to our boss, his attitude was that people need to take care of their own interpersonal problems. I never could get him to intervene, and eventually the target employee was transferred, contrary to her will, to another department. As much as I hated being targeted myself, watching a kind and sensitive woman being beaten down day by day was far more painful.
I certainly hope Rutgers' higher ups rethink their hiring decision. Replacing someone who failed to reign in a bullying coach (i.e., the previous athletic director) with a bully might be newsworthy and the stuff of ironic fiction; but to do so is to tell those who will work for and with that person that their lives and careers are of no value.
I predict they'll have to back off, given the media attention and the evidence (that includes a wrongful termination suit that Hermann lost).
Meanwhile, back on the West Coast, I continue to reserve hope that the women who have tormented and scarred me will read about Julie Hermann and have a come-to-Jesus moment of self-realization. No. I lie, folks! I don't reserve hope. Honestly, I doubt any of them will "see themselves that way."